As a thirtysomething single, childless, cat owning woman who did not hope for my life to look this way, the discourse this week has been painful. I fight hard to enjoy my life and make it as beautiful as I can.
The thing about being 33, single, and childless when that was not what you'd hoped for your life is that it makes vacation with your siblings, their partners, and your nieces and nephews both delightful and very emotionally complicated.
My contributions to society are no less valuable than anyone else's. I have deep care & concern for the world I'll leave behind, not only because I have nieces, nephews, & friends' kids I love, but also because I can care about the flourishing of people I don't personally know.
If you're buying items to donate (food, home goods, etc.) this time of year, I'd encourage you to buy the same brands you'd buy for yourself. Someone receiving a helping hand deserves name brand goods as much as you do.
When you're single, a homeowner, and discover your washing machine is leaking, it's not just about the leak. It's also the loneliness of trying to deal with it all on your own, of having no one else who has a stake in the problem.
Those "Christians should get married young" hot takes so rarely acknowledge those of us who hoped to get married young, showed up in all the Christian spaces where we were "supposed" to find spouses, and yet remain single for reasons we don't understand.
Praying people of Twitter, will you please pray I find my cat? I got home about half an hour ago and haven't been able to find her anywhere in my house, and I've checked outside but she's timid and it's dark and she's a grey cat. I'm pretty worried.
As a person who got vaccinated as soon as I was able and spent most of the winter of 2021 alone to avoid the possibility of spreading COVID, I'm having "obedient kid in the class the teacher punished because a few students didn't listen" feels about mask requirements returning.
In all my years of singleness and aunthood, I've never taken much time to imagine single Jesus at a family dinner surrounded by his siblings and their very possible (probable?) spouses and children. How has Uncle Jesus never occurred to me?
I usually think I'd like to be married, but my sister just told me her husband ate the chili she was planning to have for lunch, and now I'm reconsidering.
If you're writing or speaking to women about how to live a life of Christian faith, and 4 out of 5 of your examples involve marriage and/or motherhood, you have completely alienated me, a single childless woman.
I posted this as a joke, and
@JBsTwoCents
said, "Challenge accepted." I might never have a husband, but I will have this mixer until it stirs its last batch of cookie dough, and from now until forever it will be a sign of exceeding kindness.
I mean if anyone who understands why mixers can be emotionally complicated for single women wants to make my life, Target has a deal for a KitchenAid mixer for $279.99. I'd ship you baked goods in thanks!
If you're going to have a person who got married at 21 participate in a conversation about singleness on a public platform, you'd better be willing to have a single person participate in a conversation about marriage.
I've lived in my condo for SEVEN YEARS and just found a medicine cabinet in the main bathroom that I use multiple times a day. Life is truly full of surprises.
I can't believe we need to keep saying this in 2024, but single people are every bit as valuable and worthy as married people, regardless of why they're single.
This very cute and very silly cat got herself trapped in a closet but wouldn't meow enough for me to find her (and didn't appear when I CHECKED THAT CLOSET). I am relieved and annoyed.
I get so frustrated by Christian messages where someone uses a story from their own life to illustrate how God is faithful and good because it turned out well, without acknowledging that God is faithful and good even when our stories turn out worse than we thought possible.
I have a new plan for first dates: Always have a good cookie waiting at home. If the date goes well, hello celebratory cookie! If the date goes less well, hello cookie! Either way the day ends on a positive note.
If you're shopping for a single person this holiday season, what you should NOT do is pay for a dating service and create a profile for them without their knowledge.
And before the "Stop being so picky" people show up, some of us haven't been picky, we just haven't been picked. I cannot force someone to like me if they don't like me.
As a single person, I find minor holidays more challenging than major ones. With the US celebrating Memorial Day this coming weekend, now is a great time to invite a cared-for single person in your life to join your movie night, McDonald's outing, boating day, etc.
