I know I have self-destructive behaviors, but it's not something I can just change or turn off. It's like something primal deep within me is calling out for the destruction of myself.
I feel detached and disconnected from everything I once knew, and it's terrifying. I feel like I'm a stranger to myself, that i'm someone who is just going through the motions and surviving without truly living.
I often wish I could go back to the days when I didn't know what I know now. now all I see are the mistakes of the past, the mistakes that have defined my present and will haunt my future.
I crave companionship and desperately want to be by everyone's side, even if I don't think I deserve it. I long for that sense of belonging and acceptance, but I often feel unworthy of it.
I am like a ticking time bomb, I am aware of the damage I could cause at any moment. I know that in my current state, I have the potential to hurt everyone around me.
what doesn't kill you leaves you stronger, is what they say. but what they don't tell you is that it also leaves you mentally weaker. It breaks you, destroys you, and chips away at the very foundation of who you are.
I had a horrible dream about you last night. you were... dead. but it wasn't a dream, it was real, wasn't it 𖤠 this right here, us fighting side by side... this is the dream, ain't it 𖤠