claira @clairerexia Twitter profile

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

🪡 of unglamorous things i’ve done as a result of my ed

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

pt 2: 🪡 of unglamorous things i’ve done as a result of my ed (forced recovery ver.)

claira

@clairerexia

2 months

🪡 of unglamorous things i’ve done as a result of my ed

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claira

@clairerexia

25 days

i have hit bmi 11, i did not intend to lose weight, but my sicknesses makes me nauseous to the point where i simply cannot eat. i feel weak and hollow; spending my days bedridden and in tears. i am so lost in this state, i worry i will never feel like myself again.

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

soothing tips for ed symptoms, a thread 🍵

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

1. calculated the bmi of a 6 year old girl and have actively strived to have similar proportions to her

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

5. gargled boiling water so that it would hurt to eat/drink

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

4. locked myself in the laundry room to smell detergent and other chemicals with the goal of vomiting, instead i passed out

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

3. over-exercised to the point where my feet were purple, blistered, and bleeding with bruises (resulting in my being unable to leave my bed for a week and a half)

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

❕the majority of these things are activities i no longer participate in nor condone, however i feel it is important to both discuss (for my own sake) and spread awareness (if even a few non-disordered people see this) about how cruel of a person i have been as a result of my ed.

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

2. threatened sui in res after being tubed, subsequently tried to strangle myself with said tube

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

9. faked a fever for weeks because i was scared i had gained weight and didn’t want anyone to see me (fell into a deep depression and ended up gaining even more)

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

7. fat-shamed friends so that they would in return make remarks about my thinness/wl

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

10. held the hands of my friends as an excuse to wrap my fingers around their wrists

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

6. plunged my hands into the toilet to unclog and flush the food i had chewed and spat

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

1. ate only packaged food for months because my parents took away my food scale, convinced myself that food w/o listed kcals (even produce) were 1k+ calories, ultimately ended up in the psych ward again due to developing such an extreme and irrational phobia)

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

8. poured steaming hot food down my pants to avoid eating (it ended up falling out as i stood up because i was wearing baggy clothing)

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

7. developed a p*rn addiction at 13 to distract myself from weight gain (led to my second major depressive episode and multiple sui. attempts which i believe primarily stemmed from this)

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

11. convinced myself that one of the therapy dogs that visited the facility liked a girl better than me because she was thinner

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

2. banged my head to the point where i was bleeding so that my mom would stop harassing me about eating

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

5. bruised my face so that people in my hometown wouldn’t recognize me until i lost the weight i had gained

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

6. chugged 1 gallon+ of water within an hour to prove i was gaining, ended up puking over the scale + having water induced diarrhea

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

3. cut my hands with the glass of broken plates so that i wouldn’t be able to eat w/o extreme hassle (mom ended up hand-feeding me, i had to comply out of fear that she would send me back to treatment)

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

in all seriousness, i do appreciate the condolences on the last post. hypocrisy aside, i wish for everyone in a similar position to one day truly feel content with themself. my dms are always open, and despite my struggles, im still here for anyone that needs a listener.

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

9. kept track of how much the other girls in my ward were eating (many were on different meal plans) to determine how i could become the thinnest in the facility

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

(or, in other words, using my 15 minutes of edtwt fame to continue venting)

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claira

@clairerexia

23 days

self care is quitting my job to focus on anorexia 🤍

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

8. during the first few weeks of inpatient, kept a log of my nurses to determine who i could fake eat, “exercise”, and slightly sh around (rubber band bruises, pinching, etc) without getting caught

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

4. purposely spilt tea on myself to push back eating (at res), resulted in 2nd degree burns on my lower stomach

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

heartburn 🐚 1. antacids 2. nonfat milk 3. sugar-free gum 4. alkaline foods (banana, almonds, melon)

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

15. while in treatment, talked to myself for hours at night in an attempt to burn kcals, would average out 3 hours of sleep a day for around a month due to this (blamed the noise on sleep-talking)

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

12. made cuts on my skin to determine my measurements (not sure why i thought this would work, but in my head if they shifted down, it meant that i was getting slimmer, which i suppose makes sense)

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

10. threatened to kms when staff found weight bands and diet soda in my room (ended up in a psych ward unit for a week)

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

heart palpitations 🐚 1. eating. (no way!) 2. lower caffeine intake 3. refrain from substance abuse 4. limit exercise 5. meditation

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

13. tried persuading a girl to punch me in the stomach so i would vomit (stupid idea, not sure why i thought it would work), a nurse overheard and i had to get another evaluation

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

14. ingested numerous cosmetic products to induce vomiting (i have little to no gag reflex), ended up with diarrhea on multiple occasions (led to extreme bloating and pain)

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claira

@clairerexia

24 days

the love and support i have been receiving is truly overwhelming; i cannot begin to express my gratitude. as much as i do not crave death, i have accepted that this disorder will be my demise. if it is my time to go, then i will let it be. for now, i fight on! much love 🤍

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

✧ you're not really that hungry...if you are, then even better! keep fasting, use your hunger as motivation to lose even more weight.

