Three years of marriage and I've only just realised I'm a hangout-in-the-bedroom kinda person, while my husband and his siblings are hangout-in-the-living-room kinda people. Funny how childhood traumas have a way of shaping our adult lives.
Often father and daughter look down on mother (woman) together. They exchange meaningful glances when she misses a point. They agree that she is not bright as they are, cannot reason as they do. This collusion does not save the daughter from the mother’s fate.
- Bonnie Burstow
As the Presiding Officer for NA-128, Election 2024, my nightmare began with a notification from my employer - the University of Home Economics. Here is my account of the experience. A 🧵
can't believe an auntie actually told me to not be so openly affectionate towards my husband because "tum intehai chichori lagti ho." so, it's okay for people to fight, hit, yell at each other in public, but displaying love makes us look cheap. right. sounds completely logical.
one of my students from Balochistan has to climb up a literal fucking mountain to get internet signals AAG LAGAY ONLINE CLASSES KO MAIRAY BACHAY ITNA TANG HO RAHAY HAIN @ HEC u elitist piece of shit
Day 2: Instructed to report to the polling station at 06:00 am. Polling starts at 08:00 am and ends at 05:00 pm sharp. Our polling station had a 32% voter turnout. Votes counted and Form 45 filled. Results in favor of Salman Akram Raja. But someone had other plans.
now that I'm getting married, mujhay apnay khandaan ki khawateen say sex-related sawalaat poochnay ki ijazat mil gayi hai. and damn boi, these 5 waqt ki namazi parhezi women be freaky af
After a brief respite and a 12-hour sleep, I woke up to a harsh reality. The hard work, the dedication, it all seems futile as PMLN is winning despite everything.
This experience is long and harrowing and I will unpack that trauma later.
the difference having money can make in your life is astounding. for example, today i got into a disagreement with my mother. the terrible, heartbreaking kind. extremely upset, i decided to run errands in this blistering heat. halfway through, my car's AC stopped working ->
Day 1: We were instructed to reach the Camp Office at 09:00 am to receive the polling material. I received my material at 06:00 pm and there were plenty of other people waiting behind me. Reached and set up the polling station. Got home at 10:00 pm.
i save my friends' boyfriends in my phone as Keser OfZoya, Asfandyar OfMaha, etc., i'm trying this new thing where i don't acknowledge men as actual people, only extensions of their SOs - call it (reverse) sexism, misandry, feminazism, idc. i call it reparation(s)
The worst part is that I couldn't even vote. I was told about my duty one week after the date for postal ballots had passed. Democracy kya cheez hai? Mujhay nahi pata.
@LahoreUhe
@ECP_Pakistan
It's 08:00 pm. At this point I'm exhausted. However, we (other Presiding Officers) still had to wait three more hours for army escort us to the camp office. I submitted my final result to the RO at 1:00 am.
We didn't get the indelible ink in our stationary pack from the
@ECP_Pakistan
so all the polling stations in my area had to use permanent markers to mark the voters. You cannot start polling without this particular ink but here we are. Multiple forms were missing as well.
Maa's taken over all of dad's responsibilities. Including taking our car to the mechanic. She's been duped 4 times yet she refuses to quit. "Yay experiential learning hai", she says. "No one's born this way, ham sab waqt kay sath seekhtay hain", she says.
lost 10 kgs in two months, a huge achievement considering PCOS makes losing weight really difficult. gained tons of stamina - hiked for hours without wanting to die, my legs didn't give out, didn't run out of breath. heccing proud of myself! 🥳🥳🥳
After 14 hours of labour, 3 epidurals, and one episiotomy, I am now a mother. Allah has blessed me with to most amazing, fierce, and gorgeous baby girl. She's 1 day old and the centre of my universe. Alhamdulilah. ❤️
But here I am. At a spa. With a busted AC. and a mother who doesn't need to know or worry. jab tak aap kay pass paisay ki security nai hoti, you're not really living, you're surviving. I know that now. And for that I am so fucking grateful.
my due date is slowly moving from Cancer season to Leo season.. am I prepared to handle a Leo, who is also the eldest daughter? Short answer: NO. Long answer: NOOOOOO 😭
and by being affectionate I don't mean making out with him in a shopping mall. I mean hugging him, fixing his hair, pinching his cheeks, and having him do the same for me. Bus. Iitna bhi bardasht nai hota.
