Ed Morrish @edmorrish Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@JakirAn65340144

@iamstillyvonne

@kohime_ray

@bokeplokalmalam

@nomrsl

@soumreineberber

@Blend_Ben

@ImBoudehjali

@luupdates_

@nikosia_

@trhk_____1201

@rostkowww

@shinto

@tbzdiaries

@Trixcy194

@mariliundressOF

@NadineLaubacher

@CMF_SanctiPetri

@conorfsmith

@matamunetyan

@stw46

@DaniiR737335

@Shiny_Snivy55

@ihacomtr

@AnhMinhKhang

@bokeplokalmalam

@skyscothy48

@Hijabshinee

@hyruleswiftie

@simpmossy

@edyN17080

@bokeplokalmalam

@ORIKIgroup

@yourgoddess_mo

@lurgan_ladies

@Amazoniee

Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

If I was putting out a video denying criminal behaviour, I would do as many takes as it took to make sure there didn’t have to be an obvious edit before the word “consensual”.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Chaka Khan.

Missy Martinez

@MissyXMartinez

2 years

Oh, you support women? Name every woman then

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

“I refuse to vote for the lesser of two evils!” cool well I hope you enjoy the greater of two evils.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Isn’t it weird how we want the Leader of the Opposition to solve Israel/Palestine while the actual Prime Minister soft-launches his fintech podcast.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

10 months

I’ve been posting this story every year since 2012, and it still makes me cry. Happy Christmas xx

A real Good Samaritan

One act of kindness that befell Leeds writer Bernard Hare in 1982 changed him profoundly. Here he tells his story.

www.bbc.co.uk

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Hi! I’m an American on Twitter, and I’m going to make a definitive statement about another country’s cuisine by comparing all the restaurants I know in America with all the places I saw during a ninety minute stopover at Charles de Gaulle airport. And no, I will NOT back down.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

The joy of having a teenage son.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Quite brave of Braverman to go after the homeless; doesn’t she realise how many of them have military training?

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Forcing children to study maths from age 4 to 18 is ridiculous. What good would sixteen years of maths lessons do?

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

“Hey, did you write the intro to the exhibition about wool?” “Sure did boss. Real sexy, just like you asked.” “What?” “What?”

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

“A cigarette! That you can legally buy in shops!”

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

I’ve just put a thousand pounds on Boris Johnson using the phrase “the biggest stitch-up since the Bayeux Tapestry” in his first column. If I’m right, I stand to win £1,002.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

This is all well and good but I bet on the first of July the supermarket will go back to ignoring ovens.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

He very simply wants to know where Cotton Eye Joe a) came from and b) went.

Jason Howerton

@jason_howerton

2 years

Can someone explain what actually happened here?

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Absolutely devastating for Musk that this is funnier than anything he’s ever tweeted.

Facebook

@facebook

2 years

🫣

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

“After he criticised Boris Johnson for doing 70mph through a school playground, the Mail can exclusively reveal that Sir Kier Starmer was seen doing 70mph on the M6.”

Adam Bienkov

@AdamBienkov

2 years

The Mail says Keir Starmer "flouted lockdown guidance" at the start of September 2020, by being given a birthday cake. The UK wasn't in lockdown at the start of September 2020.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

You lefties might not like it, but this is absolute peak debating performance. 1. Claim Gary Lineker wouldn’t criticise Qatar. 2. When presented with a clip of Lineker criticising Qatar on national TV, claim it has “nothing to do” with your point.

Matt Goodwin

@GoodwinMJ

2 years

@TomABacon Sorry I don't know who you are and I'm not sure why you're posting something that has nothing to do with my original point.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

“We called him Paedo Steve because he used to say ‘I have images of child sex offences if anyone wants to see them’ but we always thought he was joking” - the people who we pay to solve crimes.

BBC News (UK)

@BBCNews

2 years

Met Safer Schools officer pleads guilty to child sex offences

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Comedy is such a tricky business to succeed in, because you need one dead parent for your Edinburgh show, and one alive parent for your travelogue.

Michael Spicer

@MrMichaelSpicer

1 year

The other half of British television always starts like THIS.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

@5tevieM When we emptied our parents’ house we talked about how we had to be unsentimental because we couldn’t possibly keep much. Then we talked into the garage, my sister picked up an old teapot stand, and I said “not Betsy the Teapot Stand!!”.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Honestly, the way Boris Johnson has been treated by his own party is such a disgrace that, if any Conservative MPs had any honour, they'd all resign immediately and force by-elections in every single Conservative-held seat.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Why did they write “quim” on the front of the British passport?

