gabbyisbryan @gabbyisbryan Twitter profile

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gabbyisbryan

26 days

Hear that bell? Girl Town Hall is officially in session. Pull up your chair and take a bite of your caesar, we’re about to chat. 🥗 FULL CROWD WORK SPECIAL OUT NOW ONLY ON MY YOUTUBE (link in bio) #standupcomedy #crowdwork

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Last Seen Profiles

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

A man just pulled me aside at the grocery store and said, “you seem like you eat salad, what would you put in a salad I don’t eat salad and I need to make a salad” ..................................

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

People love to forget that small tits can be perfect

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

You know you’re a skank when you find your thong in the pocket of your winter coat

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

2 months

Not me uncovering a Silicon Valley sex cult ……

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

If you’re having a guy sleep over your house he has to do one chore per visit Or NO ALLOWANCE!!!!

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

Everytime a woman is rude to me I’m like..... but didn’t you notice... that I’m also... a girl??

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

What if instead of me being “late” nothing started until I got there

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

Love to wish my boys a goodnight by saying, “Send me a dick pic so I know you got home safe”

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

I’ve famously been against twitter until right now.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

2 months

Episode #1 of Let Me Ask My Dad podcast with, you’ve guessed it, my dad @dbdavidbryan is out NOW! Link in bio + find wherever you get your podcasts.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

When I say “my crush” I could be referring to hundreds if not thousands of different people.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

My dad is playing his organ at midnight again like a fuckin’ ghost

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

I started dating someone 1 week before corona virus. We went on 2 dates, the quarantine hit and now we live together!

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

It’s my birthday so you have to have sex with me! That’s the law!

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

My boyfriend asked if my parents would hate his mustache and then I reminded him of my dads hair.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

2 years

God is not a woman! Lol! Could you imagine? Girl god would never.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

No matter how long I am married, I will always call my husband my “current boyfriend”. You have my word.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

My dad just emailed me with the subject line “dad”!!!!!!

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

I have 3 active crushes in every city in America.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

As a woman, your age is defined by whether you shopped at Limited Too or Justice.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

What I like to do in my home town? Drive around and visit all the houses we rented after my parents got divorced! Trauma is romantic on Christmas!

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

My comedy dad murders on The Degenerates Season 2 on @NetflixIsAJoke . Watch now!!!!

Robert Kelly

@robertkelly

5 years

Check out this clip from the #Degenerates Season 2, out now on @NetflixIsAJoke !

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Who wants to be my boyfriend and move to Hawaii?

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

I just used me dads own lyrics against him.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

Last night I got drunk and texted every boy I’ve ever seen.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

I just called my dad and he said “I can’t talk right now I’m playing the organ”. Okay my father is a GHOST.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

2 months

Smoking crack in Q1!?!?!

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Every time a guy gets a boner I think, “light as a feather, stiff as a board”

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Happy Birthday to the guy I lost my virginity to!!!!!! (we don’t talk)

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

Some of the reasons I hate twitter: 1. it’s not picture based which is hard considering I’m a model 2. Sentences? How do you? 3. I’m pretty sure I’ve actually never thought one single thing ^all common symptoms of being a model

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

Me on a date

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

I’m in 15 group texts with 15 of the same people in different combinations ✨

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

My dad made me share my location w him when I went to the park to run. He shared his back. Update: he is still in the house!

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Wouldn’t it be funny if after sex you said to a guy “did you cum?”

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

Been in New Jersey for 1 hour and my mom has already said, “let’s just have wine for dinner”.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

I am single once again so I suggest every guy in a 10 mile radius carries a weapon.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

As a woman and even... a gorgeous one, my health insurance should cover my Uber home.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

As a family of jewish, gay, trans, republican, atheist and liberal people... our group text is going absolutely OFF

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

My favorite thing about the airport is that it cancels out your vaccines and you contract every disease known to man.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

I identify as someone who does not ALWAYS know how to spell the word “necessary”.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

Doctor: Okay, so you want your tubes tied. Me: Can you french braid them?

