Updated with the new blue place, in case you are desperate for more of me:
FB: christafaust
IG: christafaust
Tumblr: christafaust
Mastodon:
@christafaust
@mastodon
.social
Blue:
And, as always,
Evergreen reminder: When you see people publicly enjoying something harmless that you don't like, just let them enjoy it without weighing in with your dislike. Go do something you like instead.
There are no "sides" in the Epstein rape-ring takedown. The guy from your team doesn't get a pass because a guy from the other team was also involved. BOTH guys go down, along with everyone else involved. Don't make me explain this again.
Today I am fifty two. No filter, no filler, no fucks given. I’ve gained weight and wrinkles in the two years since my
#hysterectomy
and I’m currently fighting my way through
#menopause
but I still feel like the best is yet to come. Fucking bring it.
In honor of his birthday, take my handy man-bun test: If you are contemplating cultivating a man-bun, ask yourself "Am I Toshiro Mifune?" If the answer is no, don't.
#UnpopularOpinion
I'm going to start describing my male character's testicles like this. "Dick's warm, velvety ballsack nestled shyly beneath the sleeping python of his heroic cock, temping me to reach out, cup the prodigious pair in my palm and say "Time to go to work, boys."
More 90s era bondage. Behind the scenes snap of me tying up the stunning
@DitaVonTeese
for a photo shoot. (Even with the naughty bits covered, this probably won’t be allowed on Insta/FB.)
17 years after MONEY SHOT,
@FaustFatale
brings Angel Dare back in THE GET OFF, and
@CrimeReads
just revealed the Paul Mann cover and the first chapter. This book is *amazing*. Heart-wrenching, painful, suspenseful, beautiful.
Ok, so I keep seeing that post asking people to write the first line of a novel on which a spooky old house would appear. How about writing the first line of a novel that would have this dark and magical dwelling on the cover?
Hey, perverts! Help me procrastinate by completing my list of flicks/shows/videos/polaroids in which Mads Mikkelsen is in bondage. Please show your work.
1. HANNIBAL. All damn day.
In honor of Valentines Day what's your favorite line from a book or a movie where one character expressed love for another?
I've got one but I wanna wait a while 😊
Murder Spouses!
Also, what the fuck am I doing with my hands? Why does
#12InchMads
look so disheveled and neckless? How big is Full Sized Mads’ finger? Who is responsible for me anyway?
#RDC6
We all have many (MANY) issues with Twitter, but at least they'll let me repost this photo of birthday girl Sophia Loren, which just got banned from Facebook.
Whatever else happens today, this week or in the coming months, it's officially time to retire the phrase "This isn't who we are, America!" Because I got news. It fucking is.
I’m a writer. I read fast. My brain loves text above all other info delivery mechanisms. I hate talking head videos where someone babbles a bunch of long winded shit I could read in ten seconds. So yeah, feeling kinda like I should just get in the tar pit and get it over with.
Sad to report that More Hitler Than Hitler Mads doesn’t get tied up in the DILF of Destiny, but he does get choked with his own man-purse by Phoebe Waller-Bridge. Will update The List accordingly.
Everything remains terrible, but here’s today’s thing that doesn’t suck. Mr Global Pageant’s National Costume contest. The entire category is gold, but Mr Indonesia’s tiger lewk is fucking superb.
Happy New Year, Faustketeers!
3,650 days late and a lotta dollars short, but a rough draft of the final Angel Dare novel THE GET OFF is finally in the can. Gonna let it ferment overnight, make a few more tweaks, and then send it off to
@HardCaseCrime
Me: Shit, I have a LOT on my plate today!
Brain: Let’s cast HANNIBAL as a midcentury Film Noir!
Me: No.
Brain: Ok so, Vincent Price as Hannibal, obviously…
Whenever I have to say goodbye to someone I love, I go to the ocean. Losing someone during these strange times is more difficult and dissonant than ever but the ocean doesn’t care about your little problems. It’s just there, same as always. Which I find weirdly reassuring.
