Alis @jptorach Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

"When a widow has big buttocks, the elders do not waste time to bury her husband.” - Ghanaian Proverb

Daily Monitor

@DailyMonitor

1 year

What is the most powerful African proverb you have heard? #MonitorQuery #MonitorUpdates

637

412

2K

273

2K

6K

Last Seen Profiles

@Heersong_

@ComputerHistory

@LonnieAdkism

@Soukostars

@k_o2sya

@bokeplokalmalam

@VmaniakJ

@UKDKSFAofficial

@JasonMalau

@Fidan_ism

@venusberlinoff

@jeje_tiktok

@VulcanWisdom

@thehemlocknsfw

@sotwecom

@Teddix

@comer_wade

@SilbDilby

@AI9137177622426

@DimitriHowardd

@PaxXiel

@OnyangoBernardo

@Shigure_30968

@BitvNews

@bigcat_mia

@fairyytaleswift

@GOT7ONLY9

@EspanaCobo

@lamlashprimary

@Hyperpilotio

@Valenterj

@TaterLTots

@AlekTurowicz

@BinorRaja

@ElenaNikolaido3

@TRTKariyer

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

About time we had a direct route to our national referral hospital 😃

Uganda Airlines

@UG_Airlines

1 year

#India 🇮🇳 Coming Soon... #Mumbai Get ready!

31

133

683

135

932

3K

Alis

@jptorach

4 years

The patron saint of social distancing 😁

51

223

929

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

Boda boda guys🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️🤣🤣🤣

132

251

753

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

When you are born to do a job 🤣🤣🤣🤣

13

138

488

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

Ugandans will kill me one day 😂😂😂

39

77

444

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

Please ...I am unavailable after lunch.. we shall talk tomorrow..😋😋😋

67

42

417

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

Identity theft Uganda edition:Terwane Akim and his wife Nayebale Rahuma found in possession of a huge no of National IDs,passports, Vehicle no plates and academic docs in their temporary structure around Lubigi swamp during a @nemaug operation.🙆🏿‍♂️

61

150

305

Alis

@jptorach

4 years

Govt : Bars are closed!! Covid is here!!! Bandali Rise:

8

67

303

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

Can clearly see his choice of comb is a scratcher 😂😂😂

Kenyans.co.ke

@Kenyans

2 years

President Uhuru gives a farewell speech to the State House staff

200

266

4K

19

61

299

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

As a Ugandan..I can already see this pineapple isn't sweet..we know what sweet pineapples look like..this ain't it.. anyway #VisitUganda and receive your revelation.

CNN

@CNN

1 year

How to cut a pineapple quickly and safely 🍍

80

64

287

17

69

293

Alis

@jptorach

3 years

Dear Hollywood, as you can see, this is the natural color of light in Africa.Stop adding tumeric to the movies shot in Africa. Regards

Rupert Lewis

@gbgandad

3 years

Dakar, Senegal, today celebrating winning the Africa cup

32

458

2K

7

68

280

Alis

@jptorach

6 years

When is Kanyamunyu's court martial?

13

176

264

Alis

@jptorach

3 years

Just had to be a joint operation 😂😂😂

Sarah Biryomumaisho

@BiryomumaishoB

3 years

8 people have been arrested for illegally growing marijuana in Abongomola Sub County in Kwania district. They were arrested in a joint operation by police & local leaders on Wednesday. Ivan Nuwagaba, the Kwania acting DPC, the suspects had planted over 7 hectares of cannabis.

38

19

90

16

48

207

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

Make it so that its much easier to replace and it's collateral value goes away. It's collateral value is derived from its difficulty in replacement.

Government of Uganda

@GovUganda

1 year

𝐏𝐔𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐂 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐜 𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐡𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐈𝐃'𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐧𝐬.

