spooky spice @jenniferdown Twitter profile

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spooky spice

@jenniferdown

5 years

no offence but what is like......the point. are we just supposed to work and buy coffee and listen to podcasts until we die. im bored

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@jenniferdown

2 years

yesterday arvo when i arrived at my parents’ to watch the announcement over a glass of champers, this was what i walked in to. please note the red carpet

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@jenniferdown

3 years

men love to rib women for having giant bags to carry all their random shit and then buy an enormous utes for their single hammer and kelpie

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@jenniferdown

2 years

at mum’s memorial it was mentioned that while she wasn’t religious, if she was in a foreign city and passed a beautiful cathedral, she liked to go in and light a candle in memory of lost loved ones bc she loved the ritual of it. anyways my mate in paris just sent me this

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@jenniferdown

5 years

i literally don’t know why this is getting RT’d but to clarify: im talking that particular brand of boredom wrought by our current living conditions which make it impossible to have time, energy or money for virtually anything else than the aforementioned work, coffee & podcasts

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@jenniferdown

2 years

we lost my beautiful mum at 6.16am yesterday. she died peacefully with my dad, sisters and i sitting by her side. she was just 61. i wanted so much more time with her; we all did. im glad to have had this many years of her love. im glad she’s at rest. et lux perpetua, mama ❣️

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@jenniferdown

1 year

“twitter is rebranding as X” bitch i still call the m1 the southeastern freeway, woolworths safeway and southern cross station spencer street. get away from me

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@jenniferdown

2 years

my dad is once again outside in the 3-degree morning communing with his besties via a ziploc baggie of premium mince meat

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@jenniferdown

2 years

Pinching myself. Huge congrats to the shortlisted and longlisted authors - it is an honour to be in your company. An enormous thanks to the prize judges and the Copyright Agency. I’m like a rat with a gold tooth 💛

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@jenniferdown

3 years

listening to my dad quietly talking to the dog: no food in here, bessie boom-boom. im just getting this laundry. your ear’s inside out, by the way. you don’t care? well it looks silly. i’ll get it for you. these pillowslips can’t go in the dryer. your ear looks better

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@jenniferdown

1 year

the train station near my parents’ got set on fire the other week and this was the choice they made for public messaging

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@jenniferdown

5 years

the last thing i will say on this subject is that i wrote about why the ‘just be less passive and depressed! make time for creativity uwu!’ argument is bullshit and dangerous back in 2017

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@jenniferdown

2 years

this was the general tasteful vibe: me in a thermal i’d put on at 4am that morning, a custom-made sash, two confused labradors

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@jenniferdown

5 years

id bloody love to be more creative and write a fourth and fifth novel! love to afford to do ballet and learn catalan once more as i used to! unfortunately im bled dry!

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@jenniferdown

5 years

everyone tell me the most outrageous lie your parents told you as a kid. when i was 5, my mum wrote and sent me a ‘letter’ from then-PM john howard advising that if I didn’t finish my dinner each night, he would come and give me a big needleful of nutrients

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@jenniferdown

3 years

one year since i was made redundant, mid-stage 4 lockdown, by a global company that enjoyed record profits in 2020. they’ve since engaged me as a freelancer bc none of the writers they hired to replace me worked out. is this tacky/unprofessional to share? not sure i give a shit

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@jenniferdown

2 years

sorry sorry i promise not to be insufferable abt this again but if you’ll allow me one Ego moment…when clients respond with “wow!! this reads so much better!” after ive edited their boring ass financial prospectus….yea bitch im a miles franklin-shortlisted author it ought to be

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@jenniferdown

2 years

to the tradie who saw me sitting in the car outside ABC’s southbank studio changing from my driving shirt (black; resists coffee stains and wrinkles) to my fancy shirt (white, a bitch to iron)…im sorry and you’re welcome

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@jenniferdown

3 years

the sam kerr thing is so good in part bc it realises every fantasy ive ever had about just fucking dropping a dickhead who's in my way and wasting my time at work. like im not projecting but i am thinking of 3-5 former colleagues

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@jenniferdown

2 years

mum’s bestie phoned to scream upon hearing the announcement, then drove 50 mins to sit and cry loudly at the table

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@jenniferdown

2 years

now when i go to my reg coffee shop to get my silly little filter coffee i am greeted by the boys as “our very own mount franklin winner”; “the benjamin franklin prize-winner”, etc. this prize truly has been life-changing <3

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@jenniferdown

3 years

yesterday a gorgy junior colleague from my old workplace messaged me to say she had printed out my company-wide farewell email, highlighted the final bullet point and pinned it to the wall beside her desk. and that’s my greatest professional achievement to date girls x

