LoveNPain @ijustwanabethe1 Twitter profile

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LoveNPain

2 years

# #Storytime #PartofMyStory #adhd #actuallyautistic #neurodiversity #trauma #triggerwarning B/c of my adhd and now self dx as Autistic my parents always thought I was lazy so they always worked me like a slave. 1/

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

@jennelikejennay My memoirs are gonna be Called “And Til this Day I still don’t know what the fuck I did… my life with Autism.”

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Being #ActuallyAutistic is everyone around you telling you you’re unreasonable you’re entire life while pushing you far past limits they don’t recognize; only to fit their need for us to become things we never asked to be to make them feel better about themselves

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

9 months

Another thing we don’t talk about enough is the ND experience of giving out too much information. Revealing to much or saying the wrong thing then watching your reality change instantly… and if not then you can see it… you can feel it… Ppl treating you different bc of it

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

The autisitc/adhd tax is just gets exponentially greater the older you get. 2 misstep’s and forgetting something you couldn’t afford too will put you 🤏🏾 close to the streets, the ward, a number or a body.

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

The #ActuallyAutistic urge to never want to do anything you don’t want to do and lead the LEAST PERFORMATIVE LIFESTYLE IMAGINABLE.

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Y’all crazy dad is always there!

XXL Magazine

@XXL

2 years

Akon defends Nick Cannon having numerous kids with multiple women, says events with children like dance recitals aren't important: "That's a White man's thing. Who gives a f*ck about a recital?"

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

9 months

Ugh this is my Audhd so bad. I talk with my hands, my face has always told it all lol, wanting and needing to talk to get things out all the time or just to process and being hyperlexic with it almost makes an invisible barrier between you and others for fear of being “too much”

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

“Love on the Spectrum” on Netflix really bothers me as someone that’s #ActuallyAutistic 🧐🧐🧐

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

9 months

One of the hardest things about having Audhd and trauma are your instincts. Sometimes I read to much into things and other times I’m too naive and don’t see things for what they really are. The constant processing in hypervigilance or letting the world wash away from burnout

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

9 months

Oh your Neurodivergent!?! Then tell me… At what age did you figure out one or both of your parents/siblings hated you bc of your ND traits and same or differing sensory and support needs?

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

As a black Autist no one understands my anger. My reasonings and logic don’t matter to the ppl around me unless they perceive the same exact way. I’m not allowed to be angry, frustrated or hurt and express myself without being dismissed.

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Tbh as #ActuallyAutistic Sex is always a touchy subject for me and for many of us. The world is sex doesn’t always show itself as bright in some cases bc of our sensory issues. Smells, tastes, textures, noises, fluids, urges and a whole other person w/ expectations, wants

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Just had the police called on me when I was picking up my son bc I “smelled like weed” In NJ… where its legal. Racist ass white people man

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Save black children from PDA, ODD and mood disorder miss dxs by removing your anti blackness lens and realizing they just have adhd and/or autism. If you didn’t pathologize their behavior around their defiance then you could maybe see them as little humans in need of connection

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

@grumpyshrubbery This won’t go viral bc of that but as a black Autist I greatly appreciate you saying this

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

I wish more ppl would stop saying #ActuallyAutistic don’t lie. I lied my entire life to try and escape abuse and learned telling the truth just guaranteed punishment. So I learned to lie like NTs do… better even. The other part is sometimes I have no idea what the truth is

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

@CHIBUIKEM96 @lunakimm That’s my experience

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

My Ex punishing my 8 year old with adhd for forgetting his agenda folder at school by him not letting him watch tv at night… Why are we punishing these kids for STUPID FUCKING SHIT!?!? Ugh

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

As #ActuallyAutistic Everyone tells me I struggle with co dependency and boundaries until I stand up for myself and They don’t like it or respond in the way they don’t want me to respond to theirs…

