Cracked.com @cracked Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Cracked.com

1 year

It’s the 10th anniversary of ‘Drunk History’ @bvanhooker talked to @derekwaterss , @Jeremykonner , @JasonRitter , @MrTonyHale , @pattonoswalt , @pagetpaget , @JoeLoTruglio , Michael Cera, Colin Hanks, Jesse Plemons and more to get an oral history of the show

A Very Intoxicating Oral History of ‘Drunk History’

Featuring series co-creators Derek Waters and Jeremy Konner as well as their star-studded cast of drunkards and reenactors — including the likes of Michael Cera, Colin Hanks, Jesse Plemons, Tony...

www.cracked.com

21

63

678

Last Seen Profiles

@koheisax_melraw

@FF_Nonsense

@theJagmeetSingh

@tartta00

@StalkingVi96051

@BaldAVGuys

@pxxsitive

@MehmetArdic_

@keepaware_sec

@DQuake8912

@witte_fibe

@MaxLemasters1

@BGZombieHunter

@peria_chichucai

@killer1719134

@yhyy_ly49694

@Thalles_man_

@JoPappas4

@MiMiMikuNagoya

@kakeksange16

@linda_wanja

@SuzannaSankey

@polyramonial

@SteveAir2361604

@bokeplokalmalam

@baKano__

@SenshaVT

@_bornkl

@stw_pdg

@Cyra_xt

@bathshebas

@fearofgod

@sakaiemoka

@Xari_

@shiori_shiorun

@LexieVilla14962

Cracked.com

@cracked

5 years

72

680

7K

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

"Tomi Lahren said something or sued someone." Cool interesting but here's this picture of a frog riding a beetle like a little cowboy.

48

2K

4K

Cracked.com

@cracked

2 years

We Just Figured Out How To Save Netflix (LIVESTREAM)

14

803

3K

Cracked.com

@cracked

2 years

RRR Could Save Netflix (PODCAST)

15

422

2K

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Trump: “We should just cancel the election and just give it to Trump, right? What are we even having it for?" BC WE'RE A DEMOCRACY ASDJFLK

42

505

1K

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

Donald Trump Jr. looks like a Spy Kids villain.

38

487

1K

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Guys I think Ann Coulter might be a racist.

70

281

1K

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

So glad Gore and Trump could find some middle ground between "global warming is real" and "it's a Chinese hoax designed to destroy America."

13

441

1K

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

#debatenight Roommate: "Did you eat the-" Me: "Wrong." Roommate: "But there was a plate of-" Me: "Wrong." Roommate: "Look if-" Me: "Wrong."

8

451

980

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

Guys I think Trump might be an asshole.

35

179

827

Cracked.com

@cracked

10 years

You've said Death is nature's way of saying "your table's ready." We wish we could've waited with you a bit longer. http://t.co/PshIfWszN7

14

834

805

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

"I would like to ridicule her appearance," says this man.

40

394

719

Cracked.com

@cracked

5 years

Brb, becoming an alcoholic to help Michelob ULTRA save farming instead of trying literally any other more reasonable plan. #SuperBowl

21

136

699

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

In Charlotte’s Web why didn’t Charlotte just write “WE ARE SENTIENT AND AWARE OH GOD SPARE US.”

6

265

673

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

Guys I think Trump might be an asshole.

26

165

670

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

I'm not trying to be a troublemaker here, but I'm just saying it might be kinda fun to start a rumor that eating rich people cures illness.

21

313

644

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

"You don't have the stamina," he says to the woman who smiled while standing a few feet away from a torrent of yelling and foamy spittle.

2

314

616

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Guys I think Kellyanne Conway might be an asshole.

51

126

543

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

Hey, Jason Chaffetz, read this: 4 Things Politicians Will Never Understand About Poor People -->

10

260

534

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

This is what the electoral map would look like if only baby mice had voted:

17

238

512

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Hey America, Don't Panic: Why it's time to sober up, splash water on your face & consider some facts:

13

326

443

Cracked.com

@cracked

2 years

In this ‘In Living Color’ blooper, Jim Carrey decided to go off-script to share his true feelings.

4

66

457

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Really waiting for a voiceover to go "you're not yourself when you're hungry," then America eats a Snickers and goes back to normal.

10

248

440

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Guys I'm having suspicions that Trump's administration might not be completely honest.

21

155

420

Cracked.com

@cracked

1 year

This commencement speech from @pattonoswalt was incredibly honest.

Patton Oswalt Has Three Words for Grads: You Poor Bastards

Oswalt offers positivity, despite grads ‘about to enter a hellscape where you will have to fight for every scrap of your humanity and dignity’

www.cracked.com

14

65

431

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Guys I think Trump might be an asshole.

13

175

415

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

I dunno guys. I feel like Trump might be an asshole.

10

128

431

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

You WERE just in court.

16

163

408

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

Pirates of the dead men. Caribbean tell no tales.

