Momma G @TheOnlyMommaG Twitter profile

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

Who came up with “fun size” candy.. who the fuck has fun with 5 m&m’s

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

My mom and dad are in their 70’s they both have COVID.. they are not doing well, I pray all day that not only them but everyone affected by this recovers.. I believe in the power of prayer..please help me pray for them and all the other families going through this.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Weird how strangers draw us to twitter and friends made us withdraw from Facebook..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

DAD IS HOME!!! He beat that virus and he’s home where he belongs.. if I was near a mountain I’d climb that shit to the top and scream MY DAD IS FINALLY HOME!!!!! Thank you EVERYONE who prayed for him ❤️🙏🏻

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

If you’re a good person, don’t ever stress about losing people..the universe has a way of weeding out the shitty people..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

I’ll probably lose followers but I have to say it.. I have family & friends who have children that are trying to overcome a disability, they have feelings, they are special, and they are all insulted by the misuse of the word retard it’s insulting to them..please stop

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

At what age are we supposed to have our shit together? So far.. 47 isn’t it for me

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Why does my husband think if he presses really hard on the remote it will make the batteries less dead???

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

I’m married 22 years and the best couples therapy is a hot tub and lots of weed

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

10 months

My mom has been in the hospital almost 3 weeks now..she is fighting for her life. I truly believe in the power of prayer. Please, whatever your faith may be, please send a little prayer for her.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

2 years

My husband started a Netflix series without me..I feel like that’s grounds for divorce.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

If someone trusts you enough to show you their vulnerability.. don’t fucking betray them

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

My father in law is 79..congestive heart failure, severe hypertension and diabetes.. I’ve been trying to keep everyone away from him..today he said to me , I need my grandkids around me, I don’t care about this virus, they are why I’m living.. I love him so much

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

What do you call children who are born in a whorehouse? Brothel sprouts.. I’ll see myself out now ..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

My husband’s been yelling at Siri for almost 20 minutes..Should I tell him he’s talking to Alexa?

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

2 months

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write. My mom lost her eight month long battle. The world lost the most amazing person and I lost a best friend. I miss her so much already, I can’t imagine life without her. Mom, I will miss you every single day for the rest of my life

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

Why the fuck is lol even a thing? What the fuck was wrong with haha?

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Have you ever watched a plane take off and wish you were on it..not knowing where it’s going and not caring when it’s coming back.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

How in the fuck do people catfish? .. I barely have the energy to be me let alone pretend to be someone else ..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

People that keep saying “2020 can’t get any worse “ can you please just stop fucking jinxing the fuck out of us..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Does anyone else remember the big Sears Toy Catalogue that came out before Christmas? I could read that thing for hours...

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Has anyone actually told their boss to go fuck themself? .. anyway I might or might not have a job tomorrow..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

How fucking awesome would it be if we could go back to our 20 year old self and tell them everything we know now...

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

2 years

Do you ever wonder if the person you think of all day, ever thinks of you?

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Why the fuck can’t people recognize Superman when he’s Clarke Kent?? Motherfuckers just wearing glasses??

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Anyone else remember having a beeper and sending codes to your friends..or am I just old as dirt?

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

I’m not one to brag but... M Y S O N S C O R E D A H A T - T R I C K T O N I G H T 👊🏻🏒

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

My husband doesn’t like looking up anything online..he prefers to call the store and ask someone who has no fucking clue if they have something.. then he gets on his dinosaur to go pick it up.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Welcome to your 40’s, you now look at people your age and think “wow..do I look that fucking old?”

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

3 years

I’ll always choose a genuine asshole over a fake sweetheart.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

To everyone that can give up bread and pasta ... HOW?????

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

I have a lot of respect for people that mind their own fucking business

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Has everyone lost their fucking mind?

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

Not everyone has the same heart as you..the sooner you realize that the better off you are

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

Do not waste your time on people that don’t want it.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

2 years

Stop putting things off for a better day that might never come.. do it now.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

I’m sorry blocking you.. internet stranger that disagrees with every single thing I say .. but I already have 3 kids and a husband to do that

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong anywhere

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

3 years

Anyone that’s not willing to row with you.. shouldn’t be in your boat.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

My son just referred to an 80’s song as an “oldie” .. so I’ll be cutting him out of my will tomorrow

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

If you’re with someone that has an insecurity or anxiety and you use that against them.. go fuck yourself.. you deserve to be alone

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

2 years

People that go about their lives without judging the way others are going about theirs.. I like those people.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

Everyone thinks I’m so strong. Truth is I don’t know if I have any strength left.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Anyone else see their GPS arrival time as a challenge?

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

My husband just asked me “what are you eating now?” He’s officially declared war

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

My husband just called me bat shit crazy... after 22 years of marriage, he finally knows me

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Sometimes I sit back, reminisce on my life and think.. how the fuck am I still alive...

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

My sons friend’s grandfather passed away & at the funeral I cried like I always do. Later my someone asked my son “why did your mom cry, she didn’t know him?” to which my son replied.. “my mom didn’t cry for him, she cried for everyone in that room that felt hurt and loss”..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

I just finished my second bottle of wine and my heart still hurts.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

My kids complain about slow WiFi..these little fuckers have no fucking clue what it’s like to have to sit in front of the TV and actually be the mother fucking remote..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

Does anyone else feel like their dog talks to them?