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

I wish more autistic ppl would realize that yes… a lot of the people in your life that have treated you horribly are ND as well and both things can be true. Just bc you’re ND doesn’t mean you can’t be a racist, bigot, transphobic, homophobic etc… There are plenty shitty NDs

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

21 days

@notcishet Nah my mom cheated lol he is horrible so no one cared

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

So let’s talk a bit about what my life’s like as a “big scary angry black Autist w/adhd” And maybe just maybe… after you read this you can find more compassion for black men as a whole but especially NDs. #ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyAdhd #triggerwarning #CA #Trauma

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

1 year

Are your parents really NT… or are they just Unawakened NDs with internalized ableism that’s compounded over years with opposite sensory/emotional/support needs… For me: just bc my dad was a monster doesn’t make him any less autistic in traits.

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

@AutisticCallum_ @FunFactsLulu Oh boy and don’t they hate when certain ones aren’t as advanced as others. “You’re great at these small things so you should be great at everything” sigh…

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

@plscallmeky Bruh when I realized the reason I rap to my self my ENTIRE LIFE WAS BC I WAS AUTISTIC I FELT SO UNDERSTOOD. Oh and most of my family are clearly autists but the strong denial and gaslighting and pressure on conformity for black ppl all the time is fucking exhausting!!

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

9 months

As a former “gifted kid” that now is physically disabled It’s still a struggle to turn my internal motor off… Always wanting to do and filling up every part of my day by making sure I accomplish things to validate my worth to those around me and myself… Just learning to rest

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

@DozySkunk @1Schoolhouse To that last part I was making sure reading through the medical docs today for what it takes to qualify for asd dx and tbh the biggest thing I’m worried about is losing freedom bc someone else thinks I’m a danger

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

If you’re Autistic would you pay someone to a few to shop for you so they could deal with Salesmen and it’s guaranteed too get what you want? Like you don’t want to furniture and mattress shop? That’s fine. I’ll do all the work and find the best deals for you and you pick

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

And needs of their own… It’s already hard enough to get ppl to understand you in regular conversation about the mundane but I challenge you today to realize the level of openness and trust that it takes for us to even venture to want to experience this with

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

When I look up the definition of non-binary it exactly fit how I feel. I feel non-binary but I’m having trouble identifying as non-binary I’m sorry if that offends anyone, I don’t mean it be offensive at all…. Im just really internally struggling with EVERYTHING

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

I’d like most late dx and self dx autists to realize that we shouldn’t assume that all of our interactions were with NTs and not fellow NDs and autists. My family is full of unhatched NDs with years of trauma and misunderstandings. None of us are perfect. Let’s choose grace.

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

9 months

Y’all don’t remember that time I got called Anti-Semitic bc I told big white Autist accounts that’s just bc Kanye says hateful things doesn’t mean they can deny his Neurodivergence We see racists autists all the time lol doesn’t make them less autistic… just makes them racists

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Can I ask the #ActuallyAutistic #AskAutistics what do you do when ppl around you require emotional stability or comfort from you and you don’t have the words or the spoons? Like I can’t process anything right now…

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Man that section of Twitter full of Med dx Autists talking shit on self dx is REALLY NASTY… I’d call them out if I didn’t know they’re misunderstood themselves

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

As a black autistic man raised in the suburbs. There was no understanding for my anger. People(black and white) used to think I was trying to emulate ghetto stereotypes with my defiance and constant willingness to go to far. Not that I was being abused my entire life. Go figure

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

9 months

Ok I’ve had enough but I wish I knew how accounts like this get 6k followers when I know plenty Black and POC autists and NDs that can’t break 1k, 2k or 3K… doesn’t that “coach” have over 10k… like sheesh

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

“Lazy” is such a vile term for someone that won’t do something that you want them to do or think they should do.

