Hollie McNish @holliepoetry Twitter profile

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

4 years

Spoke to my beautiful friend last night - a lung doctor in the nhs. She said, while its a lovely gesture, instead of just clapping please could you just never ever vote conservative again.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

Dear every parent in every cafe I am sitting in to work. Please stop apologising for your baby learning to talk. If I wanted silence whilst typing on my laptop I should stay at fucking home. You are allowed in these spaces as much as me. It's not my office.

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@holliepoetry

5 years

just got called mean for saying the day my daughter was born was not the best day of my life. for comparison, today my daughter woke, said ‘love you’ then watched tv for 2 hours. my vagina isn’t bleeding & i’m not scared of imminent death. yes, today is a better day for me.

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@holliepoetry

2 years

The shorts that adults design for my 12 year old daughter are about seven inches shorter and tighter than the shorts anyone designs for your 12 year old son. We are the problem, not the 12 year old girls wearing the clinging hotpants us adults design and put in shops for them

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@holliepoetry

11 months

As a straight woman, as you get older, men who only fancy girls under twenty-five stop fancying you. That is literally the only thing you lose. And that is what the entire anti-ageing obsession is based on. On those guys.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

2 years

Dear new parents. For your own sanity, do not start a habit of asking your kids what they’d like for dinner.

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@holliepoetry

2 months

The Green Party also won four seats. Just repeating this till the algorithm picks it up x

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@holliepoetry

3 years

You know someone's incredibly privileged when they ask you what school you went to as if they would have heard of it

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

Sitting opposite a mum on the train trying so so hard to stop her baby nattering away. Parenting is so hard in public spaces sometimes, you feel so in the way but please remember these spaces are YOURS ASWELL. Babies are learning to talk. You have just as much right to be there

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

Oh no, the emails have started again. 'Well, maybe we could meet for a coffee when you're next in London'. People who don't live in London don't just pop to London for the crack. From now on I am going to get in first with a 'give me a call next time you're in my garden'

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

2 years

Dear @LNER @nationalrailenq @AvantiWestCoast I love you but look at Finland’s trains. All parents who’ve sat on the floor with buggy’s you can’t fit in, LOOK AT THIS TRAIN. Just normal in Finland.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

2 years

New motherhood is being asked to do a job you’ve never done before on less sleep than you’ve ever had before in a bleeding body recovering from a nine month marathon whilst everybody informs you how you must enjoy every single minute of these happiest days of your life

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

IN THE HEAD’S OFFICE he said my skirt was distracting the lads roll it down legal length below knees like a nun I said some of the boys have their trousers so tight I can see the outline of their dick, sir I still manage to get on with my work (hollie mcnish)

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

4 years

As a middle class self-employed person, I’ve been handed £1000’s help during this crisis, no questions asked, yet because someone is much poorer, the govt won’t trust them with £30. Really? Are we still having the how dare poor folk might smoke or watch tv as well as eat debate?

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@holliepoetry

2 years

Just a mother in her car quickly scribbling poems to ease her heart!

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

2 years

Have a few school visits next year and am trying to compile a list of writers / poets who went to state school and have no family contacts in the arts / publishing. Any names below are welcome x

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

Telling your daughter her vulva is her vagina is like telling your son he has testicles and no penis and then just calling his penis his testicles cos you think saying penis as well is too much. It’s just a word. Vulva. Hard for me to say too, but that’s cos of history. Say it x

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

For any expectant parents already feeling like failures because of yet another article about celeb nurseries or top ten nursery bookshelf design or 22 creative ideas for children's bedrooms, please remember that your baby does not give a shit about any of it.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

4 years

you’re only five but your teddies are already men unless eyelashes autocorrect god is already a he unless you rewrite the songs in assembly the best you can be in the school play is an unpleasured pregnancy i’m not surprised you’re a little unsure how to hold yourself up

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

Desr @Channel4 . I love you but can you please please tell the presenter of Naked Attraction to use the word vulva not vagina when referring to the vulva if you record more. It’s a huge issue in women’s health and sex ed and we need to get this right on tv please! ❤️

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

when you see me having fun you tell me i am acting like a teenager again i am not. i am acting like a thirty six year old being a teenager was never as comfortable as this

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

Each time a friend says ‘I can’t come out, their dad just can’t get them to sleep / have both kids together / etc…I think of that time I was left alone two weeks after birth every day with a baby I had no idea how to hold as I bled and cried. Dads learn the same way. Let them.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

My 93 year old grandma said she will vote for whoever her 9 year old great granddaughter thinks, because she herself will soon be dead and it’s not her future. I’m not saying everyone this age should do this, just that my gran is the best

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

4 years

thoughts at the moment for anyone feeling guilt with all this juggling x

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@holliepoetry

5 years

a reply to the spam emails telling me they have videoed me masturbating ‘wildly’ WARNING! there’s nothing wild about me wanking I hardly even move my face looks like a concentrating fish my friends don’t give a fuck and my mum has more to do than watch her daughter jacking off

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

How about we start getting more offended by big companies selling water in plastic bottles and less offended by kids sucking milk out of zero carbon environmentally friendly mothers’ tits? Just an idea

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

The last four lines of this poem just wiped me out! Xx Thank you @ScribePedersen for sharing x

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@holliepoetry

4 years

I think I'll do what Scotland says.

