tyler @godlikemind Twitter profile

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tyler

@godlikemind

6 months

I have rabies

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tyler

@godlikemind

1 year

Has anybody noticed that Oppenheimer is low key dark and edgy af while Barbie is lighthearted and fun, making for a playful dichotomy at the box offices

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tyler

@godlikemind

11 months

My thirsty ass high school Spanish teacher

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tyler

@godlikemind

3 years

I built a bookshelf for some reason I dont know why

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tyler

@godlikemind

6 years

If Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is "struggling" then why does her hair look so healthy and lustrous like someone who isn't suffering from malnutrition? And why won't she let me buy her dinner? You'd think she'd need a hot meal.

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tyler

@godlikemind

1 year

and there are a few iconoclastic thinkers with eclectic tastes (such as myself) who may even be seeing both... on the same day

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tyler

@godlikemind

4 years

Merrick Garland didn't get on the supreme court in 2016 and now he spends all day on twitter pretending to be an armed communist revolutionary

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tyler

@godlikemind

1 year

@femaleweezerfan Me

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tyler

@godlikemind

9 months

@Lucas_Gage_ Fuck yourself loser

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tyler

@godlikemind

3 years

God gives his stupidest battles to his dumbest soldiers

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tyler

@godlikemind

11 months

A) He’s very nice and not creepy! B) I did reply until about 2010 c) old men get up early

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tyler

@godlikemind

6 years

People don’t think college should be free but you have to have a degree just to drive the wienermobile now.

WSVN 7 News

@wsvn

6 years

HOT DOG! Oscar Mayer is hiring new drivers for the Wienermobile, and if you're a college graduate with an appetite for adventure (and hot dogs) this might just be the job for you.

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tyler

@godlikemind

3 years

Guy who wears a Mr. Plow jacket in a dark brooding way like a Drive scorpion jacket

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tyler

@godlikemind

4 years

I like when somebody follows you and then unfollows you maybe a week later. Hey you gave it your best shot and that’s all I can ask for

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tyler

@godlikemind

10 years

Sometimes I feel so alone, and then I remember I'm a part of the biggest, most reliable 4G network in the country.

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tyler

@godlikemind

6 years

Why does anybody want to "end division" or whatever. One of the sides doesn't even believe in climate change? Snuffing them out of existence is the only option.

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tyler

@godlikemind

5 years

Water: Boring, sucks, tastes like nothing, everybody hates it Water with lemon: Flavorful, refreshing, the perfect treat, healthy

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tyler

@godlikemind

9 months

@bendreyfuss Be for real. Israel does not want a Muslim or arab majority in Gaza or the West Bank. They are trying to rid a specific group of people from a place either by killing them or coercing them. They even say this out loud often

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tyler

@godlikemind

11 years

There's something so sexy about a woman who has all the physical characteristics that I was conditioned by the media to find attractive.

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tyler

@godlikemind

7 years

@guybranum this is not a great take. i think it's okay to say she could have run a better campaign

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tyler

@godlikemind

7 years

you have $5 to build the perfect man: good job $20 💵 good w/kids $15 👶🏽 committed $6💎 believes earth is flat $2❌🌍 earth not a globe $3❌🌍

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tyler

@godlikemind

1 year

@chlocialism I think we’re in for a crazy weekend at the movies but that’s just me…

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tyler

@godlikemind

1 month

@katttesquad She does not have the juice!!

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tyler

@godlikemind

3 years

You don’t have to be good at fucking if you own a gold chain. The gold chain will just sort of kick in and take over when the moment comes

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tyler

@godlikemind

7 years

@guybranum not reasonable to expect people to pay their own way, take time off work to campaign in states her campaign managers were neglecting

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tyler

@godlikemind

4 years

Same energy.

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tyler

@godlikemind

8 years

Sick of people coming up to me in front of my son and asking if I'm a model. I left that world behind for a reason.

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tyler

@godlikemind

3 years

Okay guys lets denormalize some of these things back now

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tyler

@godlikemind

14 years

Smuggling is the cutest sounding felony.

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tyler

@godlikemind

1 year

Scaring the hoes but in an elevated horror A24 way

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tyler

@godlikemind

2 months

@kalebhorton Dude regretted not adding MORE flair

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tyler

@godlikemind

9 years

It would be bad if the pool company accidentally built you a pool that was 20 feet deep and two feet wide and filled it with black water.