If I've learned anything from being single and childless far longer than I ever thought I would be, it's that sometimes you have to make your own bouquet at the "for someone special" table.
Because I am, and so are you.
There's a lot of wedding dress sharing going on here, and they're lovely! But for those of us who don't have wedding dresses, drop a pic of a dress you love and feel great in.
This is from when I was a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding. She picked the color, we picked the style.
Any of my single friends know the feeling of being frustrated or upset, wanting to talk it out, but having to run through a list of people to think through who might be willing and able to take that call today?
If you have a friend who is sick, single, and lives alone, even if they are physically capable of making their own food, bringing them a full meal is a huge and welcome kindness.
When single people say online dating sucks, what we mean is that you can spend over a month regularly texting a guy, and then a few hours before your second date he cancels with a semi-plausible excuse, and when you text to check in he just never responds again.
Listened to a podcast episode that suggested if you desire marriage, God will eventually bring you a spouse. So let's say it again for the people in the back: GOD👏IS👏NOT👏A👏VENDING👏MACHINE.👏
Part of the reason Mother's Day can be difficult is that it shines a spotlight on the ways we hoped and planned our lives to be, but our reality doesn't match it.
And maybe you don't buy name brand goods for yourself--I do most of my grocery shopping at Aldi! But if you buy one kind of macaroni and cheese for yourself and a different kind to donate, I'd ask you to think about that choice.
The Christianese we use to cloak our grief is really bothering me today. My grandpa loved Jesus, and I believe I'll see him again in heaven.
*But,* I'm still distraught I won't get to see him again on earth. Both can be true.
Adults should get Rain Days, where you don't have to go to work and can sit on the couch under a cozy blanket and read and listen to the rain. Lit candles and hot beverages optional but recommended.
Mrs. Weasley and Bill showing up as Harry's family on the day of the third task in Goblet of Fire will never not make me cry. Throughout the whole series, the Weasleys are the embodiment of what Christian hospitality is supposed to look like.
Single friends, if you're in the US or interact with a lot of people who are, I bet you'll be seeing a lot of happy couples and families saying how thankful they are for each other. So here's a space to say what *you're* thankful for. I'll go first: I'm so thankful for my cat.
Coupled friends, an easy way to care for your single friends is by being intentional about your seating choices in group settings - yes, even if that means not sitting right near your partner.
I mean if anyone who understands why mixers can be emotionally complicated for single women wants to make my life, Target has a deal for a KitchenAid mixer for $279.99. I'd ship you baked goods in thanks!
Youth leaders, if you're planning lessons for the upcoming year and will have a series on dating/relationships, I beg you--discuss singleness. If you can't personally speak to it, bring in someone who can.
I'm on day 2 of only being able to look right because I r e s t e d i n c o r r e c t l y.
(and if you're not following
@nathanwpyle
, you should remedy that asap)
Yes, I will find someone to drive me. Also, if I was in a serious relationship, driving the person to appointments that they can't, airport pickups, supply delivery for illness, etc. are all things I'd expect to do, and I sure hope any guy I'd end up with would do so in return.
If you have kids, you aren't "raising someone's future spouse." You're raising humans who will hopefully be kind, loving, and gracious, and who may or may not ever be someone's spouse.
I just attended a middle school band concert and found it delightful. Parents, if you have childless friends who are trusted, caring figures in your kids' lives, please invite us to these events - don't say our nos for us. We might have more patience for events you're used to!
When someone laments their singleness or the difficulties of dating, don't reply with "Just wait, there's someone out there for everyone!" You're both invalidating their very real pain and difficulty, and also lying to them.
When you meet a new person and learn they're single, here's some things you don't need to do.
1) Be surprised they're single. Actually, all humans arrive in the world single. And about 50% of adults in the US are single these days.
The thing about me is, if I see a new-to-me Christian book about dating/singleness, I will immediately check the author's relationship status.
Today's book on dating is written by a person who got married in 2008.
