Jake E @jeeeberts Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@StickyApplewife

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@kailynthomass

@Nattylynnn

@hkhk_0906__

Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

the January 6 trials are dark but subtly hilarious

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

Ajit Pai is really funny. you have to screw up bad to be a memorable chairman of the FCC. no one outside of very niche regulatory and telecoms circles should have any idea who he is but he is now known more broadly as they guy who helped make phone calls basically unusable

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

lol I knew about the Wikipedia editor with 90,000+ edits, almost exclusively fixing the phrase "comprised of", but what I did not know about was his 5,300-word essay on why he's done that for 15 years

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

lol my former landlord — who has held me and my former roommate's security deposits for two months without stating any reason — is having a Moment™️

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

The war in Ukraine has really underscored how the foreign policy of significant chunks of the left is based on anti-Americanism rather than coherent anti-imperialism

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

7 months

people in cupertino need to sit down and have a long meeting over how inadequate these are

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

it's tacky to admit it but I absolutely love being a total cop on Wikipedia sometimes. oh, your PR firm is pissed this article details a well-covered scandal? no, you can't remove it. who am I? I am a 20something with wifi, and as far as you're concerned, the god of this article

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

holy shit he's not lying I couldn't find any record of "Julius" Pringles before December 2006, when this edit was made. In 2003, The New York Times just called the mascot "Mr. Pringles". help

Platypus Man

@Platypus222

2 years

@k8shep @wokeglobaltimes @PFTompkins Short version is that I made up a name for a mustached snack food mascot, added it to Wikipedia, and over time due to luck and a change of ownership it stuck and the company now claims ownership of it.

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

my husband: *LARPing fascistly* me: make sure you eat the lunchables I packed you sweetie

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

I am losing my mind

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

if people keep retweeting this maybe she'll see it and withhold our deposit even longer, maliciously, which entitles us to 3x the original under DC law. I'm excited

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

just learned about how NYC does trash. what the everloving hell. of course you freaks have a rat problem

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

the house she owns, in which four of us rented one of three units, is worth $1.2 million (we filed a mediation request with the city after she ignored several emails/texts and she was not amused)

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

3 years

so I've realized almost every single one of the named authors in this increasingly influential lab leak paper is demonstrably batshit

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

Another cool thing about that ghoul of a technocrat: he played a pivotal role in killing Obama-era regulations against prison phonecall price gouging, which is why inmates could be charged exorbitant sums (>$20/min!) to talk to their loved ones.

Ajit Pai urges states to cap prison phone rates after he helped kill FCC caps

Pai helped kill FCC caps on intrastate prices, now says states must act.

arstechnica.com

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

damn. it'd be cool if I could block telemarketers like this

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

One area where Chinese has English just squarely beat is technical terminology. none of that abstruse dead language roots bullshit. "Tachycardia"? Screw you, it should be called Heartbeat-Too-Fast. "Hypothermia"? You mean Lost-Heat-Illness.

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

Tomorrow I am going to be deliberately infected with dysentery and kept in a quarantine facility for 11 days as part of a Phase IIc vaccine clinical trial. That sounds dark but I assure you I am extremely excited to overshare this journey with everyone. anyways here’s an FAQ

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

I absolutely despise myself for how much I like this

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

oh and that too. so many horrid regulatory decisions to chose from. MAGA indeed 🥰

River_Tam

@RiverTamYDN

2 years

@wokeglobaltimes I'm pretty sure ppl mostly know him from the Net Neutrality fight

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

@LouisPeitzman i literally lol'd at this on the bus

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

Still unbelievably angry that Daily Mail took the story of my participation in a vaccine trial — which pretty much every other outlet framed to make sure it was clear I got sick from the *disease I voluntarily contracted* and *not* the vaccine — and then did... this

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

@rachelmillman you heartless bitch

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

a sentiment i've frequently seen from other editors runs along the lines of "yeah just let him cook it's not worth it" lmao

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

anyways Ashley had a very good read of that crowd, a bunch of predominantly upper-middle class used napkins pretending they are great and valorous but whose actual lives are devoid of the oppression and hardship they aesthetically crave so they gotta LARP

Analysis | Data about the Capitol rioters serves another blow to the White, working-class Trump-s...