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Someone else who could possibly who unknowingly could make us feel the same shame and guilt and closed off ness that we’ve usually always felt…

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

One day we’ll really sit down and talk about how Black Neurodivergent children treated in our community. And it ain’t with smiles and hallmark cards

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Just bc you’re autistic doesn’t give you the right or pass to be anti-black or transphobic. We are not a monolith! We see on here everyday plenty of Autistics that are just plain assholes

🎏 | autistic gay wizard

@wizardsofautism

2 years

What opinion about the #ActuallyAutistic community has you like this?

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Made Gummy legos today with my kids.

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Hey guys! I realized I kinda popped up here without telling anyone who I am lol Small introduction 🚨🚨🚨 So I am Ryan 32 year old black man from New Jersey I am newly self dx as Autistic and medical dx w/ adhd and RSD as well. 1/

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

5 months

Being Audhd and realizing my constant need to rap and sing is stim and helps with emotional regulation

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

This Autistic on Autistic verbal violence bc of how strongly we feel about our own experiences has to stop

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

1 year

Everyday on this app the ND community shows the people you don’t get along with aren’t NTs but other Autists with different support, sensory and emotional needs.

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Boi, this whole Autist realization period after Dx is almost too enlightening. Like gaining all of Solemn’s Wisdom in a nano second… brains gotta update the hardware and the software after all this new data. It’s almost surreal. Like life slows down a bit. #ActuallyAutistic

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Sometimes I wish I was one of those huge Autist accounts that says “profound simplicities of Autist life that many relate too” My experiences are so counter to the norm it makes it hard to fit in anywhere: with autists, with black people, in the world in general and here…

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

My mothers parenting solution for anything: “Just take everything away from them until they listen and do what you want” And that’s how I was raised… sigh…

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Sigh… my entire life everyone always looked at my rage and defiance but never thought to look for trauma. Everyone was more focused on me exhibiting “stereotypical defiant black male behavior” instead of looking for the thousands of beatings and abuse that I’ve suffered. 1/12

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

@Dreadful4Tymes Ima let you cook… lol

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

As an #ActuallyAutistic man I can assuredly tell you that both women and men alike hate and aren’t tolerant of emotional men in the slightest. It starts out from the time we’re boys and infects us into the sour, rage filled man. I’ve seen the joy and wonder ripped from them…

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

But hey I only speak for me as a #ActuallyAutistic black man who’s been through some shit. And no I’m not whinning! I feel sorry for black men. Most ppl don’t know or understand your pain or how it feels to be BEAT INTO WORTHLESSNESS… I do. ✊🏾 12/12

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

1 year

Even more reason why I hate this show

Catch Up

@CatchUpFeed

1 year

Incredible. The autistic doctor, who’s the main character on the show, correctly identifies the male patient as a male while everyone around him is in acute denial of reality.

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Can I just wear headphones and never take them off… like Bluetooth and water proof cause there’s like to much noise EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Word to the wise parents: If you don’t want to be on your death bed with no relationship with your child don’t do this. I just told my Dad on his death bed that “I’d wish I’d have sent him there sooner with my bare hands” Fuck around and find out

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Can I just say As a Audhd this is the stuff that changes lives. When I realized I could budget out help and support for the areas that I’m bad at keeping up on it helped me thrive. That’s what we should be teaching our ND children and adults.

Supernova Momma

@SupernovaMomma

2 years

Paying for laundry service. It’s really affordable. I was surprised. Setting 5-10 minutes timers at different times of the day to clean. Cleaning only what you can and paying for those deep cleanings you can’t (if you can afford it) or asking a friend to help

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

@doulbedoink

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

1 year

Ive been homeless 3 times All while having a full time job and a child The 4th time was when I was newly disabled. Every-time y’all equate lazy as a personal decision and not capitalism you make it easier for ppl like us to die

Quise.

@MarquiseDavon

1 year

This Jordan Neely piece is what truly bothers me about the criminalization of poverty, but also how much we despise unhoused people.

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

This is a TRASH take.

Shanon Beck

@ShanonBeckPA

2 years

Self-diagnosis is appropriation.

