Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

4 years

PINNED TWEET: Thank you for your comments. I will not be drawn into an argument about your conspiracy theory.

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Last Seen Profiles

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

1 year

Is… is it Paddington?

daytime snaps

@daytimesnaps

1 year

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 years

Wanna feel old? This is what the kid from The Omen looks like now

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

3 years

Well, this has aged badly.

Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

3 years

“Right them Zouma, I want you using the width, get in behind them and leave half a dead mouse in the goalmouth” #KIDWHU

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

4 years

I’m still seeing quite a few posts asking why Joe Biden has “a Chinese bodyguard”. He doesn’t. That is David Cho, he is Korean-American, one of the most respected and experienced members of the Secret Service who has worked for administrations both Republican and Democrat.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

2 months

Happy eighth birthday to my favourite ever misunderstanding of the words “five inch gun”

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

4 months

This has taken over my brain.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 months

I once cancelled a Sky subscription.

𝑻𝒐𝒙𝒊𝒄𝒅𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒛𝒛𝒛𝒛

@TDropzzz

6 months

What’s harder than this?

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

9 months

Significant clothing has arrived from Australia

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

5 months

KFC’s parking bay of shame

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

5 months

Brooklyn Beckham WAS right - they ARE difficult to photograph.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

8 months

Happy 11th birthday to this pair of headlines

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

5 years

@SmooGoo @mjrobbins I believe this by @Oatmeal is obligatory

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

3 months

@CrimeGirI We had an “is everything alright at home?” meeting with my daughter’s nursery teacher over a series of drawings of five people and a coffin. It was the Spice Girls and Princess Diana.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

7 years

That's not what it says on your T-shirt, mate

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 years

They missed a complete open goal. WHY NOT RAMBO NUMBER FIVE?

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

4 years

Whoever submitted this IMDB trivia for Home Alone 2

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

8 years

"Do you think people will know that says arise?" "Yeah, go for it"

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 years

Huge if true

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

4 months

Fair play to her, I hope it works out.

ChelsTransfer

@ChelsTransfer

4 months

🚨 BREAKING: Chelsea have narrowed down their search for Mauricio Pochettino’s successor to 4 candidates: 🔷 Kieran McKenna 🔷 Enzo Maresca 🔷 Thomas Frank 🔷 Unknown Chelsea have dropped interest in Stuttgart’s Sebastian Hoeness and Girona’s Michel. (via @Matt_Law_DT )

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 years

It was a sad day when the World Taekwondo Federation voted to change its name to World Taekwondo, because people like me though pictures like this are supremely funny.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 years

That's not how acronyms work

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 years

Tuesday week is the 7th anniversary of Fenton. Jesus Christ.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

7 years

My God, they're throwing the stuff at each other now.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

4 years

Here’s David Cho receiving the Exceptional Service Gold Medal in 2019.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 years

This amazing photo of Emmanuel Macron was the work of Alexei Nikolsky of TASS news agency. Credit where it's due - it's a superb capture. #WorldCupFinal

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 years

"You let Dougal do a funeral?!"

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

6 years

I will Chair the United Nations Security Council meeting on Iran next week!

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

1 year

This is a video that keeps on giving. And giving. And giving.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

2 months

Heads up guys. It’s bloody Colin again. #DamnYouAutocorrect

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

4 years

There are claims that the bearded guy in this photo inside the Capitol is Antifa because of his hand tattoo. It's the Outsider's Mark from the 2012 video game Dishonored. He's a gamer.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

1 year

Scottish League Two - final table East Fife 4th, Forfar 5th

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

7 years

The front page of today's Cumbria News and Star is a bona fide work of art ( @OfficialOMD )

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

3 years

The Human League look like there’s a new landlord at the Queen Vic in EastEnders who’s trying to keep a lid on his complicated love life.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

3 months

I'm not sure the police should be dealing drugs at any time of the day

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

11 months

I think I have just encountered peak Australia.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

4 years

LOL, only in French

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

2 years

Absolutely dying at this courtroom sketch of Wayne Rooney.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

5 months

I’m not saying three decades as a media analyst has changed my brain, but I just busted a local estate agent for using the same stock image of clouds for two different properties.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 months

Delighted to announce that Leo, a dog, has joined the family.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

4 years

People actually believe that he has bodyguards supplied by China, and/or his “CCP Handler” went to the inauguration to keep an eye on their asset. Nope. He’s a bonafide decorated American hero.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

