Helm Dogg on Tour @TheNickHelm Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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Helm Dogg on Tour

@TheNickHelm

4 years

Really struggling at the moment. It was difficult, but I chatted to my Mum about it and she sat and listened and told me she loved me and I felt a bit better. Sometimes just saying it out loud and having someone to listen is enough. Thanks Mum.

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@TheNickHelm

3 years

Ever since my first 8 Out of 10 Cats a decade ago, Taxi drivers across the land have told me how much they loved him. Everyone did. Whenever I did Countdown I’d sit in dictionary corner & laugh at his jokes & if I made him laugh it didn’t matter about anyone else. RIP Sean Lock.

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@TheNickHelm

5 years

Landlord: That Spanish actor out of Skyfall was kicking off in my pub the other night. Customer: Javier Bardem? Landlord: No, but he IS on his final warning.

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Helm Dogg on Tour

@TheNickHelm

3 years

I have days where I feel like I’m getting crushed by waves. If you’re getting through and doing your best, go easy on yourself. Sometimes getting through a day is enough. If you’re struggling, it’s okay to ask for help and talk to people. Good times follow bad. Be cool. X✌️😎

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@TheNickHelm

3 years

We should all be grateful to be alive and well in 2021 with access to Netflix and Amazon because when the Queen Mum died Blockbuster was fucking ransacked.

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@TheNickHelm

5 years

You. Stupid. Cunts.

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@TheNickHelm

9 years

I am @ZaynMalik for @RedNoseDay #nodirection http://t.co/dlGYtMYSAo

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

We’re all staying in right? I’m not being Punk’d am I?

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Thanks everyone. I’m clearly in a very lucky position that when I talk about my mental health 100s of people reach out to tell me they love me. That’s very kind of you all & very humbling. Let’s look after everyone out there, regardless of whether they have a platform or not. X

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

If you, like me, are incredibly hard on yourself and are just trying to do your best under these circumstances, remember to be kind to yourself. Do stuff when you can, but allow yourself some space if it doesn’t come naturally. These are extreme times. Go easy. #EndofMessage

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@TheNickHelm

3 years

There may be light at the end of the tunnel, but we’re not there yet, so let’s remember to look after each other, keep our distance, wear a mask, wash our hands, reach out to those that may need our help and stop asking people whether there’s going to be another series of Uncle.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Obviously I like people telling me they love me, but what I really meant was that it’s OK to tell people you’re in pain. And if you’re not? It’s okay to listen. It’s not about me. It’s about us. It’s lovely you’ve been so kind, I embarrass easily though & want you to be ok too. X

Helm Dogg on Tour

@TheNickHelm

4 years

Really struggling at the moment. It was difficult, but I chatted to my Mum about it and she sat and listened and told me she loved me and I felt a bit better. Sometimes just saying it out loud and having someone to listen is enough. Thanks Mum.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Not a good sleeper esp. right now. Got a broken 2 hours the night before last. Woke up from a 14 hour sleep today & felt good for the first time in a long time. After 2 or 3 weeks of absolute mental Hell I can’t believe how much better I feel. Look after yourselves and others.✌️

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Hi guys, just want to say that I know things are a bit weird at the moment, but we will get through it. We’re all dealing with it as best we can so look after each other, stay indoors and be safe. On an unrelated note, does anyone know how to get cum out of a velvet sofa? Cheers.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

I don’t know if he’ll be a good President or not, but it’s such a breath of fresh air to hear an American Politician deliver a thought out, coherent speech rather than an illiterate, free-styled half hour of shit Stand Up.

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@TheNickHelm

5 years

On the bright side when he does finally get rid of the NHS a lot of us won’t have to live through it because we will die.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

You shouldn’t have fucking talked then, you stupid cunt.

pamela Barrie https://www.facebook.com/graceandarc

@PamelaBarrie

4 years

@TheNickHelm London a few years ago!! Front row, you picked on me and my son for talking🤣🤣🤣🤣

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

It’s been brought to my attention that lots of auditions out there say “Looking for a Nick Helm-type” in the descriptions. Well, I get asked to do about 2 auditions a year (if that) so just remind everyone, I myself am “a Nick Helm-type”.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

I guess I just want you all to know that you’re not alone. It’s really hard sometimes and depression is an absolute fucker but there is always someone you can talk to and I love you all. #wokenupdrunk

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Who did you want to be when you were growing up?

