Chris Somerville @chrisomerville Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@BinorRaja

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@CSHLLibrary

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@Fable_Platform

@mony000007

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@millionsmiles

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@John_1287

@sachtak12

@Pvhtw

@fuckenhothxo

@ElPrincipe___

@bawnsai

Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

13 days

we went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

god to abraham

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

this is what every nft artwork looks like

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

7 years

this old simpsons episode hits pretty hard if marge is my girlfriend and the fish is twitter

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

this is an incredible start to a post

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

at a family thing and my 8 year old niece came up to me and my wife and said can I ask you a serious question? and then handed us a note that said ‘have you ever seen a bomb?’

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

7 years

I've watched this video of Liam Gallagher making his own cup of tea every day for a week now

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

I’m now 4 years in and this is what I would describe fatherhood as like

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

millennials love to work four different jobs where you have to show a 60 year old guy who makes 180k a year how to attach a file to an email

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

nothing has infected my brain more than this headline, if anyone does anything I'll try and fit 'while I clapped for carers' in with it, it has ruined my life

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

please stop using this as an excuse to tell me how you bought a house, I don’t care

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

6 years

Me inventing the garlic crusher: You can crush garlic in mere seconds and it takes half an hour to clean. Almost everyone will own one for some reason.

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

Albanese unable to recite Beowulf from memory, one of the most important works of literature in our time. This election make your vote count.

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

6 years

Let’s not forget Salman Rushdie wrote one of the worst tweets of all time

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

5 years

I'd hate to dedicate my life to hunting a serial killer, eventually get him cornered in an abandoned warehouse and then have him turn around and say that we're not so different, he and I. I would absolutely lose it

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

5 years

big cat I saw on my single walk around the block today

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

You guys want to come scope this holy infant with me? I’m hearing he’s both tender and mild.

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

lol forgot about this

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

sitting beside the pool at 8am while my daughter does her swim lesson

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

when you get up to the short story that the collection’s named after

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

the australian dream is buying a house built to about 30cm away from my fence line and then spending the rest of my life avoiding my neighbours and trying to block all expansion of local public transport

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

‘He’s old school.’ - your boss introducing you to the worst person you will ever work with.

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

5 years

have we not suffered enough

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

absolutely gonna miss him

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

every australian city is the same in that they all believe a gigantic cat lives in the hills just outside of town

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

when you engage with anything

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

5 years

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

5 years

still thinking about this

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

what I remember the most from my screenwriting class is that a guy wrote a script about executing a heist at Dracula’s theatre restaurant and whenever the teacher would give him feedback on it he’d say ‘well, I worked there so this is how it would happen’

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

british children’s book: mother and father have hired a nanny to finally buy me some sweeties australian childrens book: a ghost has gone into my penis to make me piss better than the school bullies

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

the person on the plane next to me opened up the notes app on their iPad, wrote ‘how I rose through the ranks’ then paused and added the subheading ‘the incident at the car wash’

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

6 years

You write a fish story and everyone's like meh, who cares? But then you take that fish out of the water? ooh baby, now we're talking.

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

8 years

life is just one defeat after another

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

6 years

If I was visited in jail by the two detectives who put me there, I would simply tell them that a storm was coming, the likes of which they’ve never seen before.

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

'courgette' is what a zucchini calls itself when it's writing a job application

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

Shoot these posts into my veins

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

6 years

At our antenatal class one of the dads asked if you can get ubereats at the hospital and all the other dads nodded and said ‘good question’

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

Paul Jennings to children in the 90’s: What if you saw a haunted toilet? that would be pretty wild. Morris Gleitzman to children in the 90’s: what if you never attained happiness in your entire life?

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

5 years

nothing embodies the magic of film-making to me more than getting updates from movies like they’re a governing body

Screen Rant

@screenrant

5 years

#StarWars Confirms Rey & Ben Solo's Kiss WASN'T Romantic

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

5 years

@ktibus @ballerinaoaf @abcnews no we must have him constantly on camera for his crime of needing money to live

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

13 days

this is currently playing big in the fish disrespecting circles which was never my intention

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

the australian dream is working in a contaminated groceries warehouse so my landlord can buy a speedboat for his teenage son

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

When me and the boys are witnessing some apocalyptic events, I’m the one in the group who recites the relevant part of the prophecy at a whisper so we can all be reminded of it. That’s my job.

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

7 months

we’re living in pretty unprecedented times luckily in Australia we have some of the worst journalists in the world to help navigate us through the waters

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

I’ve never read Kafka so when people call something “Kafkaesque” I simply nod an imagine a Paul Jennings short story happening but in real life.

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

6 months

most Australian writers are quiet on atrocities in Palestine in case they destroy their opportunity to be short listed for something called the Greg Hewitt Novella Award or get invited to read at a salon series run by Elbit Systems

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

on george calombaris' new tv show he has to sit in an empty room with someone's wages and not touch them and if he makes it 45 minutes the audience claps.

