''Steve'' Profile Banner
''Steve'' Profile
''Steve''

@extranapkins

25,117
Followers
755
Following
4,150
Media
64,143
Statuses

Unapologetically Me👑 VP of Marketing - Bold & Opinionated! Music Maven 🎶 Sports Enthusiast 🏈 Lover of food 🍗 Cocktail Connoisseu

Joined August 2008
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@extranapkins
''Steve''
6 months
All the people saying "I would never get scammed!!" should know it can happen to anyone... My gf in Slovenia has a PhD and she got scammed out of $20,000 right after I sent her $20,000 for a plane ticket to America so we could finally meet in person
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
4 years
My sister accidentally wrapped my gift in the covid stats / obituaries page
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
10 months
Public sentiment is really starting to shift on the Israel-Palestine issue. Which would be huge if we lived in a country where public sentiment was able to affect government policy
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
5 years
Cool pot I made for my mom in fifth grade. Features my name carved around the outside, minus an n (“STEPHE”), with bonus ring holder inside
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
4 years
The unending indeterminate surface that Garfield exists on is at Jon's chest height, and also has a table on top of it
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
5 years
Before twitter most rich people could go their entire lives without being told how insanely stupid they are
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
4 years
Dune was delayed because they needed to find some more sand. They couldn't get as much sand as they needed in time
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
3 years
It's funny that Christianity is like the crucifixion was the worst, most painful thing that has ever happened to anyone, no one has ever suffered as much pain and torment as Jesus. Also, there were 2 other random non-God guys there also getting crucified at the same time
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
5 years
Comedian: So, a little bit about me, - Me: Oh hell yeah... I’m about to learn a little bit about this standup comedian
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
5 years
The Joker: But I have a little game of my own, Batman... See how long you can play this sexy hentai video game without cumming! Batman: No... No! Robin: Good lord, with cartoon fuck gameplay that sexy, Batman won't last 5 minutes Batman: No!
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
8 years
Criminal psychologist: I'd like to show you some gifs Me: That's... me when fam trying to start drama Psychologist: This is singer Beyoncé.
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
6 years
A "happy ending" is when at the end of a massage, the masseuse reaches down and snaps your neck, killing you
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
5 years
I don’t mean this in a rude way but every motorcycle should come with a built-in decibel meter where if the engine goes over a certain volume the bike explodes, killing the rider
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
1 year
Why is M&Ms saying this to me
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
12 years
The jerk store called? But, that jerk store burned down ten years ago... on this very night
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
5 years
Excited for the new direction they're taking this Sonic movie
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
3 years
Welcome to Busty Town
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
5 years
The greek chorus is a literary device where a bunch of guys say “owned” whenever the main character gets owned
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
3 years
Real men don’t need “game” to seduce women or a “mindset” for business success. A real man simply staggers through life, impassive and confused, until a situation arises where a woman wants to have sex with him or he has to commit a murder
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
3 years
Bart: Ay caramba! I just learned that managing trauma is a lifelong process. Homer: (weird season 1 voice) That's right, boy.
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
6 years
If you were a gifted child and have depression later, your depression is 1.5-2x more "real" than the depression of a non-gifted person. The giftedness of your brain allows all of your thoughts and emotions to be felt much more deeply than those of a normal person
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
5 months
Went to a screening of Love Lies Bleeding and the Jacking section was completely sold out. So I'm sitting there in the Non-Jacking section, not jacking it, like a complete idiot. Meanwhile I look over at the Jacking section and several of the guys aren't even jacking it
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
6 years
Idea: Tinder but for fighting. You swipe right on dudes whose asses you wanna kick, and if you both swipe each other... you gotta fight
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
10 years
T(+0:00) Dosed 64oz Beer T(+0:01) No effects yet. T(+0:04) oh holky fuck
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
12 years
Mr. Gorbachev, tear up this club
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
4 years
The Italian heathcare system, which consists solely of doctors prescribing patients to see different types of clowns, has been strained almost to its breaking point
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
12 years
There's only gonna be 12 hits; Me hitting you, and you hitting the floor, then me listening to the Eagles Greatest Hits
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
3 years
The fool buys one $3 million dollar house..... the wise man buys 3 million $1 houses
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
2 years
Some people look down on so-called “single use” plastics, but I actually found a second use for them. I break them down into microscopic sized particles and then put the particles into my organs and tissues
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
5 years
Here's a comic about peanuts
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
7 years
Libertarianism is a fake idea invented by thinktanks to trick people into being republican. It's not a real thing you can be. Sorry
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
4 years
One of the funniest things in the Wire is the idea that taking a community college intro to macroeconomics class would allow drug dealers to take drug dealing to a powerful new scientific level
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
14 years
*lays $8 of quarters on the bar* Whats the plural of High Life
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
5 years
There's no "decade" that's about to end... Decades were an artifact of the 20th century, there are no decades anymore, it's just the 2000s until we're all dead