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@holliepoetry

10 months

From now on I am referring to single mothers as double mothers because they do double the work and their relationship status is irrelevant x

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@holliepoetry

5 years

someone said 'mums are the rocks that never crumble'. I don't think that's true. Cos I do. I cry hidden in loos I scream alone in my car and every parent i know says those moments are never so far

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

4 years

Just one time I want to see a pregnancy test advert where the woman looks at it and says ‘oh fuck’

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@holliepoetry

5 years

This card just broke my heart and now I don’t know what to do with my life. ps. mine is a diplodocus ❤️ Card by @RosieMadeAThing x

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@holliepoetry

5 years

i’m too tired to talk today I’ve nothing interesting to say you can still come round for tea i’d love to have some company if you’re happy just to sit we could read our books together i might take a nap i would love to see your face i just can’t be arsed to chat

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

4 years

Just a small thing but words make a difference with kids so I have replaced ‘lockdown’ and ‘isolation’ with the word ‘hibernation’ in my house cos my daughter is less stressed mimicking hedgehogs than isolating from a virus. She’s now petrified of the neighbour’s cat tho x

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

4 years

We have so many gemstones to congratulate people who literally just stayed married for certain lengths of time. Can we have at least one gemstone for people who got out of negative marriages despite strong societal pressure to stay in them no matter the consequences?

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

I often write about the boredom of parenting, but here’s a soppier one. Have a lovely day x

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

Dear women. It was really shit when we weren’t allowed to vote. We are now. Cool huh. Let’s do it x

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

i cannot get my body back to what it was before it grew and fed a fucking baby because that old body doesn’t know the shit this new one does, it’s like asking me to get my brain back to how it was before I read The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, it’s not fucking possible

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

This morning I’ve looked after one friend’s kid, made two breakfasts, one packed lunch, helped one kid with homework, walked two kids forty minutes to school, walked a half hour back and apparently, according to our definitions, am only now about to start ‘work’.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

For any new parents who feel like they achieve nothing all day…don’t believe it xxx

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

i always found it strange in biology class how we girls were still assumed more squeamish than the lads as the teacher brandished lamb’s hearts tissues soaking blood as i rearranged my pants because my pad had come unstuck (hollie mcnish)

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

4 years

Happy #InternationalWomensDay2020 Go breastfeed in the streets. Don't even use a 'discretion cloth'. Be proud of your milk-stained skin. Ignore the people who say 'I don't mind women breastfeeding their baby, so long as they do it discreetly'. They are the worst ones. Fuck 'em.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

Yes, I'd love to be a better poet. Yes, I'd love to have more time to study and improve my art form, but my kid's nagging me for dinner and unlike most of the poets I read about in articles discussing how shit I am in comparison, I'm actually the one who goes and makes it.

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@holliepoetry

4 years

For anyone else who doesn’t enjoy baking, struggling with this guilt. I did not make my kid’s birthday cake. I bought it from a supermarket. They all ate it. No-one choked on the lack of home icing. I’m still a fucking brilliant mother.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

A London poet once said to me: I just don’t see the point gigging outside London cos every other city is just like London but not as good. Here is a photo of Edinburgh for you. There are volcanoes and castles and an underground city . Come see it. London will still be there x

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

2 years

Dear @LNER . I love train journeys with you but I often see really panicked parents and carers like I was when my child was little. I have designed you a poster or pamphlet to put on the walls or hand out to families. Hope it helps. It would have helped me a lot. You’re welcome. X

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

TERRIBLE TWOS now you can walk now you can run now new words drip each day from your tongue ... we complain, claim it’s the ‘terrible twos’ our first shitty label for small humankind the minute they start to know their own minds

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

Just found out that lots of guys thought we could hold in our periods until we get to a toilet and so didn’t understand why the fuss about period products. Like we’re just being a bit lazy asking for that shit to be tax free. Glad education is getting better.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

Editing in a café full of people with young kids. Got me thinking...❤️

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

2 years

You know how some people have bigger breasts so when they wear vest tops / tshirts / shirts / dresses they show more of their breasts. That’s because they have bigger breasts, not because they’re showing their breasts off.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

