intro for edtwt !!
noir, he/him, amab
19 turning 20 in january
cw: 41.2kg bmi 12.6
gw: 34.5kg bmi 10.5
pro recovery & not fatphobic
really into chemistry, biology, philosophy, and literature
♡/↺ to be moots, i’ll appreciate it!
its awkward when non edtwt people comment under my posts, like okay i appreciate the worry but ive been dealing with ana since 2016, i know whats happening and might happen to me
taking a twitter break because i'm focusing on my situationship with a woman who is 15 years older than me and groomed me years ago! hope you all can understand.
people will ask me, "why did you stay with her?" and the answer will always be "she loved me, and nobody ever knew how to love me before like she did or cared for me like she did. she was the closest thing to love i've ever experienced before, and i didn't want to lose it."
ive been around ed spaces since 2020? i think like that, and i just saw an old bc of mine posted. uhm. umm.. i dont know how to feel about it tbh, enlightened or shocked that someone really kept this for around 3 years?
how do i make my little sister stop worrying about me constantly? i am not exaggerating with this, she constantly checks if im still alive in the night. she is only a kid and she shouldnt have to care for me and have all these responsibilities
they don't know what i've been through to cause so much hatred and apathy to form inside of my heart. they don't know the horrible experiences that have lead me to act out in such violent ways. they don't understand why i can't control my emotions. they don't care either.
i am out of the hospital and i only gained a kg apparently, but i am very suicidal and urged to relapse in whatever i can. i am meeting old friends later
@0silverlinings0
i am going to try to enjoy it as much as possible, even when its hard idk i just keep on telling myself, that one day can't ruin my whole progress
12 years of therapy and i still start screaming and crying at therapist psychologists anyone for bringing up csam i cant fucking do this please leave me alone im here for anorexia not for ptsd please leave me the fuck alone
i haven't seen my therapist in a long time. last time, i was bmi 16s, and i desperately tried to tell her im like 20kgs heavier, but she didn't believe me. luckily, this did not end with me telling my actual weight, but im actually disappointed bc it means i look healthy :/
i know all the progress i've made and all the progress i've lost by this point. you can only go up until you reach a ceiling. then you end up crashing back to the bottom and end up worse than before, and this is the cycle i've been going through my whole life
i find myself so emotional these days, even though i always have been the opposite. i just wanna cry my eyes out but it does not work and i dont even know why
when my father died, i was very happy, even if he blamed it on me to make me feel shitty. i thought it'd last and statisfy me, but now it's worth nothing at all. the death never repaired anything but got rid of the first cause.