Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed)) @ancientnmodern Twitter profile

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

10 years

Medieval picture of the day: "God knows what I'm going to do with her. I thought I'd won a goldfish!" http://t.co/jypT11pf2t

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 months

Woke up this morning to discover my shoes had been dragged to the middle of the floor, the insoles carefully removed and a wine bottle screw top put, sharp side up, in one of them.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

The next village has cancelled its annual flower and produce show as a mark of respect. I am struggling with the idea that it’s not possible simultaneously to be respectful and to look at vegetables

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

Next-door’s dog is called Dave but when it chased our cat, its owner shouted ‘David’ in a very stern way. It had never occurred to me that a dog would have a formal name for being told off with like humans do.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

3 years

Spent a pleasant afternoon painting the Christmas cake. Shame I only had a rather thick, splayed brush (because I don’t do much painting) but moderately pleased with it.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

7 years

“So, tell me exactly what your teacher told you about Brexit”

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

5 years

This is our neighbours’ entry in the scarecrow competition. I think the theme this year is ‘Scare the Crap out of Passers-by’

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

Benjamin Britten and Sid James were both born in 1913 and both died in 1976. Did anyone ever see them in the same room?

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

3 months

My brilliant niece @evecromwell has made me this glorious birdhouse based on Derek Jarman's house at Dungeness. Can't wait to take receipt of it.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

I think it would very nice sometimes to buy something by post or go for a meal or get some shopping delivered without being bombarded by multiple requests to rate my experience. I’ve got the stuff, I’ve said thank you and I’ve paid. What more do you want?

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 months

I just hope you lot never have to do jury service. Your responses so far suggest that: A) I was asking for it and B) you can’t possibly be a criminal if you’re pretty

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

5 years

Medieval picture of the day. The people of Llandudno bow down before their new overlord.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

3 years

Finished RNLI medieval rat embroidery for my aunt’s 90th birthday tomorrow

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

5 years

I’ve finished the embroidery of the medieval rabbit kicking over a hedgehog’s sandcastle. It looks a bit nicer in real life than the photo suggests.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

6 years

Finished my drunken medieval rabbit embroidery. Any (polite) suggestions what to do with it?

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

3 years

I woke up feeling quite sad today but I’ve perked up knowing that, however terrible things have been, I haven’t had an affair with Matt Hancock

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

3 years

I’ve just spent quite a lot of time rescuing a drowning moth from the sink only to discover it was a bit of flaky pastry.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

5 years

Preliminary go. What Frida Kahlo would have looked like if she’d got old and disillusioned and didn’t know how to draw eyebrows on. I think I’ve nailed the moustache.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

8 months

My dad’s just had a memory test. He was asked to name as many words as he could beginning with ‘p’ in the course of a minute. He came up with ‘pluvial’ and ‘ptarmigan’.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

5 years

Medieval picture of the day “Well, I’ve produced 4 feral hogs. Only another 26 to 46 to go.” #feralhogs

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

I’ve started on the pangolin/armadillo embroidery with jousting rabbits. I know the scales aren’t right but given that medieval artists could barely draw any animal realistically, I don’t care. Also, jousting rabbits.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

10 months

Friend of a friend was in bed, poorly. The vicar came to do home communion. The foaf sank back after he had administered the bread & wine and said she felt suffused with the heat and power of the Holy Spirit. Turned out the vicar had trodden on the electric blanket switch.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

I think this little scrap will be coming to live with us in the next couple of weeks. I'm going to call him Trip Hazard.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

3 years

Today I saw an old man eating blackberries straight from the hedgerow and you could just see what he would have been as a little boy.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

Poor little Rosa, my ginger puss, died last night. I’ve buried her in the garden in the pouring rain like some kind of clichéd Gothic ghost story. I feel very sad. I kept thinking how much she would have enjoyed being with me while I dug in the garden.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

9 months

Just so you know, my dear little Pod got run over yesterday. I am absolutely devastated. I find it so hard to believe he’s never going to pounce on me again.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

10 months

My brother's just been telling me about his holiday in Sicily where the breakfast menu included 'bescorched bread', which is how I'm referring to toast from henceforth .