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Buckingham Palace is unoccupied right now. It is time.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Doctors is less of a programme, more of a training scheme that happens to get televised. And the fact is that writers, actors and crew can only improve at writing, acting and crewing if they are given the chance to actually do it, so I’m interested to see how the BBC replaces it.

Radio Times

@RadioTimes

1 year

BREAKING - #Doctors axed after 23 years by the BBC

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Nadhim Zahawi, bashing out an op-Ed about why speeding tickets should be abolished from a lay-by on the M4, as the policeman who stopped him patiently waits with the breathalyser.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

The government are letting down a generation of young Conservatives who are stuck renting the libs, unable to even dream of ever owning them.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

For any confused foreigners, this is just what we do when a government loses over a thousand seats in local elections.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Some ~personal news~: after seven years as the Impartial Observer-In-Chief at The Neutral News Outlet Which Just Reports The Facts, I’m going to join the Foundation For Smashing Lefties as their Trotbasher General. Thanks for all the memories guys, and don’t worry - I’ll be back!

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

I simply cannot imagine Lee Anderson ever referring to a Chinese restaurant as “a Chinese restaurant”.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Prince Charles got into Cambridge with a B in history and a C in French. He left with a 2:2 in history. But, sure, Oxbridge has always been about recruiting the brightest kids who contribute to its academic standing.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

I dunno, which one didn’t you feel able to write out in full?

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

While we’re all talking about whether Stanley Johnson, having allegedly broken his wife’s nose, should be given a knighthood, I think it’s also worth remembering that Boris Johnson has nominated someone who punched his own mum for a knighthood.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Really impressive first half by Newcastle, I thought. Here’s an insightful piece about Eddie Howe’s tactics that shows you exactly how they did it:

Saudi Crown Prince Confirms Death Sentence for Tweets

Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, known as MBS, has confirmed that retired teacher Muhammed al Ghamdi was indeed sentenced to death for his social media posts. In an interview with Fox News on...

www.hrw.org

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Managers who can’t tell if their employees’ work is getting done if they’re not there to see it remind me of babies who think their soft toy has disappeared because it’s behind them.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

You know how comedians have their little gangs, who all appear on each other’s gigs/podcasts/tv/radio? Well, do *they* know which one of them is the weak link who’s gotten a bit lucky, or is that something we can only see from the outside?

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

It’s like Twitter got a supply teacher and we think we can make him cry.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Why Starmer Is In Trouble, By Me, An Utterly Impartial Godparent To Boris Johnson’s Child.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

I reckon most people would stop smoking if they put something in cigarettes that made them sound like kazoos.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

I’m sick of looking at my pudgy, horrible body in the mirror every day and I’ve decided to do something about it. Would anyone like to buy a mirror?

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

I hope Russia offers a reward for stopping Prigozhin, because I’m a sub-editor at a British tabloid newspaper and I have a “BOUNTY ON THE MUTINY” headline ready to go.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Now the government has picked fights with Gary Lineker and David Attenborough, they should really cement their popularity and go after Martin Lewis and Your Mum.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

“Children do best in a stable home!” “Do you have any policies that help parents?” “Lol get fucked”

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

I was told the National Comedy Awards had a podcast category but not a radio category (or even a combined audio category) because “Radio was seen as being not very diverse”. So congratulations to the nominees!

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

@BeeBabs What I love about this sort of thing is that I will never, ever wonder if similar mistakes are being made in cities I don’t know. Driving from the Hollywood sign to the Golden Gate Bridge in half an hour? Sure, sounds about right!

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

It’s not the cowardice of standing down that gets me, because of course Parliament is better off without these people, but you just *know* they’ll be in the Telegraph every week explaining what everyone else is doing wrong.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

I did think that the main problem with Wayne Couzens was his wokeness.

Neil Henderson

@hendopolis

1 year

TELEGRAPH: Braverman: woke police damaging public trust #TomorrowsPapersToday

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

If David Beckham wants to take millions of pounds from a brutal theocracy that criminalises being gay, he can sign for Manchester City like everyone else.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

I agree that rich people should pay extra to use the NHS. Not at the point of use, obviously; that would be cruel. And even a post-hoc billing system wouldn’t quite work (eg if their income was reduced). So how about we just take a little bit more out of their income every month?

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

At last, a pizzagate we can ALL enjoy.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Of course, England was colonised by France in 1066, so if you support France you’re on the side of the colonisers.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

It could be that the taste of food is simply a matter of preference reinforced by centuries of culture, history, migration, trade, economics and genetics, or it could be that Italians are too stupid to have heard about paprika. It’s definitely one or the other.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

If banks can’t make political judgements then I guess they can no longer make donations to political parties or political conferences.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

This is a really good piece by @PrivateEyeNews about the newspapers who fail to mention the fact that they’ve employed sexual predators in their reporting on sexual predators. I hope the Eye look into any other newspapers, unnamed here, that do this!

