Nick Peterson @iamNickPeterson Twitter profile

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

3 months

Abrain | A Pharmaceutical Commercial Parody

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

These girls are 22 and act like they’ll never find love after being eliminated from #TheBachelor . Ladies, I’m here to tell you...yeah it’s probabaly true. I’m 35 watching you and sharing a bag of popcorn with my dog.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

Chose to take out $226k in loans to go to college. Wants you to pay for it. Yay for accountability!

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

Alarm Snooze Alarm Snooze Alarm Snooze Alarm Sorry I’m late traffic was awful

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

*Why are you single?* Me with a coffee stain down my shirt stuffing my face with pizza looking at my phone: I guess I’m just picky

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

@w_terrence Obama: Don’t send your children Libs: Yaaaas! Trump: Don’t send your children Libs: omg racist!

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

8 years

Republicans have the strongest evangelical vote in history and Christians have never come together more to pray 🙌 #ElectionNight

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

When I see a car with Student Driver on it, I like to honk and maybe cut them off. Give them a taste of the real world. It ain’t all smiles at 10 and 2 out there kid.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

@RashidaTlaib @GOP You literally support terrorism and are supported by terrorists You hate Jews and Israel You support killing babies with a heartbeat YOU are the hateful and extremist one and you’re as anti-American as they come

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

I’ll go to the grocery store and buy all healthy foods to make very healthy meals, get home, put the groceries away, and then order Jimmy Johns because I don’t want to cook.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

Elizabeth Warren says she has zero sympathy for the parents caught in the university scandal. Pot fistpound kettle.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

When I’m cleaning out my closet, I ask myself: Have I really worn this in the past 30 years? And then I put it back because Osh Kosh might come back in style.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

I bought a home today and it was not renovated in one hour and I’m starting to think HGTV might be a sham.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

@IlhanMN - It’s not a Muslim ban. But you know that. You’re just lying. - Countries with highest Muslim population aren’t on it. But you know that. You’re just lying. - Countries on it have threatened us with terror. But you know that...and that’s the scariest part.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

8 years

In Iran, homosexuality is punishable by imprisonment or execution. Liberals applaud! 👏👏 #Oscars

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

8 years

So many different styles of Chokers out there. #TheBachelor

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

8 years

0 days since last Democrat violent riot, assault of humans, and burning of the American flag. Reset.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

I need a new show to watch Scroll Scroll Scroll Alright Jim, your quarterlies look veeery good

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

4 years

White liberal: ROPE! RACISM! Black guy: No I put that there. It’s a swing for kids. White liberal: Nope! RACISM! Black guy: It’s literally mine. Kids use it. People see it all the time. White liberal: We will investigate this as a hate crime! Black guy: But...(sigh)

Matt Walsh

@MattWalshBlog

4 years

Incredible. Someone found a rope in a tree. Everyone freaked out that it was a hate crime. Black guy comes forward, says he put it there for a swing. But the mayor is STILL calling it a hate crime and people are still protesting over it. Even though they all know it's a swing.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

I am having Valentines Day dinner out by myself to show I am a strong independent man who doesn’t need no woman. Lol jk couldn’t find a date and all my friends have girlfriends or wives

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

@IlhanMN You’re not “heartbroken” over deaths. You support terrorism. Nice try pushing your anti-American agenda tho. Only idiots fall for it.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

7 years

When you see all the gym newbies this January, remember that they’re trying to change their lives. Be helpful and encouraging! You started somewhere too!

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

2 years

@ClownWorld_ “We’re going for a medium. A little bit of pink…wow”

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

I’m starting a new “challenge” called the Human Challenge. You don’t have to dance or pour ice on anyone or anything for views. Just do nice things for others. I hope it goes viral.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

YOU’VE TALKED TO HIM THREE TIMES ALREADY #TheBachelor

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

4 years

And after Trump’s Israel/UAE peace treaty, I can’t wait for the liberals’ spin on all of this!

