Chincha @chincha33 Twitter profile

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 months

Blow me, you oscillating fan.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

Twitter needs a little ? icon next to the heart icon, for those times you're like 'what the fuck is he talking about?'

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

You are the loose toilet seat of people.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

How do you say 'I hate people', but in a nice way?

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

Do unicorns neigh? Find out on the next episode of Ambien Dreams.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

I moisturized my feet for you. - me, flirting

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Chincha

@chincha33

5 years

Just mute the assholes, and enjoy Twitter once again. It's that simple.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

Well, la dee da, so all your lights work on the rear of your car...

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Chincha

@chincha33

5 years

@JustMeTurtle So perfect, the tweet and thread 🏆 Thank you for your work. I'll be more patient with our garbage men.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

If you drop your phone but pick it up within five seconds, the screen won't be cracked.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

If there was a narrator for my life, it would be either Ben Stein or Eyeore.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

Is man cold one word or two? I want this Get Well/GoFuckYourself card to be perfect.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

"Pain is a blessing...let's you know you are alive!" Fuck you.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

I turned my phone off once. It was a harrowing experience.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

I just ate a bottle of vitamin gummies, and now I can feel my hair follicles growing.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

Sometimes, I say OMG. Out loud. And I'm deeply ashamed of this.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

Can't. I'm watching my arm-fat jiggle.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

Be the reason she has to cross her legs and squeeze her thighs together.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

I would tweet more, but it would just downgrade me to Depressing Twitter.

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 years

You can have my pickle. -me, flirting

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

What happened to ring-around-the-collar? Is that not a laundry issue anymore?

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

I'm scared I'm going to become a mall-walker.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

I really miss the old style phones. It was so much more satisfying to slam it down when hanging up on some fucker.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

Dealing with the fact that I'll never be the size of woman who can be sexily carried by a man.

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 years

My favorite hairstyle is existential dread locks.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

Wonders what flamingos taste like...

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 years

I know too many people. This can't end well.

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 years

I think going out like Thelma and Louise. Interviewer: I mean, where do you see yourself in 5 yrs at this company? Me: Uh... same answer.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

I'm so happy! I have a new friend.* *shower head

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Chincha

@chincha33

5 years

I must come clean... I waved 'Hi' to my cat today.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

Sorry I moved your crutches just out of reach, bitch.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

I'm not even asking for a 3-way... A 2-way would be good enough at this point.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

You haven't changed your avi in 3.85 days. Are you feeling alright?

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Chincha

@chincha33

3 years

A walk-in closet sounds exhausting! I need a walk-in & sit-down closet.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

Bark one more time, dog, and I swear to god... I'll go cuddle you.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

Not to brag, but my Google search history is NSA worthy.

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Chincha

@chincha33

3 years

We should name tropical depressions names like Ativan, Cymbalta, Prozac, Welbutrin Xanax, and the like. Makes the most sense.

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 years

Would it creep you out if I made a book with all your best tweets in it?

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Chincha

@chincha33

5 years

My best sex move... I'm trying to be sexy and taking off my yoga pants, when the pants get stuck on my socks and I crash.

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Chincha

@chincha33

3 years

I dumped my ex and the city dump wouldn't even take that kind of toxic.

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Chincha

@chincha33

3 years

I just said out loud "I'm sorry" to my refrigerator because I forgot to close the doors for a bit.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

Will the sound of mac and cheese being stirred bring all the boys to my yard?

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Chincha

@chincha33

5 years

Twitter is now Facebook. It's all over... Here's my key lime pie recipe.

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Chincha

@chincha33

4 years

In case you heard: indeed there was a car accident in my state, and no it was not me, Mom.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

After a shower, I put Q-tips in my ears. So yeah, you can say I'm a rebel.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

A few days ago, I woke up from surgery. My first groggy words were: "Is this twitter? Am I IN twitter?" Don't question MY dedication here.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

I live in fear that one day the CIA will try to turn me into an 'asset'.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

My social anxiety is so bad I can't even go in a DM room.

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Chincha

@chincha33

5 years

Using my Keurig is considered cooking, right?

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Chincha

@chincha33

4 years

I SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HEAR YOU EAT ICE CREAM, FFS!

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 years

It's been 2 weeks since my last obsession...