Private Eye | Boris Johnson : Unreliable narrator

EHEU! Comment allez-vous! Kerchingeroo! It's the publishing sensation of the year – Boris Johnson's memoirs are here, and the Mail, which already pays for his piss-poor column, has stumped up even...

www.private-eye.co.uk

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Oh goodness me.

Gavan Reilly

@gavreilly

2 years

Misha, a non-verbal teen with Down’s Syndrome, didn’t understand why his family had to flee Mariupol this year. To placate him, his mother told him they were travelling to meet John Cena. Cena heard… and went to Amsterdam to oblige. Just brilliant.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

I used to shred my favourite books and soak them in hot water, creating a drink that would make me hallucinate the plot and characters. But the novel tea soon wore off.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Sold an absolute sucker two sausage rolls for £23.50 the other day.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

We are not making this up.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

@drjennings Once you’ve convinced yourself that the WEF are attempting a “great reset” then “there should be schools near where people live” becomes “WE WILL TELL YOU HOW TO LIVE”. Basically, a large section of middle-aged conservatives went absolutely fucking tonto during the pandemic.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

This does rather beg the question of how much of the original ticket price of £10-£15 was going directly to the artist.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

The next podcast I launch will be called Two Comedians You’ve Already Heard Of Have An Unstructured Chat, Maybe With A Famous Guest, because as much as I like producing actual comedy, that’s where the money is.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Just reported Woody Guthrie’s Twitter account. Hopefully he’ll have to get a new sticker, maybe saying THIS MACHINE RESPECTFULLY DEBATES FASCISTS, before he’s allowed back.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

11 months

If these protestors want to take cocaine and smash things up they can join the Bullingdon Club like everyone else.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

I wonder how many of those 50 MPs have estates worth more than £325k? My guess is somewhere between 50 and 50.

Toby Earle 🇺🇦 Threads tobyontv

@TobyonTV

1 year

Tory MPs voted not to feed vulnerable kids during the pandemic

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

If I were Keir Starmer I’d announce that no MP will be allowed a second job, with exemptions for emergencies (eg doctors). Let’s see how many MPs “decide the time is right to step away from politics”.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

If you’re not using ChatGPT4 to supercharge your passive income, you’re leaving thousand-dollar bills on the sidewalk. Here are a few key tricks to boost your earnings! 🧵

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Amazing to think that they don’t teach them not to say stupid shit like this out loud.

Becky Barrow

@beckymbarrow

1 year

The new provost of @Eton_College in today’s @Telegraph He says most of his friends are Old Etonians - and if he meets somebody who did not go there “I do admit…that it counts against them slightly.” Was there not a candidate with a more open mind?

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Just think; a British Prime Minister, elected with a stonking majority, forced out of office and then parliament just because he lied and lied and lied and lied and lied and lied and lied and lied and lied and lied and lied and lied and lied and lied and lied. Call that justice?

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Look, I understand disrupting major events such as the Test and Wimbledon, but a wedding? A private wedding? That’s going too far, in my opinion. As was, coincidentally, disrupting the Test and Wimbledon and, in fact, every single protest that has ever happened.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Oh, well this explains why she [the rest of this tweet has been redacted for legal reasons]

Daily Mail Online

@MailOnline

1 year

Former British PM Liz Truss refuses to pay £12,000 in missing bathrobes row

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

@AdamRutherford I think if I’d gone into a coma because of my beef’n’bennies diet, I’d probably shut the fuck up about what other people eat.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Someone should do a police drama about a cop on the edge who blurs the lines of what’s allowed and what’s not in order to crack the case and, as a consequence, absolutely fucks it and has to be disciplined and the criminal is free to re-offend.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

The best sound in football is the ten seconds of silence from Gary Neville when anyone scores either against Man Utd or for Liverpool. #thefootball

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

That video of Matt Hancock asking for £10,000 per day *looks* bad, but remember that he’d give at least £5 of that to a charity.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

There should be a premium tier of @virginmedia where you get access to the internet.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

If Elon only wants employees who 100% buy into his “vision” and will work whatever hours it takes to achieve that, he should simply hire his reply guys.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

At the next general election Iain will be going door-to-door to explain to people under 30 that their lives are actually good (by the standards of people in 1918 or 1945), and as a result I expect the Tories to win a majority of around 50.

