Tim Siedell @badbanana Twitter profile

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Tim Siedell

15 years

Don't you hate it when time travelers from the future want a photo with you but then refuse to say why they're laughing?

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 months

using the final olive garden breadstick to alert my server across the room that I need another basket

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

9 months

Leaving 2023 and heading into a presidential election year like

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

6 years

It’s not Christmas until I see Snoopy eating 37 human femurs.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 months

[bene gesserit voice] go long

Nerdist

@nerdist

7 months

Rebecca Ferguson throwing a football on the set of Dune 2 perfect 🤌

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

9 months

If you hit play on “Master and Commander” at 11:57 tonight, your girlfriend will fall asleep exactly at midnight.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

Enjoy this moment.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

Congrats to Oscars telecast director M. Night Shyamalan.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

9 years

I've eaten thousands of those Oreo Thins and if anything, I've *gained* weight.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

6 years

Thank you but your services will not be needed tonight, resealable tab on the Oreos package.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

Congratulations to Sean Spicer for finally chewing all the way through his leg.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

I didn't just imagine The Mooch, did I? You guys saw him too, right?

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

Sorry Apple, but I depend on a dangling earbud cord to signal to others that I don't want to interact.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

10 years

You can have my fireworks when you pry them from my cold dead fingers, which are right over there by the sidewalk.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

10 years

As if one white turkey getting off scot-free wasn't enough this week: http://t.co/JuWVBTtVmf http://t.co/UEwI3gUeF6

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

6 years

He lived in a van down by the Reddit.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

Yes, Facebook is evil but until there’s a better way to know when internet strangers are having a birthday, there’s nothing we can do.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

2 months

my brain at three a.m. trying to form the perfect comeback for a conversation that happened fifteen years ago

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

Hundreds of creepy clowns terrorizing people across multiple states. On the bright side, they can all be picked up in one police car.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

On Christmas morning, Donald Trump waking up and bragging about being visited by “dozens, if not hundreds” of ghosts.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

Martin Shkreli once called me stupid on Twitter and now he's going to prison so let this be a lesson for all of you.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

Maybe it's not such a great idea to tell everyone to vote.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

6 years

The only secretly-recorded tape that would shock me is one where Trump is caught saying “please” and “thank you.”

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

At the last minute, the judge should jack up Martin Shkreli's prison sentence 4,000 percent.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

6 years

Wish granted.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

10 years

Nice try, Clooney "wedding." I know a casino heist when I see one.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

Steve Bannon can leave the White House with his head and right arm held high.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

Forgot my phone at home, and instead of turning back I went on with my day. Not saying I'm a hero, but a commemorative stamp would be nice.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

Because of course you wouldn't want a corrupt party insider plagued by an email scandal at your convention.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

"You know what this tired mom and her sleeping newborn could use right now? A drum solo." - Little Drummer Boy

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

13 years

My favorite holiday drink is the Little Drummer Boy. It's one part rum, three parts pum.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

How would anyone know if Steve Bannon slipped into a post-election depression and started to let himself go?

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

5 years

Fingers crossed this new Star Wars movie finally brings closure to the whole issue of trade route taxation.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

6 months

Me every Arbor Day

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

Obama should hide fake conspiracy theory clues all around the White House so Trump gets too busy to do any real work.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

11 years

Scarlett Johansson is engaged. And just like that I'm fine with bombing Syria. Bomb everywhere. I don't care anymore.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

9 years

Donald Trump says he'll open up secret 9/11 files. Miley Cyrus says she'll flee the country if Trump is elected. Connect the dots, people.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

4 years

If New Year’s Eve teaches us anything, it’s that nobody gives a shit about the Mountain Time Zone.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

You send out a 280-character Tweet, I block you. Take that shit to Facebook.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

Man, if only there had been some sign, some warning, that Trump-run enterprises weren't always successful.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

3 years

So you’re telling me the Queen is single?

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

App idea: Twitter, but with only 140 characters.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

4 years

To be honest, eating an entire Thanksgiving meal alone has pretty much always been my dream.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

13 years

"He died doing what he loved, which was clinging to life and trying not to die, which he was very good at until recently."

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

Roy Moore stepping away from politics to spend more time with his wife and your kids.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making Twitter so simple even a barely literate 71-year-old could master it.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

14 years

An optimist sees a zombie as half alive. A pessimist sees a zombie and says "yep, I knew this would happen."