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

Every time I see a politician posing in front of a Union flag or pretending they’re a natural part of interior decor, I get less patriotic. When I was growing up, the National Front hijacked the flag and I cannot shake off that association.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

Just embroidering an ice skating rabbit.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

3 years

24 years ago today, I was being told that I’d left it too late for pain relief because everyone had gone to lunch. Worth it in the end though.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

I’m getting a bit annoyed with people saying older people should get back to work. Perhaps we wouldn’t have left in the first place if they hadn’t made us feel like deadweight dinosaurs whose views and experience were irrelevant. (I’m not bitter or anything)

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

Task of the day. Getting my parents, who haven’t left the house or even put shoes on for over two years, into the car in -3 degrees to go for their jab. They should have Aged P baskets like cat baskets into which you can lure them, unsuspecting, with wine and biscuits.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

5 years

I’ve handed in my resignation and am taking (quite) early retirement at the end of the year. I am getting a shed and some guinea pigs. I will live on toast and stuff I can forage and will knit blankets from cat hair. 😱😱😱

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

Cat brought in another mouse. Still, could be worse.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

To be honest, I’ve had enough of living in interesting times. A nice healthy period of competent tedium would be marvellous.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

Progress. Of sorts.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

Medieval picture of the day. “And then he asked me if I’d ever thought of working in cyber and I just saw red.”

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

6 months

So, what do we think about this, then?

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

If Twitter dies, you can find me on a bench in Boston Spa drinking cider and shouting at passers by.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

3 years

I’ve voted. Tried to use wrong door & was told off (nicely) because I hadn’t spotted 4 x 3ft sign saying “Use This Door”. Told them I was allowed to vote if drunk (which they didn’t know) & then felt compelled to explain that I wasn’t drunk. Tried to leave through wrong door

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

Will’s just found Flowdan dead in the garden. I just can’t believe it. I’m glad we at least know. Just needed to tell you all. You’re all so kind but please don’t reply. He was the best, most characterful cat.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

Apart from rubbing out the underdrawing bit, I’ve finished the jousting rabbits. Thanks to @george_szirtes for putting me on to which is fab. I will never ever embroider Portuguese captions in Gothic script again #TheyFightToTheDeath

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

What do we all think about this voter ID business then? Looking down the list of acceptable ID, it leaves my son unable to prove his identity as he doesn’t have any of it. Effectively disenfranchising significant swathes of the population (or deterring them by making…

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

10 months

Sadly, Emma failed the first module of her Basic Chainsaw Safety course #TheArchers

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

Medieval picture of the day: “Excuse me, is this the queue for prospective Prime Ministers?”

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

I’ve made three cakes this year for various people. The decorating has been good fun.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

5 years

Latest work in progress. Medieval-style rabbit in the rain.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

5 years

I’m getting on with the bagpiping rabbit as chosen by you lot in my recent poll. Tartan is quite hard to embroider.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

7 years

#MakeAsongMiddleClass Like a Virgin olive oil (pressed for the very first time)

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

You know how traditionally medics tested if people were compos mentis by asking them if they knew who the prime minister was? Recently that has seemed a much higher bar than it was

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

5 years

I do think that panic buying stuff in bulk is really mean. What about people who can’t just splash out on stuff and when they can afford their normal shop find that all the basics are missing? It’s all a bit “I’m alright, Jack”.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

3 years

Anyway, instead of doing all the things I should have done, I’ve been working on my mer-rabbit which will shortly be going to the Netherlands once I’ve worked out how to do the mirror.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

I’m embroidering a wood pigeon.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

5 years

I finished the Four Rabbits of the Apocalypse. Thanks to all your suggestions, I incorporated storm clouds, flames, a skeleton and lashings of droppings. Photos are terrible. Can’t get the light right.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

5 years

I’m not sure how to finish my Four Rabbits of the Apocalypse. Any suggestions?

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

6 years

I am just going to M and S and I will buy a Mojito in a can and drink it in honour of Diane Abbot who, although she may sometimes be wrong, takes a load of crap totally unnecessarily and must by now be completely weary of it.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

I made some tea with my little man tea leaf holder. When you pour in the boiling water, a little cloud of amber liquid emerges from his trousers as the tea begins to infuse. It looks like he's weed in a hot tub.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

10 years

Medieval Picture of the Day: Another psychopathic rabbit wreaks his revenge on humankind. http://t.co/B3c3DFMvs2

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

Before this, I’d always imagined that birds of prey ate their food raw.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

5 years

I’ve finally finished the bagpiping rabbit so now it’s time to start doing squares for the family Coronavirus quilt which will feature all our pets through the ages. Might start with the fish.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

3 years

My spirit vegetable. Crisp with a hint of bitterness, slightly out of date.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

7 months

What you call a grand lass!