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tyler

@godlikemind

8 months

@whstancil You have a very stentorian way of declaring stuff that is either provably wrong (like the chart) or probably wrong (everything else) so people think it’s fun to clown on you. That’s how this site works for everything, not just left politics

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tyler

@godlikemind

4 years

Online is a great place for arguments because both parties always equally project onto/misread the other person in equal measure

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tyler

@godlikemind

1 year

Rupi Kaur would start shaking and crying like one of those vaccine people if she read a real poem

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tyler

@godlikemind

8 years

Me eating a zebra cake I bought with my job money getting crumbs all over myself: Food stamps should only work on kale and ground turkey.

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tyler

@godlikemind

8 months

You shouldn’t have your dog in public if you can’t handle being approached my children better than this. Nobody in real life gives you reward tokens for making a pithy little remark about a baby. It doesn’t get you into heaven to be rude

AbortionChat

@AbortionChat

8 months

Small child runs up to Zoë. I body block and say, “Maybe we don’t run up to dogs we don’t know.” The parent: She’s three Me: If she isn’t on voice recall, maybe she should be leashed?

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tyler

@godlikemind

8 months

The idea of having a funeral is so embarrassing please do not stand around my dead body talking about me or I’ll have a panic attack

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tyler

@godlikemind

7 years

@guybranum you said we should have actually gone to the states she lost, not a reasonable ask. and there's documented evidence she took those states

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tyler

@godlikemind

4 years

@BUGPOSTING I like when they land the tricks and the other guys hug them

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tyler

@godlikemind

3 years

Taking myself on a date to the dermatologist

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tyler

@godlikemind

8 years

Honestly embarrassed for all the people who had sex today instead of practicing their table tennis serves like me

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tyler

@godlikemind

10 years

My son just called me Chad instead of Dad. Do you think he has another dad on the side named Chad?

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tyler

@godlikemind

3 years

@mags_mclaugh Did they talk about the common ancestor between pinnipeds and mustelids?

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tyler

@godlikemind

6 years

Applying for the Premium Snapchat Inspector job at the IRS.

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tyler

@godlikemind

3 years

got a new baby. Her full name is juniper rose but she goes by just rose. No press at this time thanks

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tyler

@godlikemind

5 years

I really think people call civil rights “identity politics” now so they won’t have to deal with it

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tyler

@godlikemind

4 years

I’m thankful I’m too old to ever learn how to type on a different font on my phone

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tyler

@godlikemind

1 month

Average straight male charli xcx fan

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tyler

@godlikemind

3 years

Posting stuff like “making moves in silence” so people will think Im making moves

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tyler

@godlikemind

13 years

If I ever hear a guy yell, "take your top off!" at a girl, I think, "pretty gay to call it a top instead of a shirt."

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tyler

@godlikemind

6 years

Thank you to all the people doing direct action against ICE. I think we all need to do some stuff and voting definitely not enough.

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tyler

@godlikemind

12 years

The irony of children is how far you can throw them but how little you can trust them.

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tyler

@godlikemind

6 years

No woman has all 5: - big pussy - $100,000 in cash - lives with older relative to steal social security checks - one boob slightly larger than other - loves fighting and drama

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tyler

@godlikemind

13 years

"As a bear, I'm not required to wear clothing, but fuck it; I'll put on this t-shirt." - Winnie the Pooh

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tyler

@godlikemind

12 years

I sent an email to @rascalflatts about an anachronism in one of their songs http://t.co/R8scpA00

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tyler

@godlikemind

5 years

@mitchysuch all of the wizards i know have been texting each other for a few more days even more strongly sensing something bad would happen also

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tyler

@godlikemind

11 years

What if you jerked off into a ravine and a few months later a rock creature started terrorizing the city and you had to act like whaaa?

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tyler

@godlikemind

6 years

Nobody actually lives in Indiana and Ohio and everybody at the basketball games in those places is a crisis actor

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tyler

@godlikemind

5 years

Turns out the reason “hoes mad” is I did some pretty stupid stuff that rightfully pissed them off

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tyler

@godlikemind

1 year

Fucking someone you met on Twitter sounds goofy and almost wholesome. Fucking someone you met on “X” sounds like a felony

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tyler

@godlikemind

3 years

You don’t have to choose between boobman and assman. Most women will let you have both if you’re normal about it

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tyler

@godlikemind

1 year

Let’s replace the terrible word “horny” with the elevated phrase “erotic suffering.”