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 years

I just want the confidence of people who don't text back answers to my questions.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

Blows thru a stop sign. Stop sign: I have a girlfriend.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

Sex so good you cum rainbows. But that could just be the Ambien talking.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

Is everything alright? You haven't retweeted me today.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

No, YOU thought a 'summer hummer' meant a bj on the beach.

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Chincha

@chincha33

5 years

God, I got so high I couldn't figure out how to take off my bra for 15 minutes. Sorry, college boyfriend, I should have cut you more slack.

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Chincha

@chincha33

2 years

Finally something we can all agree on Nice, clean sheets

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

I don't know why guys don't like me. I mean, I shave off all my nipple hairs.

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Chincha

@chincha33

2 years

I'm "girls are so skinny these days" fat.

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 years

I feel like an open book. Perhaps just open to different chapters around different people.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

I just yelled at someone, then almost said "don't @ me". So don't question MY dedication to Twitter.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

It is difficult to put 2 marshmallows in your mouth at once, but not impossible.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

Wouldn't that suck if we were held legally liable for our tweets?

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

I wish I loved anything as much as guys like showing pics of their whiskey bottles.

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 years

I'm becoming that old person who wears dusty eye glasses.

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Chincha

@chincha33

5 years

Welcome to your 50's! You now grunt and groan drying off after a shower.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

I am "won't shave my pubic hair for you" years old. The more you know...

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Chincha

@chincha33

4 years

I don't want a 51st state. I'm still traumatized by them removing Pluto.

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Chincha

@chincha33

2 years

Only I can make a typo in the word 'hi'.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

When you care enough to send a gif.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

I think it has something to do with the temperature of the water that makes people need to pee in the shower. But I wouldn't know...

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

I feel a sense of accomplishment when I can successfully remove an eyelash from my eye.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

Sit down for a story, kids. It's a scary story. See, I used to be 28. Then I started twittering, woke up a year later, qualified for AARP.

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Chincha

@chincha33

5 years

EVERY woman has a back-up vibrator, right?

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 years

As a Southern girl, I love my air conditioner in the summer. I even named her 'Aaaahhhh'

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 years

It's all in the perfect balance between banana and peanut butter.

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Chincha

@chincha33

5 years

My boobs don't deserve all that jiggling, so I opt to not exercise.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

*rips a hole in my jeans Ok, weigh me now.

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Chincha

@chincha33

5 years

I'm not a people person, but I AM a person person.

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 years

But baby, you looked so good from way over there.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

I want to crawl into your lap, into you, in you. And snuggle and stuff.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

Just don't pronounce 'texts' like 'Texas' ffs

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Chincha

@chincha33

5 years

Welcome to your 50's! You now plan, days in advance, what time you'll leave for the airport.

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 years

I have some gin but nothing to mix it with, which is a stupid way to be a gin owner.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

*at work party* "Yay! Are we celebrating my 15 yrs?" No one cares about your celibacy, Karen!

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

Yay! I'll put up the Christmas lights for you, dear! - said no man ever

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

There is funny twitter, inspirational twitter, etc. Is there a drug twitter? Asking for a friend.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

Sent someone a solicited boob pic, and promptly got unfollowed. Ouch, that stings.

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

I might fuck around and rt some hashtaggers today.

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 years

Me: I could really face fuck some junk food, like donuts... ice cream... pizza... Him: We can go out for pizza if you'd like. Me: Him: Me: I believe I listed 3 junk foods. Him: What? Me: What?

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Chincha

@chincha33

7 years

I thought I was having a deep thought, but it was just my boner.

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 years

Yeah? I bet you scrape the butter stick from the top, you monster.

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Chincha

@chincha33

4 years

There should be a snack called an Afternoon Delight. I'd devour them and call myself your Snack Ho.

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Chincha

@chincha33

5 years

I talk a lot of smack for someone who has to count the hours on her fingers...

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 years

If you don't have anything good to @, don't @ anyone.

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Chincha

@chincha33

8 years

How do I take the creepiness out of the question 'will you make me a video sometime'? Use a smaller font?

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Chincha

@chincha33

2 years

Finally I look like Barbie

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Chincha

@chincha33

6 years

I've taken to talking to myself out loud. So 'we' were just having a conversation. One of us said something funny, and the other me chuckled.

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Chincha

@chincha33

2 years

Anyone who signs up for wife swapping better be good at sex, that's all I'm saying.

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Chincha

@chincha33

5 years

You don't know someone until you've seen them blow their nose.

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