Tori Fletcher @hellotorifletch Twitter profile

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 years

A girl on TikTok just said she is wearing her aunts vintage top from the early 2000’s and I’m dead.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 months

If 2024 has taught me anything so far it’s that as a woman, you simply cannot die and leave the kingdom to a bunch of men. Let this be a lesson to us all.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 months

How am I supposed to work all day when I have all of this Kate Middleton research to do?

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 months

Do you mean to tell me that Taylor Swift was simultaneously on a world tour, in a new relationship, at every Chiefs game, re-recorded Reputation AND found time to write an entirely new album meanwhile I can’t even unload the dishwasher & start the laundry all in the same day?

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Nobody: Taylor Swift coming for Jake Gyllenhaal 10 years after the fact because he kept her scarf:

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

7 months

Cristina Aguilera: “You’re beautiful! No matter what they say!” Me: “Wait, what do they say?”

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 months

Pink hair for my midlife crisis meltdown.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

5 years

I love that it’s a woman that gets to take him down. If that isn’t karma, I don’t know what is. #ImpeachTrump

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

9 months

My in laws are visiting and I feel like my mother in law is much too smug for someone who’s son I’m still raising.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

11 months

We need a reverse gender Only Murders In The Building where Jane Fonda and Diane Keaton solve murders with Timothee Chalamet.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 months

Nobody can get to the bottom of a mystery faster and more efficiently than 23 million women on a social media app.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

5 years

Melania was awfully quiet when her husband was verbally attacking Greta Thunberg, a child with Aspergers, because she dared to speak out about the climate crisis. But saying that Barron can’t be given a royal title is just too much.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

7 months

Every time I go through airport security I am convinced that my bag has magically contained something nefarious and I’m going to jail.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 years

Pete Davidson can probably just go to the grocery store alone and come back with the items he was asked to get.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 months

One thing I love about this app is that we can collectively lose our minds over a single topic for three days straight and then just stop talking about it like it never happened.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 months

Anxiety math is when it takes 2.5 weeks to psych yourself up for a 4 minute phone call.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

1 year

As soon as I read the part in Spare where Prince Harry mocks Prince Williams “unfortunate bald spot” I knew I was reading the memoir of a person who has been radically misinformed about the condition of back of his own head.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

1 month

You do not go to Lake Como on vacation — you go to Lake Como to get engaged.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

5 years

The devil works hard, but the producers from #BachelorInParadise work much, much harder.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Anderson Cooper, my third favorite news personality, behind Dan Rather and Steve Kornacki, is hosting Jeopardy tonight and I’m not sad. I am, however, concerned that being 40 means that I have a ranking of news personalities.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Let’s replace Ted Cruz with Dolly Parton and call it a day.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 years

The Groundhog dying the day before Groundhog Day feels like an entire mood and is very 2022.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 years

I think Kim Kardashian has had Pete Davidson for long enough. It’s someone else’s turn. Puff, puff, pass girlfriend.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Let’s mandate adding a little bit of Xanax to the booster, as a treat.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 years

Happy Dolly Parton Day to all who celebrate.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 years

Don’t forget to leave a triple espresso and a box of legal pads under the tv for Steve Kornacki tonight before you go to sleep.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Octavia is every single one of us.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 years

We’re all tony pizza at 21, girlfriend.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

9 months

White smoke has been released from the chimney of Taylor Swifts Tribeca townhouse indicating that a new boyfriend has been chosen.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

6 months

This year for Christmas, I don’t want to sit at the adult table or the kids table. I want to eat with the pets.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

7 months

Let’s bring back the “Book It” program for grown ups but make it Starbucks instead of Pizza Hut.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

6 months

When I was a kid, if I said “I’m hungry” my mom would respond, “Hi Hungry, my name is tired” and I have literally never understood a person more.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 months

Worst “few” days feels like such a flex.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

1 year

@ElyKreimendahl I mean, I would bring guacamole to most anyone’s party, so maybe I’m a little too easy?

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

8 months

We only set the clock back one hour but now it gets dark four hours earlier and I think that’s incredibly offensive.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 years

People are hard on The Bachelor producers for casting 22 year old college students, but show me a 34 year old woman who wants to stay up until 5:00 AM to find out if she’s getting a rose? #TheBachelor

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

A fun thing to remember: Kayleigh McEnany is unemployed.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 years

My mother in law is quite smug for someone whose son I’m still raising.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

5 years

Nancy showing up to #ImpeachmentDay wearing all black is a mood.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 years

Zelensky, when offered by Biden to be evacuated: “I need ammunition, not a ride.” Ted Cruz:

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Kellyanne Conway calling for peaceful protests on ABC is something else. Fuck Kellyanne Conway. That’s the tweet.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Marriage is really just dividing your shows into those that you can watch alone and those that you have to wait to watch with your husband.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

All of the women out here pretending they don’t understand the allure of Pete Davidson didn’t go for the grungy skater boys in high school and it shows.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 years

My friend gave birth to her baby wearing a mask so I feel pretty comfortable saying that you will be fine wearing one in Costco!