Farmers Weekly

@FarmersWeekly

7 months

Sheep farmer Marian Porter with one of the greatest rescues we’ve ever seen! 🤩 🎥 Gary Thornborrow

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

9 months

Apparently, that tiny speck is Jupiter! I know it's a terrible photo but I just think it's amazing that you can see it in the first place, let alone catch it on a phone.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

6 years

Medieval picture of the day. “Excuse me, Sir, can I ask you if you’ve ever thought of voting UKIP? “ #BlackDeath

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

5 years

#MedievalAdvent 10. The Virgin birth. Not quite what either of them had been expecting, to be honest.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

3 years

Embroidering a rabbit fighting a dragon for a Twitter pal

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

How it started. How it’s going

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

He's been at this for hours.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

7 years

@Emmabarnett @jeremycorbyn @BBCWomansHour I don't think you should assume that everyone who found your manner unnecessarily aggressive and sneering is a Corbyn fan.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

Am more annoyed than I thought I would be by people doing congas, having barbecues, lolling around in parks. Highlight of week is taking food to my aunt; not seen partner, son, (both working in high risk areas) & siblings for months. Don’t want it undermined by selfish fools.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

It was the last time he’d call her Princess Nut Nuts.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

3 years

Medieval picture of the day. “I don’t care if you are Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend - you’re not coming in here unless you put your trousers on.”

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

3 years

Dragon embroidery more or less finished now, bar getting rid of the blue sketch marks. Need to think of what to do next.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

I am wondering whether I should start wearing fingerless gloves and go the full Dickensian crone. I’m already wearing a coat and scarf. Indoors.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

7 years

@70s_party This will now feature at my New Year party

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

6 months

Went to visit my mum in the nursing home. Two old men using zimmerframes were squaring up to each other. Man 1 (advancing one pace very slowly): You bastard! Man 2 (retreating one pace very slowly): You fucker! It’s a very high-class establishment. Obviously.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

They’re talking about nativity plays on #BBCSaturdayLive . I remember my son Will playing Joseph. He suddenly decided to ad lib and speaking to the innkeeper said “we need a room. I’m knackered, the wife’s knackered, the donkey’s knackered”.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

Advice please. I’ve nearly finished my skating rabbit. Logically -as if that mattered- the snowflakes should cover the whole surface but I think they’re best just in the sky. What do you reckon? Ignore the pencil marks; I will make them go away.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

8 months

Quince from the garden. Seems to be out a bit early.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

7 years

My blood pressure's right up listening to #WomansHour . It must be possible for questions to be challenging but not aggressive and sneering.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

….I realised she was talking about a cat. Names have not been changed to protect the innocent.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

5 months

The defendant and Exhibit A

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

8 months

Dear everybody, thank you so much for your lovely messages about Pod. You are all very kind and I’m sorry I can’t reply to everyone because there are just too many of you. He was only a little cat but he made a big impact on me and I’m glad you enjoyed his antics. Xxx

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

5 years

Sheep embroidery nearly finished. I’m quite pleased with it.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

The Duolingo app is really good - and free. After only two days, I feel pretty confident that I could walk into any Portuguese establishment and tell them that the cat has a key.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

9 months

Just been to visit my mother in hospital. The Dementia Nurse mistook me for her patient and the more I protested that I wasn’t, the more she thought I was deluded.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

5 years

“Leave him, Dobbin. He’s not worth it”

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

1 year

I’ve finished the third part of my animal alphabet. Just the yak and the zebra left. PS it’s an umbrella bird as any fule no.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

2 years

My sister @cromers has given me her latest stupendous quilt. Photos do not do justice to its magnificence! It even has patchwork binding!

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

3 years

Forgot to say but, when I drove into Leeds the other day, I passed the Dogs Trust. Someone had added a sign that said “Cats Don’t “

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

Joe came to visit. It’s the first time I’ve seen him since Christmas. Here with my lovely Will. I do love my boys!

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

3 years

Latest ‘medieval’ embroidery ready for despatch. (Can’t do ironing) I enjoyed doing the feathers but there was, sadly, only scope for three French knots. PS, yes, that is ‘queck’. That’s what medieval ducks say.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

7 years

Medieval picture of the day. Mary Beard and Lucy Worsley fight to the death for supremacy of BBC4

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

A friend just sent me this. The true spirit of Christmas

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

Medieval picture of the day. ‘I say, old chap, didn’t I bump into you at Bournemouth the other day?’

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

Exciting times in M and S. I asked handsome black clad shop assistant if he knew where the truffled cauliflower cheese was (yes, doing aunt’s shopping). He said, “Sorry, I’m a firefighter. I can only help if you need a fire putting out” *comes over all peculiar*

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

4 years

Today is my son Will’s 40th birthday! This is me putting a brave face on it* because, honestly, I’ve never felt so ancient in my life. Although, to be fair, I haven’t actually ever been this ancient before. * lipstick

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

1 year

What I woke up to this morning.

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

5 months

She’s so vain!

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Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed))

@ancientnmodern

6 years

Medieval picture of the day: Terrible scenes here in Canterbury where Henry II later says that he “misspoke” and meant to say “Who will NOT rid me of this troublesome priest?”

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