Maya (she/her)‼️
#CriticalRoleSpoilers
‼️
#CriticalRole
| Insta: @/CriticalRoleMemes | not professionally affiliated with Critical Role | all opinions are my own!
I started watching Critical Role in February of 2018. I made a silly little meme account for it not long after. Now, over 5 years later, I got to meet the incredible folks whose love of stories helped change my life! Thanks, Critical Role. It was just fantastic to meet you all.
Watching last night’s Game Masters of Exandria Roundtable and taking so much inspiration and motivation as a GM but ALSO here’s our three incredible Game Masters struggling to read a prompter
#ExandriaUnlimited
#CriticalRole
The Briarwoods: we’ve invited you to our private castle because we crave the deadliest game...
Vax, nodding: Knife Monopoly
The Briarwoods: we were actually going to hunt you for sport and then eat you but now we’re really interested in whatever Knife Monoply is
#CriticalRole
Anyways here’s Matt going through every stage of grief plus some new fun bonus ones all at once as Sam reveals his new ‘flask’
#CriticalRole
#CriticalRoleSpoilers
[the final battle with Obann]
Beau: WELCOME TO FUCKING APPLEBEES, DO YOU WANT THE APPLES OR THE BEES
Obann: what the fuck... bees????
Beau: HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES
Obann: wait-
Jester: [approaches, aggressively shaking a jar of bees]
Obann: WAIT
#CriticalRole
Caleb: I have feelings for you.
Beau: I have feelings for you.
Narrator: the feeling was “friendship,” but neither had ever experienced it before.
#CriticalRole
Vex, placing Percy’s glasses on the tip of her nose and fluttering her eyelashes at him flirtatiously: how do I look ;)
Percy, squinting at her: I have no fucking idea
#CriticalRole
#IncorrectQuotes
No one is born gay, Laura Bailey points at you in a live show crowd and says “Happy Pride” and you turn gay instantly
#CriticalRole
#CriticalRoleSpoilers
I lied. I don’t actually like sex. Put your clothes back on, I’m going to explain the entire timeline and plot of Critical Role from pre-campaign 1 to the start of campaign 3 to you
#CriticalRole
I have watched hundreds upon hundreds of hours of Critical Role. I’ve subsequently stared at Matthew Mercer’s face for hundreds upon hundreds of hours. But I have never, EVER, seen him look as angry as when Sam said “roll for delicitive”
#CriticalRole
#FeastOfLegends
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#CriticalRoleSpoilers
Taliesin, after single-handedly orchestrating one of the most stressful 20 minutes of their lives: never look if you wanna win 😏
The rest of the table:
Uk’otoa: I have made a Warlock
The Wildmother: you fucked up a perfectly god half-orc is what you did. Look at him. He’s got anxiety. I’m adopting him. Also fuck you.
#CriticalRole
Jester: Okay Beau - truth or dare?
Fjord: Beau isn’t allowed to accept dares.
Jester: What? Why not?
Beau: I have no regard for my own personal safety.
#CriticalRole
#CriticalRole
#VowsMachina
Ok listen, I know and agree that Vax’s Wished™️ visit was hauntingly beautiful and perfect, but when Scanlan Wished for Vax, there was a LARGE part of me that was hoping he’d just come crashing down out of the sky like a confused bird, much like this:
BRENNAN EXPOSING THEM!!!!!! TELL US BRENNAN!!!!! TELL US THE PROFANITY THEY SCREAM BEFORE THE CAMERAS TURN ON!!! EXPOSE SAM RIEGEL!!!!!! AND HIS TAINT SHENANIGANS!!!!!!!!!
#EXUCalamity
#CriticalRoleSpoilers
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Guard: turn around
Scanlan: [singing] every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never comin’ round...
Guard: TURN AROUND
Scanlan: [still singing] every now an-
Scanlan: [gets tackled by several members of the guard]
#CriticalRole
#IncorrectQuotes
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MARISHA’S CHARACTERS FROM ALL THREE CAMPAIGNS ARE GONNA BE IN THE SAME PLACE AT THE SAME TIME
KEYLETH, BEAU, AND LAUDNA ALL TOGETHER???
MARISHA TO THE THIRD POWER!!!!
#CriticalRoleSpoilers
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Caleb: why are you two always out during rainstorms
Yasha: it’s so peaceful and refreshing. I love the smell of fresh rainfall, and it helps me to feel closer to the Stormlord.
Nott: Beau bet me 12 gold that I couldn’t get struck by lightning and she’s WRONG
#CriticalRole
Beau: how’s your girlfriend?
Fjord: I don’t have a girlfriend?
Beau: I know. Just reminding you.
Fjord:
Fjord: how’s your relationship with your father?
#CriticalRole
#IncorrectQuotes
We love you so much Matt. Thank you for everything. Thank you for letting us experience your world. There will never be enough words.
#CriticalRoleFinale
#CriticalRole
Percy: I’ve only said “I love you” to two people in my life: Vex and Vax
Keyleth: why Vax?
Percy: it was dark and I thought he was Vex.
#CriticalRole
#IncorrectQuotes
Beau: you’re my closest friend, I’d fuck you if you asked
Jester: What?
Nott, eating chips in the background: She said she’d fuck you if you asked.
