The best New Year's resolution I ever made was to start devouring all my nicest things, and save no small pleasure for an unspecified future. Now I burn the good candles, wear the expensive perfume at home, scribble imperfectly in pretty notebooks. You can't pin joy like a moth.
Pretty fucking rich to watch the
@NFL
pay tribute to MLK Jr tonight considering they blackballed Colin Kaepernick for peacefully protesting for the same causes.
"Nearly 13,700 trans service members are expected to lose their careers as the ban begins to take effect today, including the looming possibility of me being one of them."
#TransMilitaryBan
We are 20 mins it’s into an 8-hr road trip and I feel like it’s going to be worthy of an ongoing thread.
Five mins in, Me: I hope all you fools packed toothbrushes.
Four kids: we did!
Husband: shit.
I hope she presses charges for sexual assault. I hope she ruins him.
It’s on camera, you lying ass. You weren’t waving. You wound up and smacked her. Fuck directly off.
The man accused of slapping
@wsavalexb
's backside while she was on the air is telling his side of the story.
In an interview with
@InsideEdition
, 43-year-old Tommy Callaway says he went to wave to the camera and got caught up in the moment.
Me: the holidays are over, I have got to get my eating habits under control and have a vegetable occasionally.
Also me: you know what we should make for dinner? Burgers with bacon, mushrooms, and Gorgonzola.
Is it weird to *practice* my new commute this morning just to see how long it takes so I’m prepared on the first day?
Have gotten mixed reactions when reporting that that is my plan.
Federal judges have a thorny question to consider when they sentence military veterans who stormed the U.S. Capitol. Do they deserve leniency because they served their country or tougher punishment because they swore an oath to defend it?
I’m sorry, I don’t like Tom Brady, but if you’re counting him out when he’s down by two touchdowns with 14 minutes left in the game, you have not been paying attention for the last 20 years.
I was in a meeting today where I delivered information to a man that he did not like, and in response, he addressed my boss, who is also a man, and tried to pretend I hadn’t spoken.
Just putting this out there, without further comment.
Every single one of the 163 NAY votes on this bill to automatically enroll veterans in the VA was cast by a Republican, so when any of them say they support the tops, just know it’s a crock of shit.
I guess it’s a miracle we made it three weeks, but have now got 3 boys “on punishment” in their beds after a Battleship incident that ended with the 11yo screaming and throwing the entire box of red and white pegs at his 13yo brother, who probably deserved it.
My 17yo is watching this for his AP Gov class and says “I can’t even write down Trump’s views on things because he hasn’t SAID any, how am I supposed to do this assignment?!”
Thank you for confirming via your email address that you have a small penis
@GretaThunberg
The world was curious.
And I do agree you should get a life ❤️
The 16yo is trying to decide which country to study in his Model UN class.
Me: you should do Sweden, their PM is super hot and smart.
16: Mom, that’s so weird to say a PM is hot.
*show him photo of Sanna Marin*
16: OH. I could do Sweden, that’s a good idea.
Confused to report that I am supposedly driving this tiny baby to college in less than two weeks. Which is frankly ridiculous because she’s definitely not old enough for that. Neither am I, for that matter.
@KillerMartinis
My 15yo daughter has already engaged with several “all lives matter” adults in our family in a way that makes me far less fearful for the future. She’s fearless, adamant, thoughtful, and fucking relentless.
@NRA
@shannonrwatts
My husband and I are both veterans and he grew up hunting. I'm a regional leader for
@MomsDemand
and my husband is a vocal supporter too. We aren't against 2A, we're against the NRA (and the unsafe agenda they push).
Today is my anniversary (one of them) because like any good early 2000s dual-mil couple, we eloped first, then had a wedding 18 months later, after a deployment, on a 4-day weekend, with our 1st kid present.
Happy 2nd 18th anniversary to us.
Some big personal news:
I can finally! officially! say that as of next week, I will be starting a new role as the Congressional Engagement Officer in the State Department’s Office of the Coordinator for Afghan Relocation (CARE).
This photo of Dave Grohl in glasses and a man bun prepping food (which he donated and cooked himself) is absolutely SENDING ME.
Chef’s kiss, no notes, and thank you very much.
Important story: A child in Mississippi was raped outside her home & became pregnant. When her mother asked about an abortion, she was told the nearest clinic was in Chicago. They couldn't afford the trip.
Now she's a mother, and about to start 7th grade.
This sweet old man left us last night and I am very sad.
Oliver was clever, snuggly, and a little bit grumpy. The best pup ever, and I will miss him so much.
Guys, if
@HawleyMO
could hear how badly he’s being DRAGGED by all the teenagers in my house he would truly never show his face in public again. Hysterical and absolutely brutal.
Ok, look. It’s not that I’m not strong enough that I can’t lift my suitcase out of the overhead rack on the train.
