Michael Blaustein @blaucomedy Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@VickyGuerreroOk

@hughhef44

@BigDaddyXXI

@kitamuraharuo

@TopDawgEnyamama

@7_mian

@MTVBrasil

@Jeep

@babybear___

@PrakashNai38342

@gcaughey

@Rambo_FB_1907

@Upmind_

@whoisyna_

@kadaoda_kada

@andrewdbreck

@komesan0922

@JohnHCochrane

@justiceforjapan

@darkxwoif

@cryptingleher

@CTSenateGOP

@grindincoffeeco

@OrdifyWorld

@huenigkal

@TeamPillen

@bkasymaly

@aureshade

@basketbox33

@JasonGWild

@glanworthgaa

@ccg224eth

@TedNordhaus

@Xxqz13

@_Theussma

@YR__cos

Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

are you funny or is she just your waitress.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

🍆+🍆=better #blaustandup #standupcomedy #comedy #funny

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

i was heckled by a grandma and this is what happened 🤪 #blaustandup #standupcomedy #standup #heckler #heckled

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

there should be a dating app where you can message the friend next to her in the picture.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

1 year

this is one way to pick the favorite kid 😳 #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

11 months

women yelled at me 😳 #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

REMINDER: don’t be scared to fight a dude w/ tattoos, a dragon on a tit doesn’t make you stronger.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

1 year

heckler tries to get on stage! 😳 #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

5 years

pronouns? #blaustandup

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

if I could walk around all the time with post nut clarity, i would own america in a week.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

10 months

CRAZIEST story EVER!! 😳 #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

New stand up clip. Peep.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

🤗

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

yeah... keep posting pics of y’alls moms and I’ll keep dm-ing em. #happymothersday2021

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

5 years

You know what’s dope?.... crying.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

when ur talking to someone and they say “right… right” and you keep taking and they say “right…right” again. stop talking. they hate you.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

if a str8 guy has wet wipes, he’s into ass play. Full stop. *I have wet wipes.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

1 year

hold up… ur husbands are all WHAT?? 🫢 #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

COVID-19?... mmmmhm, at least she legal tho😏. *sorry, I’ve been in my apartment all day. haven’t talked to a soul. I’m going IN-sane*

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

UPDATE: just got my ass beat by a dude w/ a dragon tit tattoo.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

i really fucked up here 🤪 #blaustandup #standupcomedy #standup #comedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

imma shoot a porn using my backup camera.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

Ladies honest question... do u want a bf or just a personal photographer?

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

just unknowly walked around my place with shit on the bottom of my flip flop for an hour... do I just burn my apartment to the ground?

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

dear quarantine, im starting to bookmark porn now. sincerely, im sad.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

things I never thought I would say... “I think she’s cute... I mean shes definitely mask cute.”

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

THIS. IS. INCREDIBLE! 🧦🧦

Alex

@reteidxxxxela

3 years

Ready for DC with a fresh set of nails before we see @blaucomedy Saturday night 🤩

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

2 years

at a car wash in a rich part of town and a women just yelled “no I won’t calm down, my family invented honey mustard!”

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

1 year

bf cheated with WHO??? 😳 #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

9 months

2024 TOUR on sale NOW‼️ code: feet more 2024 dates coming soon! love you all ❤️❤️

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

2 years

i did a thing … also Raleigh this weekend 2 shows sold out and all other shows very low tickets. 🎟️:

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

when i cum I always yell “I AM THE CAPTAIN NOWWW A DATED REFERENCE FROM THE 2013 FILM CAPTAIN PHILLIPS DO YOU NEED A TOWEL?!”

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

1 year

welll… this happened! 😳 #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

hey single people... y’all remember sex?

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

i wanna marry this lady... but the name thooooo? #blaustandup #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

1 year

dad FREAKS OUT on tik tok! 😳 #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

i got in a fight with a white walker #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

oh shit I didn’t tell y’all, my pussy so wet I have to wear galoshes.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

if a girl writes “i won’t bite” in her bumble bio, she’s either gonna kill you or kill you.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

i hated this dude so much 🤪 #blaustandup #standupcomedy #comedy #standup #heckler

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

1 year

how to propose like a man! #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

cats are cool if you fuck with mistrust and machiavellian movements.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

goth girls? im SO in! #blaustandup #standupcomedy #standup #goth #gothgirls

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

1 year

should this dude run for president? 😳 #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

2 years

los angeles! thank you so much for coming out last night. 2 sold out shows at the iconic troubadour theater. love you all!