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claira

@clairerexia

26 days

a 🪡 of assorted things that have happened to me at different psych wards

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

✧ imagine someone sees you the next day and says "oh, i saw you eating yesterday! i thought you said you had an eating disorder, haha. i'm proud of you for getting better <3"

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claira

@clairerexia

17 days

breaking my 250 hour fast 🍓

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claira

@clairerexia

28 days

a breakdown on how i am able to walk >60k steps and burn 3000+ calories at bmi 12.5 🤍

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

chest pains 🐚 1. deep breathing 2. resting 3. cool pack 4. hot drinks 5. almonds (generally for preventing it) 6. ginger

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claira

@clairerexia

1 month

update 🤍

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

vomiting (unintentionally) ☁️ 1. cold drinks 2. avoid sweet, fried, and greasy foods 3. chew slowly, especially after fasting 4. bland foods 5. drinking slowly (no chugging!) 6. deep breathing 7. ginger 8. carbonated drinks

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

fainting 🐚 1. distract yourself- the more you tell yourself "i'm going to faint", the higher chance it'll happen 2. carry around something sweet (stevia packets, 0/low calorie drink, gum) 3. sitting down/bending knees 4. listening to music 5. water

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

hair loss/thinning 🌿 1. lower stress levels (ie meditation, unwinding, etc) 2. up protein intake 3. vitamins 4. change hair products- look for ones that have qualities credited with helping in hair loss/thinning

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

stomach growling/churning 🍸 1. chewing gum 2. hydration 3. control stress levels (meditation, planning ahead) 4. avoid fatty, greasy, and spicy foods 5. deep breathing 6. swallowing lots of air (will cause discomfort, do not recommend)

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claira

@clairerexia

1 month

i am now precisely at bmi 12.8. i had dreamt of bmi 16 for so long. when i had hit that mark, i felt joy. i felt comfort. now, i am in the most excruciating agony i have ever felt. i do not know what to do. i cannot gain weight, nor will i, but i need this agony to cease.

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

✧ what if you gain!? what if you spiral, what if you never starve again because you cant stop eating?

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

♡ re-intro ♡ - name: claire/claira - age: 16 - ana relapse after forced recovery - sh remission (~3 yrs clean!) - ana, ocd, ged, mdd - lover of distance running and nature ♡ ♡/ ↻ to be mutuals!

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

✧ what if you binge?

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claira

@clairerexia

14 days

went to the market with a friend, spent some time admiring treats i will never allow myself to eat 🥲🤍

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

lack of energy 🍈 1. meditation 2. more sleep (not naps; increasing the hours of sleep you get per night) 3. exercise in the morning 4. caffeine (personally wouldn't recommend, but it helps many!)

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claira

@clairerexia

27 days

the antibiotics are working! i will (hopefully) live to see the new year! 🤍

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claira

@clairerexia

1 month

c/s of the day! (the cotton rounds are to stuff in my throat to prevent me from ingesting oil)🤍

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

headaches 🌿 1. lower stress levels 2. hot/cold compresses 3. massaging targeted areas 4. hydrate!

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claira

@clairerexia

1 month

bmi 13 💗💗 ending my fast at bmi 11!

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

constipation 🧊 1. squatting! 2. massaging lower stomach 3. hydration 4. fiber-rich foods 5. laxatives (only if NEEDED, do not recommend...)

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claira

@clairerexia

21 days

i find that in reality, people hate mentally ill individuals. unless you are dying or in active recovery, you fail to make others feel better about themselves. hence, you are deemed insignificant, for you are not a perfect victim.

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claira

@clairerexia

26 days

i intend to full-send my way back into orthorexia; i cannot take this shame any longer!

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claira

@clairerexia

14 days

i have been deemed infertile. though i had only ever had my period for 4 months, doctors had hope that i would be able to restore my health. while this isn’t a shock to me, nor did i want children, it does frighten me to know i have irreversible hormonal and ovarian imbalances.