10 years

Dear @TheTimes , You are WRONG. This is the Briton of the Year. http://t.co/6txvCNX8uS

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 years

I’ve found the worst thing in the world - a Costa coffee machine that plays coffee shop noises while it makes your drink, so you can pretend you’re not all alone at the 3rd floor coffee machine.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

7 years

THEY BLACKED OUT THE EYES ON THE DONKEYS

Animal smuggler caught trying to bring 12 donkeys and a horse into North Wales

John Peter Luke Wilcock did not have the proper paperwork for transporting the animals when he entered Holyhead Port

www.dailypost.co.uk

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

4 years

Breaks my heart to see an empty shop window

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

7 years

"What's that?" "Blue Passports" "Nah, I said bloop arse ports. Arse ports for bloops" #moreiconicthanbluepassports

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

3 years

Here's the moment Russia's RT went off the air on UK screens at 1545 after EU sanctions took down its satellite uplink from Luxemburg. #UkraineWar

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 years

That @PiersMorgan had a go at Daniel Craig over a perceived lack of manliness for carrying a baby in a papoose. Yet here he is, moisturising.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

2 years

Regret to report that simple Berkshire village folk have crucified the Queen.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

4 years

Let’s get our retaliation in first: 🔸Yes, it has been adequately tested 🔸No, mRNA vaccines don’t overwrite your DNA 🔸No, Bill Gates hasn’t put a microchip in it 🔸No, #COVID19 is not a hoax

Covid-19: Pfizer/BioNTech vaccine judged safe for use in UK

The UK is the first country to approve the Pfizer vaccine - with 800,000 doses due to arrive soon.

www.bbc.co.uk

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

2 years

@heidistephens @buntyhoven I’m the son of a virologist, the old man has strong opinions about cruise liners.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

8 years

ITV Great British Bake Off Dermot O'Leary: "So why did you apply to come on Bake Off?" Baker: "Me nan died, and she loved cake" [Manly hug]

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 years

When you accidentally kick the seat in front of you on the rail replacement bus

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

5 years

@redditships "And here's another reason why you're wrong and Hegel is right..."

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

9 months

Paddington 2 is on BBC1 this evening. Brace yourself, @JimMFelton

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 years

I’m going to put it out there that @RichardEGrant ’s current state of infectious, unbridled joy is the only thing that is holding this planet together right now. We must never let it end.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

1 year

Happy tenth birthday to this unfortunate series of events.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

8 years

And Echo and the Bunnymen to clamp down on people pissing in doorways

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

4 years

More on this from @VICE

No, Biden Doesn’t Have a ‘Chinese Handler.’ He’s a US Secret Service Agent.

The subject of the “theory” was a decorated U.S. Secret Service agent with Asian-American heritage.

www.vice.com

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

2 years

WORLD LEADERS: The new Prime Minister of the UK and Northern Ireland is @trussliz . Do not send your congratulations to @liztruss as she is my pal’s sister in law, has no plans to lead the country, and her mentions have gone completely John Lewis. Looking at you, Sweden.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

5 months

HEAR ME OUT Another Willy Wonka remake but Matt Berry.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

2 years

@weirddalle @sigourneybeaver It’s not Little Boy, then

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

3 years

Tomorrow is the first anniversary of the Four Seasons Total Landscaping incident. How will you be marking this momentous day in world history?

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

4 years

The Kraken - Sidney Powell's lawsuit that will supposedly blow Biden out of the water has been released. And it's not a great start, managing to spell "district" incorrectly twice, differently, in the opening sentence

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

4 years

Our dog Archie died last night. He was a good boy.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 years

Putin's reached that bit in the computer game when you're about to be sent on a side-quest

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

4 years

Fact check: Nowhere is the world is achieving herd immunity from COVID-19. (Source: Science)

Telegraph Politics

@TelePolitics

4 years

'As it becomes clearer that the British population will soon achieve herd immunity, people will begin to ask tough questions of the Government,' writes @toadmeister

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 years

Oh well played, Harry Hill, well played.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 years

@PopTartsUS People in the UK reading this

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

3 years

So, B&Q are selling off their unused social distancing arrows in the ‘reduced to clear’ bin. I’ve literally no idea what I’m going to do with these, but you can’t argue at 10p.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

8 months

@DPD_ @katiedimartin I will just put it out there that I am not in any way involved in the mining or trading of coal or coal-related products.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

3 years

That time I found the saddest book in the world in a charity shop 😭

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 months

Norman Price out of Fireman Sam would be in his mid-thirties by now. What do you reckon he’d be doing today (apart from ‘time at His Majesty’s Pleasure’)?

