donni saphire @donni Twitter profile

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

Things will be fine, eventually, in thousands of years, for rocks

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donni saphire

@donni

2 years

Just invented a new kind of emotion… it’s when you’re calm but also insane

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

Please don’t be mean to me. That’s my brain’s job

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donni saphire

@donni

2 years

Outside is scary and inside is lonely, we need a third place

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donni saphire

@donni

3 years

Are you anxious or just fully aware of the many threats that exist

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

Feeling good, except for my body and my brain

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donni saphire

@donni

3 years

It makes sense when babies are happy. They don’t know about most stuff

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donni saphire

@donni

2 years

Time to relax by reading my phone and getting upset

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donni saphire

@donni

3 years

If you burn the candle at both ends, stop! That is wrong. You are bad at candles

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donni saphire

@donni

2 years

Sorry I’m late, but time is a terrible burden I don’t understand

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donni saphire

@donni

3 years

What doesn’t kill you still hurts you a lot, and it’s not a cool experience

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

Shoot for the Moon. Stab for the stars. Poison the Sun. It’s time to kill space

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donni saphire

@donni

3 years

GUY EXPLAINING THE SIMPSONS TO HIS GIRLFRIEND: Homer is one of the main Simpsons

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donni saphire

@donni

5 months

A house should cost no more than 4 cars, and a car should cost 1000 sandwiches

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donni saphire

@donni

3 years

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donni saphire

@donni

2 years

What a time to be alive and horribly aware of everything

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donni saphire

@donni

2 years

Going to bed, but first let me try to fix everything in the world with my mind

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donni saphire

@donni

2 years

In exchange for 1 extra hour of sleep, you get to be sad for 5 months

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

Message to my haters: I share your concerns

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donni saphire

@donni

6 years

Did Counting Crows ever give us a total number of crows

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

They should make a country, but it’s safe and normal to live there

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

Things were simpler in ancient times. If you saw a cool bird, you could tell that story for weeks

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donni saphire

@donni

5 months

A breakfast sandwich should cost $5. A lunch sandwich should cost $10 (or less). Never forget what they took from us

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

It would be cool if no more things happened for awhile

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donni saphire

@donni

6 years

Maybe your brain is mean to you because it has a crush on you

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

Horniness is just your unborn children trying to trick you into being born

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donni saphire

@donni

8 years

Things may seem bad now, but later they will also seem bad

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

@joshgondelman Unpopular opinion: That looks good as hell

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donni saphire

@donni

3 years

The first guy to eat cheese had a creepy hunch that totally paid off

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donni saphire

@donni

6 years

Snakes probably fall in love with belts sometimes

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donni saphire

@donni

1 month

There are too many situations in the world right now. We only need like 5 situations

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donni saphire

@donni

3 years

There should be 2 AM ice cream trucks that play smooth jazz

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

Who needs sleep when you can quietly pace back and forth, anticipating new horrors

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donni saphire

@donni

2 years

We’re all doing an amazing job not screaming constantly

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

Art Garfunkel drives a smart car named Smart Carfunkel

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donni saphire

@donni

3 years

Relax, everything will be fine eventually, for like 7 people

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

Living through historic events is exhausting

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donni saphire

@donni

6 years

Going to hit rock bottom, if anyone needs anything from rock bottom

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

No offense but I am not a big fan of the global pandemic

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donni saphire

@donni

6 years

Do you really want Jessie’s girl? Or are you just upset Jessie has less time for your friendship now

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

To be honest, I wish there wasn’t a pandemic going on

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

Sure, sex is cool, but you ever slowly wither away in isolation waiting for a preventable plague to end