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tyler

@godlikemind

5 years

@HoarseWisperer Reading this is self-harm

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tyler

@godlikemind

4 years

In 2012 we were trying to stop Kony. In 2020 we are trying to stop Coney (Supreme Court lady). Funny how things are haha jk

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tyler

@godlikemind

11 months

it's always so disconcerting when you find out someone from online has been secretly canadian the entire time

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tyler

@godlikemind

13 years

I'm so unbelievably quirky. I have this one super cute quirk where I can't control my anger and I alienate the people who care about me most

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tyler

@godlikemind

10 months

@baileymoon96 This was very vulnerable for me to write…

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tyler

@godlikemind

6 years

The only real aim of means testing social benefits is so people who make too much to qualify will resent people poorer than them.

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tyler

@godlikemind

10 years

Somebody hacks into your computer and steals your bank account info. "You shouldn't have had your bank account info stored anywhere."

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tyler

@godlikemind

10 months

@shrimp_delight Fish restaurant

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tyler

@godlikemind

10 years

@robdelaney you think this kind of "bad boy" humor will make you popular, but you just make yourself look bad.

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tyler

@godlikemind

7 years

i'm thinking about becoming blessed

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tyler

@godlikemind

1 year

Just found out about eel pits, the hobby for guys who want a gloomy dungeon-like pit of eels

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tyler

@godlikemind

12 years

I live my life based on the assumption that everybody's mad at me for something but won't tell me what it is.

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tyler

@godlikemind

13 years

Whenever I finish eating a girl out, I say, "My compliments to the chef!" Then I look over and give her mom a thumbs up.

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tyler

@godlikemind

6 years

@neeratanden @curaffairs @charlesmurray it's fine if you want to do this kind of stuff, but why bill yourself as a progressive or even center-left

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tyler

@godlikemind

5 years

Everyone who was ready to go to war with Venezuela two months ago just seamlessly transitioned to wanting war with Iran when the public didn’t take the bait.

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tyler

@godlikemind

1 year

@lionel_trolling what are you delivering cannolis or something

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tyler

@godlikemind

3 years

I see why girls do this. Pretty cool 👍

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tyler

@godlikemind

6 months

@kalebhorton I think woody is underrated playing against type as a straight laced “family man” when he’d been sort of a whacky cornball in so many things previous

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tyler

@godlikemind

1 year

@ByYourLogic

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tyler

@godlikemind

5 years

I just didn’t put my hand on a woman’s lower back when I was walking past her, causing me to lose my balance, fall over and break both my wrists. Men are under attack in this country.

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tyler

@godlikemind

7 months

Christmastime hits different during the holiday season

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tyler

@godlikemind

3 years

imagine dojng a strip tease routine for your girl and taking off the extensions one at a time shes freaking soaked by the time it’s over

Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

I have created the most comfortable, customizable pants known to man.

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tyler

@godlikemind

12 years

All I want is somebody smarter, funnier and more attractive than me to love me more than I love them.

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tyler

@godlikemind

11 years

#ThisCouldBeUsButYouPlayin http://t.co/w5xHikK9rv

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tyler

@godlikemind

7 years

i recently found out i am about 25 percent POC. i will use this info to lose my virginity soon

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tyler

@godlikemind

6 years

Kavanaugh doing a mambo number 5 list of all the women he didn't assault

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tyler

@godlikemind

5 years

Does anybody have a head I can live rent free in

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@godlikemind

13 years

Is cheese a fruit or a meat?

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tyler

@godlikemind

3 years

My therapist said I need that “Nancy Reagan dome” or I’m risking A major setback in my progress

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tyler

@godlikemind

7 years

there are so many failsons directly or indirectly orbiting trump

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tyler

@godlikemind

5 years

@victoriaxxviii A lot of people are closet reactionaries who get off on chastising others for innocuous value choices

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tyler

@godlikemind

3 years

As a male feminist I refuse to go to therapy and take up an appointment spot that could go to a woman.

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tyler

@godlikemind

6 years

Do the white employers who underpay and overwork immigrants ever get in any real trouble when ICE comes and throws workers in cages or is it just the people trying to feed their families

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tyler

@godlikemind

11 years

Bonefish Grill is the only place where I can really just fucking be myself.

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tyler

@godlikemind

12 years

One time I saw a porno where the guy was wearing the same shirt as me and I didn't know if it made me feel better or worse about myself.

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tyler

@godlikemind

13 years

Anytime I find something I was looking for, I feel relieved that I have one less thing in common with Bono.

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tyler

@godlikemind

5 years

@timjacobwise You don’t want to grapple in good faith with what Bernie is saying because you’re ideologically opposed to his political project. There is no scholar of nazi Germany who doesn’t partially blame economic conditions for its rise. You’re just an asshole

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tyler

@godlikemind

3 years

A loving god would not have brought someone this hot into existence

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