anorexia for me is like being inside a burning building where i can see the exit but choose to burn in the fire because it’s the only thing that feels safe. i feel so mentally and emotionally weak and useless. i wish i could just go out that door but i can’t bring myself to do it
i feel bad for pigs. people in ed spaces use them as insults all the time, but in reality they’re really cute and kind creatures. when i’ve been at the farm near i live, the pigs have always been so sweet
when i recover i will not be an exercise pilates matcha girlie. i will be someone who eats local food that is good for the environment and support norwegian farmers. i will limit my intake of ultra processed food, but not in an obsessive way
mashed potatoes, falafels and broccoli i had earlier. i mushed the falafels and potatoes together and put ketchup on it. it was amazing. then my brain freaked out and i couldn’t keep it down. im tired
my heart shaped easter egg 🐣
i tasted mokkabønner for the first time in forever and omg my soul ascended. i’m an old lady at heart, i love these things so much
this is when things go downhill - i’ve eaten dinner (rice, salmon, broccoli), and i feel so guilty and out of control that my brain is like “you might as well eat something more now that you have the chance you fat ugly disgusting fuck”
the psych ward i was at abused me very badly and we won the trial and now i’m getting replacement money for the years they took off my life 😁 i dont actually care about the money, im just happy that my suffering will lead to change so no one else has to go through the same thing
i binged yesterday and want to fast today, but won’t that just repeat the b/r cycle? or am i just a fat gross creature finding excuses because i want to eat
i hate that i’ve gained weight. i can’t stand myself. i cry every time i think about it for longer than ten seconds. i feel like a disgusting monster. i hate looking normal. people tell me i look healthier. i wish i didn’t have to be perceived
i’m watching cr!minal m!nds and a victim tried to kill himself by slitting his wrist and the team members held him and did everything in their power to comfort him and make him feel safe but when i did it in hospital all they did was yell at me and be mad at me
i saw a documentary where the woman described it as being inside a burning building without finding the exit but for me it’s like the exit is right in front of me i’m just too stupid and useless to do it
i feel so awfully lonely today even though i know i’m not 👎 my sister also baked brownies and i had a slice without going crazy and binging or purging. proud of myself
purging while being emetophobic is genuinely one of the worst things ever i’m shaking so bad and just crying crying crying crying i hate myself so much
today has been so hard. i had a big meltdown (the ones where i need to be held/restrained) and it lasted for almost an hour just screaming. i’m so tired of this life, now my face is full of scratches and my head hurts and i didn’t manage to fast and everything just sucks
PAPER BAG IS NOT ABOUT EATING DISORDERS i don’t care if you interpret it that way, you do you, but miss fiona apple did not create that masterpiece just for it to be labeled as “the ed song”
i’ve been binging and purging this entire month but i opened up to my parents about it and when i’m home from my grandparents they’re going to help me stick to 1600 which is what i eat to maintain mid 16s
i am so sad, every night i go to sleep thinking tomorrow i’ll break the pattern but i can’t stop. the guilt is eating me up, i don’t want to be alive it this goes on for another month
having fresh cuts on my body makes me nauseous which makes me not eat. i would say yay but i hate being nauseous. i’m scared of involuntarily throwing up. but at least im not eating