He, him, his. Georgian, vegan, showrunner, Amazon's Clean Slate. Paramount's PLAYING WITH FIRE and DEAR SANTA. 18+. No 24-28. 29+ is OK. No 42-50. 51+ is okay
Los Angeles. Come for the potentially lucrative career in the arts. Stay for the you're too old to start over and you have no skills that apply anywhere else.
Think L.A. is all fun and games? Try jumping into your kids' preschool for Daddies Do Storytime Day, and feeling pretty good about your performance, only to have Bill fucking Hader walk in to read next.
As a child I became very spoiled by my free lunches. I'd strut home to our studio apartment in my knock-off Reeboks, pour myself a styrofoam cup of tap water and brag to the roaches about it until the city bus returned my single mom from her minimum wage job.
Trevor Moore and I once convinced a major studio to actually pay us to write something called "Farting Cat". He was brilliant, a dynamo, conspiracy theorist, satirist, friend, husband, father, and, as he asked to be called in the event of his death, a local sexpot. Goodbye, Buddy
It's a slippery slope. I mean, if you say the mentally deranged can't have military-grade assault rifles then who's next? Convicted domestic abusers? Violent felons? It's like, where does it stop?
DIRECTOR: Dig deeper!
ACTOR: I'm trying.
DIRECTOR: Who's dead? Who left you?!
ACTOR: My... Nana.
DIRECTOR: Believed in you?
ACTOR: (trembling) She did.
DIRECTOR: She's gone. Forever.... Aaand action.
ACTOR: Hi, if you're watching this you're a new employee at Popeye's Chicken...
The weakest take is, "Jimmy Carter is a good person but a bad President." Check the tape. He was trying to save us from our worst angels. We weren't good enough for HIM.
"As we commit our brave young men to a costly and bloody war across the Pacific, I wish to bring attention to how many listeners heard my Pearl Harbor speech. The ratings were massive, higher than any episode of "Flash Gordon" ever. You know, the libtard media wants to..." - FDR
Sooooo an honest, humble public servant who was right about almost every issue of his day and was opposed by an alliance of "trickle-down" hucksters and zealots led by a repackaged television personality?
"Jimmy Carter is out of line to say a full investigation would reveal that Russia got Trump elected," say the people who've spent years obstructing full investigations into whether Russia got Trump elected.
One of my pet peeves is when a conglomerate of racists, zealots, profiteers and foreign spies hijacks the American Presidency, steals the Supreme Court, begins purging voters by the millions and dissolves the separation of church and state. Also people who chew loudly.
Oh, nothing to see here... Just a mad dash to complete the biggest money grab in the history of mankind while the treason of the sitting President of the United States of America is confirmed. Move along.
How does every company in the world have the technology to know the product you're shopping for and to nag you incessantly about it, but not the technology to know you've made the purchase and they can leave you the fuck alone?
Mentally preparing myself for the nauseating parade of Republicans, suddenly acting outraged by something they knew was the case all along. You are complicit. FUCK YOU.
My father passed away trying to binge shows on his phone while eating sunflower seeds from a nearby container and discarding the shells in a second container. The process was so jumbled, so he got confused and died. Progress always comes too late.
Sorry Jen Garner drove you to drink by being lovely, kind, and sincere and having beautiful children with you and being their room mom at school while also furthering her career and still finding time to make delicious soups and crepes and shit. Thoughts and prayers.
"I made you a sleep box."
"A what?"
"A sleep box. To sleep in."
"Oh, um... You didn't have to do that."
"Try the sleep box."
"..."
"Try the sleep box, Honey."
"Mark, it's just a little insomnia. I'm sure it'll--"
"Get in the Goddamned sleep box!!!"
.
@realDonaldTrump
Bro, it just feels like the FBI is biased against treason, and the best way to avoid them being biased against you or whatever is to, like, not commit treason.
The worst is when you click on a tweet about Pringles and it turns out to be sponsored. I am here for organic, grassroots Pringles-related discourse, you corporate whores.
Hatch Act? Fucker is sabotaging an election and pre-negating any negative outcome. He's literally pardoning the treason that elected him and we're talking about the Hatch Act? There are secret police taking people away. This shit-show blew past the Hatch Act years ago.
"My life today is wonderful. I believe that I am needed. That's the most important sense of life, that you are needed. That you are not just an emptiness that breathes and walks and eats something." - Zelensky
I used to wonder how cult leaders got 300 people to follow them, until I watched half of the United States get successfully gaslighted by a dude fresh off a Wrestlemania cameo.
This is my delightfully wiggy, relentlessly unique, devoutly sarcastic little cousin, Carrie. Today she became the latest victim of an opioid epidemic that has taken far too many irreplaceable people from us. I will never forget her.
RICK: So, how's your girl?
JESSE: Great thanks.
RICK: Has she been watching you with those eyes?
JESSE: Totes.
RICK: And loving you with that body?
JESSE: Yup.
RICK: I just knew it.
JESSE: And get this, I've been holding her in my arms, late late at night.
(Rick grimaces)