Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋 @captmattj Twitter profile

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

3 years

The before and after. Our first time meeting IRL. Next one, just a few hours ago in exact same spot for our engagement pic! @captmattj & @Swimthetide1 are now engaged.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Thanks to all the new friends I have met here and helped me survive the biggest hurtle of my life. My wife passed at 1:20 today. I held her as she took her last breath. I love you Stacey.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

I have to go to Lowe's tomorrow because The Home Depot said "Fuck the voters of Georgia". Speak with your wallets! It's the loudest thing you own!

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

I can not believe she is gone, this can't be real. December 2nd 2020, 1:20 pm. FUCK 2020

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

@sharbowers Loss never ends for those behind. You seem resolute, even calm. I sorrow for the ones you leave behind. That pain I know all too well. I am sad for the loss the world will feel. But I feel joy that you made the very best of your time at the table with us, for that Im happy.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

As I come to the realization my wife may not come home, I now talk to myself in the mirror. I describe the wonderful adventures and hobbies we shared, And then I break down again. thanks for letting me vent. Fuck 2020.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

So many well wishers and follows of support I just can't keep up but appreciate the distraction. I hope I can somehow respond to you all. I feel much better about the state of humanity because of you folks.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Thank you for all the love and the follows. Twitter will not allow me to follow back any more today. I hope to get you all soon. It was a needed distraction.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Talked to nurse this morning. She is not coming home.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

This was the last song we danced to... how did I get it so wrong, Three Little Birds ( Don't Worry About a Thing ) - Bob Marley via @YouTube

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

10 months

I passed by this for the last few days, just didn’t watch it… I never should have done that. It has never been put so well.

Nick Knudsen 🇺🇸

@NickKnudsenUS

10 months

This is worth watching. Every word.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Best crew a captain could ever hope for. I love you Stacey. Fuck 2020.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Smiling was easy for her. So she did it often and she did it well.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

I understand people dying from loneliness... Don't worry, I'm not checking out. But I sure as hell get it. I regret every second over last 35+ years I wanted to be alone.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

I'm aware of reality, people are off my story and on to others... I understand that be cause my world stopped, the real wold keeps going. I'm just amazed at the love I got. From How well I know some of you and you know me, as well as the empathy I have witnessed. I'm not alone.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

I can't believe how right I was when I just thought Ron seemed like a good, together guy.

Ron Perlman

@perlmutations

4 years

Anyone who has the power to help millions of Americans and does nothing... Fuck you, Mitch McConnell @senatemajldr

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

Funny... I was blocked by someone saying how I should grieve. I would be mad if it wasn't so fucking sad. Not the first one either. People are weird, I feel bad. They are damaged.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Finally happened. Had a Stacey memory and I instantly smiled... I guess she got though the angel basic training?

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

I was there for: Her last tear her last meal her last drink her last smile her last laugh her last I.V. her last recognition of me her last realisation her last true fear her last breath...

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

A little over a week ago I contacted a service to find in-home or assisted living for Stacey. Now the services are calling me and it kills me every time to tell someone she is gone. I love you Stacey. Fuck 2020.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

I was so fortunate to have him as part of my life. I’m gonna miss you little man.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

We didn’t want to do a reveal if there wasn’t something to reveal. I’m so happy to say, a week and a half into our first date and I’m smitten. To my friends, my special lady friend, @Swimthetide1 !

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

2 years

@kathleenogrady @camisa10 I’m so so sorry, I know I can say nothing to help. But Know I and many others understand. I lost my Stacey 12/02/2020. My world stopped. It has restarted, as should yours. It will be painful, I won’t lie. Guilt will try to hold you back. But he would not want that. Live.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Stacey was always worried about animals. If she saw a stray she would always stop and check for tags if possible. If animal was too skittish she would leave it some kibble. She had a 3 gal container in trunk. I always told her it was too much. It is almost empty now.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

2 years

@rcketman No words. I’m so sorry for the hell you have been thrown into. There is no formula to help you through, it is different for everyone. But don’t go it alone, take help if offered. Ask for help if it isn’t. I’m so very sorry.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

It has been a while but it happened again... Not sure what triggered it, maybe just feeling sorry for myself. But I had an "ugly cry". That is a out of control sobbing you may not even know why you are doing it. Getting fewer and better able to maintain. I miss you Stacey.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

I love you all and need you more than I realized. I have to try and crash. Stacey is waiting in my dreams. I'll be with you tomorrow, I really don't have a life now...

