There are exactly 3 types of tweets involving this character:
Tom is evil cause he puts you in debt and he's greedy capitalist scum
Tom is good because he gives you 0 interest, no deadline loans and gives massive amounts to charity
Tom is horny cause his balls are fat as fuck
Sometimes I buy obviously gigantic fake gems off eBay so I can keep them in a little wooden treasure box by my computer and do this with them every now and again with this exact expression
*puts a Kobold in your inventory*
*puts a Kobold in your inventory*
*puts a Kobold in your inventory*
*puts a Kobold in your inventory*
*puts a Kobold in your inventory*
*puts a Kobold in your inventory*
*puts a Kobold in your inventory*
*puts a Kobold in your inventory*
*puts a
What foolish horny people think it's like to be a dragon lord with a brood of kobolds: I can make them do whatever i want (;(; (((;;; (;
What its really like: Oh god I have like 200 dumb little bastards in my giant cave house and only 4 of them listen to me
A kobold doctor prescribing you dragon estrogen, and whenever you ask what that's gonna do they just roll there eyes and say, "Exactly what you think its gonna do."
Kobold 1: I wish I could fly
Kobold 2: oh flying is easy, I do it all the time
K 1: but you're wingless, how do you fly?
K 2: you just need to know the magic word, watch this
Kobold 2 walks up to a dragon, lifts both arms up and yells: YIP!!
On reflex, the dragon picks them up
Dragon: Its Pride Month, Kobold. You know what that means
Kobold: huh
Kobold: what
Dragon: [Turns to walk away with a smug smile]
Kobold: [waving hands in desperation] Do you want us to make like
kobold: gay dungeons
Kobold: what
If you like giant plumes of vapor but hate pollution you'll love nuclear power plants. Their clouds are 100% pure and clean water. No carcinogens or green house gases.
A dragon boss calling a office kobold into their office, giving them a little kiss on the forehead, then checking off that kobold's name on a list, then sending them out, then calling in the next kobold
Women don't want nice guys
They want tiny guys
They want guys with horns
And scales
And natural arcane powers
And a cute voice that goes yip
They want a kobold guy
Kobold: Will you venture on a quest for The Great and Wounderful Grimby?
Adventurer: Are you Grimby
Kobold: Yes :D
Adventurer, doing a double take: Did you just say "colon Dee"
Kobold: Grimby can say as they pleases :3c
Adventurer: ok, whats the quest
Kobold: Get me rocks uwu
A slightly miffed dragon who has opened 4 presents, each containing a kobold, and still surrounded by an uncountable pile of presents, each yipping gently
Sup lads in the recent light of
@tacklebawks
outing himself as a pedophile I'm goin to use this as an opportunity to explain why it's a bad thing to condon this kind of content, even in fiction.
A kobold PERFECT GUARDing all your head pats, resulting in them taking minimal chip damage, and you being gently knocked away with a frame disadvantage
Dragon: my heart is full of hatred and villainy, MUWHAHAHA
A Kobold, doing a silly little fortnite dance: yip
Dragon, watching intently: ... There's now a little compassion and wimsy in my heart. I think it's trying to spoon the hatred and villainy.
Kobolds exsist on an Intimidating to Adorable facial expression scale which can be graphed based on how much you are viewing them from the side (scary) to forward facing (silly)
A Kobold who has found itself bring the wheel of a large automobile
A Kobold who had found itself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And it asks itself, "yip?"
A kobold doing a magical girl transformation going from:
Scrawny lizard in a loin cloth holding a spear
into
Scrawny lizard in a frilly loin cloth holding a spear with a bright red bow tied to it
A kobold doing push ups, under a dragon doing push ups
With an exhausted sigh, the dragon collapses onto the ground, smothering the kobold
The kobold continues their push ups, managing to lift the dragon off the ground as if the half a ton of weight was nothing
You open a door, kobold behind it, they yip
You open another door, same thing, yip
You open a drawer in a dresser-
Kobold pops out, yips
You pass a mirror and there's a Kobold inside it, you yip
You're in the house of 100 kobolds
A kobold watching you carefully... sometimes you start doing something and they begin to write frantically on a clip board
if you try and talk to them they ignore you, and if you approach they scamper away