Michael Balazo @mbalazo Twitter profile

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Michael Balazo

1 month

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 I'll be at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival all August with my show! 🏰 Every day at 2:20PM in The Caves (Spare Room). If you've ever wanted to see me perform in a musty 18th century vault? NOW is your chance! TICKETS:

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Last Seen Profiles

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

Jesus.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

tfw you have a hobby in 2020

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

If I'd directed Spencer? I would have built the entire movie around this moment:

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

11 days

Oasis should update Wonderwall so the lyrics mention recent things like Hawk Tuah Girl and Deadpool and Wolverine.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

6 years

The day Kurt Cobain died, my dad picked me up from school and said "Looks like your best friend killed himself." I had no idea what he was talking about and thought he meant my friend Craig.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

2 years

Just contacted Kurt Cobain’s spirit to ask how he feels about the Nirvana song in Batman. He said, “I’m proud to help tell Batman’s story and to be a part of the DC Comics family.”

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

Disney World just reopened and we already lost Goofy.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

5 years

Glad to see the young man turned his life around.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

After a long day of protesting in front of the hospital, I like to get home, put my feet up and unwind by passing away of COVID-19.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

Tense time at the movie theatre right now. Batman fans and Cyrano fans are taunting and threatening each other. I’m afraid things might get violent…

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

1 year

“Thank you for Fat Bottomed Girls.”

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

8 years

Here's what the nativity scene would look like without any Jews, Arabs Africans, refugees, unwed mothers and just Angela Lansbury.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

9 years

The 7 Basic Plots - man defeats uncle - balloon hoax - girls’ night out - Aerosmith - winning the lottery - food fight - uncle's return

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

I'm extremely disappointed in the ass eating community.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

The UK variant

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

5 years

In Canada? This man is "The Joker."

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

Shout out to the super relaxed guy checking out the suicide pod.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

I was wondering how he looked so incredible.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

Whoa!

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

1 year

Sad to report the my bank has become a pervert.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

2 years

My first and last one:

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

It's been over a year since I saw this disgusted wax Bruce Springsteen in Niagara Falls. I hope he's still rocking.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

Broken Social Scene rehearsal.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

5 years

Disney On Ice? No thanks. I'd rather see smaller, more intimate stories on ice.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

My screen time is “very high” this week? Then stop showing me so many beautiful tweets, fantastic articles and gorgeous videos.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

They should make a Toy Story where Woody's son won't stop talking in a Jamaican accent and all the toys feel weird about it.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

My new trucker shirt is available now!

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

The ultimate look for guys.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

If you don't know this? We can't be friends.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

Grimes and Tim Hortons should collaborate on a weird sandwich

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

2 years

“Hiya Liz. Holy jumpin’, I can’t believe ya went and bit the big one. I’ve been crying my nads off since I heard you’d passed away from dying. I hope Heaven is a hoot and you can crack a couple wobbly pops up there. Go Leafs! Your eternal buddy, Dofo”

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

Shout out to Toronto's most confusing mural.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

5 years

Don Cherry should take control of his future and learn to code!

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

1 year

This image belongs on Canadian passports

Toronto Sun

@TheTorontoSun

1 year

EDITORIAL: New passport erases history and people

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

2 years

TV PRODUCER: Can you turn Charlie Brown’s suicidal depression into timeless, fun jazz? VINCE GUARALDI: Ya.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

9 years

Ideas For Banksy - Mickey Mouse, but he is mean - a twerking ISIS man - a refugee who is Popeye - a bank getting a BJ - barcode on a dog

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

My view on recent events.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

2 years

The Crown should do an entire season about the events leading up to this photo

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

7 years

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

10 months

Please read and share.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

Succession is unrealistic because the characters are fancy billionaires, yet they never eat After Eights.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

6 years

Hi I'm Alexander Graham Bell. Most of you know me as the inventor of the telephone, but did you know I also invented talking about mental illness precisely once a year? Please buy my products and visit my grave thank you.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

Whoa.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

Hmm I wonder why the recently single Jeff Bezos is going to space???

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

World class city, baby!!!

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

9 months

Here comes Rick with some laughs

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

The Price Is Right's 50th anniversary show didn't acknowledge the collapse of the USSR or 9/11. But clever viewers know the truth.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

2 years

Absolutely revolting.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

2 years

By age 96 you should: - have died in a Scottish castle - passed on the crown to your most powerful son - paid £12 million to prevent your favourite son from going to jail for sex crimes - done a funny collab with none other than Paddington Bear

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

2 years

Whoa!

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

6 years

NONE OF YOU STAND SO TALL, PINK MOON GONNA GET YOU ALL!!!

