KaylaWrites @kidcancermom Twitter profile

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KaylaWrites

6 months

Read a children's book in which the author (adoptive parent) tells the story of her adopted child's birth & relinquishment. Birthmother gives up her child b/c she's young & wants to go to college. Last page shows her happily moving into her dorm room with her mom by her side🧵

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

Received my adoption file. Hard to read, especially the part about how desperately my mom wanted medical care. The agency said they'd pay for it but only if she went through with the adoption. If she chose to keep me, she had to pay all the money back. What a coercive tactic.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

I will never forgive society for failing to support a young pregnant woman who just wanted to keep her baby. What a monstrous thing to do.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

She didn't relinquish me out of love. She did it to pay a debt.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

And if you think this doesn't still happen today, I beg to differ

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

I appreciate everyone offering support, but what I would really like to see is a societal shift regarding adoption as an inherent good. It's a deeply flawed system rooted in inequality and injustice. If you're for reproductive justice, you shouldn't be supporting adoption.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@_debi_ It's so hard. My mother came back for me two years later, but what could she do? I think about that every day. She didn't need adoption and neither did I. She needed support and time to get used to being a new mom, exactly what all new moms need

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

Found another copy of my adoption file buried in a box of papers belonging to my late adoptive mom. She got a copy of it when I was 19. I never knew she had it. My birthmother had checked yes on the form next to the words: would you like contact I'm gutted.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@anniegirl1138 I am so sorry ♥️

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

All my life I thought my birthmom wanted nothing to do with me. I was told she was a college student who went on to live a happy life. Turns out not only did she want me, but she came back for me 2 yrs later. Her life was incomplete without me. Wish I'd had that file decades ago

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

To know my adoptive mother had this and kept it from me all these years is awful. It would've been so healing for me to know the truth. I know she didn't comprehend at all the turmoil I experienced as an adoptee. Most people don't. But as my mother, she should've thought about it

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@itssaseeecrett So many lies in adoption

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

If you're an adoptive parent reading this, I want you to think about how much power you hold and how wrong that is. Our original birth certificates and our adoption records belong to us. It's time you start standing with your adopted children and demand a change in the laws.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@KrisColvin I didn't either until one day I did. I'm so glad I found them. Turns out everything I thought was true was not. It's been rough but necessary in order for me to finally become a whole person

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@cheyhotgyal I got mine through the agency who brokered the adoption. I finally know how much I weighed at birth. I live in a state where I legally can't see my original birth certificate.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@g_lamarche It's truly a warped system, especially because most children removed from their homes for "neglect" are there not because of abuse but because of poverty and racism. That separation causes lifelong harm. I urge you to listen to @AlanDettlaff and @DorothyERoberts to learn more.

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@kidcancermom

3 months

@llmunro I hear you. All of that gatekeeping and hiding of truths serves to further our belief as adopted people that our original families and stories aren't really ours. It solidifies an idea that we only belong to our adoptive families and any longing we feel to know otherwise is wrong

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@WendyWendy48 Oh I'm so sorry. All of these kinds of stories reaffirm to me that adoption is never first about the adopted person. If it were, we would legally know everything, always, no matter how difficult, because it's our story and it belongs to us.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

I still cannot believe how my words have been viewed and heard by so many. Thank you to everyone who has shared and taken the time to listen. Most of the time we adoptees who critique the adoption system are met with pushback and anger. This thread makes me hopeful.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

Can't believe that when I was eleven, my birthmom drove two hours from her home to the adoption agency to fill out forms in her own handwriting listing not only updated medical history but the names of my half siblings. She wanted me to know. My adoptive "mom" kept it all from me

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@foolykooly I requested my file from the agency that brokered the adoption

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

2 years

My adopted dad and I shared a good cry about how impactful finding my biological family has been. His words: This is how it always should've been for you. I'm sorry we didn't do more to connect you with them sooner. I support you always. How to be a father.♥️ #adopteevoices

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@lavika Adoption is a billion dollar industry

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

4 years

@KimKardashian Know where I was for my 40th birthday? In a hospital room. In another state. With my son. He was the patient. Getting an experimental transplant. Year 9 of his cancer treatment. 2nd relapse. Can't handle 6 months of a pandemic? Try 9 years of cancer treatment with your kid

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

1 year

My whole life no one ever stopped to think I might have feelings about my own adoption. No one ever imagined it may have impacted how I viewed myself, my family, the world and my place in it. No one ever considered me, the #adoptee . Me. The human most impacted by #adoption .