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
2 years
Short men develop more powerful imaginations due to having to imagine what the bands playing look like at concerts. Whereas tall men's minds atrophy from being able to just lazily look at what's happening on the stage
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
6 years
By only featuring a single detective, True Detective season 3 eliminates the central dilemma of the previous seasons - figuring out which of the two detectives is the True Detective
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
5 years
With this latest gaffe Bernie Sanders risks alienating one of the most important demographics: people whose job it is to pretend to be offended at every single thing he does, every single day
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
10 years
JUDGE JUDY: and it says here you tweeted...86 times before txting back your gf ME: turn off that fucking camera. Turn off the fucking camera
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
9 years
I've got eight words for you: I've got two words for you: Fuck off
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
13 years
The best you can hope for in life is for someone you dont know to see you from far away and think wow that guy looks cool
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
6 months
Wow this site has such an insane amount of bots on it now
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
2 years
Before Goofy it was considered cool for people to say stuff like "Gawrsh" and "hyuck hyuck". But Goofy turned them into a fucking joke
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
6 years
The only "smoky eyes" I'm interested in are on America's first responders who rushed into the towers that fateful morning
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
4 years
Me in February 2020 vs Me now
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
6 years
Coffins are cool..... caskets suck........ RT for Respect
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
6 years
In her touching last message to mankind Koko the gorilla reveals that Hell Is Real
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
6 years
just in case anybody that takes adderall still thinks it's harmless... it's a huge ass molecule. You'd easily choke to death trying to swallow a molecule that size
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
2 years
Donating over $10,000,000 to victims of crypto fraud. Unfortunately though the money is currently being held in my home city of Lagos, Nigeria and I just require a small amount to cover the fees required to get the money out of the country;
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
4 years
Gf trying to tell me about Will Smith's marriage finally corners me inside a drainpipe overlooking a 100 foot plummet to the water below. "I don't want to learn about Will Smith's marriage!" I shout over the raging torrent. "I don't care," she shouts back. I slowly turn around
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
6 years
Twitter would be better if for every fave you got it had like a 1/800,000 chance of dropping a legendary rune ax or something, that your avatar could equip
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
6 years
Just kick it under the fridge
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
3 years
Lowkey the middle of the day has some serious lunch vibes fr.... but when the sun goes down the dinner vibes set in
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
13 years
My namea Borat Montoya. You kill my father... very nice
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
5 years
Mfers just tried to hang me at the owl creek bridge and the damn rope snapped.... God damn these bozos are bad at executing, can't wait to get home and post more about how alive I am
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
6 years
Remember in history class when they were like So if they ever start doing child concentration camps you gotta do a violent overthrow of the government and we were like Hey when are we ever going to use this stuff
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
2 years
@wyatt_privilege It's cool how much the quality of every manufactured object has decreased over our lifetimes
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
15 years
do the principles of autoerotic asphyxiation apply to anything else? this sandwich is pretty good, but what if I were also strangling myself
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''Steve''
6 years
Sure, rich people's children who have been professionally groomed since birth may dominate the fields of art, media, journalism, politics, comedy, television, theater, literature, academia, and movies. But there's one creative field where they'll never excel... Posting online
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
5 years
Compromise: We're allowed to have good original movies again that aren't sequels or based on existing properties, just at the end the narrator says "And that guy went on to become... The Joker" and the movie's called Joker Legacy: Revelations or something
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
5 years
When I was a child, I thought humor was yoda photoshopped smoking a blunt and saying how doobies lead to munchies. Now that I am a man, I realize true humor is a yoda holding a cup with the caption "me holding a cup"
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
5 years
Fans are upset that a piece of trash was left in this week's episode of Game of Thrones... the piece of trash? That's right, it was the script, of the dialogue and plot of Game of Thrones
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
4 years
Just 5 years ago, the idea of delivery McDonald’s was the most fucked up, twisted, psycho shit imaginable. But now it’s something that everyone on this site does multiple times every day for some reason
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
4 years
As a small time landlord and owner of 10 properties, along with my wife (owner of 10 rental properties) and 7 beautiful children (all owning 10 properties each) , we depend on our renters to give us money to h ave
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
13 years
Found a portrait of me in my attic that keeps getting uglier and older, at first I thought I was immortal but now I realized it's a mirror
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''Steve''
5 years
Got a letter from a restaurant I ate at last month. Apparently an out-of-network sous chef walked through the kitchen while they were preparing my burger and now I owe them $8,000
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
6 months
@JucheMane Thank you Mr. Musk sir
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
14 years
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 5 billion dollaers???
