Katie Boyle @katieboylecomic Twitter profile

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Just cried in a coffee shop and looked up and the guy across from me was crying… NYC IS BACK

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

Just going to say it: nice guys fuck better

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

My therapist said I need to find my voice (stop being so nice to people who aren’t to me). So I told a comic (who was bothering me) to fuck off and honestly FELT GREAT expect more fuck offs from me in 2022 🎉

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Guys will want a threesome when they cant even do a twosome

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

5 years

There’s nothing more traumatic than freeing up memory on your iphone and stumbling on your ex’s dick pic

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

I wanna date someone who will leave me alone

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

Dating in nyc is like putting your hand on the stove, getting burned and going “well let’s do that again!”

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Americans should have to take the citizenship test

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

In Ireland we don’t do 23 and Me cause if you do you’ll find out you slept with your cousin

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

My main regret in previous relationships was not taking more hoodies

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

There’s fuck buddies but why aren’t there nap buddies???

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

My dad eats before he goes out to a restaurant because he doesnt trust that they’ll give him enough food

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Women in nyc: it’s hard to find just one good person to date Men: what are you talking about? I’ve dated loads of great ppl. I’m dating 6 rn

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

People keep saying to me “you might regret it if you don’t have kids katie!” yes but I might regret if I do!

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

Nyc men: I should be single I’m only 72

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Find someone who stimulates your brain and your clit 🎉

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

2 years

Most male comics now “Will Smith has made comedy dangerous” every female comic for forever “I wonder if my stalker will show up tonight” 😒

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Marie Kondo your friends

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

I find it highly offensive when a guy slips into my dms to ask me out but doesn’t follow me

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

I want to be completely single or 5 yrs into a relationship! I hate learning about their family members just to find out 3 months later they don’t believe in Space

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

If you said “I love that for you” in Ireland someone would hit you

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

After 15yrs of dating I finally quit 🥰

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Irish ppl to non catholics “no we don’t really believe in all that shite” Then quietly whispers “sorry god”

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Puked my guts up after partying too hard for the 4th. Did I pass the citzenship test?

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Men are hilarious. You could legit do a 10min set about your bf and after the show and they’ll be like “loved your set! Wanna go out sometime?” 🤦‍♀️

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Are you ever mid sentence in a convo and think: wtf am I saying

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

If I see a man wearing boat shoes I automatically cover my drink

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

I’m dating someone 5 yrs younger for feminism 🎉

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

Nothing ruins a sext like a typo 🤦‍♀️

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

I truly hate comedians opinions on comedy

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

Being an immigrant in 🇺🇸 rn

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Remembering the time someone said “shut up Karen” on my “this is where the clit is” tiktok and I didn’t know what a Karen was so I thought he’d read my name wrong and I replied, “It’s Katie!”

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

I pulled my mask down for 2 secs and a random guy shouted “you should smile”..... I vote masks forever

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Immigrating to america is a pyramid scheme

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

When a date says “oh you’re ACTUALLY funny” I think: oh you’re actually not getting sex

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

Used to date Americans for their citizenship. Now you’re all going to try date me for mine

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Good thing about covid: no “kiss me I’m irish” shirts this yr

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Men, you should pay for our dinners because you give us HPV. It doesn’t affect yous, it kills us. Pay for my lasagna!

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

Ugh if I’m not attracted to you it means you’re a real good guy

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

6 years

Getting into a new relationship is great because you get to find out who your real guy friends are

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

Porn search: 2019

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

Nyc dating is so traumatizing that when a guy finally treats you right you’re like: I bet he has a wife

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Depression is so sneaky. You’re just writing your daily todo list: get milk, work out, slit wrists, do laundry.... wait 🧐

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

When americans tell me I’ve an accent I say, “So do you” and they always look so confused 😂

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

America needs a therapist

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

If my overthinking counted as exercise I’d be ripped

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

The longer the beard the shorter the penis

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Dating a comic and heard his jokes about me and WOW this is karma for all the men I’ve joked about 😂

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

I will be MORTIFIED if I don’t make it because one time after I broke up with a guy I said “you’ll regret being a dick when I make it” 🤦‍♀️😂

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

I’m most excited about being drunk in a bar bathroom at 4am looking in the mirror drunkenly telling myself I am pretty 😂 I miss that bitch

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

2 years

You can always tell if someone wasn’t hit as a kid. They always have too many opinions