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@moon_ferret I'm so sorry. The suicide rate for adopted people is much higher than for the general population. We carry so much within that we don't understand or have the words to express. It's time society gives us the space we need to grieve & express our complex feelings.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

2 years

@keribla @kate_depalma As an adoptee, I'm asking you to please take some time to learn about the real people hidden in adoption and it's uncomfortable history. It causes real harm for those involved, including birthmothers.

Gretchen Sisson

@gesisson

2 years

The NSRC is talking about encouraging adoption. SCOTUS is worried about the "supply of infants" available for adoption. Time for me to recenter the voices of the mothers behind adoption in the United States today, and how they were "encouraged" to consider adoption. 🧵

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

1 year

Finished reading another recently released children's book about adoption written by adoptive parents that again views adoption as a single point in time. You the parent may see adoption that way, but adoptees confront emotions and realities about their adoptions forever. 1/5

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@JenniferRoseNYC So let's stop telling adopted people that their mothers loved them so much that they gave them away. Stop telling birthmothers they're brave and loving for relinquishing their babies. It still equates love with abandonment which is confusing, cruel, and a mine field for adoptees.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

8 months

@lifetimeadopt What a disgusting post.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

5 months

Being adoption critical doesn't mean I had a bad experience or I hate my parents or that they're bad people. It means I understand the brokenness of the SYSTEM and speak about the harms it inflicts on people.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

6 months

And so I come back to this children's book and wonder. For whom is this feel-good fairytale of a story written? Is it really for the adopted child? If so, it reads more like a horror story than a heartfelt one. And it certainly should be shelved in the make-believe section.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

4 months

It's incredible we funnel millions of dollars to states to promote adoption, give millions in tax breaks to those who adopt, yet we give nothing to the pregnant person who wants to parent but faces a temporary financial hardship. To them we offer relinquishment. That's wrong.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 years

I'm adopted. The news cycle this week has been difficult for me. I've witnessed some horribly cruel things. Even if you know someone who is adopted, please don't speak for adopted people. I've never told anyone how I feel about being adopted...

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 years

During the 8 years my son was in treatment for #ChildhoodCancer people always asked how they could help. As much as I appreciated the meals, the toys, and the cards, what my son needed most was a cure. Please help fund the research to find the cures. 💛

Team Beans Fund

@TeamBeansFund

3 years

We've sold almost 300 shirts so far with the ribbon made from the 320 names of childhood cancer warriors. So grateful to be a part of this wonderful community of people brought together by our shared struggle w/childhood cancer.

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@kidcancermom

3 months

Most don't know that when a child is adopted, they're issued a new birth certificate listing the adoptive parents as the parents of live birth. The original certificate is locked away. Most states deny adopted people the right to see it. Minnesota is only the 15th to allow access

Adoptee Rights Law

@adopteelaw

3 months

TODAY! More info/how to apply/forms, etc. is here

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

9 months

My life is so much better since connecting with other #adoptees . I can't tell you how validating it is to receive support from others who understand. Society may push back, but those who've lived it get it, and that's what keeps me going. It gives me hope.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

If you want to support changes in legislation look at @adopteelaw

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

1 year

Because isn't it ultimately our story to tell anyway? You may have adopted a child, but that's not really a story about being adopted. Like so many other adoptees, it was never a single moment for me. I wasn't adopted. I AM adopted. 5/5 #adopteevoices #ADOPTION #kidlit

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

2 months

Will never understand how people (with a smile on their faces) offer adoption instead of help to a pregnant person who's experiencing a temporary crisis. How is that your response? Do you not hear the moral judgement? You're telling certain people they don't deserve to parent!

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

6 months

She wanted me. I think back on my life and wonder how different things would've been for me if I'd known the truth. What if she'd truly been given the choice to keep me? What if the same had been offered to my dad? She wanted me. They wanted me.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

6 months

My birthmother didn't happily go on with her life either. My relinquishment destroyed her. She wanted me, but her parents & the adoption agency convinced her she didn't deserve to keep me b/c she wasn't married. She came back for me two years later, but what could she do?

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@GMonkeyPosse This. This!

