Steve Hogarty @misterbrilliant Twitter profile

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

9 years

this verse of Billy Joel's "Always a Woman to Me" always confused me

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Last Seen Profiles

@FlyingLiplock

@rota_portfoy

@madina_nurman

@wrongbodies

@MOMI_MOCHAIN

@CardiffCorries

@travartista

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@srbitmap

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@slighttear

@woo_shino0426

@BleydhDu

@DavidTheTragic

@pydantic

@totopeakun

Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

I love how this dog looks at this egg, like he's learned absolutely nothing.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

3 years

what the fuck is going on with my inbox this morning

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

1 year

I can't believe some of you are being glib about that weird TERF getting tomato juice dropped on her. What if it had been a grand piano? What if she'd been crushed under a grand piano and when she opened her mouth her teeth were all piano keys?

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

3 years

Sue Gray slowly drags a JPEG of Boris Johnson into her Microsoft Word document. The formatting gets all messed up. Paragraphs are indented by five inches. Every third page is blank now. She glances at the clock in panic.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

6 years

Elon Musk shows up with a goal scoring machine he invented.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

2 years

The royal beekeeper telling the bees that the queen has died.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

4 years

The UK video games industry is two and a half times bigger than the UK fishing industry. Just once I'd like to see trade talks stall because a backbencher says Rayman is shite.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

3 months

oh sure, when a black horse runs through a dense urban area in slow motion it's a touching allegory for reliable banking, but when it's at normal speed and smashing into tour bus windscreens they call the police

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

8 years

alexa help me i'm hurt

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

me: i wonder if the designer of this ad on the tube changed the tiny, barely legible station names on the map to something fun designer: i got you bro

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

8 years

[gets olympic tickets to 100m butterfly] Oh my god this will be great. [sees the huge stadium] Oh wow that must be where they keep it.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

3 years

Just made myself laugh imagining the resurrection of Jesus as a post-credits scene. Long lingering shot on the boulder. Slow zoom in. It moves an inch. Cut to black. Rage Against The Machine.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

Anecdotes about hiding behind the sofa during Doctor Who are Tory as fuck. Imagine having a living room where the sofa isn't against a wall.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

[sloth works incredibly hard to do a small thing] humans: what a lazy animal [sloth tries its best in every regard, as quickly as it's able] humans: i am literally naming an entire sin after you

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

8 years

I know it's not very "politically correct" to say it out loud but in the wasteland of ruined Britain I am going to hunt and eat old people

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

3 years

Just remembered I'm friends with Graham Linehan on Steam.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

This is a great point. Women's ideas are often ignored until a man says the same thing. A good word for this would be "hepeated".

Nicole Gugliucci probably isn't here

@NoisyAstronomer

7 years

My friends coined a word: hepeated. For when a woman suggests an idea and it's ignored, but then a guy says same thing and everyone loves it

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

Uber has 21 days to appeal TfL's decision. Wait, 14 days. No, 22 days. Hang on, it's 5 days now. Oh no they're here quick put your shoes on.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

I'm going to start using my sexuality to apologise for totally unrelated things, like "sorry I'm late, I'm actually incredibly gay".

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

3 years

Love the guys earnestly replying to Suez Canal tweets with ways to get the boat unstuck, like men standing around a 400 meter long pickle jar.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

My boyfriend went to a costume party as Deirdre Barlow in prison and it's slightly too convincing.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

4 years

what the hell

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

1 year

I'd always assumed this family story was made up or exaggerated, but Willy Wonka really did try to adopt my uncle.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

2 years

Was just wondering why everyone calls that jihadist terror cell "The Beatles", and it turns out it's just because they were English and there were four of them? Absolutely wild thing to do. Like calling Fred and Rose West "The Ting Tings".

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

4 years

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

4 years

Just found out there's a bird called a bearded reedling. He lives in tall reeds so he has to perch like THIS.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

9 years

Another embarrassing u-turn for climate "scientists". First they said June was the hottest month ever recorded. Now they're saying it's July

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

2 years

Americans could never comprehend what it's like to lose a queen. Imagine if Santa was real but instead of giving out presents he pays less than minimum wage and lives in a big mansion we pay for, but then he died. Well now you are one fifth of the way to understanding.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

10 years

Cool, they finally printed my day on a plate. http://t.co/d2fFuLnfUt

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

8 years

google assistant is the best thing since computers

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

6 years

This sleepy fox has been snoozing on our skylight all day.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

TRUMP: Racism is [looks at the smeared words on the palm of his hand]... blad.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

5 years

Of course, back then they didn't call it "Frozen 1" because they didn't know there would be a Frozen 2. They just called it "The Great Frozen". Millions died.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

Ooh baby do you know what that's worth?

