Rebecca Saltzman @beccasaltz Twitter profile | Pikagi

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Rebecca Saltzman

@beccasaltz

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Columnist @mcsweeneys | Irregular contributor @newyorker @electriclit etc | Your Jewish mom friend

NYC/Uncanny Valley

https://t.co/ZDGfpuEZM4

Joined July 2015

Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.

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@beccasaltz

Rebecca Saltzman

7 months

Absolutely delighted to share that I will be writing a column for @mcsweeneys next year! Thank you so much to @crmonks and @clhubes for this wonderful opportunity!

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Here Are the Winners of Our 2023 Column Contest

After an eight-year hiatus, our Column Contest triumphantly returned (thanks in no small part to the support from our Patreon members). We received...

www.mcsweeneys.net

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@beccasaltz

Rebecca Saltzman

4 years

One of the girls in my 9 year old’s class just said “My favorite author, other than myself, is Judy Blume,” and that’s the energy I want to see from all women writers going forward

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

Congratulations to Jeff Bezos for accomplishing today what an animal that licks its own asshole achieved in 1957

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@beccasaltz

Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

Today is 7 weeks since my kid got covid. He is not better and it feels like every doctors appt we go to ends with ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. It’s shocking to me how little urgency there is to help a kid who is in chronic pain, went from running & playing to barely able to get out of bed.

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

Covid is not just a cold. I’ve never had to take my kids to a cardiologist after they had a cold. 🧵about covid and🫀issues

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

I have been blocked on Instagram by my thirteen year old. A person I literally made.

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

My 10 year old is currently hospitalized because covid has affected his leg muscles and ability to walk. He should be fine and recover fully, but please get your kids vaccinated so they don’t have to go through all this

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

I stayed up until 2 am making my kid this Bill Cipher costume. The hat won’t stay up, the stitching is a mess, and he’s definitely going to destroy the eyeball, but I think it turned out ok! Cc @_AlexHirsch

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

Ivana Trump’s UES townhouse is on the market and I need you all to look at the pictures

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

Yesterday was 5 months since my 10 year old got Covid. While he is slowly improving, he still has tachycardia, constant headaches, chest pain and fatigue. He has only just started going back to school part time. Covid has completely upended his life.

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

One of my students wrote that a 34 year old was “in a late chapter in his life”💀💀💀

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

I can’t explain how distressing it is to see people jubilantly ripping their masks off on planes after everything Covid has put my family through. The complete lack of regard for vulnerable members of our community is downright sociopathic.

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

After my son developed long covid, I signed him and my daughter (who also had covid) up for an NIH study on pediatric covid outcomes. Through this study we discovered that they both have a potentially serious abnormality in their heartbeats

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

So please keep masking and get vaccinated/boosted as needed. Care about other people. Be safe ❤️✌️ PS if you’re an antivaxxer using this thread to promote your disinformation, fuck you

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

Hard to believe that there are unmedicated people out there, walking around, just raw dogging the world with their natural neurotransmitters

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

Specifically, they have a prolonged QT interval, which means the heart isn’t recharging properly from one heartbeat to the next. This can cause serious arrhythmias and even sudden cardiac arrest. People can literally just drop dead from this.

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

But I do know that you don’t want this to happen to you or your kids. Again this is a cardiac issue that can kill people. Covid is not just a cold. It is not the flu.

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

In my kids’ case, we don’t know what is causing this. It can be genetic, but their genetic tests were negative. It can be drug induced, but neither kid is on any meds that would cause it. So our other suspect is, yep, covid.

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

I knew Covid could cause heart issues but I had never even heard of it causing this particular issue. But there is some evidence that covid itself can cause a prolonged QT by damaging the heart at a cellular level. Here’s a discussion of this in JAMA:

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

I don’t know what this will mean for my kids in the future. It may go away or it may be a long term heart problem we will have to manage. Like everything else related to long Covid, our knowledge can be roughly summed up as: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

And here’s another study that found Covid is associated with significant QT prolongation independent of other clinical factors that are known to cause prolonged QT.

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Cardiac QTc Changes Among Patients Treated for COVID-19 Infection

This cohort study evaluates baseline corrected QT interval (QTc) interval on 12-lead electrocardiograms (ECGs) and ensuing changes among patients with and without COVID-19.

jamanetwork.com

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

My kids will have to continue to be monitored with EKGs while we try to figure out what is going on and how much risk their long QT poses. We also have a list of about 200 drugs to avoid that could trigger dangerous arrhythmias, including many common Rx and OTC meds.