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

9 months

@zuzu447 @corsent @designmom And please also don't assume that because I point out the moral failings in our child welfare and adoption systems that I had a bad experience. We can have positive experiences within harmful systems. That doesn't justify keeping the harmful systems in place.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

6 months

With age comes wisdom, & after almost fifty years I began to heal. I found my first family, too. Turns out my birth father wanted to keep me. He thought about me every day. His wife and my sisters all knew about me. They were waiting for the day I would return home.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

1 year

Your choice to shrink adoption into a single moment expresses an opinion: it's over and in the past. Without realizing it, you're telling adoptees to not have any thoughts or feelings regarding being adopted; to not talk about and bury uncomfortable feelings; to suffer alone. 2/5

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 years

Please consider donating today in remembrance of Francesca. #24forthe24th 💛 My heart is with you, @RachelEnsignWSJ and @KFILE

I'm raising funds to conquer cancer.

Support my efforts to benefit Dana-Farber and the Jimmy Fund.

danafarber.jimmyfund.org

Team Beans Fund

@TeamBeansFund

3 years

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

1 year

I'm disgusted I live in a society with people who would rather donate $350 to have their name engraved on a box than give that money to a family who is struggling. Baby boxes are a vile invention, and if you don't understand how I can make that statement, please do some reading.

Adoptee Rights Law

@adopteelaw

1 year

For $350, thanks to the Baby Box Corporation, you can support the abandonment of a baby by having your name engraved on a "bassinet"--a plastic tub that holds a baby who is abandonded through a hole in a fire station's wall.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@Lab15 Yes, and that only happened because of the decades-long efforts of adoptees.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

1 year

It's amazing how many people advocate for social justice and also promote adoption. Do more listening and reading, because once you understand the racist and colonist origins of the child welfare and adoption systems, I don't know how you can ever square those two things again.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@lescarletwoman @cheyhotgyal It is common and indeed a clusterfuck

The United States of OBC | Adoptee Rights Law

Laws that control the release of an original birth certificate (OBC) in all 50 states, plus the District of Columbia.

adopteerightslaw.com

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

9 months

@zuzu447 @corsent @designmom Please don't speak for your adopted half sister. You really have no idea how she feels about being adopted. No one in my family does. They would say the same things about me as you just did. It would all be based on assumptions, not my actual feelings. They don't know the truth

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@tiffinita Sorry if this sounds harsh, but as an adoptive mom you should be supporting legislation to grant adoptees access to their original birth certificates so that we can know our truths. We shouldn't have to depend on the willingness of our adopters to give us what belongs to us.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

5 months

@corsent Hi! I'm the lovely adoptee you know. I know I look well adjusted, but I've been a broken soul for a long as I can remember. Your one liners like "love makes a family; you grew in our hearts; family isn't defined by genes; you were chosen" helped create the fractured me I am today

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

1 year

I know you're trying to reassure adoptees that they are no different because they became part of a family in a nontraditional manner, but guess what? We still feel separate no matter what you do or say because being adopted is different. Brushing over that reality is harmful. 3/5

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

9 months

@zuzu447 @corsent @designmom People have family beyond parents, family that in most cases is never asked or allowed to care for a child who needs care. That is a negative. And by the way, that love and nurturing you say we adoptees long for... adoption doesn't heal that longing. It only depens it.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

1 year

If I'd been given legal guardians instead of being adopted I would have grown up with my biological family. My mother came back for me after struggling for two years. She wanted me. Instead she was relegated to a life of severe trauma and I to a life of confusion and loneliness.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

1 year

If you've read this far, I know you may be feeling defensive because you feel you only had your adopted child's best interests at heart. I understand that, and I'm not here to make you feel bad. I'm only asking you to look at your story through the adoptee's eyes. 4/5

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

5 months

Hi. I'm the "lovely" adopted person you know. I look fine, but please don't assume that means I'm ok with being adopted or adoption in general. Don't use the adopted person in your life to prove a point. Instead ask yourself what you actually know and maybe try listening first.

Tony Corsentino

@corsent

5 months

People think the inner lives of adopted people are transparent. Your neighbor’s adopted sister is “lovely,” friendly, cheerful—so clearly she had a “good adoption experience” and is “happy with her adoption.” People ascribe to us all the emotional complexity of a house pet.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

6 months

This book (published recently) made me cringe. This was the story I was told about my birthmother. She was young and in college and just wasn't ready to parent. She happily went on with her life just like the character in the book. As a kid, I could never understand that

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

Tell me again how adoption is beautiful? Because from where I'm sitting it's a brutal system that manipulates vulnerable people, trades money for babies, gives all the power to adopters, and legally hides the truth from adoptees. You call that a thing of beauty?