Iain Martin

@iainmartin1

1 year

@Samfr Both world wars were far worse - in UK financial terms, and human cost - than this. Financial crisis long tail then a pandemic have certainly had a terrible effect. But if we're evaluating history, calling the UK "a steaming wreck" is Inbetweeners or NYT level of analysis, no?

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Zahawi came from Iraq with “nothing” at the age of 11, which makes it especially impressive that he attended the £23k/pa Ibstock Place school and then the £24k/pa Kings College School in Wimbledon. What an entrepreneur he must be!

Sohail Shah

@KingOfSunshine

2 years

Can’t get over this. James Not So Cleverly not answering the question and basically saying that because Nadhim Zahawi escaped a regime and built a business in the UK from scratch, that excuses his tax dodging? Says it all really. #NadhimZahawi

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Sorry but if you are being scammed by a dog you deserve to lose your money.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Friedrich Nietzsche insisted on staying in five-star hotels, because once he stared into an Ibis and the Ibis stared back at him.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Hey, remember when Westminster Council ordered the owners of the Carlton Pub in Maida Vale to rebuild it "brick by brick" after they attempted to circumvent planning permission by beginning demolition days before it got made Grade II?

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

@brokenbottleboy When someone accused REM of “selling out” with Losing My Religion, Peter Buck said “yeah, we cynically released a song on the mandolin, without a chorus, to get in the charts”.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

@SoozUK They were tourists! You may as well say that someone who slipped and fell into Vesuvius was “expanding our knowledge of Italy”.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

The good news is that it's now definitively legal to get drunk at work. You hear that, HR?!?

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

The BBC was founded on the 18th October 1922, and its first broadcast was 100 years ago today. That twenty-seven day gap remains the fastest anything has ever been commissioned.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

I’m not saying I’m a fan of Starmer, but maybe Labour were wise to choose a leader with a personal genie and an infinite number of wishes?

Beth Rigby

@BethRigby

1 year

BREAKING: Sturgeon in custody after being arrested in connection with SNP investigation

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Weird how no-one says “I guess nobody wants to work any more!” when looking at the rise of buy-to-let mortgages.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

“We’ve been in charge for thirteen years and everything’s shit. Here’s why that’s someone else’s fault” - every clip from the NatConCon.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

“I am SO FURIOUS that I am going to RESIGN so I can’t be seen to lose my seat which would SEVERELY REDUCE my SPEAKING FEES.”

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Football Russian Managers Oligarchs 🤝 Relax significantly when the window closes

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Some people say we should abandon Twitter. I say we stay and make fun of Musk until he kicks us all off, one by one.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Politics can bring out the worst in people; just because you disagree with someone’s politics doesn’t mean you can’t be polite. So, in that spirit - and even though I’m in no way a fan - I’d just like to say congratulations to Carrie Johnson and whoever the father of this one is.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Literal witchcraft.

Christian Dueñas 🥭

@ButtsOnAButt

2 years

Just a fun thing I like to do whenever I get beeps or ringing phones in the background of a track

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

Honestly, it’s like you can’t even TRY to pervert the course of justice these days.

bat020

@bat020

1 year

oh no not the woke blob

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

Elon Musk buying Twitter is like the QAnon people getting into government; they think there's a secret back room where all the big, secret decisions are made, and if they get in there they can change the system. But there isn't a secret room, just a total perspective vortex.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

It’s a good job we got all that caring about gay rights out of the way early doors, as it really frees us up to enjoy the final stages of the World Cup.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

There’s a woman doing DuoLingo on this train with no headphones, and when she got the “lesson passed” fanfare a group of kids cheered and clapped.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

"Why would you seek advice from a policeman or a lawyer as to whether the armed gathering in the post office was in accordance with the guidelines, when Big Scoggs and Manky Pete who, may I remind you, were actually there at the time, had already assured me that it was ."

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

People seeing one before the others are like little babies. God gave you two ears and two eyes for a reason.

DiscussingFilm

@DiscussingFilm

1 year

1 month until ‘BARBIE’ and ‘OPPENHEIMER’ release in theaters. Which will you watch first? See what other movies are coming soon:

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

1 year

The millionaire who donates to Just Stop Oil should try to open an account at Coutts, just to watch absolutely everyone reverse their opinion.

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Ed Morrish

@edmorrish

2 years

I for one am curious about the Conservatives putting out ads saying “we did Brexit! It was us, it was all us!” given the recent polling on this issue. But I suppose it’s that or the economy.

Conservatives

@Conservatives

2 years

We got Brexit done. We’re seizing the opportunities of Brexit to deliver on your priorities. 🇬🇧

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