Nothing like being one of the only non-partnered people in the room and hearing others casually imply that single people are single because they’re a little broken and inherently bad at relationships. 🙄
🧵Single and/or childless friends, you need to know you are every bit as beloved by God as people married 10, 30, 50 years with a van full of kids.
I've bumped into numerous "Christian women are better off to marry young and have children" messages in both online
#PSA
: Childless people can be stressed out about holiday busyness and scheduling, too.
(Does it look different? Most likely! But it's still stress and it matters.)
It's rare I'd say I'm *thankful* I'm single, but on the eve of Thanksgiving, as some people ready their tennis shoes and set their alarms for turkey trot traditions they married into...I'm very thankful to be single.
A very large women's ministry organization is offering a download of "Prayers for Your Future Husband," and nowhere in the document does it reference you might never get married, or direct you to pray about discerning whether you SHOULD get married at all.
As a single person, minor holidays can often be tricky. If you know and love a single person, now would be a great time to ask what they're up to for the 4th of July and invite them to join you.
I don't know who needs to hear this (it's me), but if you're with a group of people and they're all ordering salads, you do not have to order a salad.
Salads are not a morally superior food.
When my friend told her son what they're having for dinner, his first response was, "Don't forget to tell Brianna!" He knows I love this meal event and often join them for it.
When single people say we'd love to be included in your family, this is what we mean.
It's a new year, so it's time to try new things, right?
If you've been around here for a minute, you know I'm single. I'm 32, live in Grand Rapids, MI, and love Jesus in what I hope is a "love your neighbor and work toward what's best for all people" type way.
@clhubes
My grandma and I used to write each other letters from the perspective of the stuffed animals that lived at our houses, despite seeing each other in person very regularly. Grandparents who are all-in are such a gift!
I'm delighted to introduce you to Lyric, my new kitty! She has been very uncertain about her new home since arriving here on Sunday, so please enjoy this look into my storage closet as well.
We don't talk enough about the emotional energy online dating requires. The cycle involving indifference, glimmers of hope, disgust, crushed hope, despair, and resignation to continue plodding along is truly exhausting.
Merry Christmas to all, and especially to all my fellow single pals, who may not be living the lives we dreamed of, but are striving to enjoy the lives we have.
I recently came across a 1967 book about single adults in church and was surprised at how accurately it described the challenges - and how little has changed in 57 years.
"Neglect of the young single adult has been due to reasons:
1. Ignorance.
I don't care how uncool it makes me, I will not stop replying to tweets or texts with gifs. I hope to be 87, tweeting from my retirement community (jk, Twitter won't last that long), still holding strong with my gif usage.
Hey, Single Sibling, feeling kind of out of it this Christmas with your sibling(s) with their partners, maybe wishing life had gone differently for yourself - I see you.
If you're talking about dating in the Christian space, don't ignore the skewed ratio of single women to single men. Women looking for men who share their beliefs have a very real possibility they won't find it. Pretending it's not that way doesn't help anyone.
I loathe the fairly common idea that single people are inherently more selfish than partnered people and/or parents. While partneredness and parenthood may shape a type of in-household selflessness, what if an overemphasis on focusing on the family can become selfish?
I wish people who give advice about online dating would acknowledge that being thin, conventionally attractive, and located in/near a big city will give you a drastically different experience than many people have.
Does anyone else feel like your whole friendship ecosystem has been shaken by the pandemic? Not just friendships themselves (though that's a thing as well!), but I'm feeling the gap of acquaintances who might've become friends and of being out of practice at meeting new people.
I saw a meme about this year we're canceling plans as self care, and what if, instead, we chose building healthy relationships and also caring about the person on the other end of those plans?
If you grew up in spaces with traditionalish Christian teaching on marriage, got married before/in your mid-twenties, & haven't done extensive processing of your beliefs about singleness, marriage, & what God "owes" us, please be very, very careful communicating about singleness.