Miranda Jewess @mirandajewess Twitter profile

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

I can’t quite believe it, but WE WON! WE BLOODY WON!!!

The Bookseller

@thebookseller

2 years

Taking home the Imprint of the Year award (sponsored by @ClaysLtd ) is one that hit the ground running in 2021... @ViperBooks ! Congratulations! #BritishBookAwards #Nibbies ✒️📚🏆

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

I have just found the best book in the whole world. It is a German grammar book from 1913. Stick with me... A THREAD

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

1 year

11am: started making a pasta sauce 11.30am: simmering commences 2.30pm: go to John Lewis to buy a lamp 4.30pm: realise with horror that I did not turn the gas off and sauce is still simmering 5pm: return home to discover that I’ve made the best sauce the world has ever known

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

Had a baby last Friday and forgot to tell anyone…

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

Put this on my tombstone.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

Children are introduced to the harsh realities that can occur when a father remarries.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

The dangers of being too French. Especially when German.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

The Teutonic virtue of knowing that sometimes one can be TOO happy. Risky business.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

I haven’t posted about this much, but for the last 18 months we’ve been trying to move out of our small flat into a house. 18 months of sales falling through, having a baby and living on top of one another, eventually selling but landing in a hellish buying process. But today…

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

No ‘yeah, hopefully I can make it to your party’ for the Germans:

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

1913 was a different time. Pre-Habitat.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

And of course, you must be prepared for SUDDEN DEATH. This is so on brand. Love it.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

And of course. More death. Never forget that you will die. Probably quite soon.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

Alarmed? Don’t be. That’s important.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

This seems *pretty* personal.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

Wolves have standing in the legal system.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

In response to how my notifications have blown up:

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

So the news is out and I'm saving several characters on my Twitter bio. Very proud to have been promoted to Editorial Director of @ViperBooks . It was an extremely nice birthday present. 🐍

The Bookseller

@thebookseller

3 years

"These promotions – and there are a lot – are a source of real pleasure and pride to all of us", @ProfileBooks has turned 25 and celebrated the occasion with a raft of promotions across its editorial and campaigns team! More here:

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

Showing off our neck control. Im very tired.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

How not to get me to buy your book: DM me repeatedly in a ten-minute period. Say that I would be lucky to publish it. Casually add that you don't think publishers are necessary. Ask for an advance figure within the hour or you're pulling the plug. Consider the plug pulled.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

Every night I put my pyjamas on the radiator for ten minutes before bed, and putting them on is honestly the best part of my day.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

The secret library under my bed is getting out of hand.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

Have finally found a use for new baby. If you wave a cereal bar at him, he will grab it and hold it very tightly for you all the way to the living room while you’re carrying your cup of tea, saving you an extra trip.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

1 year

Met a woman at the playground who was very proud that she doesn’t bring anything when she takes her kids out, likes to freestyle. ‘How cool,’ I say, as I hand out snacks and water to her dehydrated kids and give the woman wet wipes to clean up her kid who touched bird poo. 🙄

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

Was on the bus today looking at my phone and a teenage girl leant forward with an expression of kind pity and said “The torch on your phone is on. That drains the battery you know.” And I suddenly felt very old and inept.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

1 year

HOLY MOLY WE WON!!!

The Crime Writers’ Association

@The_CWA

1 year

🗡 #CWADaggers THE DAGGER FOR THE BEST CRIME & MYSTERY PUBLISHER WINNER 2023: Viper

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

Me when the recipe says ‘1 clove of garlic’:

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

⚠️⚠️⚠️ CLEAR!!! ⚠️⚠️⚠️

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

🚨WARNING!🚨 If this person approaches you and offers a free medical exam, do not accept. She has no qualifications and likely no training. She will attempt to inject ouchie cream into your cornea. Avoid.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

I’M GOING TO THE OFFICE TODAY! Aims: ✅ Sit at a desk, not on my bed ✅ Eat a lunch I did not make myself ✅ Not accept a package for my neighbour who sleeps till 11am ✅ Talk to someone I didn’t marry or give birth to

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

HOLY SHIT THE BABY SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

The Child has an announcement, and she is ambivalent. Boy, due 29/10. Thrilled etc. Publishing bods, are you interested in looking after my Book Babies while I'm looking after a real baby? Starts Oct, full of delicious fictional murder. Job advert here:

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

The Child’s first day of school and I’m an emotional mess.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