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@jenniferdown

3 years

can’t walk past the myer xmas windows without remembering the time my sis (then 5) pointed at the baby jesus in the nativity scene and asked “is that john howard”

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@jenniferdown

2 years

dear twitter, this is martha, who i adopted this week. she’s a teen mom and the gentlest girl 🤎

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@jenniferdown

2 years

here’s mum pretending to be my publicist. bodies of light sticker on her phone is a subtle touch

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@jenniferdown

3 years

the left boob is responsible for analytical and mathematical thinking, logic, and factual information. the right boob is responsible for visuospatial and creative thinking, emotional intelligence and intuition

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@jenniferdown

5 years

popping off, going ape shit buck wild

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@jenniferdown

2 years

april 2022 mood

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@jenniferdown

3 years

not to be a giant cunt but twee lockdown ‘you’ve/we’ve got this!’ and ‘solidarity uwu~’ posts make me want to blow my brains out on ig live. just one woman’s lived experience

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@jenniferdown

2 years

my sister made some tasteful wall hangings

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@jenniferdown

2 years

im at my parents’ and my sister is just scrolling articles about the miles franklin and making fun of various pictures of me

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@jenniferdown

3 years

here’s my best mate realising my new book is dedicated to her last night lol

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@jenniferdown

1 month

not to be overdramatic but sometimes the lack of bodily awareness/sense of entitlement in public spaces makes me feel homicidal. if you’re parked like a dickhead or standing w your cart blocking the supermarket aisle i think i should be allowed to throw rotten produce at you

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@jenniferdown

2 years

then i ??? went back to my day job for about 90 mins cause that’s showbiz babey?? but then thankfully my manager was like u need to get off this call god bless

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spooky spice

@jenniferdown

2 years

we spent some quality time together, in the moment, no technology, just vibes

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@jenniferdown

2 years

every so often i think abt my friend’s sister who, for her baby shower, ordered customised blue cookies iced with the surname, which is ‘coffin’. the cookies read ‘baby coffin’. i swear on both of my dogs’ lives that this is a true story

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@jenniferdown

2 years

lol sorry for the notes app missive but such is the reality of a prerecorded online ceremony! Support community orgs and young people. And sincere thanks once again to @_milesfranklin , @onRlive , and the judges

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@jenniferdown

3 years

😭😭😭

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@jenniferdown

2 years

(sash close-up)

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@jenniferdown

5 years

last night some inebriated blokes stopped david marr outside a pub on deakin avenue, mildura for a selfie in the mistaken belief he was james reyne and i can’t stop laughing about it

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@jenniferdown

4 years

may i JUST say that everyone i saw at the #melbourneprotest was observing social distancing much more rigorously than most walkers/joggers in the street; and people in supermarkets/cafés &c

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@jenniferdown

5 years

@AspergersAreUs This sounds great in theory, but I don’t know too many people who can afford to travel or spend a lot of time making art - i say this as an artist who works full-time in an unrelated job. The neoliberal grind is exhausting

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@jenniferdown

2 years

lady taking my coffee order asked “do you remember your name” instead of “i can’t remember your name” then we just stared at each other for a really long time trying to work out where to go from there

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@jenniferdown

3 years

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@jenniferdown

4 years

i swear to god linkedin is 90% people who earn six-figure salaries posting sociopath shit like this then being congratulated on behaving like a human by other sociopaths on six-figure salaries

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@jenniferdown

4 years

the next person from interstate who says “sending love and solidarity” can just send me $50 via paypal for therapy

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@jenniferdown

2 years

received some touching messages

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@jenniferdown

2 years

staying at my parents’ at the moment; walked the dogs past their neighbour of 30+ years, who, coincidentally, was a social worker w my mum. he hangs his elbows over the fence and calls “congratulations, jenn! heard ya been writing a whole lotta bullshit and gettin away with it”

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@jenniferdown

3 years

went for my silly little run, did my silly little meditation, made my silly little percolator of coffee, looked at my silly little inbox. then saw today’s numbers and rolled back into bed bc im shit out of will to live 🌝

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@jenniferdown

4 months

tonight i was on a work call @ dad’s and was scrabbling for sth to take notes on and grabbed a shared family comma notebook that mum kept sporadically during 9 months of cancer diagnosis/treatment/death from. anyway flipped thru it and saw this. blood pouring from my eyes etc

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@jenniferdown

4 years

[@ my employer: don’t read this] i just think it’s so funny we’re all expected to keep working and upholding capitalism while this happens. YES im insanely lucky to be employed!!! NO i can’t concentrate on anything or “produce” “work” rn

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@jenniferdown

5 years

texting my friends “hey, do you have the mental/emotional capacity for me to vent about something related to how neoliberalism has cooked us all the the point where our relationships are viewed as transactional and basic empathy is equated to emotional labour?”