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

8 years

Another embarrassing u-turn for climate "scientists". First they said May was the hottest month ever recorded. Now they're saying it's June.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

1 year

Say what you like about Jesus Christ, but it's pretty fucking metal that he quoted System of a Down before he died 🤟🏽

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

4 years

Looking forward to the queen's lockdown address this evening.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

2 years

I just can't keep up with all these Twitter changes.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

4 years

Please don't tell anyone how I live.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

this Reddit post about why some things feel heavier than others

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

8 years

what if gyles brandreth is actually just a man holding a gyles brandreth mask in front of his face

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

9 years

GOOGLE INVENTIONS 1997 - Google Search 2004 - Google Mail 2012 - Google Car 2015 - a weird computer that draws fucked up dogs on everything

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

Want to be a #writer ? You MUST follow these rules... 1. LIVE aboard the specialised WRITING BLIMP 2. EAT weaker writers to ABSORB their WORD ENERGY 3. Hang out near GRAVES 4. OBTAIN the ANCIENT BEADS to unlock new ADJECTIVES But above all... 5. Have fun!! :)

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

8 years

Another embarrassing u-turn for climate "scientists". First they said 2015 was the hottest year ever recorded. Now they're saying it's 2016.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

5 years

that's three times now that I've gone into a voting booth and the walls have fallen away and I'm in a cage again on my way back to the zoo

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

6 years

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

4 years

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

4 years

Will be having a press conference from the Rose Garden in 15 minutes.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

4 months

it's 2024, libraries shut down, courts backlogged, bus routes axed, poverty at record highs, your GP is now an app called Blingo Health. You travel to Gaza to feed starving kids and Israel immediately wipes you out with a British bomb that costs as much as a school

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

I wonder how Larry, the No 10 cat, will get along with Abstinence, the DUP's greasy vole who lives in the walls and never stops shrieking.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

3 years

Probably from all the bending over backwards she's been doing to protect her paedo son.

The Guardian

@guardian

3 years

Queen pulls out of Remembrance Sunday events with sprained back

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

5 years

It's parliamentary law that if this reaches 1,000,000 signatures we automatically remain in the European Union and Theresa May has to go live in a haunted cave.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

4 years

Imagine if your name was "Ian Disgustingboy" and you wanted to launch a range of jarred sauces. This is the uphill battle Loyd Grossman won. Have some respect.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

6 years

JUDAS: I'd like to raise a toast to Jesus, for putting together this wonderful Last Supper. JESUS: This what? JUDAS: This regular supper. Thank you for inviting us to this plain old, everyday supper.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

2 years

FUNERAL PLANNER: And then your disgraced son, the alleged paedophile Prince Andrew, will escort you into the church in your wheelchair. THE QUEEN: Absolutely fucking not, can you imagine? What if people thought I had a disability.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

I brought a fake captain's hat on a cruise ship and got drunk and found my way onto the bridge and then the real captain showed up and demanded to wear my hat.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

3 years

lol, just found out the Brits have this shit on their passports. "queen says you have to let me in". how embarrassing

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

2016 me: is it ethical to peek at tomorrow's dog on my dog calendar 2017 me: could i strangle a nazi to death with my bare hands if i had to

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

6 years

Wrong. I got a PS2 for my 14th birthday.

Pope Francis

@Pontifex

6 years

Baptism is the best gift we have received. Through it, we belong to God and we possess the joy of salvation.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

4 years

"I was born on the finish line but against all the odds, I still almost fucked it."

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

3 years

Boyfriend is self-isolating in bed with covid. The hoover wants to go see him but it's illegal, so it's just waiting by the door like a sad dog. End this lockdown madness.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

3 years

If you're wondering why she's trending: JK Rowling died this morning after her head got stuck in a metal bucket and she stumbled around saying "who turned out the lights" then shit herself and fell out a window into a big truck full of mousetraps. RIP please have some respect

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

5 years

oh no, the fire has stolen the fireman's hat and trapped him inside a box

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

2 years

Hello, this is Gabe Newell off of Valve. We just found out you weren't born on 1 January 1907, like you said you were to watch a trailer for Crusader Kings III. Your Steam account is now suspended. There are no refunds. If you attempt to login we will inform the police.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

3 years

The sad thing is that even if they win, England won't be happy. They can't feel happiness because English people aren't human. They're more like sophisticated scarecrows or mannequins that got a wish.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

2 years

If someone dropped a heavy baking tray in this room they'd need four paramedics and a by-election.