#CriticalRole
#IncorrectQuotes
The Girls: GIRL’S NIGHT!!! MATCHING TATTOOS!!!!! AAAAAAAA PARTY HARD
Caleb, two miles away, at the same moment: fellas, shall we talk religious philosophy and destiny over our fish n’ chips??
#CriticalRole
#CriticalRoleSpoilers
Nott: okay, we gotta get through this locked door. Fjord, quick, give me your credit card.
Fjord: here
Nott: thanks. Yasha, kick the door down.
#CriticalRole
#IncorrectQuotes
Waiter: what would you like to order?
Jester: can I get a milkshake with two straws?
Fjord, blushing: Jester, that’s-
Jester, putting both straws in her mouth: watch how fast I can drink this
#CriticalRole
Sylas Briarwood: [swings at Scanlan, but misses]
Scanlan: strike one!
Sylas: that’s not how this works. [swings and misses again]
Scanlan: strike two! One more strike and you’re out
Sylas, under his breath: fuck
#CriticalRole
#TheLegendofVoxMachina
#IncorrectQuotes
Percy: I have the sharpest memory. Name one time I forgot something.
Scanlan: you left me in a Walmart parking lot like three weeks ago.
Percy: I did that on purpose, try again.
#CriticalRole
If Vox Machina had non-fantasy names:
Grog = Greg
Percy = Pete
Scanlan = Sam
Keyleth = Kaitlyn
Pike = Penny
Vax = Vinny
Vex = Vicky
Trinket = Trevor
Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk, I don’t think this is funny but idc
#CriticalRole
#TheLegendofVoxMachina
Tal loves making characters that are on the same spectrum of asshole but exist in wildly different locations on that spectrum, and I just know that he was RELISHING having two of his darling assholes butt heads
#CriticalRole
#CriticalRoleSpoilers
280 characters is not even close to enough to describe how much
@Marisha_Ray
inspires me. I love her so damn much, and so I will express that love in the only way I know how. Memes.
#BetweenTheSheets
#CriticalRole
Caleb: what’s your blood type?
Beau: how would I know?
Caleb: how would you not?
Beau: who am I, Karl Landsteiner, discoverer of blood groups??
Caleb:
Caleb: you don’t know your own blood type, but you know who discovered them?????
#CriticalRole
Vex: thanks for babysitting the kids, Keyleth.
Keyleth: no problem, but I’m really sorry I told them that orgasm was another word for orange. I panicked.
Percy: yeah, it did make it awkward when they asked for orgasm juice this morning.
Keyleth:
Keyleth: ˢᵒʳʳʸ
#CriticalRole
It’s hard to hear in the VOD but yall. When Travis walked out in that goddamn male pattern baldness wig and showed us his ass the crowd’s energy changed. We went from cheering to screaming and howling like rabid dogs
#CriticalRole
#CriticalRoleSpoilers
Fearne: Truth or dare?
Bertrand: Truth!
Fearne: what’s your credit card number
Bertrand: …Dare
Fearne: tell me your credit card number
#CriticalRole
#IncorrectQuotes
Matt: describing a horrifying eldritch flesh monstrosity crawling towards them
Krystina: the joy of a kid on Christmas morning
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#CriticalRoleSpoilers
Beau and Caleb got captured. Current status: unknown
Keyleth entered the fray and got absolutely wrecked. Current status: unknown.
Vax’ildan appeared in a flash of feathers to protect his one true love. Current status: orb? Unknown??
#CriticalRoleSpoilers
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Jester: hey Caduceus, did you know that “thot” means “thoughtful person”?
Caduceus: really? I didn’t know this new slang!
[later]
Caduceus: thank you so much for helping me out in the garden, Fjord. You’re such a thot.
Fjord, choking: IM A WHAT
#CriticalRole
Keyleth, outside the door: Hey, I need to talk to you about something, are you decent?
Percy: Morally? Absolutely not. Am I wearing pants? Yes.
#CriticalRole
#IncorrectQuotes
Beau, finally finishing her enraged rant about ShadowGast being married and not telling her for three years: is there anything else you’ve been hiding???
Caleb: …we adopted a cat last year
Beau: you are fucking dead to me, I have a NEPHEW AND WASNT TOLD??
#CriticalRole
BOR’DOR WAS A MEMBER OF THE FUCKIN RUBY VANGUARD⁉️⁉️⁉️BOR’DOR IS ATTACKING THE PARTY AND RUNNING⁉️⁉️⁉️ UTKARSH HAS COME FOR OUR FUCKING NECKS⁉️⁉️⁉️ ICON‼️‼️‼️
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Percy: Vax, I’m asking your permission to marry your sister.
Vax: What is this, the dark ages? You know what? Since you’ve asked me, no you can’t. Beat me in a duel first.
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#IncorrectQuotes
HELLOOOOOOO FEARNE AND KEYLETH BEING FLUSTERED TALKING TO EACH OTHER?? TUCKING THEIR HAIR BEHIND THEIR EARS?????? HELLO?????????
#CriticalRole
#CriticalRoleSpoilers
Fjord: how did none of you hear what I just said?
Caduceus: I’ve been zoned out for the last two and a half hours
Jester: I got distracted about halfway through
Nott: ignoring you was a conscious decision
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#IncorrectQuotes