My essay is scheduled to be in the NYT Sunday paper. I'm telling you this now, because when it goes to print I will leave my body and I'm not sure when I will return. Thank you for your understanding.
Dermatologist (man): It's just a weird skin growth from pregnancy, just let it be.
Me: Um. Okay? *finds a new dermatologist*
Dermatologist (woman): Yeah, we need to biopsy that.
Hello, basal cell carcinoma. Trust your gut, ladies and pretend you're a man looking for care.
@laurenthehough
Hi Lauren, I'm giving you the opportunity to like this tweet. It will be going viral in a week. Maybe one day I can like one of your tweets. I'm the best. Bye!
Postal worker: Do you want the book rate for shipping?
Me: Yes, please.
Postal worker: Ok, they might inspect it.
Me: That's fine. I need more people to read it. HA HA SOB.
Postal Worker: OH! You wrote this book?? I'm going to buy it!
Hello hi Stan Lee DID NOT create captain america (among others). To put it gently: can we please get the fucking facts straight? —Love the family of joe simon (the real co-creator of captain america).
@Variety
@Marvel
For our ten year anniversary I asked my husband to get me a moonstone ring. The day he picked it up the jeweler handed him another box with a marcus aurelius coin. Turns out he read my NYT essay while making the ring and realized it was for me! I swooned twice that day.
Pulling a 4yo off my leg to share that I'm over the moon and back again to publish my first byline with
@voguemagazine
. Thank you to
@EmmaSpecter
for your help in bringing this piece about motherhood, writing, and finding your urgency into the world.
I gave myself a solid 48 hours away from my family to finish my memoir proposal, including the hefty chunk of sample material. Half way through my time away I didn't think I would make it BUT I DID IT. I just printed it out and may even take it for a romantic walk in the woods.
Writers of the world! I'm excited to announce that
@AileenWeintraub
and I are embarking on a new adventure. From here on out we are THE WITCHES OF PITCHES. Need help with a pitch? Proposal? Query? Essay? We've got you. Learn more at 🧙♀️
An amazing thing happened tonight in my first dance class since I had my second kid. I looked in the mirror, saw a thicker and softer version of myself, and didn't hate it. I was just like, hey, there's me. It felt really good.
Today I had a pitch accepted by an editor, and a phone call request from an agent for my book proposal. Somebody come kick me in the face because this feels really strange.
I just don’t have it in me to be annoyed by my 7yo’s multiple attempts to delay bedtime tonight. My heart is shattered for the parents of the victims. So yes, my child, you can ask me again what the universe is made out of, or what 9 plus 967 is. Ask me anything tonight.
Somehow I slept last night. I don't know how I did, knowing that my essay about getting married while sick, about hiding my illness, would go live on
@nytimes
this morning. Maybe I slept bc I'm finally owning the unpredictability of my body.
Two exciting things happened today: I found a small animal skull in my backyard and
@laurenthehough
’s book arrived! From splashy FB writing groups to pub day today, I’m pretty excited for you!
I finally get to post this screenshot (and write my book)! Shout out to everyone who has been supportive and enthusiastic about this book. It’s happening! 🙌
I love vague tweeting. I'm so excited to unveil a business venture with my talented and funny writing buddy,
@AileenWeintraub
. We will spill the beans soon, but just know that it is very witchy and very kvetchy.
Time for a Thanksgiving
#BookGiveaway
: RETWEET with the hashtag
#MyCaptainAmerica
and tell me who you're thankful for. Who is YOUR Captain America?
Winner will be picked on Monday, November 23, and receive a signed copy of My Captain America: A Memoir.
I don't know who needs to hear this but even if you have great bylines like NYT, WaPO, The Atlantic, yadda yadda yadda, there will still be that one (or 2 or 3...) pubs who WILL NEVER EVER RESPOND TO YOU. Will I stop trying? Am I an Aries from NYC?
I once put mustard on a girl’s seat at a red sox game while she was standing and cheering all bc she gave me a dirty look. I’m not qualified to comment on this.
Stranger to my jewish 3yo: “what’s santa bringing you this year?”
Me answering for her: “nothing.”
Stranger:
And I like to leave it at that bc then it sounds like she’s been really naughty this year.
I want to give a special shoutout to
@ComicsintheGA
. You have shown me and my book so much support from the beginning of my publishing journey. Even better is your understanding of what captain america truly stands for. I’m grateful that we connected on here!
I hope everyone has a great time at AWP but I'm most interested in what the moms of little kids are going to get into while there. Long showers? Eating dinner in bed while watching tv? Leaving their hotel room whenever they want? Talk dirty to me.
Peeking out from under all of the awful things happening right now, to whisper that I'm incredibly honored and excited to join the
@LiterarySalky
family. Querying agents can be soul crushing, so to find representation that fills you with confidence and optimism is such a relief!
My youngest is turning 4 on Wednesday and she asked for a big girl bed. This means I have two more times of picking up my child and placing her in a crib. Forever. Lucky for someone out there I'll be donating a great crib soaked with a mother's tears.
As a belated 40th bday present I’m going to spend two nights alone in a nice hotel. I may live tweet everything I do without a child attached to me. Like drinking a glass of water. Using the bathroom. Inhaling. Exhaling.
It's been ten years--a decade!--since he left us. He smelled of chicken broth, farfel, and cigars. I can still hear his tv and the hard ticking of his clocks. I'm so thankful for the power of memory. A decade has passed and it's all still there.
Shoutout to
@lithub
for including me as one of their daily best of the literary internet! This Vogue essay was a joy to write, and the messages from other mother writers even more of a treat.
What a joy to see my essay in today's sunday
@nytimes
. Shana Tova, times one thousand. Was I stoic throughout this process? Hell no. I hope you enjoy the essay while I breathe into a paper bag about seeing my writing in print.
One of my favorite articles I had the privilege to write. I come back to it often, a reminder of how lucky I am to have the opportunity to dig deep into these types of cultural rules.
My 6yo took this photo of me and I’m calling it Motherhood. I love everything about this photo: The chaos, how disheveled I look, everything. Reminds me to be proud of my mothering mess.
Two kids, high cholesterol, pernicious anemia, almost a decade of CFS struggles, anxiety, fall out of headstand, self-doubt, guilt, fall out of headstand, self-doubt, solid and steady headstand.
Finished my proposal and immediately began spiraling into my “why do I do this to myself?” Not helpful, I know. So I climbed this hill and admired the view instead.
In these dark times, I've struggled with the guilt of finding space for my writing. I'm lucky to have such an inspirational grandfather to remind me that art will endure. Grateful to Lit Hub for giving me the space to explore all of it.
"My grandfather, Joe Simon, the comic book legend, co-created Captain America before the start of World War II. During that time, the world was also ready to crack at the seams."
@aknott21
I’m going to be brutally honest here. She has a 4yo sister, and at this point I’m so tired of reading outloud. Especially picture books. I cant wait until we all take to our own corners and read our own books.
I cried the first time I saw this cover. It spoke to the themes of my book and just felt like a beautiful blend of my grandfather and me. Grateful for the work of
@faceoutstudio