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

My dad sent all his friends a pdf of my Missouri Review story, which has a super awkward and detailed sex scene in it, and now he is emailing me their responses please send help

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

And another finding that a prolonged QT is associated with increased mortality among hospitalized Covid patients :

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Electrocardiographic manifestations of COVID-19: Effect on cardiac activation and repolarization

QRS and QTc intervals are early markers for COVID-19 disease progression and mortality. ECG, a readily accessible tool, identifies cardiac involvement and may be used to predict disease course.

www.thelancet.com

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

Someone asked about the study we are in—they are still enrolling and need children in both the Covid and control groups!

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

Another case report:

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Prolonged QT Interval in a Patient With Coronavirus Disease-2019: Beyond Hydroxychloroquine and...

Recent reports have suggested an increased risk of QT prolongation and subsequent life-threatening ventricular arrhythmias, particularly torsade de pointes, in patients with coronavirus disease-2019...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

I know our country has decided it is done with covid, but Covid is not done with us. Real people are still suffering. Every person who is hospitalized, who becomes chronically ill, who dies, is connected to us all. There is no individualism in public health.

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Rebecca Saltzman

4 years

Me: I don’t understand why can’t we get this pandemic under control Me after scrolling through Facebook for 5 minutes: Oh.

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

I will be supporting the New Yorker Union strike by not having any of my work accepted by the New Yorker

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

Get vaccinated and boosted and continue to wear masks. Care for others and your community. And don’t vote for politicians who trade in death and sacrifice people’s lives for power.

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Rebecca Saltzman

5 years

Look who's on page 507 of the new @mcsweeneys anthology, motherfuckers!!!

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

My tweets are for people with exclusive taste, that’s why they only get 4 likes

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

Today is 8 months since my 5th grade son Gus got Covid. Many of you know that he has had long Covid and things have been very hard. I’m so happy to say he is doing SO MUCH better lately. He finally seems like himself again! 1/?

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

@MonicaCKlein @nytimes The women they asked didn’t know either though. I think anyone running for office right now, regardless of sex, should be able to answer this.

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

I’m not asking for advice here, y’all are a bunch of weirdos.

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

My husband told me that the male characters in my fiction exist only for sex, which is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about my writing

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

Needless to say this experience brought him not just physical pain but emotional pain and trauma as well. It is hard enough for an adult to reconfigure their sense of self from a well person to one who is sick, and he is only a child. He still sleeps with stuffed animals.

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

We have been trapped in what Susan Sontag called the kingdom of the sick and have no map by which to leave. He will either get better on his own or he won’t. I have to think that he will, but I don’t know. This is “the night-side of life” and there is no way to see the future.

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Rebecca Saltzman

6 years

@michaelianblack There's always a "pathway to redemption" for abusive white men and that's the problem. Trump got elected potus. CK got a brief time out and a write up in the NYT. Seems like society is already plenty forgiving of men who hurt women.

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

It was autumn when he got sick and now it is spring. He has missed most of 5th grade and any new friendships it may have brought. He missed trick or treating and Thanksgiving and playing in the snow in Central Park.

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Rebecca Saltzman

5 months

Whispers into the void: I finished my novel 🥹

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

We have been to see multiple different pediatric specialists, most of whom have been very compassionate but cannot offer much help, because no one knows much about what long Covid does to the body. This means no one can offer any long term prognosis either.

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

He can finally go on short outings, but they leave him fatigued and feeling ill, so he still cannot do most of the activities he previously enjoyed like exploring the park or going to museums or playing with friends.

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

Hi, I live in Manhattan now!

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

Today is one month since my son came down with covid. Unfortunately he seems to be one of the unlucky minority of children who develop long covid symptoms. It is completely false that covid does not harm kids. Please vaccinate your kids so that they don’t have to go through this.

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

My son loves Central Park more than anything, and has physically not been able to go since he got Covid in Oct 2021. Today he finally made it back! He walked all the way there! I’m so happy I could cry.

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Rebecca Saltzman

4 years

To all lit mags that have rejected my short story about manatees: This is a direct assault on the First Amendment. I will fight this cancel culture with everything I have. I’ll see you in court.