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

My parents always taught me to “oink” at cops and yell “hey baby” to construction workers and I never understood why until I grew up and realized they are the funniest ppl on the planet.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

Im not scared to die but I am scared of what lip they’ll choose for me at my wake. If it’s a gloss, I’ll sit right up and kill myself.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

To have sex and then immediately do a podcast = working full time

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

Not me sexting on my pelaton bike

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

I can’t wait to go to my children’s PTA meetings fucking hammered

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

This is a public reminder to my dad that if he doesn’t send me flowers on Valentines Day.. I will date another guy with a neck tattoo.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

I ate pussy which makes me gay but I did not make her cum which makes me straight 😿

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

My doctor just texted me “I can see from you’re instagram that you’re fine”.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

I’m a stand up comic and my brother makes memes and my dad is somehow still proud of us?

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

Blacking out Christmas Eve is my midnight mass.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

Holding in a sneeze on the train today almost made me cum.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

The purpose of life is to build friendships all over the world so you can crash on their couch and hook up with the locals

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

Being hungover is fun because you can feel the back of your own eyeballs and you usually can’t do that.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

I wonder who Santa is fucking right now!

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Here’s the thing... I think my actions should have no consequences.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

I decided to take on a boyfriend just incase this city locks down and I need someone to carry my desktop computer back to Jersey.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

“My dad is perfect, so..........” - me on a first date

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

Guy: I’m really into horoscopes... what’s your sign? Me:

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

My response to Harry and Meghan leaving? You would have to pry the title of “Princess” out of my cold dead hands before I left that fucking castle.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

If I’m gonna be honest, I see myself living in a medium sized apartment with floor to ceiling windows in Paris.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

When I’m feeling calm my favorite thing to do is drink 7 coffees and self-induce a panic attack so life isn’t so damn BORING. Let’s spice it up hunny I want cold sweats!!!!!!

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Little Whore House on the Prairie

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Here me out.. Twilight the Musical starring me ✨

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Getting older is all about drinking 10 glasses of red wine with your Dad

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

This better end soon or mami’s getting pregnant

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

One of my favorite things is going on my roof, looking at the New York skyline and saying “oh this city, my city” again and again until I fall asleep.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

People talk about crowns and tiaras constantly but WHY do we ignore the luxury that is a princess hat?

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Almost done with covid! Can’t wait to have sex and get something else!

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Every generation has had their own epidemic. Gen Z has corona! Millennials had swine flu! Baby Boomers had monogamy and frog rain!

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

Someone just said “yawn” and I yawned???!!! Why is modern medicine not researching this!?!!?

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Happy International Men’s Day to my dad and only my dad.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

My mom is a psychic in that she sees ghosts and also every calorie I’ve ever eaten.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

I’m gonna steal my local baby Jesus statue and leave a birth bond in its place so everyone knows a Jew did it.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

My birthday is on Wednesday so everybody better wise up and figure out a group gift

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Why was the inauguration on so early??? I was hoping it would be more of a happy hour event.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

To have legally 0 twitter followers but many many Instagram followers finally proves that there’s no brain in this pretty little head

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Should I order Dance Dance Revolution and burn this quaratine to the ground?

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

I can’t wait for all the anti-abortion men to start paying child support

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Do you think anyone would even care if I got bangs right now?

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

MY COVID IS CURED BY PURE JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Okay I’m actually not kidding now... DO I get bangs?

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

New York is back! I just saw a man eat 3 full Chobani yogurts in direct sunlight!

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

Just heard a 7 year old girl say, “I don’t like to kiss people and I just really don’t like kissing” .... what a little fuckin’ virgin! More kisses for us loser

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Shout out to @KimKardashian ’s two different belly buttons in her Instagram story! Okay a day and night look!

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

My dad walking into the kitchen at twelve o’clock noon wearing 3 large rings is my childhood

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

Should I just give this all up and have a baby with my gay roomate?

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Started a political conversation at the kitchen table and then immediately got up and left. It’s called creating chaos 👹

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

I got a new iPhone so I’m actually feeling fine now

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

For 2020, I’ve decided to level up and start using the word “darling”.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Every time you leave New York, you are camping.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

Yeah, blondes have more fun... but at what cost?

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

My doctor is my family friend so he literally does not care when I’m sick. I told him my tonsils were swollen and he said, “stop complaining I’m very busy”.

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

I think it’ll help if we start calling quarantine, “this holiday season”

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

Happy to see that all the celebrities are getting fat too!

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

5 years

My love language is that you have to be obsessed with me!

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

4 years

One of my favorite things to do is to not give a blow job

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gabbyisbryan

@gabbyisbryan

3 years

I actually met a woman last night who’s favorite band is Nickel Back and I can’t stop wondering what horrible things she’s been through

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