208

727

2K

6

50

149

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

I don't know if this fellow @chrisatuk knows how brilliant he is🤣🤣🤣🤣

7

22

152

Alis

@jptorach

4 years

Leave us..neither are relationships but we move..😁

CNN

@CNN

4 years

Weed is not good for your heart, studies say

3K

2K

7K

13

32

147

Alis

@jptorach

3 years

Headline got me🤣

7

35

146

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

Undoubtedly the most polite people I have come across.. I mean they find Ugandans rather rude...that says everything 😂

David Hundeyin

@DavidHundeyin

1 year

I raise you: GHANAIANS. "Good morning, please." "Please what did you say, please?" "Sorry please." "My name is Kwabena please." 😭😭😭😭

62

146

536

3

31

132

Alis

@jptorach

9 months

My brothers and sisters from Western Uganda...today I am defeated.. I have encountered someone called Obvious and I am speechless 😂

31

23

140

Alis

@jptorach

5 years

As we mark back to school week..we remember this legend..😂

10

48

136

Alis

@jptorach

3 years

😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 #Ugandans will kill me one day I tell you..

3

30

133

Alis

@jptorach

3 years

This has given me a really good laugh this morning 😅 #Ugandans are special.

18

24

117

Alis

@jptorach

5 years

Got hit by some late night Xmas shoppers yesterday.. my house dog alerted me to their presence and we got the better of them..left poorer than when they came for the mission.. smh just.

24

22

109

Alis

@jptorach

6 years

Forget the Quagliarella goal..this takes the biscuit.. @kawowosports @AirtelUFootball @RamseyScored Giroud and Mhkitaryan can take a seat.. #ScorpionKick

6

54

96

Alis

@jptorach

3 years

Well in @skinnyblaqk turnover complete...

1

14

92

Alis

@jptorach

3 years

Go to a kafunda and eat in peace 😏

14

15

86

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

I am still reeling from this comment from one of the @RadioOneFM90 listeners today..🤦🏿‍♂️

DBwambale

@TheMutaD

1 year

If a state cannot fix street lighting, it is mid. There's nothing else on earth you can convince people you can do well, if you can't fix street lighting. The basic matrix of the capacity to build, maintain and wish your people well, IMO, is street lighting.

26

82

247

7

41

85

Alis

@jptorach

4 years

When you are a professional monocotyledon cremator... 😁

6

27

81

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

I get up for work at 3:45 ..I have poured body on this #BoyzIIMenInUganda thing.. I was hoping I would be home by 1am but since the program hasn't started at 7 pm.. Maybe I just connect to work from here🤔

20

6

79

Alis

@jptorach

3 years

Can't pipe down the laughter right now🤣

3

18

78

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

Here come the boys for the final.. let's go UG!!!! #RugbyAfrica7sUG Zimbabwe will find out why a chicken drinks water but never pees🤣🤣🤣

1

8

76

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

Good morning Cassava Republic 😂😂😂😂😂 ..Scrub my back I scrub yours..

20

16

71

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

If you want to laugh, cry and shake your head in disbelief this morning.. read this 😂🙆🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️😭

19

23

70

Alis

@jptorach

7 months

I have never understood the picture painted in minds of children by teachers in Kampala and southern Uganda that Northern Uganda is arid and barren ..

Yusuf Mugagga

@kasajja_

7 months

Btw, Karamoja isn't a desert (like we have been made to believe since we were kids) and isn't the bad place that the media has portrayed it to be. The people are so welcoming and really loving❤️ And its funny how people stare at you even when you enter the bathroom🤣🥰

8

38

145

16

22

63

Alis

@jptorach

7 years

Made my morning this.. Buy ugandan Build Uganda... #Uganda ☺

10

41

56

Alis

@jptorach

5 years

Uganda already has different names for our National sports teams.. Basketball=Silverbacks..under age football teams=Kobs,Hippos.. @RugbyCranes1 should just consider it's natural mascot and rebrand because..😁 they are even in formation..good deep line..😁

8

23

63

Alis

@jptorach

4 years

The legend😁😁😁😁

14

10

59

Alis

@jptorach

5 years

Well done UBC.. you are trending 😏

7

17

59

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

Why does @PoliceUg still ask for tribe like we are in colonial times when we make reports though? Aren't you perpetuating it? Log and specks in eyes?