Trump supporters who stormed the Capitol weren't just working-class rural Americans.

www.washingtonpost.com

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

consulted my comrades from white juche twitter about what's going on. it's very simple you see

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

apparently it's because people need their parking spaces. NYC car owners:

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

we’re on a work retreat and my boss brought a dozen framed photos of her cat for each of us to put in our rooms

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

America has done awful, criminal things globally but many have fallen into a very shallow “that means the problem is only America,” a worldview that completely collapses in the face of Russia’s invasion of Ukraine

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

@iareslice here in DC it’s triple lmao she’s relented finally and is sending everything over by the end of Friday but if not we’re fully prepared to go to small claims court

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

the MacArthur Foundation should give him a grant to rewrite his lost magnum opus

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

it's happened again. everyone at the cocktail party is talking about their favorite absurd/esoteric incidents again and you aren't conversant in any of them. thank god you have this thread of absurd/esoteric incidents handy

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

it's all Woodstock's fault

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

after two months of DuoLingo I have a conclusion: it is extremely bad

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

I'm well into my little project compiling data on intern pay in the (US) foreign policy field. Here are the worst organizations (so far!). Many maintain nominal commitments to diversity while shutting out low-income students, and many also pay executives nearly 7 figures!

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

My unpopular opinion is I think it’s silly & clearly just his personal preferences being enforced but not actively harmful so whatever ("It's illogical for a word to mean two opposite things” isn’t true, it's always about context! e.g. sanction in English or 借 in Chinese)

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

relatedly: no, professor, I do not care what your h-index is, Wikipedia is not your résumé and we are not going to list every single book, article, and op-ed you have ever published. we do not even do that for Noam Chomsky or John fucking Rawls, get over yourself

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

getting reports that in addition to being a king of fuckin’, he is a fuckin’ king

BS𓆉

@brismi17

1 year

@jeeeberts This was in the comments.

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

this is how I learned, seeing this leaflet in some random article that I read. it took me a minute to process this. the city just lets your garbage raw dog the sidewalk all night????

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

one of my most statist takes is: gambling should be regulated exactly like cigarettes. no fun TV or magazine ads. slot machine exteriors can’t be too flashy. when you enter a casino there should be a big black banner, BE WARNED, THIS COULD DESTROY YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU CHERISH

Chris Hayes

@chrislhayes

1 year

I know it makes me sound like a curmudgeon, but the *constant* gambling propaganda now integrated into every professional sports broadcast is really gross.

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

as another quirked up homo dude on wikipedia though i have no choice but to stan

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

a good example is DSA’s blanket opposition to US sanctions. There *are* plenty of US sanctions that are immoral and reprehensible — e.g. Cuba — and the US’s overreliance on sanctions is a problem! but to conclude we shouldn’t consider sanctions ever against Russia is absurd.

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

white juche twitter

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

Continuing my yearly tradition of being very Normal in the turbotax feedback section

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

4 months

Ernest Hemingway (middle)

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

freshman discovers sometimes you have to do the things the professor asks because the professor gives you your grade

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

where are the shirts

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

6 months

maybe overdid it with the long S but I had fun with my annual curse of TurboTax

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

5 months

Currently interacting with a wikipedia editor who is approaching their fourth straight hour revising articles about hamsters from their phone, legendary behavior

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

7 months

why did they stop giving them little nicknames

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

“Swedes don’t feed guests” and “Restaurants are anticommunist” are two very funny and powerful beams of high-energy discourse and I would love to see what happens if you somehow made those beams cross

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

And to be clear, it’s not like “America is the only problem” was a correct view before Russia’s invasion — but the scale of the backlash is really forcing the kind of people who like to downplay e.g. Serbian or Syrian war crimes to even more brazenly out themselves as hacks

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

right wing republicans retweeting this as if a) the left just = Dems and b) it's a vindication of your foreign policy views: I have some news for you about how Your Side has been behaving for the last, like, 50 years when it comes to imperialism lol

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

3 months

the past 48 hours

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

@RobertJRoman i have heard whisperings of a new technology from exotic far away metropolises

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

3 years

a depressing thing I remember every once in awhile is that W. E. B. DuBois visited Imperial Japan, including Manchukuo, and *really* liked it. Like, “actively defended Japan’s invasion, occupation, and administration thereof” level liked it.