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

OMG! 2 of my sons friends at his Dojo are Autists like he is! they have these Autism shirts on that are so cute and badass and he has so many friends!!! This was completely worth ignoring his racist ass grandmother! My kids being happy gives me happiness that is unlike anything

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

The torture… The abuse… The neglect… The guilt… The shame… The starvation… No one ever thought to sit down and talk to me and ask me “Son, is everything ok” Not one person… And I know with my eyes I BEGGED them too… With my tears… 2/12

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Been trying to tell them that Autistic dick hits different lol Some of y’all know lol

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

1 year

Watching my parents still get furious with each other about the others sensory and emotional needs My moms burnt out and exhausted adhd/ocd My dads disabled and autistic Hearing my mom lose it my dad bc she has to take on the labor and emotional needs of my dad whose a monster

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

The most frustrating thing about white ppl is their meritocracy narrative. They truly believe that all of their privlege is that merit. So anyone that doesn’t make it to where they are must have a “flaw in their character” and that’s why they don’t make it. Real nasty shit

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

ShieldMaiden

@sekhmet1975

2 years

@crystalandqueue @OliLondonTV My son is 17 and autistic thankfully he had years of ABA and he knows who he is and he feels included and has healthy friendships now that the behaviors are established they are ingrained. I’m very much involved in his activities so he doesn’t get taken advantage of

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Why do woman always get mad when I tell them to ask for consent instead of of just doing things to me!?!?!?? Like why is the threshold of a relationship you have unlimited access to do whatever, where ever, whenever and I just have to take it?

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Please listen to black men… I assure you… they’re trying… The pain. The rage. The worthlessness. The despair. But look what happens to us! And that’s just a week of my 32 years a black man. I’m sorry but that’s all I have to say right now. 11/12

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

It’s a daily struggle to fight the programming, trauma and abuse I suffered as a child. It just turns to shame, guilt and unawareness. Its like you wake up and don’t even really know who you are just what you were taught and what you’ve seen. I don’t know anything anymore

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

So you understand it’s racist to generalize a group of black ppl just based on your experience with a few. So you understand it’s abelist to generalize a group of Autistic/ADHD/NeuroDivergent ppl based on your experience with a few But not Bpd, Npd etc… No for real like wtf

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

So all the autistic women and BIPOC have had “privlege” psychology refused to acknowledge them and their traits… trash can takes

Shanon Beck

@ShanonBeckPA

2 years

You are #privileged for being able to hide #autism for decades, my sweet prince (or princess?)! lmao

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Like does anyone else just forget how to be sometimes… like all of a sudden everything around you just doesn’t compute for 30 secs. That shit is scary as fuck!

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

After combing through years of abuse, trauma and neglect as a child: for so many of you to tell me I should be grateful for my parents bc that Denies them humanity!?!?! Respectfully, suck dick

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

1 year

I’ve always wondered why all the words and terms I’ve learned have never fully described my experience. But when I hear ppl talk about their C-ptsd That’s exactly the experience I relate too… It’s like, waking up at 30 in your old house after being stuck in “Jumaji” since 7

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Tbh most of what I was taught or shown about love was just abuse, neglect and fawning and I just started to see it.

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

@Treerat93 It’s not just us tho it’s the whole state of the world as it is right now… but unfortunately NDs, the disabled, minorities etc have always disproportionately suffered worse. This NT world is cold but especially cold to us.

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

My whole life

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Now imagine how Black NDs feel… and there’s no “used too” they still see black ppl as subhuman. Even worse when you’re black and ND and all of your behavior is just taken stereotypically negative

Robin 진

@lil_writer

2 years

@AutisticCoach_ @_i0n It definitely remind me of that time when they considered Black people subhuman... But now this is disabled people, especially those with neurodivergence and mental disabilities. And they act like they're doing us a favor to even give us work, same argument they used on Africans

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@ijustwanabethe1

2 months

My parents my whole life: "You think you know everything!" Me: no... I'm just confident in what I do know, and what I don't know I'm willing to educate myself on it... you should try it

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@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

My sons birthday party went from 30 kids… to 10 kids… too 2… for the life of me I don’t understand why ppl won’t show up for kids: sigh. I know his little heart is broken 😞

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

8 months

“You can’t be autistic you didn’t struggle in school…” SAYS WHO MFER!?!???