It’s that I can’t *reach* my suitcase in the overhead rack of the train to get it down.
15yo: you know what’s low-key my 2nd favorite app on my phone after Snapchat? The calculator app. You can just put numbers in and figure out all kinds of stuff.
Everyone else in the car:… wait, what?
⚡️Zelensky meets with bipartisan US Senate delegation.
President Volodymyr Zelensky met with a bipartisan U.S. Senate delegation in Kyiv and stressed the need for continued U.S. support, the President's Office reported.
📷President's Office
@JessicaValenti
My 16yo daughter’s response: if they really wanted to make a case against being a lesbian, they really shouldn’t have used a picture where the lesbians look so happy. 😂
Daughter has six AP exams in early May, so is studying ~700 AP Psych flash cards out loud, including explaining all her many mnemonic devices for remembering specific things.
The boys are into it actually, at least so far.
Zelensky: “Our military managed to replenish its arsenal due to the many pieces of equipment it took on the battlefield. Enemy tanks, armored vehicles, ammo will now work for our defense. What could be more humiliating for the invaders? We’ll beat the enemy with its own weapons.”
In CT now.
17yo is still studying AP Psych, 15yo is “helping”.
17: ok, next is Critical Thinking, do you know what that is?
15: Yes.
17: have you ever *done* it?
13, muttering loudly from the third row: No, he has *NOT*.
Aaaaand we have our first fight.
We spend about as much time telling girls and young women that they can be anything as we do signaling to them that they shouldn't be so open about it.
Me, coming home after a week by myself in DC: why is there no food in this house and all the towels are folded wrong and in the wrong bathrooms?
My husband, who managed four pain in the ass teenagers while I was gone:
Tonight the town of Pembroke, MA voted to OPPOSE the creation of a town DEI committee.
To say I’m disappointed is a vast understatement. To say I’m embarrassed is putting it lightly.
But the work fucking continues.
Daughter just realized it’s Easter.
12yo: wait, we didn’t get Easter baskets?!
15yo: no, we got a trip to Aruba, be grateful!
That one’s my current fave.
With the 16yo at AAA to get his learner’s permit and a lady in front of us just legit came in and picked up a TripTik.
I cannot believe these are still a thing.
People want to be mad that we have a celebrity leading on this, but honestly it’s a very good way to break through to people who aren’t going to be listen to traditional gun safety advocates.
Using your fame for good? I’m good with that. Well done to McConaghey.
McConaughey calls for background checks, raising minimum age to purchase AR-15 to 21, red flag laws: "Responsible gun owners are fed up with the 2nd amendment being abused and hijacked by some deranged individuals. These regulations are not a step back. They're a step forward..."
The General, whom I will not name, that is speaking on MSNBC right now just said that if Putin isn’t able to “nip this coup in the bud now”, *it will only get worse for him*.
Cutting analysis, that. Thank goodness someone said it.
13yo: are we in New Jersey?
Me: OMG no, we are still in Massachusetts.
13yo: Ugh, how much longer?
Husband: if anyone asks that question again, you lose all speaking privileges. We get there when we get there.
13yo: so like, are we halfway there?
Everyone else, yelling: NO!
We are in NY now, specifically in the Bronx.
13: this is where Cardi B is from.
15: and Peter Parker is from Queens.
12: and Captain America is from Brooklyn.
13: ok, except Cardi B is real.
So
@StateFarm
showed its cowardice and immediately folded to right wing pressure.
Now the LGBTQ+ community suffers. Again.
We must be as organized and vocal in support of these types of inclusive programs as right-wing extremists are against them.
Please do not be a Democratic Member of Congress tweeting tonight about how the people need to stand up against this outrage.
Dems hold all the levers of power and refuse to fucking use them.
We elected you for a reason. Fucking do something.
I really need to work out regularly for my own sanity, but I’m utterly sick of trying to think up my workouts.
So as a Mother’s Day gift to myself, I joined
@MyPeakChallenge
and I’m excited to check it out.
Plus, having
@SamHeughan
as a coach seems like good motivation. 😂
A reminder that law enforcement *responds* to crime, but a living wage, food and water security, accessible healthcare, and public education *prevent* crime.
If you want safer communities, invest in people, not punishments.
My little town finally FINALLY voted for a $3M budget override tonight to fully fund a new community center, despite a bunch of regressive assholes in town who’ve been working against it.
Feels like a victory.
Zelensky offers guarantees for Russian soldiers who surrender: 1) To be treated in a civilized manner, 2) the circumstances of their surrender will remain undisclosed, 3) Ukraine will ensure those who do not want to return to Russia are not exchanged
Connecticut is the worst state, hands down.
Nothing even happened yet, I just know at some point we are going to hit inexplicable traffic for 45 mins and it will suck.
We have crossed into Rhode Island.
The kids are all silent.
Husband and I have made eye contact and silently agreed not to make a sound and mess this up.