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

9 months

How’s your morning going? Oh cool. Yeah. I’m actually getting infected with Zika today, deliberately, and will be held in quarantine for nine days. but your thing sounds interesting too

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

3 years

social conservatives: why do the gays have so many flags also social conservatives:

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

every time I re-learn that his middle name is Robinette I sort of just have to sit with that for a minute

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

7 months

emotions i need to express but cannot include ☠️ 🫠 🥲 👀 😭 😬 🤪 and of course 😡

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

running thread of the clinical vaccine trial experience (the dysentery diaries, if you will) for my own amusement and posterity

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

3 years

Kevin McCairn is... well

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

(That paragraph is from this WaPo article by @TomJackmanWP )

N.Y. men who pepper-sprayed officers on Jan. 6 sentenced to 44 months

The men led the first wave through police barricades, then body-surfed to a Capitol entrance to cause more mayhem.

www.washingtonpost.com

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

@SKDK I have been really tempted for a long time to run a dedicated account that basically just tweets out whenever some powerful organization or person is caught editing promotionally about themselves but I feel like some of them would try to SLAPP me

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

omg the head nurse just talked to me and said *20* have signed up for screening for the next round of this trial. It's been really hard for them so far (remember they only got 16/22 of us for this one)! I am ECSTATIC!! and, most importantly,

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

uh hey @KelloggsUS sorry (not sorry) for calling you guys union-hating bastards last year but I NEED to know if you have any record of a Mr. Julius Pringle existing before late 2006. please

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

Annoyingly so. They make active decisions to make it more ✨ fun ✨ so they avoid things that make people :( like substantive explanations of grammar or even a list of the vocabulary you are supposed to be learning

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

Apparently there's a bit of a race UMd's Center for Vaccine Development & Institut Pasteur, which is developing another shigella vaccine. The monetary compensation and philanthropic feelings have faded as motivating factors for me my primary concern is now beating the French

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

7 months

everyone in the comments is like “perhaps dont spend 25% of your income on Horse” but she does not seem interested in that option

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

honorable mention

rebecca jennings

@rebexxxxa

2 years

alright folks its time .... what was the most chronically online discourse you saw this year mines gotta be "chopping tomatoes is elitist"

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

a rare but fairly consistent funny happening in DC is meeting a gay guy who has like dangly earrings and the painted nails and then learning he works at Heritage Action or the Gateway Pundit or something

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

Like imagine someone telling you US sanctions on apartheid South Africa — broad sanctions that negatively affected all S Africans and, critically, were supported by anti-apartheid activists — were unacceptable simply *because* they were sanctions. That’s absurd! It’s a joke!

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

@rahaeli I 100% support this and the lesson from Giraffe is to just go for it. I might start fixing it too. always happy to consult/come in as backup if you ever start up again :)

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

3 years

Jonathan Couey thinks we need to halt vaccination immediately and rejects the efficacy of facemasks

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

For those curious: The Elizabeth II article on Eng Wikipedia was updated to note her death 3 times from 18:32–34 BST, all reverted within 30 seconds as the editors did not provide a source. An 18:35 edit provided a Telegraph article, published at 18:30. Wikipedia is fast.

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

3 years

Daoyu Zhang, an "independent geneticist", is on Gab and boy does he have some thoughts

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

Since early 2019, I have maintained a collection of pictures of unnecessary quotation marks and I'm gonna make a running thread of them. "Pool", which I found in New Orleans, started it all

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

the Bernie surrogate to tankie to batshit rightwing culture warrior pipeline is a brilliant sociology PhD dissertation waiting to be written

Conspiracy Bullshit

@ConspiracyBull1

2 years

We live in a comedy

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

youre never gonna be fluent from an app but DuoLingo is just chock-full of bad lesson design/pedagogical choices that only make sense when you realize their goal is to make you *feel* like you’re learning, not to make you learn (bc the latter is hard and not fun all the time)

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

@BeijingPalmer your disgust with the notion of a fungally induced transhuman future is in fact eugenics and you should be ashamed

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

1 year

the corollary of a subculture becoming accepted and destigmatized is its integration into pop culture. By all means, remind people of the etymologies of these words — it’s interesting! Don’t pretend a straight person saying “slay” is cultural genocide.

