fightgeek @fightgeek Twitter profile

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

i have gold buried here. why would i move

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

nebraska is the only state you can watch your dog run away for 3 days

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

real cavemen didn’t propel their car with their feet. that part of the show was fake

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

[every person who ever bought a used bookstore] now I can bring my cats to work.

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

5000yrs ago one of your ancestors dug up a shiny rock and now you owe verizon $1247.00

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

we’re all going to die. back to Jim with sports

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

2 years

my sister has thrown four (4) different boyfriends down flights of stairs

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

cashier: have a nice day me: i got other plans, buddy

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

I wish there were old saloon doors we could kick open everywhere.

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

2 years

when my parents were divorced they had a ski race to see who kept custody of us. things worked different in the 80s

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

2 years

reverse psychology? that'll never work

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

President Kardashian will fix this.

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

ate a tomato sandwich on the porch and watched some kids kick a can, if anyone wants anything from 1935

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

i’d be scared someone would push on the top and ’boggle’ me

New York Post

@nypost

4 years

Hot-yoga domes could be the new social-distancing fitness craze

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

*tips my bowler hat to a couple wearing pea coats on a vespa*

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

i thought the painting of willie nelson in our living room was jesus until i was 14

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

teaching children the Olive Garden is italian food is considered child abuse in 36 states

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

3 years

cdc: make sure you clock out for that half hour quarantine

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

sorry i backed into your car, i had the stereo too loud and couldn’t see

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

i stay in a hotel for two days sweating in my underwear. drinking. practicing my karate under a whirling ceiling fan before writing a tweet that gets 23 likes. success is me, i am success

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

1 year

i spent thousands on a séance to speak to my dad, and he was like "rotate your goddamn tires"

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

i hope my positivity fucks your whole day up

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

I’ve only been to the movies twice. Star Wars in ‘77, took a little break, then saw Nacho Libre in ‘06.

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

thinking of becoming a recluse, or at the very least, a weird loner

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

3 years

our band saved $580 by not playing any shows this year

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

i either just registered my car online or i'm licensed to import rare birds now

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

2 years

now let's get out there and seriously overestimate our social skills

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

i volunteer at the park teaching kids how to smoke. do your part

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

i asked my dad what he wanted for Christmas and he mumbled "a modern agrarian revolution" and kept kneading his bread dough

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

1 year

‘honestly, you’ve been nothing but a burden’ will fit on a sheet cake

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

i just kick doors open like SWAT now

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

3 years

one time i smoked a little hash and went to college for 11 years

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

you should be eating at least 8 hours of pizza a week

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

one time one of my moms boyfriends told us we could call him dad. we were like, 'whatever, Mark R.'

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

i'm waiting until the vaccine is available as a gummy

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

if i get a stimulus check i’m having myself put down

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

when people pick me up hitchhiking, i try and find out if they’re ticklish within the first few miles

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

you can park an el camino wherever the hell you want

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

stay in school. you don't want to end up like me, standing under a lamp post flipping a coin all night

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

3 years

i asked my dad what he wanted for christmas and he said "to be free of this prison you call a home"

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

*peeling an orange* I DONT HAVE THE PATIENCE FOR THIS

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

my neighbor acts like he’s never been hit with a shovel before

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

*i crush us both with a vending machine trying to shake out free funions*

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

i wanna move somewhere exotic sounding. like Minnesota

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

i don't even care that we faked the moon landing. we should fake more stuff

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

due to personal reasons, no.

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

get in loser. we’re going to the park to smoke weed and pick up trash

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

if my wife let me handle our finances i'd be riding a pony to work right now

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

i've built 27 miniature microbreweries alongside my model train set. i'm trying to keep a realistic feel to the town

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

don't worry about global warming you guys, i did some recycling today

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

every time i go in a Guitar Center they call my mom to come get me, before i get halfway through smoke on the water

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

whoever has my dads red-handled wire snips. quit fuken’ around, he’s pissed

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

got hit by a car so i’m diffusing some lavender and rosehip

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

i like you guys best, my ham radio friends are too formal. over

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

i reverse the pronunciation of tortilla and godzilla

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

the price is firm on the subaru BECAUSE of the mos def cd stuck in the stereo, Sir

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

*neighbors putting mountain bikes on the car* you guys headed down to the pawnshop?

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

2 years

a labradoodle in a northface puffy jacket and tiny uggs snubbed me today

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

i think my neighbors just blew up a gas station

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

a guy just walked by and threw change into my coffee … is that my tax return

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

have you tried the walking away. it's delicious

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

*tases you for all 3min 48sec of Electric Avenue*

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

2 years

our school bus driver, Charlie, never even took us to school, he just drove us around. we turned out fine

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

you have carpet in your kitchen. i'm done listening to anything you say

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

broke my arm doing a trust fall during a team building zoom meeting

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

sometimes i don’t talk because my brain is too wiggly

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

*jesus yanks the wheel into the oncoming lane*

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

my dad was wrong. all of those old punk albums were right

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

i put my bike into the rack on the front of a city bus and climb back on it. people honk. my hair is amazing

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

my new neighbors are too nice, so i’m gonna be a wind chimes guy now

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

i don’t know. maybe grow a circle of sunflowers to hide from the world in

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

my favorite thing to do is just not be at work

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

i want to live on a rundown farm where no one ever comes to visit with you

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

there’s not enough songs about gas station dick pills

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

2 years

nobody likes you when you're 53

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

at 3 dui’s you should get to pick a free mountain bike from the police impound lot

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

they say breaking up is hard to do. have you ever done it by email? it's actually incredibly easy

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

i got such a good parking spot downtown today i might walk home

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

3 years

i made my dad a beetloaf and he tried to run me over with his van

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

them: is that a real sword me: why would i walk around with a toy sword. that’s crazy

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

my dad used to say, ‘try not to shit yourselves or eat a box of crayons while we’re here.’ that’s still solid advice

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

i'm voting for whoever promises us the metric system

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

be nice today. people hate that

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

3 years

what you do in the privacy of your own home is disgusting

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

i like your dumb poems

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

i hope they don’t make us do Hands Across America again

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

3 years

take this key and go to the trunk of my cressida. bring me the first banjo you see

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

whenever i see a dude in an old muscle car, i just nod ‘sup, in case he wants to scrap it out at the Dairy Queen

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

3 years

those refrigerated tanker cars on the trains are for the potato salad

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

damn gentrification. i can't tell if the bikers across the park will sell me weed, or are branch managers and accountants

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

i'm not too punk for anything. i'm 50 and go to bed at nine

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

today at CrossFit we hunted and ate most of a Buick Essence

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

everything that can fly learned to do it on the way to the ground

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

i want to take a year off and eat orange chicken

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

smoking cigarettes and cussing with some cool kids i met behind an abandoned gamestop

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

saving up my vacation days for the civil war

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

when I become Surgeon General … i won't warn you about anything

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

6 years

sometimes i wear Vans just so your girlfriend knows she has options

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

i married my high school bully idgaf

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

4 years

white dudes be like how can i be privileged when my great grand father worked so hard for everything i have

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fightgeek

@fightgeek

5 years

asked my dad to pick me up some blueberry vape oil and he took a swing at me and tried to run me over with his van

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