i think i am going to die soon. this vessel is tainted, filthy, deserves to be put in the ground. i haven’t been able to enjoy living in years. it’s never going to be “worth it.” im sick of forcing myself to stay alive when i have no will to change anything. i just want to die
i feel so bad for my mom bro .. she’s trying so hard to help but doesn’t know what to do with me anymore. she’s watching her first baby slowly die in front of her, and she can’t do anything about it. tf say she invited me to come to her work with her, so I wouldn’t be so alone
at home. the way she was eager and excited made my chest sink. she just wants me to be okay, but I am going to die soon. every night before bed i beg god to let me come home. the only time i feel happy is when im fantasizing abt being dead. i have been in treatment for 6 years
my mom just invited me to come to an adult swim night this week. We don’t hang out much, and I would’ve loved to go. For obvious reasons I had to tell her no. The guilt is making me svic!dal
i don’t want anyone to be sad, just know this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and i am so so happy to no longer be suffering. this angels retribution has come to a bitter sweet end, and will be embraced lovingly… i love everyone sm, and grateful for all the good
after dealing with the thieving and bribing for so long, you learn the less you refuse the quicker it passes. it was never yours to keep anyways, these events aren’t new. simple reminders to keep you in your place, but at least you’ll never be useless
Honestly, my fear became resentment, which only fed into the events of things. context isn’t like stacking legos, more like adding pinches of endlessly random different ingredients and expecting it to bake into something perfect. Without structure there is no resolve
there is no changing my mind, and there is no one to blame but myself. i will leave this vessel filled with nothing but love and empathy. i am not upset with anyone/thing for the way i turned out to be. i have no resentments and forgive it all bc its just the way things happened
i did have. life is precious, but mine has been so tainted, the only humane thing to do is to let myself go. i can finally be happy with myself, i can finally be free.
and i am still stuck here. it’s not that i think it’s impossible, i am just exhausted and want to finally be okay… dying will hurt everyone i care about deeply, but at least it will be the last time i damage anything. my suicide will not be sad. i genuinely want to simply
idk y im so easily triggered.. saw one post abt sept being suicide awareness month and all guilt n will to live went out the window I want to die I want to die I want to die to die to die to
Die die diesiedieodisososidisi smskzomsk
Ssoswwonjdejis
My partner has stuck with me through so many episodes and relapses, I am eternally grateful for them. I don’t deserve the patience and love they give me, so i want to be able to be better and prove it wasn’t all for nothing. They are my world, I refuse to lose them.
i can only hope you see what u see, and protect yourself, even if i can’t rumor, i want to know its successful on its own. Gus would be POTUS to see for far goes coke in the the area