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

church is the first Patreon

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

2 years

ummm ur boy is in first class on a frontier flight. I’m pretty sure I’m @Drake now.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

I’m the WORST at directions... anyone else? #blaustandup #standupcomedy #Standup #comedy #directions

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

ummm... 9/11? #blaustandup #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

5 years

incest or nah? #blaustandup #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

Luke warm?... who’s Luke and someone give him a microwave.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 months

bro has a tattoo on his…. 😳 #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

my 🍆 going to jail. #blaustandup #standupcomedy #standup #comedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

you can’t spell quarantine without a “im jerking off waaay too much.”

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

Sexiest man ALIVE! #blaustandup #comedy #funny #standupcomedy #standupcomedian

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

I wanna marry ugly #blaustandup #standupcomedy #standup

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

1 year

sexiest man in america? 🤤 #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

what a PORN STAR did to me... #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 months

guy has TWO WIVES? 😳 #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

s/o to blankets. they always be warm. ive yet to run into a blanket that’s like “nah, imma be cold for the WHOLE time.”

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

worst cowboy ever!

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

these nerds are f*cking now 🤓 #blaustandup #standupcomedy #standup #nerds

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

hey women we are always choosing the ps5. 🎮 > 🐱

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

5 years

it’s hilarious when ugly dudes have types. bro, your only type should be... alive.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

those cups were fire! thank u! 🧦🧦

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

2 years

im never surprised when someone tells me they have a pet bird.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

y’all read a book recently... they mad dim. hey books... turn your brightness up.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

FACTS. Let’s make this happen. 😎

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

softball square in my ass 😜 #blaustandup #standupcomedy #standup #softball

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

this couple is nasssssty 😈 #blaustandup #standupcomedy #standup #emo #gamestop

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

2 years

los angeles. two shows. the troubadour theater. three days.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

it’s HARD to order shots. #blaucomedy #standupcomedy #comedy #liquor #bartender

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

2 years

you know what the most annoying thing ever is?… joy.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

Fun fact: Joe Biden is the Daddy in Call her Daddy.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

my thoughts on hand tattoos 😜 #blaustandup #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

2 months

bi-girls are the best? #standupcomedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

yo... vaginas be talkin 🗣🌮 #blaustandup #standupcomedy #standup #comedy #funny

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

you gotta answer that question. 😂 #blaustandup #standupcomedy #standup #comedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

👶 + ⛄️ #blaustandup #comedy #funny #standupcomedy #standup

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

dude was SO jacked!

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

drug mules are crazy these days 🤠. #blaustandup #standupcomedy #standup #comedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

well... i feel stupid 😎. #blaustandup #standupcomedy #standup #comedy #drugs

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

2 years

worst name ever?

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

tryna bang a viking #blaustandup #standupcomedy #standup #comedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

tryna fuuuuuck on them tinder dates. #blaustandup #standupcomedy #standup #tinder

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

3 years

hey tell your kids that hot dogs aren’t actually hot dogs, please. kids out here thinking they’re eaten Sparky.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

yall remember NOT looking at your phone?... me either.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

5 years

i like office supplies more than most humans.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

5 years

ATTN IG HOES: i mean yeah you’re hot but you have the personality of trash can lid.

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

this is about how my dad fucked up 🤪 #FathersDay #standupcomedy #blaustandup #standup #comedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

4 years

women sounds like a sea animal. #blaustandup #standupcomedy #comedy

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

2 years

FORT LAUDERDALE TONIGHT! come throoooo! tickets:

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Michael Blaustein

@blaucomedy

1 year

BOSTON!!! We SOLD OUT the first show at the mf wilbur theatre so we are adding another one! Grab tickets before you can’t. Tickets: CODE: FEET

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