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

9 months

♥️ I wish people understood this. I still carry this loss with me, and I feel it even more acutely since meeting my birth family. Losing them harmed me because in not knowing them, I never really knew myself.

Tony Corsentino

@corsent

9 months

One of the usually tacit (but occasionally explicit) principles governing the treatment of adoptees is that losing your family isn’t harmful if you can’t remember it happening.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

6 months

Think of how confusing that final scene in the book is for an adopted child! Birthmother & her mom (grandmother) are smiling as they move stuff into the dorm room. Grandmother didn't give her child away. She kept her & did everything for her, including getting her to college

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

6 months

How could my birthmother just leave me and happily go on with her life? Was college more important than me? Why couldn't she do both? How does a parent ever put anything before the child they love? And what about my birthmother's mother, my grandmother?

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@kidcancermom

2 years

It's not that my mother didn't want me. It's that society convinced her she didn't deserve to keep me. #adopteevoices #adoption

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

So you'll agree that it's cruel to tell a child "your deadbeat parent loves you" because that's equating love with abandonment, but when an adopted person says telling a child "your mother loved you so much she gave you away" is just as cruel, you argue? Why not just listen?

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

6 months

All this occurred without anyone around me noticing. I was too smart to let them see because if they saw I was broken, they'd see me as a burden and give me away just as my birthmother had done. So I played along and became the perfect adoptive daughter, the story of success

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

5 years

Thank you @DrPanMD ! You know the first thing we did when our son's immune system was stable again? We started getting him vaccinated. It took 2 years, but after 9 years of cancer treatment and 2 transplants, our son is fully vaccinated for the first time in his life. Feels good.

Shannan Velayas

@ShannanVelayas

5 years

Profile on @DrPanMD : "Science is true, whether they believe it or not" @guardian #FakeMesHurtKids #SB276

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

8 months

I found a note with these words scribbled in my late adoptive mom's writing: To forget ones ancestors is to be A brook without a source A tree without its roots It's ironic. She never knew I lived my whole life feeling untethered and rootless, struggling to know who I am.

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@kidcancermom

6 months

@corsent It's quite a stunning moment to realize that the one thing in your life everyone told you didn't matter at all (being adopted) was actually the thing that impacted you the most. It's incredible.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

6 months

Is this what people do with family who get in the way of their plans? Do they just get rid of them? Was I a problem? A burden? Something to move out of the way?

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

7 months

We need a societal vision check so we can see clearly that steering pregnant people who want to parent toward adoption because of a temporary financial or emotional crisis is wrong. Focus in. We're telling certain people they don't deserve to be parents. That's out of focus

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

For everyone who takes issue with the negative effects of capitalism, I ask you to look more closely at the business of adoption. It's a billion dollar industry that thrives on the misfortunes of others and preys on the most vulnerable in our society. Does that sound familiar?

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

5 years

@BernieSanders And parents should not have the added stress of fighting with the insurance company to ensure that they pay for our children's care. I can't tell you the hours I've spent on the phone demanding that the bills are paid. It's obscene! No one should profit off of my child's cancer!

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 years

You using my life as an example of the merits of adoption is wrong. Please think about that before you share your opinions. Just because you know an adopted person doesn't mean you know anything about adoption. I've never told anyone how I feel, so how can you claim to know?

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

6 months

Of course as a kid I wasn't able to put these thoughts & feelings into words. I found other ways to express how I felt. My feelings came out in behaviors that confused & scared me. I eventually began to see myself as a faulty human, a broken person who needed to prove her worth

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@kidcancermom

2 months

I'm against the business of selling babies. Adoption is a billion dollar industry that preys on vulnerable people and depends on their desperation to harvest supply. I think that's wrong. We should be supporting families, because most women who relinquish actually want to parent.

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@kidcancermom

2 years

@llmunro Yep! Societal beliefs about adoption are based in myths. Think for a minute about what you really know about adoption and how you came to know it. What is the source of your knowledge? Now start finding new sources.

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@kidcancermom

2 years

What's the latest #nonfiction book you've read that challenged your viewpoint? I'll go first. Torn Apart by @DorothyERoberts has completely transformed my understanding of the child welfare system.

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@kidcancermom

4 months

@corsent People are not secrets!!!