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

Things to do: 1) get my shit together 2) figure out how to get my shit together 3) take a nap

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

Anyone else plan on being drunk until quarantine is over?

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

Growing up, if we pissed off my mom she’d tell us if we didn’t stop, she was gonna “knock us into next year “ I think I’ll call her and see if that offer still stands..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

It doesn’t matter how strong you think you are..when the realization hits that you don’t mean shit to someone that means a lot to you..it hurts like a motherfucker.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

My life was recently turned upside down and it will never be the same .. I left Twitter thinking I needed a break. I came to realize that it’s this crazy place and the amazing people here that’s keeping me from falling apart. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.. thank you ❤️

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Does anyone else wonder what the best thing was before sliced bread?

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Freedom is knowing who you are and not caring how the world perceives you..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

If by going skiing you mean sitting in the lodge doing shots .. fuck yes I’ll go skiing

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

I’m not cool or hip or edgy.. I’m not skinny or model material..I’m not always funny and I can be pain in the ass.. but fuck it .. I’m me and I don’t give a single fuck if someone doesn’t like me because of it

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

2 years

Never stay in a place where they don’t see your value.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

If the thought of someone makes you smile, let them know.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Welcome to your 40’s ...you now have to increase the text size of your phone because you are blind as fuck!!

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Confession: If my husband falls asleep on the couch, I won’t wake him to come to bed because I know with 100% certainty I will get an amazing nights sleep with his snoring ass on the couch..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

Have you ever wondered how many people would actually miss you when you’re gone?

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

My top 3 thoughts while high 1)

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

2 years

If I want to hide something from my kids.. I just put it where it belongs. They’ll never find it.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

My mind: girlfriend we’re 25 let’s fucking party .. My body: you’re 46 bitch.. what the fuck are you doing?? My liver: someone call 911

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

My husband left for Home Depot 5 hours ago..i don’t know if I should call in a missing persons or start selling all his shit ..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Just to be clear and answer some DM’s... I’ve been with my husband 22 years he’s my best friend, just because I make a joke that doesn’t mean I don’t love him more than life. I don’t want or need another man.. ever.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

I had to rent a car today and as I was putting my groceries in the trunk I thought to myself “wow you can fit at least 3 bodies in here”..that’s normal right?

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

I can’t pretend to be happy on social media when I’m not happy.. i don’t know how people do it

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Too much hate in the world, when you find a beautiful soul, you cherish it..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

If you have to question if someone cares about you.. then you already have your answer

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Anyone else ever drink while you’re wrapping gifts and 1 drink turns to 7 then all the sudden you have no fucking clue what you just wrapped and who the fuck it’s for..?? Anyone?

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

I have no desire to “fit in”..never did, never will..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

3 years

I either care about something with every fucking fiber of my being or I don’t give a shit if it exists at all.. there’s really no in between for me.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Life is fucking incredible when you finally realize you don’t need to impress any fucking body

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Every time you show people your insecurities you’re handing them the ammunition to destroy you.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Just because someone doesn’t come out and ask for help doesn’t mean they aren’t secretly praying for it.. check on your friends

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Have you ever had so much you wanted say but just end up saying nothing..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

People that lift others up, that bring light to someone in the dark with no agenda or bullshit attached.. keep that shit up the world needs more of that

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

It’s fucked up when you need help and no one is there.. especially when you are the one that’s always there for everyone..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

missing the person someone used to be...hurts

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

I just want the horn in my car to yell “ASSHOLE”...is that too much to ask for??

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

The best thing about social media is it gives people a voice .. which ironically is the worst thing about it..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

People that need to read the menu at McDonald’s like they haven’t had the same shit for 50 years .. why?

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

My facial expressions have zero chill.. my eyes will roll all the way back to 1989 when I’m annoyed

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

If you say “long story short” more than 3 times while you’re telling a story.. YOU’RE STORY IS FUCKING LONG!!!

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Does anyone else see “faces” in inanimate objects or do I need to check myself in somewhere??

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

You never give up on someone you love ..you just don’t.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Knowing you can trust someone unconditionally is rare, if you can then you have a gift, don’t fuck it up.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

Sometimes you meet someone who just changes you, not because you want or need changing.. but because they make you love you for who you are...hold on to them.

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

I’ll never understand people that feel threatened or jealous of another’s success..seeing someone win, thrive and succeed.. is the most beautiful thing

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

4 years

Karma: close talkers that now have to wear a mask and smell their own breath

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

Bank teller: I’m sorry but you’re account is overdrawn Me: so are your eyebrows..but here we are

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

I can always feel a vibe.. so trust me, if you don’t like me, I know... I just don’t give a fuck

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

I take care of my father in law..who is a very sick man..it can be difficult at times, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.. he always leaves these little notes around the house to let me know how much it means to him..I cry like a baby every single time I read them..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

I really appreciate a relationship where you can both sit in a room and shut the fuck up ..

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Momma G

@TheOnlyMommaG

5 years

To all the people that have the fucking balls to stand up for what you believe in..not giving a shit that you could be standing alone.. You’re the fucking best ..

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