AIGP(Rtd) Asan Kasingye

@AKasingye

2 years

This evening, I took my coughing granddaughter to hospital in Ebbe.Found nearly 100 other coughing children. For the period I was there, nobody asked which tribe was mostly affected by cough.The doctor saw us by number, not tribes.Don’t remember anyone inquiring about Dr’s tribe.

273

285

3K

9

16

56

Alis

@jptorach

10 months

We are now in stage 4 of the 10 steps to a genocide.. Dehumanisation. Stare long enough into the abyss of the Holocaust..and the abyss stares back.

Ash

@theashrb

10 months

I will never in my life forget this Tweet, and I will make sure nobody else forgets too. This is how a murderous regime rationalises genocide.

190

38K

84K

1

35

53

Alis

@jptorach

4 years

1 HP Landcruiser hard top😁 @OwuorMichael

1

12

54

Alis

@jptorach

3 years

So fierce @newvisionwire couldn't make up their minds whether she is 'A' lioness or 'The' Lioness..

16

8

52

Alis

@jptorach

6 years

We really use the phrase brand new too freely..😏

NBS Television

@nbstv

6 years

The winner will walk away with a brand new Pajero GDI fully registered under the UBE series provided by Yuasa Investments Limited. #NBSTheComic #NBSUpdates

8

7

51

8

21

45

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

Daily monitor..you have a genius on your hands... Protect him.. feed him.. give him a wife..whatever it takes to keep him..even pay his entrance ,food lodging and drinks to #NyegeNyege22

2

6

50

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

Still laughing at the comment that the potholes in the roads in Kampala will have you playing omweso with your car🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

12

48

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

@Spartakussug They will learn the difference between middle class and midro class 😂

5

1

47

Alis

@jptorach

6 years

#ICanConfirm that it's not fake news anymore.... So can we conclude that the story broke but truth was as usual the first casualty of war?

2

17

44

Alis

@jptorach

4 years

There's a minister who found out he had been replaced as he was waiting to see mzee in Rwakitura..broke out into a spontaneous sweat..never quite recovered and dropped out of the public eye..🤦🏾‍♂️🙌🏿

Kanyomozi District

@PatriqKanyomozi

4 years

Bambi you might find Engineer Kitaka slept early and switched off all his gadgets,and will wake up in the morning ready to commission a new project.

129

188

2K

4

10

46

Alis

@jptorach

9 years

#SomeoneTellCNN #KeepCalm we do this all the time! http://t.co/8kFBkVJqAd

0

76

40

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

What a week this has been! Finally laid Mzee to rest yesterday.. doing a 450km straight drive today 😬.

63

6

43

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

If you know you know 😁

28

2

42

Alis

@jptorach

4 years

Essential worker 😁

12

0

39

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

Out of curiosity..how is it that @UgTourismBoard doesn't promote Uganda through our sports teams..no Visit Uganda on any kit.. none of our tourism attractions emblazoned on gear..? I am honestly perplexed.

LillyAjarova

@LillyAjarova

2 years

Congratulations to @SheCranes1 for the stellar performance at the #Fast5WorldSeries The passion and excitement you brought to each game is commendable. Thank you for flying the Ugandan Flag high. We celebrate you! 🇺🇬🇺🇬🇺🇬🇺🇬🇺🇬🇺🇬

0

17

70

8

7

40

Alis

@jptorach

8 years

Full-time @newvisionwire 1-0 @DailyMonitor 🖐

2

52

40

Alis

@jptorach

4 years

Happy 23rd @RadioOneFM90 🥂

5

7

37

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

This why you shouldn't interchange 'r' and 'l' fwaaa 😂

10

8

39

Alis

@jptorach

3 years

Why is it always the ministers of state? Johnny come lately excitement?