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@TheNickHelm

6 years

These fucking cunts that go on Escape To The Country and end up not buying anything need to realise, it's not just their time they're wasting, it's OUR time too. #timewastingpricks

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Been exercising in my flat so I'm just off out to the park for a wank.

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@TheNickHelm

6 years

Been working on my first Meme. Think I’ve nailed it...

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@TheNickHelm

3 years

I have felt so shit for so long, but tonight I went to see a band - Massive Wagons - play live music & now I’m absolutely beaming. Go and see them obvs, but also remember that there is stuff out there for you & it helps & that’s what it’s there for. I can’t wait to do some gigs.

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@TheNickHelm

3 years

Thanks for watching @richardosman ’s House of Games this week. Well done @tobytarrant . A well deserved victory. And to @athenakugblenu and @ninaconti - what an amazing week! One of my nicest experiences in TV. Next time Tarrant. ❤️

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

I feel like a lot of Mum’s have hijacked this message. Don’t get too comfy. A lot of Mum’s are shit. You talk to whoever is your Mum equivalent. Mine was my Mum. Yours might be Roger down the road. #MakeYourMum

Helm Dogg on Tour

@TheNickHelm

4 years

Really struggling at the moment. It was difficult, but I chatted to my Mum about it and she sat and listened and told me she loved me and I felt a bit better. Sometimes just saying it out loud and having someone to listen is enough. Thanks Mum.

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@TheNickHelm

2 years

Uncle’s on iPlayer again. Watch it quick before they take it down again…

Oliver Refson

@OliverRefson

2 years

Delighted to report #UNCLE is back on iPlayer. Loved making the show with incredibly talented people. No expense spared. Shot in IMAX. Destroyed a real life uncle

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@TheNickHelm

3 years

Not seen anyone mention it so just saying that TIME starring Sean Bean & Stephen Graham is an incredible 3-parter over on @BBCiPlayer featuring some of the best acting I have ever seen. Graham is always great, but Bean is an absolute bloody revelation. Fucking Hell. Devastating.

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@TheNickHelm

5 years

Isn’t this the EXACT reason why she wants to get out of the public eye?

Talk

@TalkTV

5 years

Eamonn Holmes has no sympathy for Meghan Markle: "I just find her incredibly irritating. I've never met her but I look at her and I think 'I don't think I'd like you in real life.' Awful, woke, weak, manipulative, spoilt..." @EamonnHolmes | @DawnNeesom | #Megxit

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@TheNickHelm

3 years

Just tried out some new material at a new material gig in front of two audience members, one of whom was so annoyed that they shouted at me and stormed out. I’m BACK baby! #keepsupportinglivecomedy

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@TheNickHelm

8 years

Oh no...

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Just putting this out there, but if you’re going to get married but you don’t have any friends, I’ll be your Best Man. It will cost a lot, but I’ll do you a speech and punch the cake. All the standard shit. Talk to my agent.

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@TheNickHelm

3 years

Hey Guys. It will be okay. Hold tight. Ride the waves. X

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

I'm 40 today. This is my gift to you. Pay what you like. x https://nickhelm1.bandcamp.com/releases

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@TheNickHelm

3 years

Well done to ALL the Celebs on #StandUpAndDeliver . Stand Up is a tricky job based almost entirely on failing in public & learning from it. It took real guts to do what you did, so well done @RevRichardColes , @CurtisPritchard @KatiexMcGlynn @officialswr & @SayeedaWarsi . Be proud.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Okay guys. I’ve read all your tweets and posts. I’m very tired and emotional and happy and crying. Thanks for being so nice tonight. It turns out that that was the best thing I could have done in Lockdown. I appreciate all of you a lot. Thank you. X #allkillersomefiller

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Not being a total Cunt is such a no-brainer. I don’t understand what’s controversial or confusing about that.

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@TheNickHelm

6 years

For those not up to speed ALL 3 SEASONS of Uncle are now on Netflix. If you follow me and have never seen it. Check it out.

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@TheNickHelm

5 years

I had a tiny cry tonight after my gig in Brighton. Thanks everyone for coming to my show so far. I’m really enjoying doing it and meeting so many of you after. This week was a bit overwhelming. Thanks. Cunts.