Jack Poso 🇺🇸

@JackPosobiec

4 years

BREAKING: Trump to order thousands of troops home from Afghanistan and Iraq

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

You do not need that doughnut. You dough not need that. You dough nut need. You...doughnut...need.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

Drag queen dancing like this for a child... Liberals call it “progressive”. People with any kind of morals whatsoever call it child abuse and pedophialia. The end is near.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

After watching #TheProposal , I am very inspired to propose to someone I see at the grocery store tomorrow.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

I don’t give a crap about the Kardashians.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

8 years

Chase went from "I love you" to "Screw you" in 10 seconds. #TheBachelorette

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

Liberals: “When they go low, we go high!” Also liberals: “Just kidding, we hope you get held down and raped.”

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

Being dumped on #TheBachelorette is the same as in real life. You have a limo ride and interviews. And then a handler takes your bags in the airport and says maybe we’ll see you in Mexico soon.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

7 years

The past 6 months I’ve been too lazy to change my main clock. I’ve just subtracted 1 hour each time I look. But who’s the idiot today?

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

@AOC Some people attended something

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

7 years

For Becca’s first date on #TheBachelor she had the choice of Louboutin’s, dresses, earrings... My last date had a choice of 2 toppings. 3rd one was extra and coupon wouldn’t work.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

7 years

I can’t believe Kendall isn’t ready to get engaged after 2 months of group dates. #TheBachelor

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

3 months

3 Minutes with Kamala Harris Probably a good time to repost this satirical piece

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

7 years

My new line when I don't want to hang out with someone: "I already you know you so I don't need to hang out with you." #BachelorInParadise

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

One lesson I will never learn is to not throw away the package with cooking instructions before I read them.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

7 years

My mornings consist of hitting the snooze 3 times and then yelling at people in traffic for making me late.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

8 years

What the Constitution says: You have freedom of speech What NFL players hear: Get attention by disrespecting your country if you want

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

@Ilhan You publicly support terrorists. You’ve been publicly anti-semitic. You married your brother. You committed tax fraud. That’s all the tea we need.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

9 years

This is Lauren B. Lauren B isn't jealous or mean. Everybody likes Lauren B. Be like Lauren B. #TheBachelor

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

7 years

Going on vacation with my parents means walking 700 miles around the city everyday. My Apple Watch is like: 8am You’re halfway to your fitness goal! 9am Good job! You’ve reached your goal for the day! 10am Dude where’s your car? 11am Should we send help?

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

@RealCandaceO The best way to stop abortion is to just tell Democrats that their baby may grow up to be a terrorist. They hate killing those.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

When you decided to go to college and nobody else will pay for it

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

7 years

Everybody’s headed to Coachella tomorrow and I’m headed to work because I have a job.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

I kinda feel like it’s unfair I didn’t win the mega millions but ok

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

8 years

If JoJo gave me that facial expression when I walked up... #TheBachelorette

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

7 years

I don’t get depressed often, but when I do, it’s from turning off airplane mode upon landing and having no text messages.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

7 years

Krystal: I grew up in a bowling alley. #TheBachelor America:

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

@MarkDice If this isn’t proof liberalism is a mental disorder, I don’t know what is.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

Inside @TomiLahren ’s show last night: Military, vets, police, Christians, proud Americans. Outside Tomi’s show protesting in the street: Characters from Lord of The Rings throwing American flags on the ground and screaming cuss words into megaphones.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

Luke P: What should I do for my talent? Juggle? Dance? Producers: Tell her you love her #TheBachelorette

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

I got up this morning and made my dog cheesy eggs out of the goodness of my heart. I do it because I enjoy giving and doing for others. Also because I forgot to get him new food yesterday.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

I’m watching 3 hours of #TheBachelorette tonight and 2 hours of #BachelorInParadise tomorrow night. *Thank you for calling Walmart* Me: Hi do you guys carry lives?