Last year I wrote complaints to Royal Mail about ridiculously blonde white Mary / Jesus Christmas stamps. This year they correctly have brown skin. I’m not saying this is All down to me I’m just saying that moaning can be a great thing. KEEP MOANING ALWAYS. Go buy some stamps 🌲

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

4 years

For me, fingering is the most under-rated word and skill in the English Language. If it was expertly taught in sex education, I think it'd dramatically lower future stress levels, unwanted pregnancies, stds, electricity consumption and possibly save the planet #ecofingering

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

post-partum they told me i was pregnant then told me i was glowing then told me i was blooming belly slowing growing life i gave birth to a baby i took the baby home they told me she was beautiful they told me, i agreed my body wrapped in silence now to lie and weep and bleed

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

Poem inspired by being made to feel guilty when I said the day my kid was born wasn’t the best day of my life!

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

you will never be the cleverest or the prettiest or the funniest and you will never be the wittiest or the fastest or the sexiest and you will never be the best at anything you try to do so perhaps just be the best at being you

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

4 years

Over my life, I’ve been told that nearly every clean bodily fluid of mine is dirty. My sweat, my periods, my vaginal and vulval juices, even my breast milk. Meanwhile, I’ve read numerous articles about how male semen can be used as skin moisturiser as if it is holy angel serum.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

The mental load of parenting is so heavy. Every moment of the day I’m petrified my kid is unsafe, unhappy or becoming an arsehole

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

TAKING A COMPLIMENT you called her clever you called her curious you called her witty you called her fun you said she wasn’t like the other girls she said yes yes i am

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

Thanks so much for all the lovely messages this morning and for @BBC6Music and @laurenlaverne for having me on to talk about my granny’s butter dish. Here are the two poems I read out for those asking 💛

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

The arrogance of people to speak on behalf of brilliant poets who are long dead just to back up their own opinions of a few modern poets they want to call 'rubbish' will never cease to amaze me. Criticise me by all means, but leave Keats out of it. I think we'd have got on fine.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

remember remember the fifth of november gunpowder, treason and plot but when boris lies to the queen, no-one minds. be careful. sparklers are hot

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@holliepoetry

5 years

Another one of those polite, middle class subtle reminders for women everywhere how to show just the right amount of skin balanced respectfully between prude and whore. Makes me wanna run through town with my tits hanging out

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

Happy National Poetry Day. Here’s The Orange by Wendy Cope, which I love xxx

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@holliepoetry

3 years

Midwives are not superheroes or angels. They are people working in a very hard job where they are over-worked and underpaid and stressed to fuck. Read more: Share @MidwivesMarch #MarchWithMidwives

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@holliepoetry

5 years

Was just about to buy this brilliant drawing book for my daughter. Had a little browse. Just a small thing with the famous faces pages....

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

4 years

Whenever I gave my kid a treat when she was really little I took it out the packet first. Crisps, chocolate bar etc. That way she didn’t recognise the marketing / packaging in shops and didn’t nag me to buy shit all the time when we were out. Just in case it’s of help to anyone.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

the day after i ‘lost my virginity’

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@holliepoetry

3 years

CALL ON ME For friends who live further away than they used to X

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

4 years

From now on, I'm no longer referring to my menstrual 'moodswings' as 'fucking PMT' or 'that time of the month', I am going to refer to them as 'my monthly v.i.p access to a heightened state of awareness of the strength of emotions my body is capable of'. Like LSD, but with blood.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

2 years

Dear world where we don’t even write the words for female genitals on instructions for cream for female genitals. What does ‘apply only on external intimate areas’ mean? Like not in the vagina? Or only on the top of the vulva? Or outer but not inner labia?

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

To any parents still telling their kids that you have to be married to have a baby, please stop. My kid has now been asked ‘how she exists’ as well as being constantly told she must be adopted by some very confused classmates.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

2 years

All those years I was told off that my school skirt was too short and that it was distracting boys from their studies when in reality it was me being distracted from my studies constantly worrying about my body every time I was told it was distracting boys.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

A video for @Channel4 , please listen, from me and lots of people who've messaged me. And now I want to write poems about clouds and not have to think about my body parts ever again. Thanks x

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

I see you pigeon! see that neck! all emerald and amethyst sick to death of all the parrots the tourists rave about if you were on instagram I imagine your account would be everyday updated selfies of that lovely neck shouting look at me you bastards I’m beautiful as well

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

3 years

Love this

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@holliepoetry

4 years

Today I would like to see a ‘please stay at home / just chill’ video not done by someone who lives in a palace or a celebrity mansion or who has a private golf course.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

on her deathbed my granny did not say: i wish i'd spent more time criticising the layer of skin between my chest and my armpit that folds when i put my arms down

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

It's funny being in the world of poetry so much cos you get so many emails leading up to #NationalPoetryDay and then you go outside into your real life and realise again absolutely no-one gives two shits. Anyway, Happy #NationalPoetryDay !! Tomorrow is National Vodka and Taco Day

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

fuck me keanu’s girlfriend’s hair is grey there are wrinkles on her face she’s almost his own age she also has a name *everybody faints

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

4 years

Went to Tescos to see if they had a maths puzzle book for some homeschooling and came out with two chocolate bars, a packet of twix, chocolate biscuits, chocolate milk and a bottle of prossecco.