18

123

404

Cracked.com

@cracked

2 years

For @pattonoswalt ’s 54th birthday, @FritschieComic rounded up 54 of his best jokes.

9

51

400

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

I mean, no offense Doctor Who, but is it really *realistic* for an immortal alien who time travels in a box and fights robots to be a woman?

13

130

392

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Guys I think.... *sigh* I think Trump might be an asshole.

17

125

387

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Trump: "$4 billion is way too much for Air Force One!" Boeing: "But it's only $170 million?" Trump: "Hah see!? I am a great negotiator!"

21

189

345

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

"No one's hits like Putin, matches wits like Putin, in a spitting match nobody spits like Putin!"

7

174

375

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

McCain: "We certainly don't want any president to leak classified information but the president does have the right to do that."

6

198

361

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Guys, chill. You just crashed the Canadian immigration website. There are plenty of other countries to immigrate to.

20

151

355

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

Guys I think Trump might be an asshole.

17

112

352

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Trump: "I keep hearing shuffling in the vents. It's Biden, I know it." Melania (from the other room): "Go back to bed." Biden: *shuffles*

2

145

357

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

As I've suspected for a while. #ExpectoPatronum

0

223

355

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Trump tweeted a fake claim that millions of people voted illegally. Now he's yelling at journalists to prove people -didn't- vote illegally.

9

234

343

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Guys try to be more subtle with your parodies. *Sees blue tick mark* Oh.

3

165

339

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

The Hamburglar wears a striped prisoner’s outfit before he’s even caught. Think about that. Think of the crippling self doubt.

6

162

322

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

I'd tease Bush for looking like a sad bride, but we are all sad brides today :(

12

109

328

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

"Anthony Scaramucci out"

5

163

303

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

The sun will rise tomorrow, guys.

15

199

306

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Guys I think Trump might be an asshole.

15

89

288

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

*Cracks knuckles* Hmm let's see what's on the ol' news feed today. Haha. Hahahaha *liberally pours gasoline on computer* hahahaha

3

136

299

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

Pepsi: "Oh man we just made the worst marketing mistake." United: "Hold my beer." Spicer: "No, hold MY beer."

6

148

284

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

#debate Trump on Pence: "He and I haven't spoken." U guys ok?

4

114

289

Cracked.com

@cracked

9 years

Sadly, real-life superhero Lenny Robinson passed away today. His inspiring true story: http://t.co/HoqvBTlHRY http://t.co/ItS5n9gPpZ

7

222

255

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

5 Strange Problems You Face When You're A Liberal Ex-Muslim -

3

92

251

Cracked.com

@cracked

2 years

Comedian @StacyCaySlays risks more by stepping onstage than any of the transphobic losers whining about "cancel culture."

Trans Comic Stacy Cay Says Tennessee Ban Exposes Comedy Whiners for What They Are

Trans comedians can now face prison for performing in public in Tennessee

www.cracked.com

0

64

261

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

#debate Why is Trump looming behind Hillary like a creepy pageant owner looming behind a model whom he forced to do exercises on TV OH WAIT

8

113

252

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

"I don't have time to protest because I have a job." – Real quote from someone attending the inauguration during working hours.

5

87

258

Cracked.com

@cracked

1 year

Bernie Mac dispensed plenty of parenting advice on ‘The Bernie Mac Show.’ With Father’s Day approaching, @bvanhooker talked to @kellitasmith1 , @camilleswinbush , and @deeskiialmighty about how the fictional dad’s TV antics translated to real-life wisdom

2

30

247

Cracked.com

@cracked

5 years

4

31

250

Cracked.com

@cracked

10 years

Mel Brooks is amazing! The 23 Most Crushing Insults from All of History - http://t.co/pXrCu7GWkO http://t.co/tcwVjudQey

23 Total Mic Drop Insults

Some burns are so bad that they're felt across a generation.

www.cracked.com

5

163

236

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

"Thank you Lester, but before I answer your question, let me not answer your question." #debatenight

0

115

247

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Trump: "I know nothing about Russia. I mean I know about Russia, but I don't really KNOW Russia. Like. In the biblical sense." #debate

5

121

245

Cracked.com

@cracked

2 years

Though John Roberts brought Linda Belcher to TV, he credits his mother for inspiring the character. @bvanhooker talked to the actor about voicing the loudmouthed, fiercely loyal wife and mother for @BobsBurgersFOX

Creating ‘Bob’s Burgers’ Linda Belcher: How John Roberts Became the Funniest Mom on TV

Long before she was the matriarch of the beloved Fox sitcom, she was the hilarious materfamilias of Roberts’ own family

www.cracked.com

1

29

235

Cracked.com

@cracked

10 years

Robin Williams and Why Funny People Kill Themselves - http://t.co/XHNHRIEZGG

27

300

231

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Dear White Friends: Stop Saying Everything Is Going To Be Ok -

14

161

235

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

"Ellen, honey, we've talked about this." "SKREEEEEEEEEE" "Honey people need to use the stairs." "EEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

1

145

232

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

Who wore it better?