"apnay fiancé say har baat na share kiya karo, baad main wohi batain tumhay ta'anay bana kay sunaye ga"
- unsolicited advice from khalas/mumaanis/neighborhood aunties, etc
Guys, I've been appointed as a Lecturer, Department of Sociology, at the University of Home Economics, Lahore. CSP nai lag gai main. Lekin bohat shukria!
I cannot put into words how liberating it is to stop worrying about money. All my life I've worked odd jobs to make ends meet. Before uni. Through uni. Through grad school. Now I don't have to give a shit. I still can't wrap my head around it. ->
angry men telling me i shouldn't have cursed in my HEC wali post because i'm a teacher, bla, bla. okay then, intehai shaista alfaaz main, meray dil ki gehrion say, please fuck off
a (female) friend needs a place to crash. in Lahore. for one month only. her budget is 16-20k, max. please rt to help her out. she's a wonderful person, trying to escape a very mentally and emotionally taxing situation for a little bit.
grad school: why do you want to do a PhD with us?
me: i have really bad anxiety and obsessively applying to one useless degree program after the other is what keeps me tethered to reality
on my 26th birthday I:
- (12:00 am) fell asleep in my husband's embrace watching shutter island
- wore a matching outfit with my daughter
- had the best brunch at one of lahore's most picturesque restaurants
- received a number of gifts, including a gold chain from my Ma
as a teacher at a public sector university, 90% of my energy is spent dealing with red tape and trying not to get fired for the tiniest political gestures. would be 100x better teacher if i had some job security. oh, and getting paid for once would be great, too.
so i turned around, and now I'm at a spa, getting a mani pedi. a year ago, i wouldn't have imagined having the luxury of just going to a spa whenever i could. a year ago, Ma and I had to meticulously plan our budget, making sure the cup didn't run over. spas were something we ->
Some 80 students in Quetta have been arrested for peacefully protesting (the HEC). Bachay internet mang rahay thay, military say emancipation nai. Kuch to khuda ka khauf karo, yaar. Kids, it is time we stop studying and start rioting. I'm with you. Chalo aag lagayen is nizaam ko.
my car's AC is busted. i haven't gone home. I'm here. At a spa. At my own whim. I didn't have to plan this. I don't have to worry about my budget. My car. I don't have to worry about my mother going to the shop and coming home broken. I don't have to worry about shit. ->
times. she would've come home shattered by the experience, vowing to never take our piece of shit car to the mechanic ever again. she would've silently cried during her Isha prayer, missing Abba. now, things are different. ->
reserved for Eids, or special occasions. twice a year, that's it. a year ago, if the car's AC had stopped working, I'd have gone straight home, not to a spa. my mother would've taken the car to the shop. sitting in a space only occupied by men. she's been harassed numerous ->
teaching Gender Studies to freshmen this semester. can't believe how lovely and woke these girls are. i love them. i'd sacrifice my life for them. uff, dil khush ho gaya ❤️❤️❤️
"Aurton ko yay training dena lazim hai. Ham sab gari chalati hain", she says. She wants to start a workshop run by women, for women. Women mechanics for women customers. A space for us to learn these very necessary, practical skills without the threat of harassment and assault.
anyone else in the smartest-student-in-their-uni-to-gets-a-graduat-degree-at-22-to-gets-married-to-the-love-of-their-life-at-24-to-having-a-kid-at-25-to-stuck-in-a-dead-end-job-and-feeling-intellectually-inferior-to-their-peers-pipeline or is it just me
Just so we're clear, Hamza Tahir did not take his own life. He passed away due to a cardiac arrest. It was very sudden and unexpected. Haath jorr kay keh rahi hun please stop spreading false news about how he died. Bohat meherbaani ho gi ap sab ki.
rode a bicycle for the first time in a very long time and OMG I still remember??? how to cycle??? i fell on my ass but it didn't hurt because I was having the time of my life! my MIL was so proud 😌 she took so many photos, including this one ❤️ what a day, man 🌟🌟🌟
oh you're applying to grad schools soon? weird way to announce you literally have nothing else going on right now and being pushed from one oppressive system to another is how you construct meaning and find purpose in life.
one of my students hasn't been able to attend classes/submit assignments bcs the mountains where he accessed internet have been surrounded by security forces. he called to tell give me an explanation for being awol, and to assure me that he will, regardless, submit work on time.
Hi everyone. I am now an officially published author!
