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noir

@aspdosamu

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20

bmi 11s | semi-recovery
Joined November 2023
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
so tired today, and i feel sick, so im gonna stay home and sleep
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
intro for edtwt !! noir, he/him, amab 19 turning 20 in january cw: 41.2kg bmi 12.6 gw: 34.5kg bmi 10.5 pro recovery & not fatphobic really into chemistry, biology, philosophy, and literature ♡/↺ to be moots, i’ll appreciate it!
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
got everything i wanted for christmas
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
can't be happy on my birthday because my mind is plagued and i'm in pain 😅
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
my mother is accusing me of affecting my 13yo sister with my ed because "she wants to be a vegetarian." i just laughed so hard
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
sorry for being fat, but i am very looking forward to christmas dinner
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
its awkward when non edtwt people comment under my posts, like okay i appreciate the worry but ive been dealing with ana since 2016, i know whats happening and might happen to me
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
i dont have blood in my body. i only have ultra strawberry dreams monster
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
im in the hospital. sister found me. selfish bastard, i will never forget her cries i am the worst brother to evrr exist
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
i passed out in the school bathroom bye this was embarrassing, had my friend help me and i have math soon lolĺl todays not my day
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
vodka to break my 7 days fast
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
even if you dont feel like it, you matter and people would miss you
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@aspdosamu
noir
8 months
taking a twitter break because i'm focusing on my situationship with a woman who is 15 years older than me and groomed me years ago! hope you all can understand.
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
i think ill just accept that ill die from ana one day. i watched people die for this and i will be the next one one day
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
i got covid and its giving me absolute headaches, so ill be a bit less active for probably the next few days
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
guess who passed out and hit his head
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@aspdosamu
noir
7 months
i am under my ugw and i think i will just maintain and eat my bmr because i really don't want to be hospitalized again
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
i'm at follow limited rn, im following everyone back when it works again :D
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
didn't really have a nice day yesterday and today wont be better, so ill just go out and take a very long christmas walk with my dearest vodka 🥂
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
people will ask me, "why did you stay with her?" and the answer will always be "she loved me, and nobody ever knew how to love me before like she did or cared for me like she did. she was the closest thing to love i've ever experienced before, and i didn't want to lose it."
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
im at 40.1kg rn so close to the 30s aaaaaahhhhhh
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@aspdosamu
noir
8 months
ive been around ed spaces since 2020? i think like that, and i just saw an old bc of mine posted. uhm. umm.. i dont know how to feel about it tbh, enlightened or shocked that someone really kept this for around 3 years?
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@aspdosamu
noir
7 months
how do i make my little sister stop worrying about me constantly? i am not exaggerating with this, she constantly checks if im still alive in the night. she is only a kid and she shouldnt have to care for me and have all these responsibilities
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
i got the best grade on my math and biology exam, ana brain who?? not me though stay safe
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
@TearyStrawberry thank you! the same goes for you :)
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
@sanaachani just drink a ton of water! water is very important
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
they don't know what i've been through to cause so much hatred and apathy to form inside of my heart. they don't know the horrible experiences that have lead me to act out in such violent ways. they don't understand why i can't control my emotions. they don't care either.
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@aspdosamu
noir
8 months
mental state so bad the only thing that can fix me now is an emo twink who's younger than me 😭😭😭 save me
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
i am out of the hospital and i only gained a kg apparently, but i am very suicidal and urged to relapse in whatever i can. i am meeting old friends later
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
my heart hurts, and everything sucks. i feel like i can't do or handle anything anymore. it's all so hard and painful. i'm so tired.
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
please god dont let it be only water weight please god dont let it be only water weight please god dont let it be only water weight
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
holy shit ive been bmi 13s for a while then without knowing
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
no way im actually 181cm
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
i dont look like my bmi
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
life is so horrible, but at least i am losing weight and have marlboros
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
@0silverlinings0 i am going to try to enjoy it as much as possible, even when its hard idk i just keep on telling myself, that one day can't ruin my whole progress
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
currently feeling too sick to even stand up, depression is kicking my ass and my meds are turning me into a emotionless robot
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
yes i remade my intro because i lost weight, and it seems like im out of this short maintaining era
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
@flewby00 simply BMI calculator!
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
i don't wanna be here they told me my organs are failing but all i want is to get worse
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
broke my fast for this, but idk it it was worth it (it wasnt.)
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
i think i hit a plateau or something because ive been maintaining this for 4 days lol kms
@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
i dont look like my bmi
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
maintaining when fasting makes me just wanna
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
@bmicxrpse thank you, i appreciate it <§
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
12 years of therapy and i still start screaming and crying at therapist psychologists anyone for bringing up csam i cant fucking do this please leave me alone im here for anorexia not for ptsd please leave me the fuck alone
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