Simon Kaheru

@skaheru

3 years

A very busy and important person this morning at the Nakawa junction. #StayInYourLane

95

159

779

12

9

37

Alis

@jptorach

5 years

This is why I stay away from speaking Luganda ...get the intonation wrong and offend someone 🙈

15

9

35

Alis

@jptorach

5 years

I see you @tomddumba 😏

1

6

36

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

Puskas award nomination loading 😁

FIFA

@FIFAcom

1 year

This long-range effort from Bright Anukani from @VipersSC 😱

225

1K

3K

2

3

36

Alis

@jptorach

6 years

On the replay until further notice .. Melanin - @sautisol & @patorankingfire 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

2

31

Alis

@jptorach

6 years

Two things.. 1. How you know your house is in a wetland.. 2. Always look for rental property during the rainy season..that's when you get the "full picture"!

12

29

35

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

The Queens of the road.. the family is matriarchal.. Bulls operate solo.. the biggest one is usually the matriarch of the family group..it's a sisterhood 🙂

Patrick Oyulu

@OyuluPatrick

2 years

The Big Bull, Crosses Last! Elephants Crossing the road at Karuma, Kiryandongo District in Uganda. What a sight! Video: @lawoko_andrew #

33

213

722

7

9

34

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

They obviously have a lot of time on their hands 😂

NTV UGANDA

@ntvuganda

1 year

Rolex Brand Clash... The watchmaker has registered the Rolex trademark in Uganda. How does this affect the popular delicacy in the country? More 👉

269

146

2K

6

35

Alis

@jptorach

5 years

But @chrisatuk ..when I think you can't get any cheekier...😂😂😂😂 Well done..

6

11

34

Alis

@jptorach

3 years

They misunderstood the orders after the football game..they think this is what is meant by injury time... Soldiers brutalise journalists again via @DailyMonitor

7

9

34

Alis

@jptorach

4 years

Stop complaining about his time keeping etiquette when you don't keep time either..giving false locations.. I am on a boda just here here..😏 politicians are a reflection of society..they don't come from the moon.. that's why our problems persist.

0

17

34

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

Here we go...

17

9

35

Alis

@jptorach

6 years

Live scenes from Lesotho as @UgandaCranes lead the crocodiles 1-0 #AFCON2019Q #LESUGA

1

12

32

Alis

@jptorach

5 years

I will leave this here...

6

15

33

Alis

@jptorach

4 years

But @chrisatuk . ..you will be isolated in your own safe house..😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

2

4

34

Alis

@jptorach

4 years

What the Rukutana PR machine is sounding like...

11

21

34

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

This is why Federations have no business organising leagues and tournaments..should be left to autonomous organisations..focus on GROWING THE GAME!!!!!!!! Unions& Federations provide oversight not micromanaging 🤦🏿‍♂️

Uganda Rugby Union

@UgandaRugby

2 years

NATIONAL 7s POSTPONED.

12

43

99

3

13

33

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

@JustUncleDre Ordinarily I would agree with you..but all cars had stopped ..bikes had stopped and this one bila helmet brought his big head..kwani why did he think others had stopped?

5

1

31

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

..........?

0

9

30

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

The patron saint of sidos 😏

FRANCE 24 English

@France24_en

2 years

From mistress to Queen Consort: the redemption of Camilla

9

6

34

7

10

33

Alis

@jptorach

4 years

The pall bearers have messed me up.. I swear that's what I thought this was 🤦🏾‍♂️

7

4

32

Alis

@jptorach

10 months

"A thunderstorm can force one to take shelter in the witch doctor's shrine "- Luo Proverb

Joel Ssenyonyi

@JoelSsenyonyi

10 months

Earlier today, the new headquarters of NUP acted as an UMBRELLA to the military who took shelter from the rain😎

68

133

1K

5

9

32

Alis

@jptorach

6 years

T'is the season.. well done you lot from Buddu...👏👏👏

5

7

32

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

This brightened up my morning 🤣🤣🤣

6

7

32

Alis

@jptorach

5 years

New York 🎶 These streets will make you feel brand new..the joints will inspire you🎵..

UberFacts

@UberFacts

5 years

New York has officially decriminalized marijuana.

94

3K

15K

2

10

30

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

PDM:Personal Development Money 🤣

5

14

32

Alis

@jptorach

3 years

"Redbull have risen from their ruins! Max,the Dutch god in the desert!The unthinkable unfolds before our eyes!This was not meant to happen!This could not happen!This IS happening. It's the flying Dutchman of the sea who has come to the Dunes of the desert &pulled off a miracle!"