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@jenniferdown

5 years

logging back on to say if one more Seppo replies to this ‘correcting’ my spelling of ‘offence’, then deletes their tweet as soon as I point out that the rest of the eng-speaking world spells the noun with a c.....i swear to fucken god

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@jenniferdown

2 years

we had a memorial service for mum today. the venue - a suburban yacht club (chosen bc it overlooked the ocean) said they’d never poured so much prosecco for an event. she’d have been proud xoxo

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@jenniferdown

2 years

one of her best friends wrote this tribute, and it’s better than anything i could say. lizzie was so loved. she was my mum, but she mothered so many of my friends and my sisters’ friends. I feel broken but i have comfort in the knowledge of how may others grieve her, too

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@jenniferdown

2 years

caved and got a fringe again lol

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@jenniferdown

1 year

miss my ma every day but i missed her a hell of a lot today. she thought this was a stupid capitalist hallmark holiday and she was right but i’d still give a decade of my life - more; however long it took - to spend one more day with her

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@jenniferdown

1 year

this is my nondefinitive reading-list-in-progress on female- and caregiver-coded loneliness. have not finished reading all of these yet; some ive read several times over the years. anyways whenever i post about this theme everyone is enthused so im sharing w u all

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@jenniferdown

3 years

im happy for you all but i refuse to find out what wordle is or what the coloured squares mean. congrats tho or im sorry that happened

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@jenniferdown

4 years

mrs dalloway said she would fetch the bolt cutters herself

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@jenniferdown

1 year

i asked one of my best mates to frame a handwritten poem that we found among mum’s things after she died, so i could give it to dad for his birthday in a few months. she used nonreflective glass which will protect the ink from fading 💛

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@jenniferdown

7 years

i accidentally made spiced banana bread that looks like a vagina. it looked normal when i put it in the oven but the clit rose as it baked

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@jenniferdown

1 year

having a real sad one today. it hasn’t even been two months since mum died, not even a year since she was diagnosed. there’s so much i’ll never be able to say; in part bc she was so private and in part bc i don’t possess the ability to do her life justice. love u miss u bitch 💙

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@jenniferdown

3 years

barre teacher says “now peel your spine off the floor very carefully like it’s a sticker you want to keep”

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@jenniferdown

1 year

im admittedly in an (unrelated) rancid mood but whenever I get emails like this i am genuinely so confused about what the sender’s desired outcome is. refund? immediate reprint? should i say 20 hail marys? kill myself?

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@jenniferdown

1 year

dobbing in a once-self published book to prize conveners, forcing it to be withdrawn from a shortlist, is such a pissbaby cop move. get a life u little bitch

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@jenniferdown

1 year

recommend taking your dog to the cemetery when visiting your loved one/s if permitted. wish i’d thought of this sooner. it’s nice to have living company. martha’s watching kookaburras while i weep. sorry there’s no joke here im just really sad this week but marth is helping

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@jenniferdown

3 years

i didn’t Poast about this cause i was In The Moment or w/e but last week my friend clairy & i put together a 70s-themed dinner party in honour of another mate’s birthday and we really put our whole pussies into it and we’re now contemplating doing this professionally

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@jenniferdown

6 years

made this because i hate myself

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@jenniferdown

2 years

honestly don’t posses the language to describe how much i never want to see vibrators associated with moderate liberal independents in email marketing ever again

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@jenniferdown

3 years

i love my apartment complex lol. magnitude 6 earthquake, lasts for 20 seconds. when it’s over everyone goes to stand on their balconies, which face in to the centre of a U-shape, to discuss, like so many elderly italian women

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@jenniferdown

4 years

last night my best friend referred to blokes who hide their predatory/manipulative/exploitative side beneath a progressive, good-ally veneer as ‘carbon offsetting but with wokeness’ and i canNOT stop thinking about it

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@jenniferdown

3 years

got kicked out of my french phd programme because i accidentally admitted to enjoying AFL :-( my supervisor ashed his cigarette on my copy of ‘marthe, histoire d’une fille’ and and told me i would never make it as an intellectual because im too ball-crazy :-(

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@jenniferdown

2 years

want to make a joke here but i just feel really lucky and buzzed. thank you to the judges and huge congrats to the other long- and short-listees 💛

MilesFranklin

@_milesfranklin

2 years

We are proud to announce the 2022 Miles Franklin Literary Award shortlist! In its 65th year, the Miles Franklin Literary Award remains Australia's most prestigious and valued award. Which book are you excited to see on this year's list? @CopyrightAgency #MFLA2022

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@jenniferdown

3 years

i just had an invoice paid within four minutes of my submitting it. ooh baby do you know what that’s worth? ooh heaven is a place on earth

