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Josh W; Constantly Profile
Josh W; Constantly

@constantlyjosh

1,262
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1,004
Following
4,129
Media
84,780
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Because it's never anyone else, Just Josh; Constantly. All the Time, Usually online, sometimes present, In the Moment, Speaks English

Vancouver, British Columbia
https://t.co/owclg7CNP0
Joined November 2011
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
I want Mcdonalds fries but I want 90's McDonald fries you feel me?
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
A confessional booth but the pastor just complains to you about the last guy.
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
She was all, "I'm scared" and I was all " me too what if the bears want our ipads"
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
10 years
Mission controll watch this. *smokes a ciggerete inside space suit*
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
Don't let the door hit you on the way out! Once it tastes human blood we have to put it down
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
Marrige is hard because you have to keep remembering to say OUR penis
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
Just wait till I become the biggest optician, then you'll see, then you'll all see
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
Reminder: Nothing's stopping you from handing out small quests to local adventurers in your town
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
10 years
2 cops fighting at their desks “I’m more officer than you” “No I’m more officer than you” They both start furiously doing office things
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
10 years
"These tampons are too damn expensive" says the customer Employee-"Are you sure you aren't, Ovary Acting" [Customer starts Break-dancing]
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
*God Creating the Human Brain* Oh I know, this one will be depressed and anxious at the same time, so they can fear death and embrace it
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
Goodnight son, I found a monster in your closet, but i put a santa hat on him so he could be more festi--oh god it gave him superpowers run!
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
Maybe one day its like, I don't wanna get up this morning and then your friends and family crowd around and throw dirt on you
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
what a time it is to be a twenty something laying awake in fear
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
8 years
I've come too far in tweeting about nothing more than trivial goings on to start tweeting about important issues now
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
If you get fired from your job immediately start blowing people for money. Your boss will feel bad and re-hire you. For the night.
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
EVERYONE THOUGHT I WAS SO COOL UNITL I LOST THE L'S ON MY BLACK FLAG T-SHIRT
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
Kidnapping is Illegal so for punishment I'm gonna have to keep you in this cell for life
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
10 years
spooky how everyone you’ve ever known has abandoned you for the time being, scary how they left, haunting how they never cared
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
I was scared my first time buying condoms so I bought hot dog buns aswell
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
Curled up with a good book and a fresh batch of despair.
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
7 years
Wow I found am alien at a bookstore @jonnysun
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
I'm really attracted to you but it sounds silly when I say it out loud The Musical
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
Brings a girl home Now its time for you to meet the Misses Don't you mean— *Thousands of darts cover my walls*
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
My Raps are Pretty and my Rhymes are sweet They call me the kitty cause I land on my feet Now who's gonna help me get down this tree?
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
uhh, Houston… Johnson's not keeping his hands to himself
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
"May i bum a cigerete?" -Sorry dude, I only got one left *reveals banana in holster* "I wasnt asking" -Dude you said May I "Oh thats right"
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
Oh the places you'll go and wish you were at home in bed.
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
7 years
my amazon review of @jonnysun 's book is pending, everyone should go leave him one it would mean alot to him i know it
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
5 years
Did you guys know the 1900’s had a whole year dedicated to 69?
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
You can tell I don't interact with people because the only photos I have of myself are from an arms length away.
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
Let me show you my apartment. This is where a box of kleenex is and This is where a box of kleenex is and This is where a box of kleenex is.
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
Twitter: Because i had a funny joke but the conversation changed
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
everytime you wroted a joke on twitter an aliem race used to make a constilation for you,now they just throw bunchs of beating organs away
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
10 years
Grab your coat honey we're moving this party to the walk in freezer
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
10 years
He Died doing what he loved Screaming in space where nobody could hear him
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
Parachutes to your house "Hi, I'm a pretty sad dude"
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
I can eat small bites when I'm dead.
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
8 years
You can't just walk up to Stonehenge and place a bigger, stronger, taller circle of rocks around it and call it Stonierhenge:/
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
8 years
{bank robber who doesn't know what sirens are} "Great the cops brought babies with them"
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
In space your tears accumulate into large balls around your eyes to help you see things differently. On earth your suffering lasts forever.
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
12 years
I'm scared that a train is going to pick me up and send me to a wizard school where not one student has a baby before they graduate
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
10 years
busy? thats cool. me too *fumbles a bunch of air*
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
*dog digs a hole* "Careful guy, they eat you over there"
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
My Podcasts! I shout as my computer falls into the bath with me
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
Can you incorporate this large void in my chest, where my heart should be, in the tattoo?
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
8 years
Oh you want to skip leg day? I want to skip all days
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
"Bead it, Bead it, Just Bead it" -M.Jackson at a summer-camp arts and crafts stand
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
Thumbs up to hide the Thumbs down inside
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
12 years