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

Thank you everyone for all the kind words here. I’m limiting replies to this now because antivax accounts have started to show up and I won’t let them use my post to spread their bullshit

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

Fixed it for you @washingtonpost

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Rebecca Saltzman

4 years

“Jews” only ever trends because someone did something antisemitic. Just once I’d like to see us trend because someone was like “Hey, you know who makes great soup? Jews.”

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

7 year old looking at my books: Mom, who is Zadie Smith? Me: She’s a writer 7: And she made that book? Me: Yep 7: Why haven’t YOU made a book? Do you even know how?? Me: (perishes)

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

On the F yesterday a girl was talking super loud about being a vegan to her friends, the whole group was unmasked, and this big muscled guy turned and yelled “No one cares if you’re a vegan. We just want you to put on a fucking mask, cracker!” New York is back 🥰

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

@seanriderbooks Rule #1 . Read the words in the tweet before you reply to it. It’s not a book, it’s a pdf of a story that was published in a literary journal. Go condescend to someone else.

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

This is the worst combination of words I have ever read

@business

Bloomberg

2 years

NEW: Elon Musk’s brain implant company Neuralink is now hiring a clinical trial director, an indication that the company’s longstanding goal of implanting chips in human brains is coming closer

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Rebecca Saltzman

4 years

First rejection of 2020: “I tried to read your latest McSweeney’s piece in the car but I didn’t get it.” —my mom

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

I just got a short story acceptance and I’m really excited!!! 🤗

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Rebecca Saltzman

4 years

Master of Fine Arts!!!!!!!!!

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Rebecca Saltzman

4 years

I AM GOING TO FINISH MY NOVEL THIS YEAR. If I type it in all caps it has to come true.

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

I think I’m using this for my new author photo? Please feel free to tell me I look hot!

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

To prevent mass shootings at parades, we simply need to make sure the parade has only one door

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Rebecca Saltzman

4 years

I’m really glad the government is sending me a $600 check, so I can pay the rent for my studio apartment in St. Louis in 2004.

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

This is why none of the other boroughs fuck with Staten Island

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Rebecca Saltzman

4 years

My tween daughter’s school had them all take quizzes about how many calories they should eat based on their height and weight. She just txted me upset because hers was higher than other kids’. I’m so mad. I’ve tried so hard to shield her from that bullshit her whole life.

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Rebecca Saltzman

4 years

People ask me all the time how I find time to write as a mother, and I’m never really sure what they want me to say. Like, benign neglect and Netflix? How does anyone find time to create art in a culture that doesn’t value it?

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Rebecca Saltzman

5 years

I'm so excited to share that I am the new Fiction Editor at Washington Square Review @on_squ (with my wonderful co-editor Alanna Weissman)! Our submissions are open, so please send me something sparkly to dig out of the slush!

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Rebecca Saltzman

5 years

@KunkelTron @clhubes She cupped her breasts as she walked breastly up the breast-like hills.

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Rebecca Saltzman

4 years

Reading a list of 19th century slang and we absolutely need to bring "got the morbs" back

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

Update: he’s home! Still feeling crappy from covid and needs a walker for now but he’s doing much better than when we went to the ER. Thank you everyone for your kind words. PS vaccinate your kids!

@beccasaltz

Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

My 10 year old is currently hospitalized because covid has affected his leg muscles and ability to walk. He should be fine and recover fully, but please get your kids vaccinated so they don’t have to go through all this

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

If you’re like Marco Rubio and can’t tell the difference between “cancel culture” and protecting young children from racist imagery, I have written you a @mcsweeneys piece!

I’m All for Letting the Free Market Decide Things Unless It Decides to Stop Publishing Racist...

“Now 6 Dr. Seuss books are cancelled too? When history looks back at this time it will be held up as an example of a depraved sociopolitical purge ...

www.mcsweeneys.net

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

This is what covid has done to my previously healthy child. First pic is his heart rate sitting down, second is standing up. You can see the time stamps—these were taken only one minute apart. All he did was stand up. Get vaccinated. Get your kids vaccinated.