On this day three years ago I had an extremely unpleasant experience, but it ended pretty well.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

5 months

Check out these brilliant exclusive paint-by-numbers proofs of #TheExaminer by @JaniceHallett ! I really want to do one but there are limited numbers so I’m trying to control myself…

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

Have I sent The Child to nursery for World Book Day in the skeleton outfit she wears once a week anyway with a copy of FunnyBones as cover? Damn straight.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

The new baby’s bookcase is already completely out of control.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

When you want a drink, a bathroom break and proper lumbar support but it’s just not worth the kerfuffle generated if you move.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

1 year

I don't believe in anything. Very much a 'we die, we return to the soil' vibe. *BUT* I did an event with four Viper and Serpent's Tail authors this week at Treadwells, talking magic and witches and ghosts, and it reminded me of the one time I had my unshakeable unbelief shaken.🧵

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

Good morning. I woke up at 4.30am, ate, shat myself, then threw up down my mother’s pyjamas and in her hair. I then went back to sleep but she had to shower and change and by the time she’d done that it was 6.30am and she realised she wasn’t going to get any more sleep.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

Bit of news: updating my bio to Publishing Director! Promotion comes with a ceremonial snake crown and unwieldy email inbox. 👑🐍 Huge congrats to my colleagues @HannahWestland @rebecca_gray_ @louisaclaire_d @calah @bindychan @Leon_C_C . Full story here:

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

The electrician just found a mummified bird under The Child's floorboards. Child won't let me throw it out because she says it's too interesting. Now I have a mummified bird in Tupperware. Happy Friday.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

Not to look wet behind the ears, but THIS IS MY FIRST BILLBOARD. If you need me I'll be lying down in a dark room.

Viper Books

@ViperBooks

3 years

‘THE BUZZ IS REAL’ - @StephenKing Look at our incredible billboard! ⚡️⚡️⚡️ so exciting to see it in person this morning with @Catrionaward herself - and her copy of #TheLastHouseOnNeedlessStreet . Out this Thursday!

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

Is it weird that The Child has become obsessed with Kabwe the Skull? Played with him all last night, lots of cuddles and ‘doctoring’, cried piteously when they were parted this morning. I mean, if she becomes the next @theAliceRoberts or @ProfSueBlack I would be pretty jazzed...

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

🌟🎄GIVEAWAY!🎄🌟 What better way to prepare for #Christmas than with a @ViperBooks stack? Just follow and RT to be in with a chance to get all these criminally good #books . UK only. Winner picked 5pm Sunday. Good luck! 🎄🌟🎄🌟🎄🌟🎄🌟🎄🌟🎄 #Competition #giveaway #crime

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

I’d forgotten how much time you spend being slept on.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

6 months

In an attempt to break the chokehold that the Matilda musical has over The Child, this afternoon I introduced her to Annie. This may have been a mistake.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

📢IMPORTANT BOOK TWITTER ANNOUNCEMENT!📢 As some of you know, I'm off to produce a small child. In my absence the wonderful @t_kettle will be at the helm of @ViperBooks ! Spread the word, say hello and follow her (she is amazing, and also will have control of all the proofs 🙀)

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

Thank you to everyone who told me how much they hate this word. This one’s for you ✨ Wordle 228 1/6 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

Would you like chance to #win a proof of @valentinevikki 's #ThePlagueLetters SIX MONTHS before publication? I'm going to #giveaway FIVE beautiful copies to celebrate #spookyseason . Follow and RT by 10am Sunday 25th to enter. UK only. 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 #competition #freebooks 💫

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

1 year

Spent my lunch hour making a depressing eleven-year-old chest of drawers more jazzy. There is perhaps a 50% chance that Mr Miranda will agree to this frankly alarming makeover.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

Bloody thrilled that @ViperBooks has been shortlisted for IMPRINT OF THE YEAR!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

The Bookseller

@thebookseller

2 years

Congratulations @HoZ_Books , @PiatkusBooks , @Rocktheboatnews , @UKTor , @panmacmillan , @booksbybluebird , @VikingBooksUK , @ViperBooks and @GalleryBooks ! #BritishBookAwards #Nibbies

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

Horrible vinyl flooring ripped up today, and this little gem was revealed in the corner of my office ❤️