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donni saphire

@donni

2 years

Can’t sleep due to my unique and powerful thoughts and worries

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donni saphire

@donni

7 years

“Having fun” is a scam created by Big Leaving The House

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donni saphire

@donni

2 years

Teeth are the only bones that parents buy from children

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

Sure, things seem bad, but to be fair, they are

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donni saphire

@donni

9 years

Prank your future self by wasting your life

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donni saphire

@donni

6 years

Did... did a vegetable write this

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donni saphire

@donni

30 days

Can’t go to sleep because I need to read about several more upsetting things

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

“I mean, it’s whatever.” -Me expressing joy or confusion or sadness

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

I keep living through unprecedented times and thinking my boring little thoughts

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

Be kind to yourself, first as a prank, but then for real

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

Worried about ska. Has anyone heard from ska lately

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

Not a fan of living in interesting times

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

Nostalgic for the glory days of February. Never thought I’d miss February

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donni saphire

@donni

2 years

The sea is both! Let’s go to sea

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donni saphire

@donni

14 years

Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

I don’t really get me, but I respect what I’m trying to do

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

A whale is just a large dog. Please do not argue. Respect my beliefs

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donni saphire

@donni

1 year

Sorry I missed your call. I don’t take those. I hate them

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donni saphire

@donni

3 years

Life is simply about having the same few experiences thousands of times, then one time you fight a snake

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donni saphire

@donni

8 years

Music is a scam. You can listen to all kinds of other noises for free

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

Imagine ever getting your shit together

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donni saphire

@donni

6 years

Maybe I’m a little sensitive, but it hurts my feelings when anything happens

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donni saphire

@donni

7 years

Being an adult is cool because sometimes your back hurts and other times a different part of your back hurts

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donni saphire

@donni

2 years

The Chill Lunatic

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donni saphire

@donni

3 years

Everyone gets a free pass to be weird for at least the next two years

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donni saphire

@donni

2 years

Sick of being judged for my terrible actions and insane beliefs

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donni saphire

@donni

5 months

Sharks don’t have to do taxes. Just one of the many benefits of the shark lifestyle

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donni saphire

@donni

10 months

This app is a Spirit Halloween where Twitter used to be

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donni saphire

@donni

10 years

Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.

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donni saphire

@donni

3 years

Are you depressed or do you just know many true and terrible facts

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

I’m optimistic that the bugs who inherit our ravaged planet will be fine

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donni saphire

@donni

14 years

My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

What a special and weird and mostly bad time to be alive

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donni saphire

@donni

3 years

Have we tried being very rude to the virus

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donni saphire

@donni

7 years

ME: Can I have the job please INTERVIEWER: I meant, like, questions ABOUT the job ME: Ah, yes. About the job: Can I have it

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donni saphire

@donni

6 years

Sleep is basically free drugs, so people who think you need less sleep are narcs

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

If at first you don’t succeed, dig yourself into a deep hole and hide in there forever

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

Please do not be mean to me by accurately pointing out my flaws

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donni saphire

@donni

9 years

Kill two birds with one stone, get two life sentences. In bird court. Where birds get justice

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donni saphire

@donni

6 years

If you’re happy and you know it, how dare you

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donni saphire

@donni

1 year

Please do not expect me to know or care about anything, I’m very tired and medium stupid

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donni saphire

@donni

11 years

You can't spend your whole life gently rollerblading away from your problems

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donni saphire

@donni

13 years

Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job.

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donni saphire

@donni

6 years

Getting hard to tell where the anxiety over world events ends and the generalized anxiety begins

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

My imposter syndrome says I’m lying about having it

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

You guys ever have an experience? The worst. I am not a fan

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

The last 3 days have been several years

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donni saphire

@donni

14 years

The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

When i write a sad thing people are like “You OK bro” and I’m fine! Just bummed we live in Hell!

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donni saphire

@donni

4 years

Seems unfair that I always have to deal with me

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donni saphire

@donni

6 years

My fetish is just having a really nice time

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donni saphire

@donni

3 years

Please respect my privacy but also keep me company at all times

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donni saphire

@donni

9 years

I scream, you scream, we all scream. Life is terrifying

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

Guy at the bar just said “I’d kill my dad for a free t-shirt,” and look, technically, that’s not a free t-shirt. You paid in blood

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donni saphire

@donni

6 years

ME: Time for bed BRAIN: First get angry about things you can’t change

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donni saphire

@donni

9 years

♪ Shot thru the heart, and you're to blame ♫ ♫ You're the person who shot me ♪

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donni saphire

@donni

5 years

Sex is cool, but you ever find your keys after looking for 15 scary minutes

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donni saphire

@donni

2 years

I’m just trying to have a nice time despite knowing facts and information

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