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claira

@clairerexia

24 days

new shoes 🩵💙🩷

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

acid reflux 🍸 1. hydration (especially after eating, but don't chug) 2. peptide capsules 3. reducing intake of acidic foods 4. nonfat milk 5. stop/reduce smoking

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

depression 🍵 1. listing your future goals (esp. the ones involving your ed) 2. setting aside both time for yourself and others (healthy medium! isolation is no good, nor is always being out.) 3. planning! (i've listed this a lot on this thread, but it helps sm)

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claira

@clairerexia

1 month

my dietician is claiming that i will likely die in the next six months, yet isn’t putting me in inpatient treatment due to my “unstable mental state”? im grappling with both feeling invalidated and confused; her words make me feel that i am not “ill enough”

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

just because youre the self-proclaimed queen of ana online does NOT mean you are literate. high res = HIGHLY RESTRICTING, ie consuming a very LOW amount of kcals. low res = LOWLY RESTRICTING, ie consuming a relatively high amount of kcals.

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

increased anxiety 🍵 1. lower caffeine intake 2. grounding activities (meditation, journaling, planning) 3. soothing teas (non-caffeinated!) 4. setting aside time for yourself 5. self-care routine 6. hobbies in general (sports, crafts, music)

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claira

@clairerexia

28 days

i continue to worry that i am on my deathbed. my heart vigorously palpitates, my stomach churns, and my mouth froths. i feel as though i will vomit any moment, and my ribs pain me terribly. i am to start pneumonia antibiotics this morning; i hope for this sickness to leave me.

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claira

@clairerexia

26 days

she who torments me is my only comfort, why must this be so? if anything, i would rather no-one pacify me at all. why must my oppressor be my false savior? why do i chase her? i hate you so, yet i so desperately need your love. i know you to be cruel, but i have no-one else.

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

celebratory c+s session 🥣

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

dark eye circles 🫒 1. cold compresses 2. elevating your head 3. eye creams/serums 4. extra sleep 5. multivitamins

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

rate the c+s setup 😋😋

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

puffy eyes/face🫒 1. cold compresses 2. hydration 3. reduce sodium/carb intake 4. reduce/stop purging, (if possible, obviously. i'm very aware that many people do not want to purge but still do! bless you all.)

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claira

@clairerexia

19 days

the elitism mindset of orthorexia is truly unmatched. only upon recovering did i realize just how egotistical this disorder can make an individual. upon relapsing, my mind is brought back to the miserable attitude i once had.

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

not sure why ive been deluding myself thinking that ive been clean from sh for a whole 3 years when purposely banging my head against things is very clearly that?? nonetheless, proud that i dont cut anymore 💞

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

@val_luvsuu ugly and skinny, easily. i truly dont think there are many truly ugly skinny people, as long as you have clear skin every underweight person is pretty much a 10/10 to me but ig my standards are loww

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claira

@clairerexia

1 month

i am in the most pain i have ever been in. i am freezing, despite the layers of warm clothing i have on. my entire body aches. i feel as if i am shutting down. if this pain sees me to the morning, i worry i may have to go to the hospital. for now, i wait for sleep to heal me.

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

@7abeeBaee aaa thank you for worrying, it genuinely means a lot that someone is reaching out like this. im out of treatment, but it unfortunately seems that ill only ever stay relapsing 💔 i hope youre doing alright yourself ☹️💕

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claira

@clairerexia

1 month

60k steps, i am shaking so hard.

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claira

@clairerexia

30 days

i must hit bmi 7.8 before i begin slowing restoring back up to a “sustainable” state. i thought that i was weaker than this, but with more exercise and restriction i am sure that i will manage to do so. this new low shall be reached, and i will finally be satisfied.

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claira

@clairerexia

29 days

hypocrisy through the phenomena of “fatphobia”, a condensed analysis 🪡

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

too much energy (?)🍈 ⤷ generally in referral to those who use/take things to give them more energy but do not wish to give said things up 1. meditation, grounding exercises (specifically before bed) 2. calming music 3. herbal remedies 4. hot compress

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claira

@clairerexia

1 month

my initial relief has faded. i will rip this feeding tube out of my body if it is the last thing i do. it feels deeper in my system this time. the pain in my body will subside, the toll of gaining weight will not. all will be well; i feel that i am better off without it anyway.

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

insomnia🍵 1. have a set sleep schedule 2. stay active throughout the day 3. avoid meals before bed 4. limit caffeine and substance use 5. avoid naps 6. use melatonin 7. keep cool, avoid lots of blankets

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

diarrhea🧊 1. slow intake of liquids (preferably water or something with electrolytes) 2. depending on your diet, low-fiber foods (bananas, soda crackers, eggs, toast, rice, chicken)

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claira

@clairerexia

1 year

brittle nails 🐚 1. moisturize more! 2. avoid alcohol-based hand sanitizers 3. increase calcium intake 4. biotin supplements, foods with biotin (organ meats, eggs, fish, sweet potatoes, nuts)

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claira

@clairerexia

2 months

breakfast ft. my morning supplements 🌱 154 kcal

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claira

@clairerexia

1 month

yogurt bowl omad…estimating ~900 grams of protein?

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