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

🚨 THEY’RE FINALLY HERE 🚨 Beautiful advance proofs of @JaniceHallett ’s next novel, #TheTwyfordCode ! I shall now send them out into the world to a host of lucky authors. I hope they’re ready to unravel this fiendish mystery… 🐟 🐟 🐟 🐟 🐟 🐟

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

Before and after: JET WASH EDITION

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

MY PARENTS ARE HAVING THEIR FIRST JABS AT THIS VERY MOMENT!!!!! 💉

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

Once they’ve had the vaccines my parents are going to be sick of the fucking sight of me. I’ll be turning up unannounced CONSTANTLY and insisting they hold my hands and do ‘1, 2, 3 wheeeeee!’ and swing me up in the air until I feel slightly sick.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

To celebrate publication day of #ARuinedGirl by @katesboat I am going to #giveaway THREE SIGNED COPIES of this beautiful award-winning thriller! Just follow and retweet and I’ll reveal the lucky winners at 10am tomorrow. UK only. #freebook #bookgiveaway #thriller #ViperBooks

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

5 months

Today’s my birthday, so a good time to tell you all that I’m leaving publishing. As everyone knows, my dream has always been to start my own goat farm. Well you can’t sit on your dreams. @ViperBooks will continue under the leadership of @charlottegwood . Good luck, Char. 🐍

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

To celebrate being in the actual office, thought I’d do a little #giveaway ! I have 5 proofs of @Author_Dave ’s brilliant standalone thriller #TheRule up for grabs. Just RT, and I’ll pick winners at home time...

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

Took The Baby for his 10-month checkup and can report that despite being born on the 20th centile (basically a wisp) he is now 91st centile height and weight and 98th centile head circumference. Short version: my baby is hench with a massive bonce.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

NO WOMAN, WHY WOULD I WANT TO SLEEP I’M GOING TO LIE HERE AND BAT YOU IN THE FACE

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

Just went in to check on The Child. At some point since we put her to bed at 7.30pm, she has: 1. got up 2. emptied her toy basket 3. retrieved a dinosaur mask 4. put it on 5. gone back to sleep cosplaying as a triceratops

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

What’s this? Oh just a wee pile of limited edition Needless Street hardbacks, ready for @Catrionaward ’s pen. We have an ice pack on standby.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

Baby’s first train journey. He is deeply suspicious of the whole thing.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

Extremely proud and chuffed to be included on The Bookseller 150. I don't currently feel very influential, given that I'm covered in baby sick, so it's a lovely Christmas present. Huge thanks to the entire team @ViperBooks , @drewjerrison @FloraWillis_ @niamh_etc

The Bookseller

@thebookseller

3 years

It's time to reveal this year's annual run-down of the British and Irish book industry's most influential with The Bookseller 150, from evergreens to fresh faces and our 2021 151st! Take a look at the latest cohort on the #Bookseller150 list here:

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

👼 THE ANGELS HAVE LANDED 👼 Stunning proofs of @JaniceHallett next blockbuster, The Mysterious Case of the #AlpertonAngels have arrived! Lucky authors, keep your eyes peeled for your postie over the next few days… 👼 🩸 👼 🩸 👼 🩸

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

6 months

Have your pencils at the ready, author proofs of @JaniceHallett ’s #TheExaminer have landed @ViperBooks ’ Towers. Mischief, murder and the occasional scorpion on the most eventful art course in history. Turn your papers over. Your time starts now…

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

Our newest @ViperBooks intern is quite frankly a liability.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

I’m currently parenting Elton John circa 1976.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

1 year

HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to @JaniceHallett !!! Winner of Crime Book of the Year at the #BritishBookAwards #Nibbies . Everyone @ViperBooks is so pleased and proud. #TwyfordCode 🐟

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

When I'm editing, I become the person you least want to sit next to at a dinner party. - Well actually this is inconsistent with what you said 53 pages ago. - *Would* a person really say that? A human person? - I think you've got your facts wrong. Tarmac wasn't invented then.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

I’m an only child and normally fine with that. But when I see my two like this it makes me wish I’d had someone to grow up with. ❤️

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

YES @JaniceHallett , YEEESSSS! Winning @The_CWA John Creasey New Blood Dagger for The Appeal 💫

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

First proof mailing of #TheTwyfordCode is done! Still a few copies left for crime authors who loved #TheAppeal ♥️ 🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

5 years

So this is the worst-kept secret in publishing 👀👀👀 Much more to follow in the next few weeks, but THIS IS EXCITING 🎉🎉🎉 #newimprint #mustnotmessitup

The Bookseller

@thebookseller

5 years

. @mirandajewess will launch a new crime imprint at @serpentstail :

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

1 year

I’ve bought a fabric debobbler and I don’t care if that makes me the dullest person alive, it makes me so happy. Left: bobble hell Right: approaching smooth like butter

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

Rarely has anyone been this delighted by new pyjamas 💀

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

Ok. What’s the descriptive term for a huge pile of proofs. An avalanche? Just call me the jolly publishing post-person...