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@jenniferdown

2 years

last night leaving the pub in marysville, dad’s neighbour, who lost his wife and family in the black saturday fires, came running up to us and said to dad “i just gotta give you a hug, mate. i’m so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what it’s like” anyways im still crying

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@jenniferdown

2 years

the checkout girl asked why i was returning a coat and instead of saying “it was too big” like a normal person i said “it was giving dylan klebold” and she just stared at me so i doubled down and went “it made me look like a school shooter”. scheduling my lobotomy for next week x

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@jenniferdown

2 years

also so glad this made it to the guardian books. i am a serious author i promise (also i won’t tweet any more abt this/the prize, sorry for this week, back to regular programming shortly)

Guardian Books

@GuardianBooks

2 years

‘As silly and tacky as possible’: Jennifer Down celebrates Miles Franklin win with family

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@jenniferdown

6 years

the arts in australia

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@jenniferdown

2 years

been staying w my folks for the past couple weeks to help out and my dad is such a dad of Girls…ask him to pick up some tampons at the supermarket and he’s like regular flow or super? ask him to grab some deodorant and he’s like fragrance-free? zinc-free? roll on? gel?

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@jenniferdown

3 years

nurse: so what do you do for work me: uh im a copywriter her: interesting. and you’ve opted out of my health record me: ...correct her: huh. you’re a statistical outlier. patients who opt out are almost always either lawyers or in IT

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@jenniferdown

2 years

hi everyone not to be a moralising public health psa person but apparently flu shot uptake in victoria is the lowest it’s been in years, there’s a ‘superflu’ gastro doing the rounds, and covid is everywhere. if u r able, consider getting that flu vax! take care of others

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@jenniferdown

3 years

if you’re being rude or impatient to hospo or retail staff this weekend especially, i hope someone pisses on your feet and all your pants look bad and your gums grow mould

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@jenniferdown

2 years

every time the phrase ‘professional woman’ is used i imagine someone whose job it is to be a lady, professionally, as a career

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@jenniferdown

3 years

eternally relevant………everyone HAS been doing emails

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@jenniferdown

1 year

publishing a book, winning the miles franklin, writing an 18k-word thesis in french, solo hiking for a week in punishing winter conditions….all of it pales in comparison to the feeling of accomplishment i get when i book my 15-y-old car in for a service. women in STEM 🫶🏼

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@jenniferdown

6 months

she’s on the most divine pharmaceutical cocktail known to man

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@jenniferdown

2 years

not to gratitude journal in front of my loo but this horsey jacket is the best thing that happened to me all week. also walking into the pub and being held like an egg by my sweetpea friends

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@jenniferdown

2 years

love my family…all of us absolutely numb, still coming to terms with a distressing diagnosis. i say sorry, lasagne’s 10 mins away. dad says that’s ok, there’s nothing worse than cold lasagne. my sister and i both say ‘cancer’s worse’ in unison <3

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@jenniferdown

6 months

this isn’t even about me being a t**lor sw*ft hater (i don’t hate her; i just find her very boring) but my god she’s inescapable. i try to narrow my social media focus etc etc to avoid being swamped w mentions of her and yet like a prolonged pantry moth infestation she Endures

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@jenniferdown

3 years

remember when gareth liddiard of tropical fuck storm spat ‘fuck western supremacy’ in taman shud, the drones’s throbbing 2016 indictment of modern australian identity, and then five years later neglected to withdraw from a festival funded in part by a gov that supports apartheid

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@jenniferdown

2 years

respectfully to 7-year-old me we did not deserve to be hyped up like this.

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@jenniferdown

1 year

i shelled out for a patagonia rain jacket (on sale but still spenno) in preparation for hiking the overland in may. after years of running in kmart “waterproof” jackets. anyways i wore it to walk the dog, get groceries etc today and it has changed my life. wtf

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@jenniferdown

1 year

her bitch mother took her for a warm bath and now she’s in the back of the madza 3 receiving sliced apple as a reward. it’s an awful life

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@jenniferdown

11 months

tgif everyone we made it

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@jenniferdown

2 years

i was going to take a nice selfie but then i looked like a gremlin and decided to lean into it. worm representation xoxo

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@jenniferdown

2 years

giving communion to my congregation

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@jenniferdown

1 year

@theheraldsun I was brought up in a home where we were taught not to judge or discriminate against others based on their sexuality or gender identity, and to speak up against bigotry. Different strokes I guess

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@jenniferdown

10 months

baby’s first b-format 🥲

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@jenniferdown

5 years

after 3.5 years in my truly utopian house i am moving into a tiny wee studio to give solo living a whirl and u know what. this balcony is a joy and i love it with my whole heart

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