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

1 year

This is what it looks like to grow old as a woman who will go to jail before she’ll rat her friends out to the cops. Martha’s a real one.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 years

My neighbor is sitting in her car blasting Landslide. I hear you, girl. We’re all in this together.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Going to space is cool, but have you ever tried paying taxes and giving your workers enough money to comfortably live?

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

8 months

Happy “the clock in my car is the right time again” day to all those who celebrate.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Dry January is cancelled. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 years

I’m still not ok with the fact that Jordan Woods got cancelled while Tristan Thompson is chilling at Khloe’s house.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 years

I kind of adore that Betty White upstaged New Years Eve.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 years

Sorry for not responding, I haven’t produced enough serotonin today to have a conversation with you.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

My favorite thing about Facebook is all of the anti-vaxxer cheerleaders that I went to high school with refusing vaccines because they are not “fully FDA approved” while simultaneously trying to sell me pyramid scheme supplements that have never even been FDA evaluated. Cool.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

How it Started How it’s Going

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

7 months

Pink hair, don’t care — because I’m a millennial in the midst of a midlife crisis.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 years

How did we go from Me Too to Amy Coney Barrett in 2 years? Asking for myself.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

1 year

People who buy a window seat on an airplane and then immediately pull the shade down are completely unhinged.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

DMV employees are like “Do you have an original copy of the Declaration of Independence?”

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 years

Let Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir commentate on every single winter sport you cowards!

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Almost had a heart attack when I saw Betty White trending, so in celebration of her being alive and well, here is a mood board.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 years

The only way I will properly forgive Harry & Meghan is if they film a reality show where Meghan teaches Harry how to do “commoner” activities such as loading a dishwasher and filing out a W-4. #MeghanMarkle #HarryandMeghan

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Oprah’s next tell all interview should be Britney Spears and I’ll die on this hill.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

It is now Fall — Adele has spoken.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

If a female celebrity had the exact same “eccentricities” as Kanye, she’d be placed under a years long conservatorship. Just saying.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Someone just honked at me to leave my parking spot faster so now I have to sit here until I die.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 years

“Excuse me, I’m speaking” is just what we say now, Ladies. Pass it on.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Let’s just say that if I had followed the same path as all of the girls I was jealous of in high school, I would be selling essential oils on Facebook and carrying a water bottle full of wine around Home Goods on the weekends.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 years

My husband: “Tell me your biggest fantasy.” Me: “A landslide so epic that we know the results by bedtime on Tuesday night...”

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

I’d like Elizabeth Warren to be the Senate Majority leader now if you don’t mind.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Trump cannot be allowed to remain in office for the next two weeks. This is dangerous and he needs to be impeached immediately.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Remember friends, if you are interested in having a hot girl summer it has to start with vaccinated girl spring.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 years

Every time we finish a roll of toilet paper it feels like a petal falling from the enchanted rose on Beauty & the Beast.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Asking for your thoughts and prayers for my husband tonight as he just suggested that I “relax.”

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

The fact that Bennifer is a thing again is nature’s way of resetting after the Trump administration.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 years

I can’t stop thinking about the looter in Seattle who walked away with an entire strawberry cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. Girl.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 years

Women should get the rest of the day off of work to start planning our uprising.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 years

I really miss going to Target for two hours just to touch every item in the store and then leave with $123 dollars worth of home decor items & a new planner.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 years

Every year I tell myself that it’s the year I’ll stop watching The Bachelor and every year here I am, watching The Bachelor. #TheBachelor

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

1 year

Black smoke has been released from the chimneys of Taylor Swift’s Tribeca townhouse signaling that a new boyfriend had not yet been found.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 years

Look ladies, whether you love her or hate her are we really just going to stand by and let Kanye threaten Kim with revenge porn? Didn’t we kind of collectively agree that we are no longer accepting that behavior?

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 years

He used to call her “sour meat” but she’s mad about “Tony Pizza?”

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 years

Can we all just applaud the fact that Melania will still have to decorate the Christmas tree this year?

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 months

I’m going to have to find a way to completely disassociate during this entire election cycle.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

One minute you’re 21 and the life of every party and the next you’re turning down the radio in the car so you can see better.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 years

Anyone who is blown away by these “Karen” videos has never worked in retail and it shows.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 years

Betty White being the #2 trending topic within 45 seconds of her death being announced seems incredibly fitting and wildly beautiful.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

If you don’t have upstairs Tylenol, downstairs Tylenol, and Purse Tylenol we are not the same.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

6 months

Recently discovered that I no longer know how to relax my shoulders.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Pete Davidson spotted with Angela Merkel less than 24 hours after she ends her time as German Chancellor.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Remember when BLM protesters DIDN’T storm the capital building but were called “violent radicals?”

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

3 years

Remember when we used to hide a tampon up our sleeve when walking to the bathroom in high school?

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

2 years

I have Covid for the second time so I’ve decided that this round instead of working through it, I’m going to lay in bed for five days straight watching bad reality tv and eating all the Cinnabon’s that I can comfortably consume.

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch

4 years

Remember the early days of quarantine when we binged Tiger King & made banana bread? Weren’t we just adorable?

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Tori Fletcher

@hellotorifletch