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

I can’t believe no one is accepting my work, even though I have nothing out on submission

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

@krysmalcolmbelc 💯 I’ve had three pregnancies and each one has ruined a different part of my body

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

I adopted a kitten today!!! I’m in love

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

Look what we can accomplish when we all come together and make fun of Jen Psaki on Twitter 🥰

@CNNPolitics

CNN Politics

3 years

President Biden will announce a plan to distribute 500 million at-home Covid-19 tests

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Rebecca Saltzman

4 years

Well this was a dumb fucking year but I published some things and I earned my MFA! And I did it while remote schooling three kids 💪

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

@ShannonJCurtin If it helps, my tiny blond volcano daughter is now a teenager and one of my favorite people in the world to hang out with

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Rebecca Saltzman

6 years

Proud to announce that in 2018, my writing made zero end of the year lists and received zero prize nominations and that I ate a lot of 99 cent pizza at a restaurant called 99 Cent Pizza.

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

A lot of conceptual humor pieces are too long and could cut 100-200 words. I have been cutting 800 words from mine by not writing anything.

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

We’re all just blessed to be alive at the same time as @RavenLeilani ❤️

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

@they_lie_2_u I literally said we don’t know what is causing it as well as the fact that there are other triggers of acquired LQTS, which we have ruled out, so nope. Maybe you should try reading next time.

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Rebecca Saltzman

5 years

Writers, Garamond does not fool me into thinking your submission is better. Just FYI.

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

I’ve never been to AWP and I’m planning to just wander around until someone invites me to a bar, that’s how it works right?

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Rebecca Saltzman

5 years

Also y'all I met @Kristen_Arnett and she was the fucking coolest.

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

Good morning, my street is perfect

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

I just noticed this door today at my son’s physical therapist and now you have to see it too

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

Antisemitism is stupid, Jews are great. My latest for @mcsweeneys :

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Is Everyone Hanging Out at the Evil Global Cabal Without Me?

I don’t want to make things weird, but Jessica, Rachel S., Leah, Shayna, Rachel R., I have to ask—are you guys all, like, running the world without...

www.mcsweeneys.net

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

Another new vaccine? These public health officials will stop at nothing in their evil plot to save lives!

@nytimes

The New York Times

3 years

Breaking News: The WHO approved the first ever malaria vaccine, which could save tens of thousands of children in sub-Saharan Africa. The quest for this vaccine has been underway for a hundred years, a WHO official said, and is a "historic event."

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

Rather than admit that we still don’t know everything about how covid affects kids, an ER resident suggested my son could walk fine if he wanted to and that I should take his iPad away so “the hospital would be more boring.” (i.e. he would stop faking it)🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

Sent another submission to the place that keeps rejecting me. If they reject THIS one, they’re dead to me until the next time I submit to them!

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

Tired of the attitude that instead of having affordable housing in NYC, we should all just move. This is our home. I’ve lived in other US cities and there’s nowhere else like it—NYC is the cultural capital of the US. Ordinary people deserve to live here too, not just the rich.

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Rebecca Saltzman

4 years

The whole @mcsweeneys front page is just gold right now

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

I got a story acceptance today that I’m very happy about!

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Rebecca Saltzman

4 years

My husband I have been married 12 years today! We’re celebrating with a romantic trip to Living Room ☺️

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

I got vaccinated and I’m so fucking happy

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

As always I will end by encouraging people to vaccinate their children. I don’t want to see any other kids suffer like Gus has (he got sick before the vaccine was available to him). Be safe and take care of yourself and your community ❤️ PS I block antivaxxers

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

Something I like to do to cause chaos is telling people part of New York State is in the Midwest

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

Twitter is a fun place with many fun people

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Rebecca Saltzman

3 years

I’m up on @mcsweeneys today, making fun of Marco Rubio because he’s an asshole

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Rebecca Saltzman

5 years

Lol Toni Morrison says fuck your under 40 lists

@lithub

Literary Hub

5 years

"[S]omebody said, 'What advice would you give to young writers?' and I said, 'Start at 40.'”

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Rebecca Saltzman

2 years

He suffered from debilitating headaches and chest pain and would barely get out of bed or off the couch. Now his pain and headaches are gone, and he is finally getting his energy back. He is playing and running around the park again. I can’t express how happy and relieved I am.

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Rebecca Saltzman

5 years

Fixed the humor section at my local Barnes & Noble @ginnyhogan_ @The_Belladonnas @EmilyFlake

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