45.6kg bmi 14.2 I FINALLY LOST AFTER FASTING 😍
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
today 46.2kg 14.4 bmi and im feeling really bad because p.e + fasting + smoking isn't a good combination
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
@thinkingsmaller thank youu 🫶
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
@pathetiquea no slav would appreciate getting called joe biden, try it again but without the joe biden 😭
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@aspdosamu
noir
8 months
@smellyskelly_ @bmixavi @dizzykerosene @Lifeisgood88346 they probably changed their account into this, didn't know i was following them, ty for telling though! unfollowed
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
okay nevermind i failed my french exam
@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
i got the best grade on my math and biology exam, ana brain who?? not me though stay safe
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
i bought miso soup, and i misread the cal labels as 14/100ml, but its 144/100ml..
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
im SO close to bmi 13s AAAAAH
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
i haven't seen my therapist in a long time. last time, i was bmi 16s, and i desperately tried to tell her im like 20kgs heavier, but she didn't believe me. luckily, this did not end with me telling my actual weight, but im actually disappointed bc it means i look healthy :/
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
its me and my manipulative gaslighting man against the world (he wants me dead) <3
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
why am i getting accused of emotional manipulation for being kind!!!! i hate you mentally ill people
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
always scared that something happens to my people, absolutely jealous and possessive too, but i dont care about myself in the slightest 🔥🔥🔥🔥
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@aspdosamu
noir
8 months
@pathetiquea i genuienly cant look at blood but this gives me the urge to eat it
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
holy shiiiizututut this guy is changing my view of myself... he is taking my honor holy shit
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
@ryurexia i am a bit better, i just took more of my electrolytes drink, and i guess it works now. thank you, and i hope you're alrigjt too :)
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
how do i get mootssss i wanna talk to other disordered people
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
i know all the progress i've made and all the progress i've lost by this point. you can only go up until you reach a ceiling. then you end up crashing back to the bottom and end up worse than before, and this is the cycle i've been going through my whole life
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
no way im actually 181cm
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
i weighed myself with clothes and water inside of me and im in 12s bmi. did someone say speedrunning?
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
@ocean_meoww tysm!! 🫶
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
i find myself so emotional these days, even though i always have been the opposite. i just wanna cry my eyes out but it does not work and i dont even know why
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
surprise!! i didn't gain weight, i just maintained today, and i just took my math exams. pray for me
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@aspdosamu
noir
8 months
@pathetiquea also are you okay
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
my exams are stressing me out, but ill be back as soon as im done! like at the end of the week
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
@feelslikedying2 h @nging is very painful, i don't recommend it at all
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
@pathetiquea oh my god vil please go to the hospital
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@aspdosamu
noir
8 months
my life really feels like these badly written fanfiction ocs
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
@pathetiquea me trying to romanticize everything bad that happens to me
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
pspspspsps bsdshedtwt moot me please
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
@DumboRatFriend thank you, i will!
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@aspdosamu
noir
8 months
@0calzzdollie how many. cals do organs have or do they not count
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
@bulimicorpse realest tweet 😭
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@aspdosamu
noir
7 months
@pathetiquea homie hated my "osamu dazai if he was based" comment and turned into mori
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
@sunwillescapeme i am on my way to school and seeing this makes me wanna freak out with you HOLY SHITTTT
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
@snackrio thank you! same for you! :)
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@aspdosamu
noir
8 months
when my father died, i was very happy, even if he blamed it on me to make me feel shitty. i thought it'd last and statisfy me, but now it's worth nothing at all. the death never repaired anything but got rid of the first cause.
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@aspdosamu
noir
8 months
@pathetiquea put a fyodor profile picture and you're legit
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
if im not at my ugw by january, i'll be throwing hands with myself. because WHY am i not losing.
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
@feelslikedying2 and then it's time to pull out a gun!
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
@pathetiquea he canceled on me if you'd check your dms, you would've known 😠
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@aspdosamu
noir
7 months
@spaicinasho thank you, i already did! sadly i can't comfort her with it
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
my mother has been force feeding me a fuck ton of rosół because i cant eat anything else than soup thanks to covid
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
@pathetiquea thursday, let's enable each other like true friends would
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@aspdosamu
noir
8 months
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
@FyodorVore thank you!
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
179cm 46.8kg bmi 14.6
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@aspdosamu
noir
9 months
@ryurexia thank you! <3
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@aspdosamu
noir
11 months
@allvyii you can
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@aspdosamu
noir
8 months
@feelslikedying2 i want to omad him instead
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@aspdosamu
noir
8 months
@pathetiquea too early for this apologize
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@aspdosamu
noir
7 months
@ssavourytoothh she is turning 14 soon, she already knows it all so idk really what to do except talking to her and making sure i am fine
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@aspdosamu
noir
8 months
@pathetiquea MATCH WITH ME
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
@pathetiquea vilcore: "heyy guys, im kinda bleeding out, but also im fat x"
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@aspdosamu
noir
10 months
@pathetiquea i dont know if i should say congrats or punch you in the face
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