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''Steve''
3 years
Here's a comic about self-improvement
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''Steve''
4 years
Yo AM, you gotta see this, you’re not going to believe it, AM. I got the blinged out albatross, check that out, you wear it around your neck, it symbolizes the burden of guilt and serves as a portent of doom to come. You can’t find these anywhere AM
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
7 months
@paynushurts That guy's turning lead into gold of course you gotta kill him
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''Steve''
12 years
Thursday? Let's see, Thursday... *opens day planner revealing a single sheet of paper with PARALYZED WITH ANXIETY on it* Thursday's no good.
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''Steve''
6 years
The perfect crime...
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''Steve''
5 years
All mafia movies are a psyop to trick Italians into buying into this fictional manufactured cultural identity and forgetting their true proud heritage as bomb-throwing anarchists
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
5 years
That vegetable? You guessed it, it’s A Hose Full of Alive Worms
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''Steve''
5 years
On the new Sunn O))) tour, halfway through the show they drop the robes to reveal their absolutely shredded new physiques, totally jacked, very low body fat %, and the crowd is losing it for their bodies, then they pick up the guitars and start playing 90s alternative jams
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
3 years
Trying to keep track of Malcolm Gladwell's likes and dislikes. So far for dislikes I have Norm MacDonald, and for likes I have Flying on the child sex slave plane to the child sex slave island
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''Steve''
7 years
Now that Manson's dead hopefully the stigma for having a swastika carved into your forehead will finally start to go away
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''Steve''
5 years
That’s a good point
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''Steve''
6 years
Here's a cartoon I drew about Bigfoot in like 2011 I think
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''Steve''
9 years
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''Steve''
6 years
Android lady: Welcome to West World, where the only limit here, is... Your imagination. And also, everything is Old West shit. That's another limit
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''Steve''
9 years
Man explaining the concept of currency: So after 8 hours of labor you can exchange it for one (1) hour of therapy Me: Wow. This kicks ass
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''Steve''
11 months
All the people who worked in her office and shuttled her around and told her how to vote and wrote her statements and stuff should be entombed along with her
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
7 years
Getting a boner is the "caps lock" of the dick
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''Steve''
5 years
Here's a comic about riding the bus
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''Steve''
7 years
Pitch for uber: Imagine a taxi, except... it's the first time the driver has ever driven a car in his life
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''Steve''
3 years
Here's a cartoon about keeping an open mind
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''Steve''
6 years
The Sentinelese probably have no idea about the big cow... Sad
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''Steve''
2 years
(reading the news) Huh... 'Biosphere Collapsing'.... bummer. I sure would hate to be living in the biosphere right now
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''Steve''
15 years
the recent slew of allegations that I have every fleetwood mac album cover airbrushed on the side of my van... it's just rumours
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''Steve''
5 years
I do not believe that Delaware has a distinct culture to the point where you can say like “That’s just how we do things here in Delaware.” Sorry
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
3 years
About me
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''Steve''
4 years
Mentally I’m here
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''Steve''
6 years
here's a comic
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
4 years
(on my deathbed) My only wish is that after I'm dead, the bad decisions I made leading to terrible consequences for millions of people, be fixed. Via magic
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
4 years
Oscar Isaac kept saying he had a "sand guy" and they were kind of counting on that coming through but then when he went to call him he had changed his number or something. And that was a real setback
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
3 years
@privilegelog Your honor, surely no one this banal could be "evil"
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''Steve''
4 years
Here's a comic about men going to therapy
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''Steve''
3 years
I love discussing whether movies are over/underrated. Also whenever I watch a sunset I spend the whole time imagining if a 25 year old who works at the AV CLub would think it's beautiful the correct amount
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@extranapkins
''Steve''
3 years
Wow this investment genius figured out how to make $100K a month. And all it takes is having 12 million dollars to start
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