🦋بيتا @bitajoudaki Twitter profile

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

1 year

I put the “BITA” in “the world is becoming less HABITABLE”

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Last Seen Profiles

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

4 years

In a way, aren’t we all stuck between a sex shop and a crematorium????

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

Hi Canadian friends posting only about anti-Black racism in America. Canada is also racist. Canada is anti-Black. Please direct some of that rage to your own backyard. Support Black Canadians now and beyond this moment.

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@bitajoudaki

5 years

Me, own a home???? Darling, I can’t even spell mourgidge

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@bitajoudaki

2 years

Rob Schneider is one of my biggest comedic influences. That's why I suck and I'm not funny.

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@bitajoudaki

2 years

"Being funny is a sign of intelligence" not the way i do it

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@bitajoudaki

11 months

I went here and everyone knew you

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

Please allow me to brag and say that after 7 years of applying I just got my first Canada Arts Council grant to make a short film. It's just like that classic saying: If at first you don't succeed.......try every year for 7 years!

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

4 years

Woohoo! Got Telefilm funding to write a horror film about ~white women~ You’re welcome to tell me to eat shit in the comments!

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

4 years

Omg I’m such a fucking loser why did I make this

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

1 year

So excited to post my directoral debut. This idea came to me when I was drinking and driving ❤️

Richmond RCMP

@RichmondRCMP

1 year

Pedestrian safety is a two-way street. What pedestrians and drivers can do to make our roadways safer

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

Hello I wrote this

The Beaverton

@TheBeaverton

4 years

“White men are the problem” says white woman who is also the problem

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

4 years

I wrote

The Beaverton

@TheBeaverton

4 years

White supremacist organization clears white supremacist of white supremacy

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

me: I went to film school person: What's your favourite movie? me: Miss Congeniality

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

4 years

I wrote it!

The Beaverton

@TheBeaverton

4 years

Kamala Harris promises more BIPOC representation in US prison population

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

4 years

one day I will respond to a job rejection with “good luck, bitch”

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

4 years

This is a really hard time for me because my dad is a billionaire cop 😞

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@bitajoudaki

2 years

Did you hear about that guy who got his ribs removed so that he can suck his own ribs ?

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@bitajoudaki

2 years

I'm equal parts terrified and excited. Thank you @tarawoodbury and Netflix for including me in this program 😭

Netflix launches development program for diverse Canadian writers

TORONTO - Netflix is launching a development program for diverse Canadian writers in film and television.

www.thestar.com

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

3 years

MFA stands for Making my way downtown walking Fast, faces pass And I’m homebound

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@bitajoudaki

1 year

Yeah I like A24…..A 24 hour drugstore walking distance from my home

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

Watch me “sounds good!” myself into a loveless marriage

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

SEX now that I have your attention...... FEAR

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

2 years

Just realized something bad

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

Who would even WANT to perform at Vancouver Theatresports??? A horrible organization with decades of noted racism and misogyny. And don’t forget the rapist they still allow to teach and perform there. They constantly get called out and NEVER change. Fuck VTSL.

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

2 years

why does every Canadian Conservative Party leader look like a character from the Simpsons who would be mean to Homer

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

I’m a simple girl. I only need 12 hours of sleep and then 3 hours of lounging before I’m ready to face the day

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

RIP to the funniest person ever

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

This movie fails the Baruchel test because it doesn’t have Jay Baruchel in it 😔

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

I feel like you can either have kids or you can have a really, really, really fun life

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

3 years

Once he started dressing like this I knew it was over

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

You’re in his DM. I’m his MD. He is very ill

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

Anytime I do my taxes I’m like well I have no idea what I’ve done here and I could be going to jail

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

2 years

Guys I bombed so hard tonight someone was like “are you ok???” after I got off stage 😭😭😭😭

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

1 year

My parents sacrificed everything so that I can come to Canada and be in an improv troupe in my 30s

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

2 years

"Cancon" this, "Cancon" that. Why don't you CAN it so I CON watch all this great Canadian content

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@bitajoudaki

2 years

Elaine Benes costume giving me ptsd

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

4 years

save the restaurant industry just not any of the restaurants I’ve ever worked in ❤️

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

3 years

Comedians used to be like "why can't I swear and talk about sex on stage" Now they're like "why can't I use hate speech and tell people not to get vaccinated"

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

3 years

If I’m ever pranked on a prank show I’m killing myself on the spot. Who’s laughing now

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@bitajoudaki

2 years

Thank god the soup that took me three hours to make is also disgusting

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

2 years

My friends all got their films into TIFF and I wrote a tweet about a guy sucking his own dick. We all have our own artistic journeys❤️

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

4 years

I'm not a millennial. I'm a willennial.

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

4 years

Nothing more sad than an extrovert who is not funny :(

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

3 years

I can’t get over Israel committing apartheid crimes against Palestinians and then tweeting like a teen girl. So fucking bizarre

Israel ישראל

@Israel

3 years

🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

Canadian media companies are like "We bravely decided to work with BIPOC creators this year❤️"

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

3 years

getting COVID from an open mic I bombed at will be my villain origin story

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

If I moved my Zoom frame even one centimetre, you would be completely devastated at what you saw

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@bitajoudaki

2 years

If Titanic happened today the lookout guy would say “Iceberg, deadass!”

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

3 years

there must be a guy who’s just honking because he’s horny

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

what’s the point of having white friends if none of them invite you to their cottages ?????

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

I’m crows

Quite Interesting

@qikipedia

4 years

Crows not only hold grudges, they tell their friends and family about them.

