inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa Twitter profile

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inspector ratchet

6 years

my mornings start by listening to the donkey kong country soundtrack and driving my car directly into a fruit vendor's stand at 200 miles per hour

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

Got this game for my dad for Father's day! He hates it!

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

3 years

Do it

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

6 months

Today I will be staring directly at the sun to absorb its powers

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 months

[Angriest I've ever been in my life]: sure, that works!

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

did some arts and crafts

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

7 months

Do not silence me, Google Opinion Rewards

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

6 months

[Responding to a text I got 4 months ago]: Yeah sure what time

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

I am offering to buy Twitter for $14 (Kohl's cash)

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

3 years

Lost 4 followers for tweeting my support for "medical marinara"

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

6 months

"I'll let you know" - me about to disappear for 10 years

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

1 year

Lmao damn dude calm down

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

3 months

My fellow Americans: Don't forget to leave hotdogs on your porch for Jesus tonight 🇺🇲🎆🎇

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

We're almost done with 2022 and I've enjoyed a combined total of 6 days

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

Lmao damn dude calm down

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

Good morning! This is the worst fucking thing I've seen in at least 6 or 7 minutes

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

10 months

doing this cool thing in my house where I replace mundane words to sound more fun! For instance, "chores" have been replaced with "quests" and you "level up" when you complete a "quest" I am currently at level 0 and have done 0 quests

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

9 months

[Angriest I've ever been in my life]: sure, that works!

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

6 months

Great news everyone! I am ready to snap at the most minor inconvenience

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

1 month

Someone asked me if I had any hobbies and I panicked and said "lasagna"

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

1 year

I am no longer PANICKING at the DISCO I am SCREAMING inside a dimly lit JOANNE FABRICS

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

5 months

This website should close every day at 5 pm like a bank

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

3 months

There should be a chili cook-off in the Olympics

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 months

I'm getting my frontal lobe pierced at JOANN FABRIC

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

8 months

It's gonna be an Edgar Allan No from me, dawg

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

4 months

When I die, I want my remains to be scattered at COSTCO. Also, I don't want to be cremated

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

6 months

When you honk at me in traffic, this is who you're honking at

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

I can't keep up with the impossible beauty standards for women anymore

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

3 months

How do I make this global IT outage about me

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

4 months

Got this game for my dad for Father's day! He hates it!

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

got kicked out the family group text for referring to corn dogs as "meat twinkies"

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

3 years

Bitcoin is just Kohl's Cash for boys

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

6 months

Scheduling a lobotomy at Home Depot

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

6 months

Me at 26: I need to become financially independent and prioritize my mental and physical health Me at 36: I need a court wizard

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 months

Nice! according to this body mass index chart, I am an outside linebacker for the NFL

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

6 months

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you're reading this, we're robbing a bank in 12 minutes

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

1 year

This meeting could have been a fist fight

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

5 months

May divorce be with you

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

5 months

"Do you smoke the devil's lettuce?" Mom, why the h*ck would I smoke coleslaw

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

8 months

Due to personal reasons, I will be eating McDonald's in my car

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

Ouija Boards are a product made by the Hasbro toy company. You can get it from Walmart. You can ask 2Pac a question for like 16 dollars

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

1 year

[Me knowing "jfc" stands for Jesus fucking christ] My brain: Jentucky Fried Chicken

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

8 months

What's a good wine that pairs well with ham lunchables

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

9 months

A weighted blanket isn't enough, I need to be run over by a zamboni driver

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

6 months

Gonna downgrade my computer to Windows 98 so I can play Rollercoaster Tycoon

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

5 months

"What do you do for a living?" Suffer

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

5 months

Happy Friday! Does anyone have any cool weekend plans? Here's mine:

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

1 year

My fellow Americans: Don't forget to leave hotdogs on your porch for Jesus tonight 🇺🇲🎆🎇🧨

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

3 months

"You're so quiet " yes I am trying to write a haiku about the mcrib, do not interfere

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

7 months

One normal thing I like to do on my my lunch breaks is go on Zillow with my 20 million dollar budget and my fucking delusions

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

4 months

They should sell swords at gas stations

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

3 years

Babe what's the matter, you barely touched your Deviled PB&Jeggs

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

9 months

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

6 months

How do i delete someone else's Facebook page

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

DON'T EDGAR ALLAN "BRO" ME IF YOU DON'T EDGAR ALLAN KNOW ME

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

6 months

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

8 months

Y'all mind if I deflect the horrors of reality with dismissive humor today

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

I have nothing cute to wear for the Kia Summer Sales Event

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

10 months

I have completed my Christmas decorating please clap

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

8 months

Lyin' ass punk ass groundhog

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

My fellow Americans: Don't forget to leave hotdogs on your porch for Jesus tonight 🇺🇲🎆🎇🧨

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

6 months

Navigating the shadow realm (walmart)

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

At the bowling alley

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

Sears has been going out of business for the past 87 years

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

6 months

It's been "just another Manic Monday" for the past 287 years

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

Hamburger help me

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

8 months

"The other day" - me referring to the year 2019

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

6 months

Right now I'm running on 87 minutes of sleep and a pack of gum

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

I'm not like most teens, I'm 34

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

10 months

I'm going to get drunk at this airport chili's and only god and TSA can stop me

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

3 years

Quote tweet this with your most controversial food opinion, I want to feel hate again

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

How old is everyone? I feel like you all are either 14 or 57

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

7 months

One time I checked my work email on a Sunday and I died

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

3 months

By age 36, you should have: - a warped sense of reality - weird debt - a $250 vintage professional popcorn machine from home depot - acid reflux

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

5 months

Not to sound overdramatic but if I don't have a carb in the next 12 minutes, I will fight everyone at this JOANN FABRICS

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

Me after 1 airport cocktail:

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

2 years

"Brunch is at 11, be ready" Me at 10:60

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

3 years

Twitter closes in 30 minutes

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

10 months

I don't want a "stable and rewarding career" I want to live in an enchanted tree house and play the pan flute near a babbling brook, fuck this 9 to 5 shit

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa

1 year

"You're so quiet" yes I'm thinking about ways to out-pizza the hut, do not interfere with me

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inspector ratchet

@_hood_mona_lisa