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

Apologies to all my other authors past and future, but this mention in @guymorpuss ’ BLACK LAKE MANOR is perhaps closest to summing up my very essence. Although I promise I made the Baby without breaking any laws. Pre-order the book now to give context to the buttocks.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

🚨 GUYS! LOOK WHAT I HAVE!!! 🚨 Proofs of @Catrionaward ’s #Sundial are here and I am ready to post to some lucky authors. Scroll down and I’ll do sexy closeups…

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

I want to thank the Academy, my parents, and everyone on Twitter who complained about American spelling. 🏆🏆🏆 Wordle 207 1/6 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

The Baby is one year old today and The Child is delighted on his behalf. 1️⃣🎂

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

Back in the office and FINALLY got my hands on proofs of @Catrionaward ’s latest, #LookingGlassSound 🪞

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

1 year

📣PROOFS HAVE LANDED!📣 What We Did In The Storm by @TinaBakerBooks is hot off the press. Authors, advance warning of me politely asking you to read this absolute stunner. Setting: Isles of Scilly Characters: Many, some nefarious Murder: duh #IntheStorm 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

I’m in the office to post out these beautiful proofs to some brilliant authors. Please let me tell you about these books. A THREAD.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

🚨 FREE BOOKS! 🚨 To celebrate the arrival of proofs of @JaniceHallett 's brilliant brain-buster #TheAppeal , I am going to #giveaway 5 copies! RT and follow, winners picked at 10am. UK only. Authors who specialise in fiendish plots... DM me 😉 #competition #freebooks

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

BY THE POWER OF JENGA! I have 7 proof bundles to #giveaway in this incredibly uncompetitive #competition . Just tell me the best name for a murderous horse and you could be one of the lucky seven. UK only or the postroom will have my guts for garters. Ends 5pm 13/10. 📘📘🐎🐎🔪🔪

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

Turns out that if I sneeze I scare the shit out of The Baby and he screams for five minutes straight as if I were an axe murderer. He’s fine now.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

I have NEVER had a book trending before!!! Holy shit. #CallMeMummy #CallMeMummy #CallMeMummy

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

Reading a submission and I’m only at 5% but I think I’m in love. Dirty, hot, book love.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

HELLOOOOOOOO OFFICE. And books. I’m here for my books.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

Tried to explain about Christianity to The Child, as she’s going to a C of E school in September. She told me that the only God she believes in is Ra, God of the Sun.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

3 years

It’s been a hell of a year for @ViperBooks . 2 R&J picks, NYT, Times, Sunday Times, Amazon and Kindle bestsellers, Thriller and Historical ST books of the month, W’stones TotM, a pile of ‘books of 21’ lists. Thank you to my wonderful authors, all the reviewers and the Viper team💫

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

Having made approximately 200 loaves of bread since this started, I’ve branched out into rolls. I think there was a brief period in 2008 when I was cool, but I may be imagining it.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

I've decided that 2020 is basically over, so am changing my twitter banner to showcase the BEAUTIFUL lineup of books for @ViperBooks 2021. Or at least the ones we have covers for. We're working on the others. It's been a long damn year...

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

4 years

The Child’s first snow. Verdict: acceptable. ❄️

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

THREE HUNDRED BAG EMPTY. Explains what I’ve been doing for the last 20 weeks.

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

All the beautiful books @ViperBooks published in 2022, and with a Nibbie Award for Imprint of the Year to top it off. All except The Homes by @JamesMylet , because my dad nicked my copy… Looking forward to blowing your minds with more of the best fictional murder in 2023.🫡

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Miranda Jewess

@mirandajewess

2 years

LOOK WHAT ARRIVED! 🎉 Stunning proofs of @ViperBooks outstanding 2023 debut, You’d Look Better As a Ghost by @JoWallaceAuthor . Authors, prepare to meet Claire, your favourite part-time serial killer…

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