Christian Ilbury

@Christianilbury

1 year

The appropriation of AAVE & now Queer style has realllllly ramped up in the past few months. Exhibit A:

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

FREEEEEEE FROM SHIGELLA AND QUARANTINE

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

Returning to the baby shigella gestating within me at the moment, if I don't get dysentery, am I a bad parent? what /is/ motherhood? am I queering diarrhea? in this narrative, exploratory essay, I will interrogate the structur—

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

gonna be outside a lot today so I’m doing a swatch test to see just how bad FDA’s refusal to approve better sunscreens is for my skin. Each of the three swatches are foreign sunscreens with ingredients widely used elsewhere for decades but still banned by the FDA.

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

8 months

@nikicaga i will say the one thing i appreciate about the US system is how much less common it is to have to apply to a specific dept/major. you get a year to try to figure shit out, which is nice bc I truly thought at 18 i wanted to be a UN interpeter and needed to study linguistics lol

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

Excited to be a case study for a medical ethics research article next year, "How Much Tweeting is Too Much? Clinical Experiment Design and Implementation with Terminally Online Subjects"

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

6 months

Kristi Yamaguccimane

@TheWapplehouse

6 months

Ok then, what’s one of the best. This is still one of my faves.

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

Dysentery Diaries, Day 5, approx. 02:45 I’ll give you one guess as to why I’m awake at nearly 3 in the morning. Damnit.

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

actually I will concede that *real* Russian roulette is probably the world’s worst version thereof but I literally have dysentery rn I get to be dramatic

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

"Doing your own research" is cute n' fun when buying a car or a dog but neither you nor I have the faculty to fully assess drug safety and efficacy. We have to rely on the "medical community" — its norms, institutions, regulations — to adjudicate the information for us.

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

Thrilled to announce that I'm the first guy in the world to parlay getting hideous diarrhea into a new job. Starting Monday, I will be the comms guy at @1daysooner , a phenomenal org that reached out to me right after I started tweeting about the Shigella vaccine challenge trial.

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

After about two years of on-and-off writing, Lord knows how much research, and two very gracious peer reviewers, I got this article up to official Good Article status on Wikipedia :)

Taiwanese Mandarin - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

and before someone gets snippy with me in the replies, no, Russia is not apartheid South Africa, you *know* the point I’m making here

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

The spaced repetition is ass and results in me being assaulted with the word for apple like 80 times a day over anything else

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

Absolutely indefensible that I’m getting more info on monkeypox vaccine delivery and eligibility from my gay kickball groupchat than the CDC. CDC is not doing its job.

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

"Diabetes" is a personal favorite: 糖尿病 Sugar-Urine-Disease. Maybe slightly misleading at first glance but still more informative than "diabetes"

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

3 years

Alejandro Sousa is apparently Alejandro Sousa Escandón, a doctor—specifically, a urologist—in Spain who also hates masks almost as much as he hates it when Spanish medical articles use barbarisms from English like "complex PSA" instead of translating them into Spanish

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

You, a whiny, destructive gremlin: these vaccines were only EMERGENCY authorized by the FDA, telling me take them is tyrannical and unethical Me, not a wet wipe of a human being: I really hope I got the actual experimental Pharma Juice and not the placebo

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

@SKDK in my experience, other serially self-important fields include: crypto (exactly 0% surprising), law firms, political consultancies, politicians (especially from India, for some reason), mediocre filmmakers, and obscure colleges/universities

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Jake E

@jeeeberts

2 years

the implication of “Get in, girlie, we’re starting for England” changed a bit when I learned this textbook is from 1930s Germany

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