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Felt very strange when I woke from a very short nap. Stacey was in the hall for a fraction of a second. I smiled before the empty came in... I love you Stacey. Fuck 2020

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

9 months

@PrezLives2022 Rudy, thanks for pulling this shit in GA! 🤣🤣🤣

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

2 years

I can't ignore my own grief despite only wanting to lessen the pain of those around me. Yesterday I did the closest thing yet to approaching closure with my loving wife of 34 years. Sending her to the sea she loved so much, with as much ceremony as when I lost her. it hurts.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

When you die, you die alone.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

I'm literally holding my head and sobbing right now... I don't think this shit really ever ends.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

The tree planted in memory of Stacey 2 days ago has three new sprouts/branches (actually compound leaves but that is the science teacher coming out). So happy it appears to have little shock as a result of transplant. It will be beautiful. Might keep me here a bit longer.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

I'm so sorry my Stacey. I held your hand as you grasped your final breaths on earth. I was holding your head as you started to cool as life left you. But I still can't grasp that you are gone. I will never forget. Please help me move forward sweet Stacey.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

There is no shortage of people suffering greatly these very dark days. But the small tragedies are tough too. I put a lot of thought in, and got a lot of help from many of you. Tomorrow Afternoon my Sunny will not be in pain any longer. I'll miss you little man. Stacey is waiting

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

I can't comprehend it yet. but I have no choice. Stacey is gone, I did all I could, I'm lost for a while. I have support and just 'yelling into the void' like this really helps. Fact is I have found not just support but a few best friends I have not yet met.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

I was going to the kitchen to get some water. I saw this little green frog on the living room tile. Poor guy so dehydrated he couldn’t hop away. Held him in water till he felt a bit better, now he rests on a wet paper towel. It’s OK to help others that can’t help themselves.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

@PressSec Best wishes, heal quickly all! Love the class you bring to your post in office.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Grief is cruel. You slowly make progress dealing with it, the smallest amount imaginable but it is progress. Then out of nowhere you get kneecapped and dropped to the floor again. That was today. Fuck 2020.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Holy crap... I may as well have gotten a hand written letter from Stan Lee as a 10 year old kid... Katie Porter just tagged into a post I wrote about Katie Porter. She was responding to another awesome person but I was close. If you didn’t know, she is my favorite Superhero .

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

My sister (saint) came down and helped me sort and donate Stacey's clothes... Seeing them daily or dealing with it on my own would have been too much. I asked her to leave top drawer to me. We all treat that that one different. I went through it for a bit. I'm done.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

When Stacey & I went sailing she would sometimes be amazed by fiery yellow & red trees on shore. I found out they were Royal Poinciana trees. I found a nursery near me that has them. I'll be getting one as soon as my back has healed. I should have done that years ago...

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

Went back to my old employer, just to get a feel of the place and meet one of Stacey's best friends for lunch. Talked with manger. He said they were holding my job for me for whenever I feel able to return to the water safely again ... how fucking great is that!?!

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

We did a kitchen overhaul. Stacey knew just what she wanted. Solid wood cabinets, granite counter tops and new matching appliances. So unfair, she enjoyed them for such a short time. But she enjoyed them so much. That is were I must mentally stay.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

I just had the best Saturday I've had in four years.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

2 years

I think I’m about to lose my mom. She won’t be in pain anymore. I think I’m okay, excuse me if I seem absent.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Just had an emotional moment, I'm just a mess, and Sunny comes to me... feeling very Zen I ask him what would bring him joy? Leads me strait to the cookie cabinet. That boy knows how to put life into perspective without uttering a word.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

COVID didn't take my Stacey. Still felt like Joe was talking to me. I needed that even if it did just make me a hot mess... I'll be back in a few minutes.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Even though I was there and holding her for her last breath, she died alone. I can't tell you more, that is just how it happens and it will often be. Does it hurt to share like this? F*cking right it hurts, but this should not be a secret, it's life.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

I've had several titles in my life. Chef, UPS Driver, Teacher, Captain and now Widower. I Love you Stacey. Fuck 2020

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

Excuse our absence, had some catching up to do…

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

1 year

I tried giving a hint, but only a tiny few figured it out. So here it goes, @Swimthetide1 and I did something amazing this week!

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Manager called from the docks to say hello and let me know I still had a place to work... I can’t wait to work again. Nothing better than a job you truly enjoy and are good at.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

I'm not good at being alone in the house. Realized I've had the radio in living room on NPR 24/7 for over a month. Need to hear a voice. I'm a sad mess... gotta get back to work. The waves are just too high still.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Nice thing about an emotional breakdown... you feel better when it’s over. Embarrassed, but better.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

1 year

@thejackhopkins Deep breath. We celebrate her now. What an amazing accomplishment. And we all know you played a major role. Be proud…you both did well.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

What a glorious morning... Joe is entering, it is gone from Washington. When the warm sun hit my face I felt Stacey’s touch. I hope this feeling holds for a while.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

7 months

Is there a way I can automatically repost this in 8-9 months? In the meantime, just watch it. You know he’s entertaining and right!

Trae Crowder

@traecrowder

7 months

ON REPUBLICANS AND THE BORDER CRISIS

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

2 years

Mom is gone.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

The worst part of being a full time care provider, is when you no longer need to.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

2 years

@ScottGustin It’s not the wind of the hurricane you have to worry about. It’s the damn Volvo being thrown around by the wind of the hurricane you have to worry about…

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

Did I mention @captmattj and @Swimthetide1 are engaged to each other? Damn! That feels good to say.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

What the fuck just happened... Nothing. God it hurts so bad. looks like I may be going along for the ride again... Why does grief not make a fucking bit of sense? Why do I sound like an insane person?