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

11 years

Stop picking on Bieber. That's somebody's daughter.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

Of course Kanye likes Trump. If there's one thing his marriage to Kim Kardashian has taught us, it's that Kanye likes giant asses.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

All this chaos surrounding the Rio Olympics really validates my decision to not become an elite athlete.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

13 years

My day has been so awful I keep looking around to see if Nicolas Cage is in it.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

4 years

Let’s be honest. The world would be a much better place if Twitter would just go ahead and ban everyone.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

Pro tip: Wipe the foam from your mouth before screaming into the void about how stable a genius you are.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

6 years

This is my parking level. Not confusing at all.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

As long as the Doomsday Clock people are adjusting the clock for Trump, they should give it smaller hands.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

The number one feature I want in a new iPhone is for nobody to be able to call me on it.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

Cut my finger on an Aloe Vera plant so I'm already fine.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

9 years

The Revenant (2015). An epic tale of one man's desperate journey to do whatever it takes to finally win an Oscar.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

10 years

I like how Google's driverless car assumes we'd still want to sit and look out the windshield instead of eating pizza in a moving bathtub.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

6 years

In an effort to use my social media influence for good, I urge everyone who reads this to please stop putting fucking nuts in brownies.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

They should hold onto Arnold Palmer's ashes until they can mix them with Ice-T's ashes and never mind Siri don't tweet this

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

Fuck you, Tuesday, you secret extra Monday.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

Still waiting for an iPhone that doesn't accept calls.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

6 years

Sorry, but I need at least three more A-list celebrities to tell me to vote before I’ll even consider it.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

Mildly impressed he spelled "stake" properly, to be honest.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

If I wanted to hear what anyone had to say in more than 140 characters I’d go outside and interact with real people. NO THANK YOU.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

6 years

what if the final page of the mueller report is a perfect march madness bracket

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

13 years

With American Airlines stock at 20 cents, I can't decide between paying for two checked bags or buying half the company.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

10 years

Already dreading a world where @alyankovic doesn't release a new music video every day.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

Mr. President, tear down this tweet. #covfefe

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

I used to assume most people were bright, kind, and at least somewhat informed. Then social media was invented.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

10 years

"Death created time to grow the things that it would kill. Endless Shrimp is back, at Red Lobster." http://t.co/JHPcVFortq

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

1 year

For six and a half years, I had the privilege of working with some of the most talented people in the biz. I leave this job incredibly proud of what we all accomplished together. On to the next adventure!

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

"After last week's scare with Jeremy, the new first rule of Fight Club is absolutely no peanuts or snacks containing peanuts."

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

11 years

A bag of Doritos now costs $149 in Denver.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

13 years

I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I'm not a shopaholic.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

10 years

When a douchebag is an even bigger douche below the surface: Doucheberg.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

Fergie wasn’t singing. She was delivering a precise audible code to awaken the other Black Eyed Peas from their cryogenic slumber. This is not a drill.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

10 years

After Manning broke his record, Brett Favre threw his TV remote across the room in disgust. It was intercepted and returned for a touchdown.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

5 years

As a kid, I way overestimated how much of my adult life would be spent in karate fights.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

11 years

I prefer crushed ice. Hard to enjoy a cool drink when your ice has hopes and dreams.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

6 years

The important thing is we’re all having no fun. #SuperBowl

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

10 years

Let's simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

9 years

Christie and Trump, campaigning together.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

12 years

It's awful that those other chipmunks force Alvin to wear an A on his sweater just because he's an adulterer.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

A man who has always had a personal butler is criticizing Puerto Rico for "wanting everything to be done for them."

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

I was listening to the new Blink-182 album while playing Pokémon GO and now my phone has the Y2K bug.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

Trump has fired wives for less.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

7 years

Couldn’t get out of Vietnam this time?

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

7 years

Just took off for ceremony @ Pearl Harbor. Will then be heading to Japan, SKorea, China, Vietnam & the Philippines. Will never let you down!

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

6 years

An Escape Room where you have to figure out how to get off the phone with my mother.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

4 months

I’ve been on Twitter since 2007. I know why.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

8 years

Wishing a very happy tenth birthday to the iPhone from me and my family, who I haven't seen in almost ten years.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

10 years

The next step is to send Rogen and Franco to N. Korea so they can apologize to Kim Jong-Un in person. And assassinate him.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

9 years

Been trying to light this pot brownie for twenty minutes.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

5 years

Maybe we can cancel COVID-19 by reading through its old tweets.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

4 years

We all agree that this can be a Dry January cheat day, right?

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

10 years

An hour into this Jack White documentary and I realize I'm watching Edward Scissorhands.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

15 years

I like my women the same way I like my coffee: Ground up and stored in the freezer. I MEAN HOT AND STRONG OR SOMETHING.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

5 years

Spent the whole day at the beach, but forgot to take a picture to post on Instagram. So that was a waste of time.

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Tim Siedell

@badbanana

4 years

Baby, It’s Covid Outside

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