Security guard @ the rave yesterday: “I hate these drunk bitches. This stupid bitch just fell and blamed it on her crocs”
The stupid bitch in question:
Remembering the time my little brother got caught with his search history looking up porn and he said it wasn’t him but he’s dyslexic and he spelled bikini as “bekene”
Parents deadass get less strict the more kids they have. My mom cried when she found out I smoked weed and now she’s flexing her shit in the family groupchat like a plug
Me going to get Laura lunch since she’s been working all morning teaching the youth of America
Passing by her teaching...
Laura: ohhhh so you’re a Taylor Swift stan?!
I’m going back to bed y’all
I used to roast people that wore Fanny packs across their chest but I lowkey bought one and threw that thang over my shoulder and have been feeling like an foreign exchange student at their 8 am
*Laura checking one of her students completed assignments*
Laura: “why did you do 5 days of math homework in one day? How about you go get you some bitches?”
I’m telling y’all you need to interact with those receiving money tweets. I just got an email chipotle is getting sued and they are running me a check bless up
Not me taking a hit when I don’t smoke and then I have to talk to the census guy at my front door and having to confirm that I am Latino as well as male
The day has come that me only being able to use twitter on browser from being suspended too many times has paid off. I’m not able to view any twitter stories of you bitches getting boba 😌