Autistic Lauren 🏳️‍⚧️ 🏳️‍🌈

@Autistic_Lauren

8 months

To other autistic people, what's the most bizarre or puzzling response you've received when telling someone you were autistic?

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

The life and styles of children w/ adhd ladies and gentlemen…

Jay

@___jbone

2 years

🤣🤣🤣🤣

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@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

New hair who dis?

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@ijustwanabethe1

9 months

The Audhd experience of being momentarily paralyzed by something so you just sit in the same place for hours… until you realize it’s been hours 🫠🫠🫠

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@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

As a child who grew up now looking back on it as an adult with Autism and ADHD I truthfully and honestly wanted to die Most times. Something about me was never good enough, always burnout, always lacking somewhere… Since the beginning. Ask an #ActuallyAutistic about despair

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@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

So… woman mask better and than men… I just heard this from a newly hatched Autist… Ianheardnoshitlikethatbeforeinmylife Is there any data on that?

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@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Apparently my mom and sister have been talking about me getting a vasectomy and how much they would pay for me to get one… Is this not extremely weird behavior? Like I have 2 kids not Nick Cannon numbers

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@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Do as I say or there’s consequences. I’m burnt out of others consequences. In every way shape in form. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk on why I always feel like a POS!NeuroDivergent Podcast coming soon!!!

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@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Any body else that used to be able to @play for hours with just action figures!?!? I think I’m gonna buy some! That stim and story play was incredible.

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Hey guys!!! Meet Laiyfon! #ActuallyAutistic #CatDad

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Never feeling comfortable in my body or with it. Aways malfunctioning forgetting, and being a nuisance to all around me so much I never ever got to rest… I’m always on guard. It’s why I don’t sleep. Scared that I won’t see or hear the forceful rage of the beating 3/12

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@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Whitesplaning

Shanon Beck

@ShanonBeckPA

2 years

Appropriation: "the action of taking something for one's own use, typically without the owner's permission." Self-Diagnosis = Claiming a diagnosis without being assessed to have said diagnosis.

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@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

MotherfuckingGodDamnFuckinShit if this isn’t spot on

✡️Rebecca Faith Quinn

@reberrabon_bon

2 years

People can always accept my autism when it inconveniences me, but never when it inconveniences them

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@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

@achang87 Oh yeah I got that and my son gets that now. It infruitates me how much of the natural world doesn’t understand how lil boys/men turn into assholes and I’m like THIS!!! THIS SHIT ON A DAILY BASIS YOURE WHOLE LIFE CAN TURN YOU INTO A DICKHEAD. YES IT CAN!

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@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

@jonquilynhill They eating his ass up in them QTs lol

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@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

Bro hearing ppl telling your s/o to dump you bc now you’re disabled and “dead weight” now that im too sick to work. Especially when it comes from your parents too… There’s really not safe space anywhere’s. Just waiting to be jettisoned into space as garbage.

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

And let’s not even begin to talk about the psychological torture of your white friends outing themselves as racist right in front of you and never realizing it. 6/

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

I’ve been abused I’ve been bullied I’ve been tortured I’ve been sexually assaulted I’ve been raped I’ve been starved And ppl can’t believe it bc they think of they were my size; they’d beat ppl to death before they’d let those things happen to them. Lol i feel the same way

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

2 years

When we will dissect the drug using behavior of artists, especially black artists and think about it as dopamine seeking behavior instead…

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LoveNPain

@ijustwanabethe1

8 months

Ayeeeee

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