My paper "A Qualitative Study of Women Domestic Workers using Public Transport and the Adoption of Purdah" has been published in the third (December 22) issue of Forman Journal of Social Sciences.
missing my dad today. thinking about how he'd react to becoming a grandfather. probably would have cried more than my mom, he was the emotional one in their relationship. how he would have been throughout my pregnancy. now that im nearing labor, i can't stop thinking about him.
last year i marched with my mom (who only came with me because she didn't want me to go alone). this year i march with my mom (who's way more excited for the march than I am), my khala, and my 1.5 yr old cousin. our feminist militia grows stronger every year.
#AuratMarch2021
I find her optimism commendable. Ham ghareeb log yay kar nahi saktay, lekin soch zaroor saktay hain. Lekin, my mom is very passionate about this particular cause. And as cheesy as it sounds, I want to turn my mom's dream into a reality.
Said goodbye to Hamza yesterday. seeing him covered in white, shrouded in flowers, surrounded by mourners, felt unreal. as we stood in the janazgah, looking at him, i think most of us disassociated. none of us could fathom the loss of one of our own. someone who was so kind -
I don't know where to start but like, if you think this is a good idea, please rt, please dm. If you know how to start a business of this nature, please dm. Let's do this!
Will not spill any tea but yaar I was so happy to hear kay all the women I spoke to had experienced plenty of orgasms. We talked about the importance of foreplay, among other things (you get the idea).
I went into these conversations with preconceived notions kay these women wouldn't have had satisfying sex. I was wrong. And honestly, I've never been so happy about being wrong.
opened up storage for winter clothes. found so many things that belonged to my dad. his beige jacket, which i once wore to LMM, his sweatshirts, vests, sweaters, navy blue pajamas which I got for him from primark, his black blazer, silk scarf, and green wasitcoat...
to not have one's life governed by patriarchal constraints. to not be reminded over and over kay umar ho rahi hai shaadi ki, ab agay barhna band karo. to not have to practise freedom within limits. i cannot imagine such a life. lekin agar dunya aisi ho jaye to kya hi baat ho.
I'm aware that my sample size is limited and the only women I spoke to were hegemonically privileged. I'm also aware that the orgasm gap is very much a reality, esp in desi households. Regardless, I'm glad that the women in my family are getting some, and to completion, that is.
because oh my god, the sense of entitlement and superiority.. khalil ur rehman ko bhi peechay chor gaya hai yay larka. i can only shudder at the thought of this dick becoming a civil servant, and exploiting his power to do god knows what.
- took a two hour nap with my husband after brunch
- woke up to my daughter cackling like a maniac - my favorite sound
- had some pizza
- am now currently lounging in bed, watching Arrested Development
I know our understanding of relationships is wildly different from one another's. And I love you for wanting to protect me from all the shit your spouses put you through. Life has been unfair, to say the least, to our female figureheads.
husband's buying me a printer rn because 10 minute ago i (awein) said "Ahmad mujhay printer lay do, main Allah ki qasam parhnay lag jaun gi" and now I actually HAVE to study???? i DID NOT THINK THIS THROUGH
1/ haven't been paid since i started at GCU, so like, since february. pehlay paperwork nai aya, phir lockdown ho gaya, aur ab I've been told, after months of waiting, kay mairi bahir ki degree ki equivalence missing hai tou tankhwa nahi aye gi
You expect me not to tell him about my struggle with depression? anxiety attacks and mental breakdowns? Trust issues, things that trigger me, upset me? Bro, usko nai batana to kis ko batana hai???
happy 51st birthday, Abba. the light of my life. the man who taught me to change a tyre, deal with harassment on the street, who made my aurat march posters and straightened my hair when i couldn't. the man who raised me to be a feminist. gone too soon. i miss you, Papa. ❤️
LOOKING FOR A RESEARCHER TO JOIN OUR TEAM AT SIMORGH ASAP.
IF YOU HAVE A DEGREE IN THE SOCIAL SCIENCES AND HAVE BASIC RESEARCH (QUALS) SKILLS, PLEASE HIT ME UP.
woke up 30 minutes before sehri. running around like headless chickens, we managed to get everything done before time. this is not how i imagined cooking with the love of my life in my tiny, warmly lit apartment.
this kid deserves better. he's brilliant, hardworking, and continues to survive online classes despite his circumstances. allah is ko bohat kamyab karay ga.
@ItsMadDar
Because wholesome friendships are a thing? Because my friends and I trust each other? Because their boyfriends are also my friends? Baji app kya kehna chah rahi hain?
after a week of deliberation, we've decided to name our daughter Emaan. Emaan with two A's because we want her name to sound just the right amount of pretentious. Are we great parents or what 🍇