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Hollie McNish

@holliepoetry

5 years

CONVERSATION WITH AN ARCHAEOLOGIST he said they’d found a brothel on the dig he did last night I asked him how they know he sighed: a pit of babies’ bones a pit of newborn babies’ bones was how to spot a brothel (hollie mcnish)

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@holliepoetry

3 years

Thinking of my gran a lot today. Here’s to any of those strange treasures we all cherish x

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@holliepoetry

2 years

Scribbling poems remembering being told by many people around me that the queen was like our grandma ‘in a way’. I think the idea that people in the monarchy, ditto current leadership, care about us or are in any way comparable to family looking after us, is very unhelpful.

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@holliepoetry

2 years

Bringing up a teenager is beautiful. It is also utterly devastating watching the process by which corporations - skincare, beauty, phones, shit energy drinks, vapes - work so, so hard to fuck up their confidence and health and rinse them of their minimal savings. Keep strong ❤️

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@holliepoetry

5 years

Ah @duolingo it's too early for this shit!

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@holliepoetry

5 years

when women design hotel bathrooms there will never be showerheads that don’t unhook

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@holliepoetry

3 years

I’m not saying this shit lack of support is good, I’m just saying men aren’t stupid and mums don’t just ‘know’ how to look after babies and kids! X

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@holliepoetry

5 years

SOME THOUGHTS ON BEAUTY ADVERTISING I know you think we’re ugly you tell us every day - our skins and shapes are wrong as age sweeps us away i know you say I need ‘fixed’ since I took upon a woman’s shape but swear to God I'll beat you down If you tell my child the same

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@holliepoetry

5 years

MISCARRIAGE at the school gates, we congratulate comment on her bloom her child has told the whole class he will have a little sister soon! at the school gates, one month on children play, her bump is gone adult silence strikes again - she carries on alone

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@holliepoetry

5 years

I have wasted as much time responding to people online telling me i’m too ugly to read poems as i have reminding my daughter to brush her teeth. Both are mind numbingly fucking boring to do but at least one has a practical outcome. Focus on what actually makes a difference x

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@holliepoetry

5 years

Dear parents - if your son pointed to his penis and said it was his balls and then called his balls his foreskin, we’d correct him I think. But only 1% of parents will use the word vulva or misuse vagina for vulva. We will continue to fuck up our daughters’ this way. @eveappeal

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@holliepoetry

3 years

Just thinking about when someone at Cambridge Uni told me there was no inequality between state school / private school applicants cos admissions were now 50% from each, ignoring that only 7% of the country go to private schools.

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@holliepoetry

5 years

Dear daughter, yes I know some people think swearing is wrong, but I don’t. And yes, even if it is a prince, you still have the right to tell him to go fuck himself.

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@holliepoetry

5 years

on her deathbed my granny did not say: i wish i'd spent more time cooking a wider selection of dinners to suit each family member's individual tastebuds better

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@holliepoetry

3 years

Stella Creasey doesn’t ‘want’ to take her baby to work. This is not some overwhelming desire she has. And no, it’s not the same as taking your pet rabbit, unless you are keeping your rabbit alive by letting it suck milk from your tits

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@holliepoetry

4 years

Fuck me, if I spend anymore of my precious brain time trying to decide the answer to the parenting question 'how much screen time is too much screen time for a child in the midst of a pandemic where screen time is the only place friends can meet' I'm going to fucking explode.

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@holliepoetry

4 years

For any parents looking for creative inspiration during lockdown, Saturdays in my house are now called ‘lazy bastard day’ (yes i swear with my kid). The rule is I do not enforce any exercise or work or time limit on screens. I sit on my ass and read until I’m wanted for food. X

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@holliepoetry

3 years

Nighttime scribbles. Lamenting how good I got at being a horse.

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@holliepoetry

5 years

Sitting in the doctor’s waiting room listening to all the folk complain about the ten minute delay - wishing I was confident enough to tell them to shut the fuck up and be grateful we have this free service.

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@holliepoetry

5 years

we are born without one worry how we look on the outside and when we die we’ll look shite but we’ll be dead so we won’t mind the only time we waste with worrying about our body’s shape and size is that tiny inbetween-time known as life

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