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

@urgirlblair He prob doesnt even go down

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

For Valentine’s I got my period 😻 violets are blue I am red

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

Had a date with an irishman for the 1st time in years! It was so nice to speak and have him not mimic my accent to my face

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

I waited 3 dates to have sex. If I’d have been more slutty I would have saved myself so much time

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

Lost 60 followers after posting a bikini pic. I’m proud of my body I’ve worked hard* to have it *IBS

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

White Nazis say, “Irish were the first slaves and you don’t hear them complain” not only did my people complain but they blew shit up! They probably say this while drinking an Irish car bomb

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

Him: I want to text you everyday, see you 4plus times a week, sex, emotional support constantly but the one thing I don’t want is a relationship Me: ok so pay me

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

If you’re a cunt just be a cunt. Don’t pretend to not be a cunt and then surprise us with that shit months later!

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

I just made enough fajitas to last me 3 days I just ate 3 days worth of fajitas 🤦‍♀️

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Been fully vaccinated a month and still fancy men ugh 😭

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

I’m having internet issues is the new “the subway was delayed”

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

Are all men obsessed with Mandalorian or just the ones that want to date me

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

2 years

Everyone complains about dick pics. One time a guy sent me a pic of his face! Id rather see a penis than a selfie!

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Love wearing a mask at work because customers cant see me mouth “annoying cunt” 🥰

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

My vibrator keeps turning off right before I cum. I’m being haunted by a catholic ghost!

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

I hate when someone gives me a judgemental look for saying “cunt” I HAVE ONE I CAN SAY IT YE CUNTS 😂

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Real talk: What’s the sexiest accent?

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

I want a tattoo that changes everyday but says what day it is

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

I don’t find it offensive when someone does my accent but I do find it offensive when it comes out British

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

Americans are like “we have white terrorists now” yeah well Ireland had them first you hacks!

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

America is the most toxic relationship I’ve had

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

When I buy Emergen-C now the cashier gives me the same look the pharmacist does when I buy plan b

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

Told my dad I went on a date with an English man and he said: wow you’ve hit a new low

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

I was texting a guy and made a joke about getting into horoscopes and he NEVER TEXTED ME BACK 😂😂😂😂

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Stop telling Irish people they don’t have an irish accent when you’ve never been to Ireland and are basing your “facts” off a lucky charms ad

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

If you’re going to troll comedians online why not do it to everyone? I wanna see reviews on dentists like: Got my wisdom teeth out and wow I hate his UGLY FACE

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

It only took 15 yrs of dating to finally realize I’m good 😂 I quit!

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

I’m getting $125 per week from unemployment if I save up for 9 weeks I can pay April’s rent

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

I survived covid just for allergies to take me out

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Fully vaccinated and I still don’t wanna bang!

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Do ppl who like choking get turned on when the wind yanks their scarf?

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

It’s weird how semen is anti aging but is stored in a wrinkly bag

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Irish people are so monogamous we choose one specific brand of tea and drink only it until the day we die

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Left my bf alone with my irish friends for 1 hr and he now knows all the weird things I say aren’t an irish thing just a katie thing

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Americans only enjoy sex if its a near death experience

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

2 years

What a weird world that I might have to go to CATHOLIC IRELAND to have an abortion if i need it

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

If you think you aren’t doing well just know there are people who decided to start stand up... during a pandemic

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

I stayed in nyc the epicenter of the pandemic. I should be granted citizenship for that right?

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

5 years

If I wanna get out of a conversation now I just cough

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

“I’ll let you go” is the irish way of saying “please get df off the phone”

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

In 3 weeks I’m 30 and I’m quitting men forever

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

I love being 30 because I’m too tired to take things personally 🎉

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

My BF said he doesnt find “too hot” girls attractive! Guess he wont be able to have sex with anymore. What a shame! 😂

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

A guy I dated for a few months came to a show and said, “how do you get to be one of the guys who makes it into your stand up?” ... Dont be so fucking boring, Billy! That’s how. Nice guy :)

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

Our standards are so low in nyc we are like “omg he’s the best he texted me!”

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

5 years

Me: I’m nervous to see my first sex show! Also me: EAT HER PUSSY!!!

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

3 years

Let’s cancel dolphins

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

2 years

I think irish can learn from americans and be ok with being happy and americans can learn from us and be ok with being sad

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Katie Boyle

@katieboylecomic

4 years

A guy asked me out over hinge then asked for my insta. After I gave it I never heard from him again 😂

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