Atuhaire J Sherura

@julzsherura

3 years

In football terms, what just happened in the last few minutes of the final F1 race?

5

1

16

5

14

32

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

Good morning #CassavaRepublic .. may your pleas for the week be answered 🙏🏿🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

14

10

32

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

Replaced breakfast cereal with breakfast nuts.. (get your mind out of the gutter 😂) I am sure @drkasenene would approve 🙂

8

5

29

Alis

@jptorach

8 months

PSA: Guys.. when you feel a fever , rush to the hospital for tests and rule out Malaria.. of course COVID is with us..but the number of people who have transitioned because of Malaria in the last six months is getting ridiculous..this Malaria is different and it KILLS!!!!

6

24

33

Alis

@jptorach

2 years

Got myself into a @drkasenene inspired 36 hr fasting Whatsapp group and the conversation is killing me!!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣 People are about to invoke the ancestors and we haven't even done 18 hrs yet ⚰️⚰️⚰️

8

2

30

Alis

@jptorach

10 months

I endorse this message .. 35 and older..well kempt and looks like he plans to go home for dinner.

Timo

@timo_mwesigwa

10 months

My Boda rule of thumb is to use guys who look like Dads, and surely have something to live for.

122

2K

6K

4

5

29

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

Direct flight to the national referral hospital is good to go!!👏🏾👏🏾😃

Daily Monitor

@DailyMonitor

1 year

Uganda Airlines opens direct route to Mumbai #MonitorUpdates

3

18

135

1

9

30

Alis

@jptorach

3 years

This video is out of context!

Kanyomozi District

@PatriqKanyomozi

3 years

Happening now at the new Mandela Sports Arena on 6th Street Industrial;a Saturday soccer competition organised by Mandela Group of Companies featuring selected radio stations. See @peaceBagala of CBS taking on @jptorach of Radio One😎

32

50

396

11

1

29

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

My fondest memory of that place was finding my parish priest in a corner with two slay queens seated on his laps.. bila collar ...good times 😁😁😁

Moses Rudende (BEWILDERED HERD MEMBER #0069)

@rudende

1 year

Still plays me that Rock Catalina became a clinic.

28

22

110

12

6

28

Alis

@jptorach

6 years

I can't stop laughing... punchline bat the end 😂😂😂😂😂 @DhakabaKigongo @RamseyScored @WasikeAbdu @SekandiYe @TheLoveDre @briantuka7 @adelleagb @kawowosports

7

12

26

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

This daily flask of tea slaps different in this weather 😁😁

8

3

29

Alis

@jptorach

3 years

Irony is the lorry belongs to an engineering firm.. Uganda will discombobulate you..😂

10

11

29

Alis

@jptorach

1 year

I can't make a good examiner..I would laugh and give this child a credit.. 😂😂😂

Daily Monitor

@DailyMonitor

1 year

Uneb: One candidate wrote on page 2: Dear Mr examiner, you are still wasting time on me when there are more serious candidates? I'm the stone that the builder refused. Another candidate decided to copy and rewrite questions. #MonitorUpdates

415

702

4K

8

5

29

Alis

@jptorach

5 years

Weed is a herb...tobacco ... alcohol and sugar will kill you.... And they are all legal... Emancipate yourself from mental slavery...

AIGP(Rtd) Asan Kasingye

@AKasingye

5 years

Those who glorify weed hide from you this important statistic🤔

62

60

249

6

8

26

Alis

@jptorach

4 years

"Lock down but don't lock down"- Bebe Cool

7

5

28

Alis

@jptorach

6 years

Did someone else write Justice Musoke's nini...? Fumbling left right and center like she is meeting the script for the first time😉 #AgeLimitJudgement

6

11

27

Alis

@jptorach

5 years

OO has killed me this morning.. Ati Govt has approved $9,511,726 additional money approved for Mulago renovation. OO read it as 9 thousand five hundred eleven seven hundred twenty six.OO AND Zuma and reading figures.😂😂😂

6

8

28