My ultimate fear is that my future wife is gonna make me direct a movie about her life based on the stories she tells me every night.
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
Guy who's Father was killed by a rainbow *goes on the internet on 6-26* "AAaaaaaaahhhhhh"
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
I don't wanna buy penguins, but if you question their cuteness for a second i'll buy 3 to spite you
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
8 months
@budm1ser the everything bagel of showers
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
12 years
Still haven't figured out the difference between love and a bored glance out of a car window
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
You take the good, You take the bad, And there you have, Nothing. They cancel each other out its all meaningless.
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
10 years
MissedConnection:You were looking cute fighting an oncoming zombie hoard,I was admiring your skills from my boarded up window was it a date?
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
8 months
@david8hughes I walked past someone reading The Catcher and The Rye today at the bus stop. I was in a good mood, so I said out loud, “Aw Hell yeah, I love that book, the way he just catches all that fricken Rye” And so naturally I had to tell you about it
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
I'm a special unicorn" I say typing into a multi million dollar website
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
Meeting a dairy farmer is a lot of pressure because they can strangle you very easily, and they give the best handjobs
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
trying out this new thing where I use 1's instead of exclamation marks and I use twitter instead of goals
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
You may now kiss all the men the bride has ever kissed.
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
i made it through today now i only have to do that like a bunch more times
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
"Spring Break!" I yell into the mouth of the void, it begins to consume me and my "Female Body Inspector" T-shirt.
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
Your life flashes before your eyes but its just all the times someone noticed you and you didn't know.
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
If getting stoned and watching Blues Clues doesn't sound like fun we can't be friends.
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
As far as memories to, I'm pretty fond of the time I sat alone at home and said strange things to strange people
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
Dragons are like fire-breathing unicorns, they exist solely to haunt our dreams and only the stupidest people believe in them
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
"its not World Domination, its just twitter" i said aiming to have people all over the globe interact with my tweet
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
is it considered "too much" if you do your taxes on a hundred dollar bill?
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
6 years
@MechaDenny @justabloodygame A modern solution to the age old question, how do we make The Floor Is Lava even harder
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
10 years
*Packs a bowl* I'm moving out and I'm only taking this bowl
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
10 years
It wasn’t me officer! I say with a picture of George Clooney’s face Taped over mine
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
"Thats probably healthy" I think to myself as you deny my friend request on Facebook
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
Rock Paper Scissors match: "Okay, best of 154"
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
5 years
An inside look at @radtoria checking her twitter
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
8 years
It's pretty suspicious when you become very adamant that you're NOT a warlock
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
8 years
Don't talk to us ever again
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 months
If this post reaches 300 engagements I’ll throw myself a pizza party
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
1 year
my 6 year difference
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
10 years
Oh the places you'll go and wish you were at home in bed
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
8 years
@jonnysun Putin on a Bear! Putin on a Bear! Bobubobubobuboba
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
Hey ancestors! Thanks for all the immunities to diseases and privelage, but what's up with this whole being afraid of girls thing?
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
FootBall Announcer: "We've got a big ball game today, Lets cut to a live feed of the players in the shower" The Crowd Gasps
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
1 year
The beauty of spaces! Bringing us together to rack up some dudes bill @Piecezilla @TwitterSpaces #spaceshost #fourtyninedollardrivethru
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
11 years
Boldly going where everyone goes everyday
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
1 year
I tried the @McDonaldsCanada Fillet-O-Fish, and filmed the experience tasting it for the first time in a long time! Watch to find out my impressions of their classic menu item. #Fish #Fishfordinner #Mcdonalds #Imlovingit
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
considering getting a dragon tattoo guys plz send help
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
We now pronounce you husband and husband. you may now tear down the walls of your conservative families ideals
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
8 years
Podcast idea:i interview a persons friends and aquantences all year and then at the end of the season finally have an episode featuring them
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
1 year
Rats on the Moon Audiobook, now available on twitter dot com slash constantly josh, where it belongs. Thanks for Listening 🐀🌑
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
8 years
"Have a good trip! See you next stall!" -me, to my pooping buddy
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
8 years
half man, half man. man man coming to theaters soon
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
Has the moon lost her memory? She is smizing alone. In the lime light the world wide web collects at my feet. And the wind. Begins to moan
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
13 years
Fuck! Guys, how do you put the white stuff back in!? #hadthesex
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
Local Fear mongerers in your town are collectively practicing their "boo" face in a giant mirror today.
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
10 years
my striped pyjamas bring all the boys to the yard and they’re like, why are the fences so big and why can’t you leave?
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
Mashed Potatoes? Could they be mashyer? more at 11
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
@vgdunkey hi what game is best I only have $60
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
4 years
if we beat corona virus i might go outside and say some flipping swears
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@constantlyjosh
Josh W; Constantly
@constantlyjosh
9 years
Not to air my dirty laundry but I've been doing poorly as of late in my ability to keep my clothes stain free
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