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

Me on my death bed: “omg I’m literally dying”

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

This is how everyone in the world should dress

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

4 years

Canadian media companies are like “our all white staff think Black lives matter❤️”

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

1 year

Children Ruin Everything is premiering tonight! This was the first half hour I got to write on and (sorry to be sincere on main) was a dream come true! Please watch! This season is VERY funny!

CTV

@CTV

1 year

Children Ruin Everything is back for Season 3! Three kids means three times the chaos💥🍼 Don’t miss the season premiere on Wednesday, September 27th at 9/8:30mt on CTV. @childrenruin_tv

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

4 years

Me at the audition: “Yes, I will do full frontal nudity” Casting director: “ok this is a commercial for an internet provider”

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

Omg literally your only job is to be funny 😭😭😭😭 "irreverent and dangerous" please seek help

Whitney Cummings

@WhitneyCummings

3 years

Comedians did not sign up to be your hero. It’s our job to be irreverent and dangerous, to question authority and take you through a spooky mental haunted house so you can arrive at your own conclusions. Stay focused on the people we pay taxes to to be moral leaders.

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

So excited to be part of this 🌱

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

Missed my chance to land this fucking awesome joke about reading😔

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

thinking about the girl in my very pretentious video art class during undergrad who included a blooper reel after screening her work

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

4 years

Christine and I wrote and directed an episode of this show! Woohoo! @theonlybortolin

CBC Gem

@cbcgem

4 years

The Slowest Show is now streaming. You should check it out. No rush though. Take your time, seriously.

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

4 years

decided to stop being fine and start being bonkers

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

Should have used comic sans

jos

@josiahhughes

4 years

hmm unfortunately the merch looks aggressively racist

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

The lady at the sushi restaurant thinks my name is Pizza and I’m not going to correct her

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

Thinking of coming out to my roommates as a comedian.......I have lived here for three years

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

Me, absolutely starving, haven't eaten in 10 hours: well, i guess it's time to go the grocery store to get ingredients for the recipe that takes 3 hours to make

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

at this summer camp I went to when I was a teen there were two girls both named Kelly. To differentiate, people called one of them "hot Kelly" and the other one was just "Kelly"

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@bitajoudaki

2 years

i am starving. perfect time to go to the grocery store... delirious with hunger... and buy a bunch of crazy shit to make dinner with. This task will take me four hours and dinner will be disgusting

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

A lot of people are younger than me and that is unacceptable

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

Finished the vomit draft of my first feature script. It sucks and it's not funny but.......she is done.

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

today I told my dad I was sad and he had the best advice! He said “don’t be sad” ❤️

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

Happy Father’s Day ❤️

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

Everyone always asks me is Vancouver more beautiful or Toronto? It’s hard to say! On the one hand, Vancouver has mountains and the ocean. On the other hand, Toronto has a huge lake that you have to test for E.coli before you go in

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

3 years

Yes I’m a filmmaker. No I haven’t watched any of the Oscar nominated films. Yes I am watching the new Jackass tonight

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@bitajoudaki

1 year

Tonight’s episode of #ChildrenRuinEverything was written by comedy icon @SmeatonPotatoes and….me! It’s my first prime time TV credit! I’m proof that girls who don’t read can write tv ❤️

Children Ruin Everything

@childrenruin_tv

1 year

Who doesn’t love some thoroughly planned-out spontaneity to keep things fresh? An ALL NEW episode of #ChildrenRuinEverything Season 3 airs tonight at 9/8:30mt on @ctv .

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🦋بيتا

@bitajoudaki

5 years

I love my 23 year old spin instructor telling me to let go of what doesn’t serve me

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@bitajoudaki

8 years

is it funny when i clear plates from customers tables i say "yoink"

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

“Ok so I brought a guillotine but I got it off Amazon. Is that bad?” -me, during the class war

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

After giving mindfulness a try, I’ve decided to go with mindlessness instead ❤️

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

Toronto ppl, Beck taxi has an app that works just like Uber or Lyft. You can pay before you get in with a credit card and it’s usually cheaper/the same price than those other apps

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@bitajoudaki

2 years

If titanic happened today, that song would be called “my heart will go off”

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

Rule number one for white boy summer should be “wear sunscreen!!!!!”

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

Sometimes I think it’s time to settle down and start having kids and other times I think it’s time to try ketamine

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

Stand up comedy is brave enough to ask what if the dumbest person you know gets to hold a microphone

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@bitajoudaki

2 years

Debasing myself with the boys once again

Stop Podcasting Yourself

@stoppodcasting

2 years

Can you believe we're still putting out all-time great episodes? Well, we are thanks to this week's guest @bitajoudaki .

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

I’m so old when I try to dab I look like a very ill woman from the 1800s who is about to faint

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

I think I would make a fortune if I opened up a grocery store whose main thing was “we sell realistically sized bundles of herbs”

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@bitajoudaki

2 years

I love that a&w’s whole thing is “we have root beer”

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@bitajoudaki

3 years

Practicing spirituality by buying a lot of things and just trusting that the universe will bring me more money ❤️

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

Me every 5 years after I decide to give weed another try

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@bitajoudaki

1 year

this is what being a girl is like

all reaction videos

@allreactionvids

1 year

Half deflated Hello Kitty balloon floating across the ground

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@bitajoudaki

4 years

#BellLetsTalk about how you exploit incarcerated people and their loved ones by over charging them for phone calls. And about how incarcerated people can’t call cellphones of loved ones either. What about the mental health of our most vulnerable?

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@bitajoudaki

1 year

My biggest flex lol