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@kidcancermom

3 months

@Maggie_Rawr Thank you! I applaud your efforts to look critically at a system we automatically view as positive. It's not easy

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@kidcancermom

6 months

I carried all of this with me for decades. It shaped me in ways I wish it hadn't. Most regrettably it skewed my thoughts about finding my first family. I wanted to know them, but they didn't want me (so I believed), so why should I try to find them?

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@kidcancermom

5 months

Should I be grateful my birth mother was coerced into relinquishing me? Or because my father was given no choice to keep me? Or that my extended family never had the chance to care for me because they didn't know I existed? Or is it because you believe the myths about adoption?

Tony Corsentino

@corsent

5 months

why should an adoptee be grateful? what should an adoptee be grateful for?

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

4 years

I did it! I finally joined #12x12PB ! Thanks @JulieFHedlund for creating and continuing this opportunity for children's writers. I'm excited to see what this year will bring!

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

5 years

@BrandyZadrozny @alizanadi As someone who has been approached by #antivaxxers who want to convince me that my son is vaccine injured because he got cancer, I thank you for writing this piece. It makes me angry that parents experiencing grief are being used to benefit a cause that has no basis in science!

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 years

@ssteingraber1 I'm stunned at the level of hostility targeted at adoptees sharing extremely personal experiences in an attempt to educate. It's unlike anything I've ever witnessed. I can't imagine anyone denying the trauma I experienced due to my son's bone marrow transplant. Trauma is trauma.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

5 months

OMG! How do we not see the ugliness of this adoptive-parent-centered system! Ask adoptees who as young teens expressed feelings about not liking there adoptive parents. Ask them what happened to them! Diagnosed with an attachment disorder & sent away to places for misbehaving!

Dr. Lisa Munro

@llmunro

5 months

"Help! I don't love my adopted child?" The adoptive parents need to decenter themselves and think about the child in whose "best interests" this arrangement is predicated. I promise that the kid knows you don't love her.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

8 months

You beginning to understand why many of us #adoptees highlight the negatives of adoption? Can you see why, after learning how the industry works, we speak out? Imagine learning your first mother was coerced into giving you away because she was poor, young, single, scared.

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@kidcancermom

6 months

@Twisted3100 I wish adoptive parents would just stop publishing children's books. I have yet to find a notable one.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

2 years

See how contradictory these statements are? "Your birth mother loved you so much that she gave you to us so we could give you the things you needed." "Love is all it takes to care for a child. It's all they need." This is from a children's book about adoption I read today.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 years

Death came so quickly. Mom was ready for goodbye. Sadly, I let go. #haikusaturday

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

8 months

"the adoption industry has a long history of targeting vulnerable mothers—particularly women in poverty and women of color. Such mothers are rarely heard from in narratives about adoption, and their stories challenge assumptions many Americans have about how the industry works."

Ian Gordon

@id_gordon

8 months

“Adoption as a system is supposed to be about finding homes for children who need them, not about finding babies for parents who want them” — @gesisson , in a great interview with @julia_lurie

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@LarissaFae @JenniferRoseNYC Really? I, an adopted person, don't understand the complexities of adoption?

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@tiffinita Adoptees have been working tirelessly for decades to change things. It's time for adoptive parents to do something more. It's time for you to show how much you love your adopted children by working to give them what they legally deserve.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

1 year

@corsent "Poor me. This was so hard. I felt judged. I had no support. No one understood. Have sympathy for me. Blah. Blah. Blah." OMG!!! 😡 The centering of adopters is disgusting! Disgusting!

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@ThatRossHastie I'm so sorry. My father also wanted to keep me but yes, it was so difficult for a father to do that. It still is in most states today. He told me that he can't really remember how he survived the first six months after my birth.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

3 months

@jill84221546 @corsent @becky_fast @llmunro Do you hear yourself? The something I know about another person is me! I have every right under the sun to know the names of the two people who created me.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

6 years

@CDCgov @Surgeon_General Why not join forces with @Voices4Vaccines to spread the word? Tell the stories of vulnerable people. How to Inoculate Against Anti-Vaxxers

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

1 year

@adopteecrossing I wish people understood that love is not enough. No magic love exists that will take away the confusion of identity & feelings of solitude that come with being adopted, even for those of us who grew up loved & supported by our adoptive parents AND for those of us who seem happy.

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KaylaWrites

@kidcancermom

6 months

@oceansoulgrl @corsent Wow. It's pretty offensive to declare that those of us who search are not secure in who we are. That statement alone reinforces the misguided belief that adopted people should have no feelings about being adopted, and if they do, they are abnormal, broken, or wrong.

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