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

This summer, the ice cream truck song should be in a minor key.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

9 years

Best Ozzy Osbourne Train Songs - Crazy Train - Railroad Ruckus - I'm Cuckoo For Choo Choos! - Man vs. Caboose - (She's My) Boxcar Beauty

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

But doctor... I am Michael Bublé.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

23 days

They should make a melodramatic and joyless movie about how these men got on the air.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

2 years

1) a nice voice 2) a grandma-like physique 3) always upset 4) isn’t afraid to be put into coma in a Russian hospital 5) fridge only has meat 6) often cries about cartoons 7) cool sense of style

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

Cool guys in cars.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

January reading goals!

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

"They tell me you don't like Christmas jazz. We'll see about that."

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

1 year

Straight Pride is a time for men to celebrate: - cargo shorts - having a beard AND a sunburn - cardiovascular disease - the teachings of the Tasmanian Devil - DUI culture - indigestion as a way of life - Eric Clapton’s Greatest Hits

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

6 years

Canada Day Plans - wake up thinking about logs, rivers and land - call flag "buddy" - eat breakfast (i.e. smoke cigarettes) - crank some Moist loud as hell - send some old-fashioned Canadian emails - eat supper (i.e. read a book about WWI) - call 911, sing O Canada to the cops

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

CHARLES: Mother thinks it's best that you don't meet this Roger Rabbit. DIANA: That may be so. But I shall meet him anyway. (ominous music)

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

I saw Rob Ford was trending and thought I'd reflect on some classic images.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

2 years

Toronto is without a mayor and completely lawless rn. The police chief just gave me his badge and said “All yours.”

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

My sources tell me the mood right now inside Kid Rock’s Big Ass Honky Tonk Rock N' Roll Steakhouse... is somber.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

6 months

EXCLUSIVE: Jake Gyllenhaal and Mahershala Ali have rounded out the cast of ‘Red Green 1991,’ based on the real-life behind-the-scenes accounts of the first season of The Red Green Show.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

This duck is all of my great aunts.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

Whoa!

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

6 years

@zoewhittall Silver lining: Craig was fine!

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

"Which picture should we use?"

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

Shout out to this infographic explaining prince philip's 2019 car crash.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

I always keep a guitar pick in my pocket. So if there's ever an emergency and they need a man to play the opening of Crazy Little Thing Called Love with several mistakes? I've got it.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

2 years

Whoa! Every type of guy!!!

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 months

It’s sad that comedians aren’t allowed to do this anymore.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

This was when pornography peaked

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

5 years

Just saw Meghan in line at Canadian Tire. I said, “Duchess! What’s someone like you doing in a place like this?” She just chuckled, held up a jug of motor oil and said “Car maintenance!” Nice woman.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

when you adore comedy, laughter, jokes, funny notions, madcap antics and silly situations

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

Happy birthday to Spiderman creator Paul Hewson

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

They should use a crane to lower Doug Ford anus-first onto the tip of the CN tower.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

1 year

Nice!

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

5 years

It would be fun if Mueller's statement was just about the new Sleater-Kinney album.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

10 years

They should have a 911 for NICE things!

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

6 years

INT. JAY LENO'S GARAGE -- MIDNIGHT With trembling hands, Jay types "classic car wearing jeans" into the Pornhub search bar.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

Let 👏 Red 👏 Green 👏 Host 👏 SNL. 👏

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

2 years

Toronto rn is like when the Berlin Wall fell. People are hacking off chunks of the CN Tower and reuniting with friends and family.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

I'm nervous that Elon Musk will go down the same path as Belushi and Farley.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

6 years

RT if you would love to see Saudi crown prince Mohammed bin Salman host SNL.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

5 years

🎶 Mother Tell your children not to walk my way 🎶

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

John McAfee's death is a huge blow to the sunburned white guy community.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

2 years

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

10 years

For sale: baby shoes. VERY stylish!

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

1 year

AI could never do this

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

Whoa the first images from the $10 billion space telescope just came back!

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

No one talks about this.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

Years ago I did a walking tour of Berlin. At one point, the guide solemnly explained some atrocity that happened where we were standing. After a pause, a Scottish guy in the group broke the silence, asking “That club you mentioned before... do they play proper nosebleed techno?”

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

2 years

These Darwin notebooks are wild!

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

4 years

Now that The Great Gatsby is public domain? I can photocopy it and hand it out on the street—and the cops can’t do a damn thing. In fact, the cops can kiss my ass.

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Michael Balazo

@mbalazo

3 years

"I despise Homer Simpson and his nasty friends."