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

I’m pretty sure my dog would disapprove of 99% of the photos I have of him in my camera roll.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

7 years

Anyone else hate folding laundry so much that you just get dressed all week by pulling clothes out of the dryer? My dryer is my closet.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

My #NightToShine date is 🔥 and we’re not even sorry bout it 💁‍♀️

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

It’s kinda rude that the people who stole my credit card went to IHOP, ordered $24 in pancakes, and didn’t even invite me.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

@charliekirk11 They’re called the Godless party for a reason.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

If the fact that @Colton has a charity that helps people with cystic fibrosis doesn’t make him your favorite bachelor, besides @SeanLowe09 , then I don’t know what to tell you. #TheBachelor

Home - Colton Underwood Legacy Foundation

www.coltonslegacy.org

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

7 years

Bekah is traveling the world on #TheBachelor while her friends are sitting at home eating tide pods. #winning

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

One of the most joyous things in life is seeing a dog sitting in a car passenger seat looking out the front window like a human.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

9 years

"What would our life be like?" Flossing, Crest white strips, and no candy. Run. #TheBachelorette

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

7 years

Producers: Becca, we’re, um, gonna shoot some “after your engagement” footage. #TheBachelor

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

@AOC When Alexandria returns, can I get a Jack and coke?

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

8 years

On #BachelorInParadise : After 2 weeks I love you, next week engagement. In real life: After 2 weeks I love you, next week single.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

@IlhanMN We noticed you side-stepped the quote and truth to the tweet by playing the victim. Also, nobody is vilifying for their faith...only if they’re terrorist supporters (ahem)

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

4 years

@livesmattershow @stillgray Is this the unity, love, and tolerance I’ve only been hearing about?

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

I don’t hate anybody, but I’d say the people who put stickers directly on their product are the closest.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

I’m at a 200 year old pub in Dublin, Ireland right now. An Irishman is playing a folky instrument in a dark corner. A bearded lad slowly pours Guinness, which has been brewed here for nearly 3 decades. A man in a Chicago Bears jacket to my right asks him for a Bud Light Orange.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

@bennyjohnson “There have been zero arrests.” “There are zero far left groups here.” Funny how that works.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

*Knock knock* *Opens door* Omar & Tlaib: “Hi we hate you. We’re boycotting you. We’re going to call your house our house and we don’t believe you should exist. Can we come in?” Israel: No. Democrats: “Wow. Racist bigots.” Thread 👇

Prime Minister of Israel

@IsraeliPM

5 years

Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu: No country in the world respects America and the American Congress more than the State of Israel. As a free and vibrant democracy, Israel is open to critics and criticism

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

8 years

Raise your hand if you're tired of Ashley and her crying on your tv. #BachelorInParadise

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

There’s this perception that business owners are rich people who fly around on private jets. When does that start because today I cleaned a bathroom and had to ask an employee to stop adjusting his wiener while at work

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

At least when Becca leaves David in the desert, production left him a lower bed for his face’s sake. #TheBachelorette

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

7 years

Where does Lauren get her outgoing personality fr- #TheBachelor

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

@Thesupercole Nothing makes Satan smile more then someone who supports abortion.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

@GeraldoRivera As a privileged one who has an AR15 and a large penis, I’d say that’s small penis shaming and hateful. And how dare you assume an AR15 owner’s gender. Sexist! And to say it’s a “symptom” says you think it’s an illness. Buying an AR15 a choice. Choice is an illness? Wow.

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

7 years

Producers: Thanks for coming Ross. Look out your window on your flight tho, you might see a cool crop monkey. #TheBachelor

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

8 years

"Mom, it's Robbie. Yeah. I'm coming home." #TheBachelorette

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

I’m old enough to remember when #TheBachelor just ended with a happy engagement and every was like yay and then went about their lives #TheBachelorFinale

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

7 years

Peter can't propose tomorrow because he has a case of Real Life Syndrome. #TheBacheloreteFinale

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

5 years

I can’t believe the way Peter has treated Barbara’s daughter. #TheBachelorFinale

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

8 years

No rose ceremony because Nick sent 20 girls and some of the production crew home last week. #TheBachelor

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

6 years

Tia: “I just wanted to let you know that I waited til you were down to a few men who you love to tell you that I also love one of them, so...” #TheBachelorette

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson

9 years

When you need a little something for your food, you add salt. When you need something for #BachelorInParadise , you add Salter. @_ABSalt

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Nick Peterson

@iamNickPeterson