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

@PatrickLenton not yet

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

fucked up and bought a garlic with no sections

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

our daughter woke us up at five am to ask if spider man can drive a car

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 months

The thing the shopping centre at pentridge prison gets right is that Ned Kelly would say this if you ran into him in the B2 level car park

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 months

there is no one more powerful in guiding Australian policy than a perennially red-faced guy that owns a cafe in the CBD called something like Espresso2Go

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

6 years

Every boomer has a notebook somewhere with all their passwords in it written out by hand and if you can find that you can destroy them

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

Australian novels love it when Dad is mysteriously burning something in the backyard, while the narrator, his mute daughter, watches from the screen door. It’s almost dawn.

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

Tolkien: I didn't set out to write any clear analogies, the ring is simply a symbol for power. Interviewer: and the elves? Tolkien: those are italian people

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

a plumber has come to fix our sink and is in our kitchen watching a youtube video on his phone called how to fix a sink

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

We are releasing the carnival children back to their families. Because it's the right thing to do.

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

Gold Coast nostalgia pages on fb remain unhinged

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

bitter disappointment being a kid and your dad putting on the Pink Panther which he rented from the video store and it dawning on you that it’s not a cartoon

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

they’re make them pronounce ‘vitamins’ properly

AFP News Agency

@AFP

4 years

#BREAKING Britain has made "huge concessions" in Brexit talks, according to a French source

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

thinking back on the good times

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

the terrible little pools of water that sit on the bottom of your bowls and cups when the dishwasher finishes

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

asher keddie will star in a really boring drama series about contact tracers

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

Crying as I realise we must bully this 4 year old child

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

this was supposed to get liked by maybe 36 or so people and not incite a bunch of dudes from the balkans to dm me about crypto

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

I’m hearing most British people keep a plastic tub the size of their sink in the sink so it’s softer to wash the dishes and it’s upended everything I know about the country.

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

8 months

Peter FitzSimons

@Peter_Fitz

8 months

Name the most influential person on twitter in Australia, who uses a pseudonym. The one who trends most often when posting. Who dissects issues. The one desperately missed if ever offline for any extended period. I know the answer, but am interested in yours.

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

thinking about this anecdote where Robbie Williams befriends a psychic quite a lot

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

lol

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

The one ring is a metaphor for a computer. Frodo doesn’t want to stop having a go on the computer and it ultimately destroys him

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

6 years

My girlfriend is going through a box of stuff marked ‘memories’ that her mother shipped down to us

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

the best viral threads on here are people saying something like ‘uh guys? the world is running out of salt’ with a tiktok video as evidence and then two days later Wired will put out an article called ‘No, The World is not Running Out of Salt’

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

5 years

only respect for my local middle eastern supermarket that names every aisle after a Ryan Gosling movie for some reason

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

only three years ago, but a much simpler time

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

australian dramas love to advertise a shocking new event coming and it’s a plotline about a character falling down a hole

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

5 years

Guy posted this to a Bigfoot group I’m in why did he make it so haunted

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

there was a 90's tv ad for Yogo where a rhinoceros president who looks like Bill Clinton spills yogo onto the dress of a staffer who looks like Monica Lewinsky. I'm 90% sure I did not dream this.

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

4 years

you either die a margaret or live long enough to become a david

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

6 years

following my favourite australian authors on twitter so I can see them publicly fight with airlines and their internet service providers

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

I miss my Yugoslavian friend from high school who would always tell me which celebrities he believed to be secretly Yugoslavian

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

1 month

Our five year old daughter loves retro gaming art on her walls. She loves listening to Slint. She loves the cruel and exhausting short stories of Ottessa Moshfegh.

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

every australian neighbourhood facebook group is this post over and over

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

6 years

the other day I almost hit Christos Tsiolkas with my car because I pointed him out to my girlfriend and said 'that's Christos Tsiolkas' but drove straight through the pedestrian crossing that he was walking across

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

for some reason everyone calls this ‘hustle’

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

I believe at some point Wes Anderson will make a Babar movie

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

5 years

things got worse after that farmer beheaded the Ooshie on national TV

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

7 years

heads up, every day I walk past this cat, he is my one of my life's few constants

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

6 years

Incredible that the greatest moment in Australian tv is in the gif keyboard

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

rock drama currently unfolding

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

@sethanikeem @dreamoforgonon to be fair she says 'friends' and 'former friends' we don't know the ratio

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

How can we get this back

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

7 years

the sixth rhinoceros in Europe is now my mentor

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

today when I was with my kid someone said I’ve probably heard this all the time but do I know who my daughter looks like? and then said Madeleine McCann

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

I love reading the arts section in the Australian

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 years

when will a journalist have the guts to look into whatever illegal activity Maggie Beer is involved in

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

3 months

absolute L here from Penny Wong

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Chris Somerville

@chrisomerville

2 years

When we were kids my brother and I used to play a 'dog golf' where you had to slide a couch pillow towards our dog and you got points if he put his head down on it and eventually I think our dad felt embarrassed for us and bought us a Nintendo 64

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