9

102

231

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

Eric Trump says Dems aren’t people, which is a weird thing to say for a man who is made entirely of mechanically separated chicken.

7

87

227

Cracked.com

@cracked

2 years

@jimkroupa @rzldzl420 maybe we were wrong...only one way to find out

1

0

226

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Reporter: "Do you have ties with Russia?" Flynn: "No." R: "Do you wear boxers or briefs?" F: "Boxers." R: "And Putin?" F: "Briefs.. oh shi-"

0

95

225

Cracked.com

@cracked

5 years

3

59

223

Cracked.com

@cracked

6 years

Terry Crews Is A Talented Painter: 5 Famous People & Their Wacky Hobbies You Never Knew About -

9

11

208

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

I think it's weird that we're all okay with how Sally Yates literally murdered and disemboweled Ted Cruz on live television.

8

48

215

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

FYI the 1st page results for Google images “desk ornament” includes: • 3 Swastikas • Bust of Hitler • Weasel • 2 Nazi eagles • "Top banana"

8

41

213

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Trump: Ever seen these things? Trudeau: ... Trump: I named it Tiffany which is what I'd call my other daughter if I had one. Trudeau: ...

3

93

205

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

"It's unconstitutional." "Yeah but it has a big impact!" #debatenight

3

116

210

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

"What's this dam doing here?" "To keep it from flooding." "I don't see any flooding. Get rid of it."

1

88

217

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

6

83

204

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Everyone who was capable, but "too busy" to vote in this election: I hope you had fun! Enjoy the next 4-8 years.

5

96

207

Cracked.com

@cracked

5 years

1

79

209

Cracked.com

@cracked

2 years

@phil_b_reed @edzitron u have done amazing work here, i want u to know that

4

2

202

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

People are misunderstanding the #HeterosexualPrideDay hashtag. It’s a warning that heteronormative lions are loose in the OH GOD MY ARM

2

112

194

Cracked.com

@cracked

9 years

Why Do People Act Like Sexism/Racism Are Rampant, When Even Mild Jokes About Those Things Will Ruin Your Career Now? http://t.co/Yrb7AXeF6w

Helpful Answers To Society's Most Uncomfortable Questions

What I am finding as time goes on is that we are all secretly Billy Joel.

www.cracked.com

14

124

197

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

Guys I've reviewed his Civil War comments and I think Trump... wait let me check my notes... yes, ok, I think Trump might be an asshole.

4

86

196

Cracked.com

@cracked

9 months

When you don't order enough pizza for everyone A Cracked x @Simple__Town sketch

2

16

201

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

#VPDebate Pence: "Trump isn't a polished politician." I'm not a polished politician, but I somehow manage not to get in tweet wars at 3AM.

7

85

194

Cracked.com

@cracked

7 years

Meals on Wheels Pros: • Feeds seniors • Gives them human comfort • Rhymes Cons: • Does nothing to make Trump's weenie feel huge.

3

82

191

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

ProTip for never losing your keys: Don’t have keys. Don’t drive. Don’t go outside. Entropy lurks beyond that door.

2

85

184

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Hi dog, I get it, you’re afraid of fireworks. We all have fears. Mine is my own mortality. But you don’t see me pooping on the recliner.

5

71

190

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

After the release of Rogue One, House democrats are doing everything they can to keep Trump from learning what a Death Star is.

6

99

188

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

- Did not cite reference - "the the Trump" - Space before period - Failed to use "SAD." Grade: B-, see me after the election.

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

8 years

Major story that the Dems are making up phony polls in order to suppress the the Trump . We are going to WIN!

6K

11K

28K

3

79

190

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

*Opens Twitter* "...must be consequences - perhaps loss of citizenship" *Closes Twitter* *Closes laptop* *Closes door* *Gasoline on door*

2

71

186

Cracked.com

@cracked

10 years

The Rose Galaxies: 11 Amazing Deep Space Photos You Won't Believe - http://t.co/CgFIk5FSmw | http://t.co/SSZ1UblSiv

2

65

176

Cracked.com

@cracked

1 year

📺In our new show, Staff Picks, @patrickhwillems , @danielleradford , and friends curate the best video store ever. Every week, they’ll each pick a movie and then unanimously decide which one earns a spot on the shelves 📼⚡️ Watch the first episode here →

5

27

190

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

“Uhm, you don’t look like a Bishop.” “GOD SAYS TO LEAVE SAUSAGES ON THE FLOOR PUT THEM RIGHT ON THE GROUND.”

2

94

182

Cracked.com

@cracked

8 years

Late night French toast recipe: - Beat eggs - Ignore the pale figure in the corner - Bread - Ignore the pale figure in the corner - Cinnamon

5

80

186

Cracked.com

@cracked

5 years

1

54

185

Cracked.com

@cracked

4 years

Conservative Media Is Helping Spread The Virus, According To Science --> The most clear-cut result of one of the studies heaps the blame primarily on the shoulders of Fox News' Sean Hannity.