In light of yet another caught-on-tape scandal that will lead to absolutely no consequences, can we have a moment of silence for that beloved thriller/crime fictional trope of "getting the tape to the papers to blow the lid off" whatever. RIP plot point, you were enjoyed.
Or:
1. Flash ankle bracelet
2. Get him to sell your husband a life insurance policy
3. Use his pent up sexual frustration to your advantage
4. Have him kill your husband so you can be together
5. Let him take the fall
6. Visit him in San Quentin until his execution
7. Repeat
How to keep a man in 6 simple steps
1. Learn how to cook amazing dishes
2. Be feminine (long hair, makeup, nails etc)
3. Don't nag him over trivial things
4. Be debt free
5. Don't be a single mom
6. Know how to please him in bed
The results are in!
@davidsuhphoto
really helped me shed my old, uncomfortable skin and express my new mature, complex and fluid identity. I’m thrilled with the powerful portraits we created together.
So there has been a silly little viral thing going around asking what us over-30 geriatrics did back before Thee Interwebs. My facetious, one word answer might have been “Fuck.”
But then I read this article, ostensibly by one of us, and now I have THOUGHTS. Strap in, kiddos.
For once I'd like to see a story/movie where a character's mother is a sex worker, but not an addict or an asshole. Instead, she bakes cookies and is awesome and charming and takes great care of her family.
Some guy named Brian, who definitely never ever looks at boobs online because that would be wrong:
"Dear Ladies, There is no reason whatsoever for you to post pictures of yourself in... bra and underwear..."
Me:
#1
: MONEY SHOT by Christa Faust. Former adult film actress Angel Dare agrees to one more shoot, and when things go horribly wrong, she sets out to set them right -- the body count be damned.
I once put up a Tinder profile that read: "Cold, amoral femme fatale seeks sexually frustrated drifter with nothing to lose to help murder her husband." I can't tell you how many messages I got that used variations on "You seem like a nice girl."
Really?!?
Guy in line behind me at the pharmacy yelled out “I guessed right!” as I was leaving. I gave him the eyebrow of doom and said “excuse me?” He clarified, very proud of himself. “You’re a girl!” Anyway I’m in jail now, send bail money.
Don't know who needs to hear this (hint: me) but you should print out this note from Gil Brewer to fellow author Harry Whittington and staple it to your forehead. (h/t to
@ron_clinton
by way of
@LeeGoldberg
)
Good morning, perverts. Please enjoy this portrait of the author as a young Dominatrix, circa 199something. Also, is that an unfortunate ancestor of
#12inchMads
?
Some sad news. My mother’s partner Tom, who has been a second father to me for nearly 50 years, has died. He was the perpetual straight man to my childhood vaudeville act (see photo below.)
A woman can have multiple orgasms caused by multiple partners every day of the fucking week without getting anybody pregnant. Clearly the problem isn’t us. It’s sperm. So if you really want to eliminate abortion, maybe you should pass more laws to control MEN’S bodies.
People who believe in vast secret conspiracies in which thousands of individuals around the globe are working together with clockwork precision to achieve a unified goal have clearly never worked as a project manager or showrunner.
"Amazon has created an automated system that essentially says, 'Hey, sweetie, why don’t you smile more?'"
Hard fucking no.
(Also, I'm starting to think
@robwhart
's THE WAREHOUSE was overly optimistic.)
Having a rough time today with (waves hand around at America) all this? Take a break from the news and enjoy this superb photo of a running Boston Terrier, also known as the American Gentleman.
See also: "As Dick gazed at his reflection in the full length mirror, his eye was drawn to the weighty, symmetrical perfection of his virile bro-varies. Though he was getting close to 40, his scrotum retained the youthful tautness of a sleek teenage swimmer. Not bad, he thought."
While I was in Texas, I had a lot of very nice, well-meaning people tell me that the reason why me and my pets recently came close to burning to death in the middle of the night in suburban Los Angeles was "poor forest management." What am I, an Ewok?
You idiots had one job. Keep this fucking guy alive long enough to implicate all the other scumbags in his filthy rich teen-raping circle. Not sorry he's dead, but sorry he won't be taking anyone else down with him.