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

2 years

Facebook has reminded me that it is eight years today since I saw Sideshow Bob’s lorry on the Swallowfield Bypass.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

1 year

I am at A Thing at the British Library. The barman has just dropped a glass and one (1) person did an ironic cheer in full compliance of the Obligatory Banter Act of 1997 (otherwise known as the Oi Oi Saveloy Law).

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 years

I am being accused of putting this on the notice board. I did not put it on the notice board.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

1 year

Speaking of conspiracy theories, it’s four years and one day since the Notre Dame fire, and four years since this spectacular hot take.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

8 months

Happy tenth birthday to this expert-level photobomb by Danny Baker.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

7 years

I believe I have found the world's most boring commemorative wall plaque

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

1 year

“Bollnocklers” #FacebookNews

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

3 years

Getting the author’s name wrong on the cover is a pretty bad error, but it’s still not my favourite typo. Particitrousers - the result of a lazy search-replace when switching the manuscript from US to UK English.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

3 years

Russia's RIA-Novosti news agency accidentally published its victory piece on Saturday, and swiftly deleted it. But the web archive remembers, and oh boy (Google translate is your friend). "Now this problem is gone - Ukraine has returned to Russia."

Наступление России и нового мира

Новый мир рождается на наших глазах. Военная операция России на Украине открыла новую эпоху — причем сразу в трех измерениях. И конечно, в четвертом,... РИА Новости, 26.02.2022

web.archive.org

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

2 years

@NoContextBrits FACT: The lyrics to the Mr Bean theme are Latin for “Behold the man, who is a bean”

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

3 years

🎵 Your own inflatable Jesus Someone to fill with air Someone who cares 🎶

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

6 months

Ronald Lacey Arnold “Argh my head is melting” Toht (Raiders of the Lost Ark) The Baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells (Blackadder)

Punt Road

@punt_rd

6 months

What was your aha moment when you realised ‘wow, that’s the same actor!!’?? I’ll start: Janette Goldstein Aliens & Terminator 2

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

3 years

@AlanBaxter Gary Numan is 13 days older than Gary Oldman

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

4 years

That... that’s not Concorde.

Concorde cloud spotted over Bristol

The cloud was spotted by a retired aeronautical engineer who worked on the aircraft

www.bristolpost.co.uk

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

3 years

@KeirGiles @iLepikVonWiren This act of kindness may be remembered when the robots rise up against their fleshy masters. I suggest we all do the same.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

3 years

Vladimir Putin announces Fireman Sam - The Musical

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

3 years

“It means ‘The Bart’”

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

11 months

Australia - we need a conversation about the colour of your crisp packets, and I think we’re going to copy in @GaryLineker . GARY - Have a word if you could please

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

8 years

What? EVERY Friday?

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

9 months

In twenty years time, people will still remember where they were when they found out Blackpool Tower wasn’t on fire. Sitting at home, full of cheese and chocolate, saying “When is bins?”

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

8 years

Now there's a typo

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

5 months

New mug came lads.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

10 years

There are misunderstandings, and there's Sir Alexander Glen http://t.co/ah4CQPA6VD

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

4 years

Here's the uncropped version of this photo. The Philly Antifa dot org tag is correct - it's from an article on their website naming him and claiming that he is a neo-Nazi activist. So if it *is* the same person, you've gone scored an own goal.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

2 years

@MonicaLewinsky @Rschooley People keep telling The New Owner that this would happen, it happened from day one, and it’s still happening. The New Owner doesn’t seem to care.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

1 year

I’ve just had to go outside and rescue our black and white cat from a fight with another, near identical, black and white cat in our garden, and I’m not 100% sure I’ve let the right one inside.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

3 years

Hey @NoContextBrits - nobody likes a tweet thief.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

2 years

My father, Professor Jonathan Coleman, died peacefully at home this afternoon. I’ve never been entirely sure how old he was, but I think he was 86. Or 85. He’d been living with dementia for years, and was patiently cared for by my stepmother. I feel strangely calm about it.

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Alistair Coleman

@alistaircoleman

2 months

As opposed to this, a five inch gnu.

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