Brendan May

@bmay

2 years

The death of a political party, filmed up close for the first time ever. It’s like an Attenborough film about extinction.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

The vegetarian meal on this flight is an apple and a pear wrapped in clingfilm, served with a knife and fork.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

9 years

Can't tell if this woman's just missed her train or if it's just arriving. http://t.co/mVNba07uC9

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

8 years

Theresa May can pry my unconventional pornography from my cold, dead anus.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

2 years

the legless baying mob gaze lustfully at their masters' new legs, wild-eyed and primal, a roar so frenzied it incites a snap of confetti out of the air itself. they are kings and queens to them now. gods, even.

Meta Horizon

@MetaHorizon

2 years

Legs are coming soon! Are you excited? 🎉

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

4 years

My condolences to the electrician we just had round our flat, who tried to say he'd left the keys with my boyfriend, but panicked and called him my "colleague".

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

6 years

John Cleese voting leave and then running away to a tax haven is the funniest thing he's done since 1979.

BBC Newsnight

@BBCNewsnight

6 years

“I just think that so much of this country is disappointing” - John Cleese tells Emily Maitlis why he’s planning to emigrate @JohnCleese | @maitlis | #newsnight

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

the boy is literally wearing shoes

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

6 years

Maybe millennials could afford houses if they stopped spending all their money on delicious snoino.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

8 years

Another embarrassing u-turn for climate "scientists". First they said March was the hottest month ever recorded. Now they say it's April.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

1 year

that would have made Gene Wilder my adoptive grandfather, and I would have got all the chocolate

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

this is horrible, after all the bad dudes have done for the president

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

3 years

I hate it when the final boss has a secret second health bar.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

2 years

[james dyson takes to the stage]: for decades, cartoons have promised us a hoover with a little switch that turns it from "suck" to "blow", but science has been unable to create such a hoover [guy walks out blasting dust absolutely fuckin everywhere] [james dyson]: until today

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

4 years

Whatever your views on JK Rowling, this is just really sad.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 months

great to see garhab lineham is expanding his interests beyond relentlessly harassing women on the computer. good for him!!

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

6 years

As the Toys R Us stores are torn down, hundreds of Geoffrey clones are found buried under the concrete, in various states of decay. The lifespan of a Geoffrey, we learn, was only a matter of weeks. There's millions, says Geoffrey, all under one roof. Millions.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

8 years

Because of strikes your garbage son doesn't have to start working in a factory in four years time.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

3 years

Weird how when smartphone cameras came along ghost sightings plummeted and cop crimes soared.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

1 year

pathetic

Primal Space

@thePrimalSpace

1 year

Neptune has only completed 1 orbit of the Sun since we discovered it back in 1846. 📸 NASA/Voyager 2

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

The chances of Biker Mice coming from Mars are a million to one... but still, they come.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

7 years

Remember, if you're Irish and living in the UK you can vote in general and local elections to keep fucking horror shows like this unemployed

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

4 years

I've had it up to here with gamers. I'm going to murder every gamer I see with my legs and fists. It ends today.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

3 years

Oh no, somebody forgot to tell farmers what happens to pigs when they go in the big van and never come home.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

3 years

Heard on the BBC that Tesco was running out of herbs de provence, so I immediately ran to my local Tesco to pick up my USUAL amount of weekly herbs de provence — which I NEED — only to find that some IDIOT has panic bought all the herbs de provence.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

3 years

"oh god, shit, oh what the fuck is happening, shit shit shit shit" – the inventor of popcorn

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

4 years

I actually thought the way RuPaul handled the Sherry Pie controversy was very tasteful.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

5 years

This articulates the problem with JK Rowling's tweet perfectly. "Dress how you want" is the "I don't even SEE colour" of transphobia.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

4 years

My investments in tiny violin factories are thriving.

Standard News

@standardnews

4 years

Lord Alan Sugar has said his central London property investments are "suffering" due to office workers staying home

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

4 years

How the FUCK do all of these EU countries have control of their borders??

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

8 years

Wish I was a triplet. All those extra organs. Kept fresh and hot inside those two idiots until I, the strongest triplet, require them.

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

5 years

[phone rings] THE 90s: Hey, is that Steve? Yeah, we'd like our fashion sense back!! ME: Oh my god, listen. On September 11th, 2001, the Saudi fugitive Osama Bin Laden will launch a co-ordinated terrorist attack on-- THE 90s: Your stonewashed jeans look dumb!!

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Steve Hogarty

@misterbrilliant

4 years

The UK is officially on LOCKDOWN. You can only leave the house to: 🦠 buy turnips 🦠 find the message in a bottle 🦠 bang the money rock 🦠 dig for fossils

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