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Hey all, I'm gonna try to sleep... if you hear from me again tonight it isn't going well. I love you all, have a crush on a few of you. Be well. I'll meet with you tomorrow.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

I never want to keep secrets from you... The Oregon coast is one of the most beautiful things on earth.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

I NEVER thought I would ask for this kind of stuff, but here we are. I'm feeling very alone. Some happy pics... vacation, special moments, family holidays... I need to see real smiles. Thanks.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

To see 45 lose his Scottish golf club overnight would make for the best day I’ve had in over a year...

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

Okay... If you are wondering. 16 more days... I'm a nervous wreck. But what an amazing time we will have. I'm a tour captain again!

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

2 years

We just spent the afternoon with much of my family. We gather because my mother is weak, she is gifting us her final time. I’ve been here before recently and I’m wrecked. This part of life really sucks.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

@funder I feel like I'm in the back seat of a 1978 Ford Pinto with a drunk driver at the wheel but grateful its only 2 miles to my house.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

Look who met me @at my front door this morning!

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

6 years

@MacMcKinseyIV

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Already at my follow back limit from Twitter. The love I've been getting is honestly helping. It may take some time but I hope to read all tweets and follow back all.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

2 years

The sibs and I are gonna talk with mom later this week, and thank her for being the wonderful mother and person she is. Let her know she did a miraculous job raising four solid, strong and good children. Tell her it's okay for her to rest now.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Biden at Sicknick funeral. Class and dignity again.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

Amazing, I have met only good people on Twitter. Not so on fb, Over 7,000 good people. How the hell does that happen?!?! I love you guys! (P.S. I don't count scammers so there.)

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

In my happy place…

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Got to the mailbox, Letter addressed to Stacey from her insurance. Spent about 30 minutes on phone canceling it. That took the wind out of my sails for the day.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Went to visit Stacey’s tree. It looks great. Added about 2” so little to no shock. It will be a magnificent tree one day. (Can u find the lizard?)

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Watching Impeachment trial... I want 45 under the prison. Federal is too good for him. I want SDNY to convict. I want him in a State prison. For the rest of his miserable life.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Just broke a personal record. Today I finished filling out Captain License renewal application, got my required physical, arranged and took drug test and delivered documents to agency to review it and forward to Coast Guard. Stacey pushing me forward entire time.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Rubbing Stacey's rings in my fingers as they hang around my neck... Wondering why I'm still here. Good night all I really do love you all... I really do have a crush on some of you. I'll meet you hear again tomorrow. Same Bat time, Same Bat channel.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

My wonderful neighbor still brings me something for dinner more nights than not. Tonight a delicious Cuban style Mac & cheese. If you ever are in difficult times I hope you have such an angel in your life.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

Just saw a pod of 7-8 manatee on my 1st tour today. Nice.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

We had a little fashion show after dinner with THE RING. The 3rd shot was all three of us together. Looks like a winner. Make my Beckie even more radiant. I never would have thought it possible! @Swimthetide1

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

I just spoke out loud to Stacey for the first time. I Think I need to do that for me to heal. But first time was so hard because I didn't hear her voice in response. I love you Stacey. Fuck 2020.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

I just disconnected her phone... I didn't realize that would fuck my head up.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

Ten hours total on the highway for a three hour visit. Totally worth it. Moms 86th Birthday. Parkinson's sucks, she is starting to give stuff away like she is going someplace... no time soon mom, please no time soon.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

3 years

I’m sad today. Nope I don’t need any help or thoughts or prayers. I’m just sad today.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

The Poet Laureate is amazing. Her work referred to current events. She did that piece recently, she is not a 'one and done'. I look forward to hearing her again.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Stacey has a beautiful old grandfather clock, 10' tall. It was her grandfathers. She never liked to see the weights get 2 low from not being wound. I just walked by it, the clock mechanism weight was getting very low. And swinging about 1/2" front to back. She wants it wound.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Just so you know. If I say I'm praying for you, I'm agnostic at best. maybe atheist. To pray is to send energy and good will. And it fucking works. It just takes a whole lot of us no matter what we believe.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

I'm so happy Twitter reinstated my Follow and like ability. But I am fading fast. this has been the hardest week of my life. Hopefully I will be permitted to follow and appreciate all your love tomorrow as well. You are really helping me with this fist stage of grief.

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Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

@WinterwayEd My mom and her hubby are in The Villages and they love you as do we! You are on the right side of history!0

0

6

210

Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

Shit, I really am lonely. I've never felt this before. Time to get ready to go back to work... I have to be careful, I can't have a breakdown while working. People could get hurt, I can not allow that to happen on my boat.

64

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212

Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

I just finished the leftovers from dinner Barbara brought over last night, I'm stuffed. I doubt I have to tell you what just happened... It's gonna hurt, I'll regret it but I must have some fresh & hot. How do I justify this kindness I keep receiving? Tears again, but happy.

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222

Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

2 years

This photo was years in the making… I’m happy again.

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5

220

Capt Matt, Hakuna matata. live for the now. 🦋

@captmattj

4 years

It is so nice to not wake up feeling frightened and angry at the same time... I like a calm twitter, how about you? More animal pictures and jokes. (But we still have work to do, enjoy the time off.)

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