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@TheNickHelm

3 years

Not had a cigarette or a drink in 6 months. Or fun! Fun. Yes. Not had fun in 6 months. Nah. I HAVE had fun.

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@TheNickHelm

6 years

I’ve never wanted to fuck a cake so badly...

Sunday Brunch

@SundayBrunchC4

6 years

When the cake makes you feel happy inside... #CakeFace #GBBO 🎂 @TheNickHelm

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@TheNickHelm

5 years

If there’s one thing that’s made me ashamed of being straight, it’s Straight Pride.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Nah. This year was shit. Have a great safe New Year’s Eve and see you next year. Good luck and hopefully we can rebuild some sort of normality together in 2021. Lots of love. Xxx

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

1 Like = 1 Wank

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@TheNickHelm

5 years

HAPPY NEW YEAR CUNTS!!!! Xxxx

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@TheNickHelm

8 years

BAFTA ready in 10 minutes flat! Get in!!!

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Did anyone else finish a wank to the sound of applause an hour ago?

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@TheNickHelm

3 years

I don’t care what bullshit you’re mouthing off these days, EVERYONE liked Nickelback’s How You Remind Me when it first came out and if you say you didn’t you’re either remembering it wrong or lying.

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@TheNickHelm

10 years

Thanks to all who watched S1! “ @bbcthree : *NEWS* #Uncle will return for a second series! Rock and roll! @TheNickHelm http://t.co/YnNhLNcudu”

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@TheNickHelm

5 years

Last year I started a list of all the films I watched, but stopped halfway because I had a show to write and thought it was ill advised if the show turned out shit to have an online record of all the things I was doing other than writing it. Luckily the show was incredible.

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@TheNickHelm

6 years

It's funny/sad how a positive Tweet about something attracts so many negative responses from people eager to shit on other people's moments of happiness. I will always encourage you to go out and find the thing that makes YOU happy and do that instead. Life. Is. Short.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Still not had a drink yet. Sober is fun! Boring and tedious and never ending and difficult to work out when to sleep and when to get up and what to do with the never ending endless days of never ending nightmare levels of soul searching and never ending tedium, but fun!

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Asides from the cash, this is why I do it. Up yours Covid. X

Kai Valentine

@KaiJValentine

4 years

A year ago today I met @TheNickHelm at @StandNewcastle . I was in a really bad place with my anxiety & spoke with him after about it. That moment meant so much to me that I’ve had this photo as my lock-screen to remind me what he said. 12 months on, I’m in a much better place🧡

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@TheNickHelm

7 months

To celebrate the 10th Anniversary of BBC’s Uncle, here’s a Karaoke version for the song Gwen from Ep 1 that (sort of) started it all (if you don’t count the C4 Pilot - which was basically the same only with shitter hair). 🐻 #Uncle #NickHelm #Gwen #10YearsOfBBCUncle #Banger

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@TheNickHelm

3 years

This was almost a year ago before Covid came along. I still struggle, lockdown hasn’t helped, but I continue to take steps towards helping myself. Always talk to someone, it really does help. Some days are better than others, but hold tight & ride the waves. You are not alone. X

Helm Dogg on Tour

@TheNickHelm

4 years

Really struggling at the moment. It was difficult, but I chatted to my Mum about it and she sat and listened and told me she loved me and I felt a bit better. Sometimes just saying it out loud and having someone to listen is enough. Thanks Mum.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

I saw Tenet today. Go and see Bill and Ted.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Hi Guys. Inevitably & regrettably, what with everything going on at the moment, I’m postponing my upcoming tour. We’re working on re-scheduling all dates so I’ll let you know what’s happening as soon as I know. Apologies for any inconvenience, but obviously I didn’t fuck a bat.

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@TheNickHelm

3 years

He’s only fucking been! Merry Christmas everyone! Have a great day!

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@TheNickHelm

7 years

Merry Christmas to everyone. Have a great day and if not, reach out and let someone know. Thanks for all the support over the last year. I've really enjoyed myself. May 2018 be even better for all of us. X

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Is there anything more depressing than rinsing out a Fleshlight? Guys?

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@TheNickHelm

5 years

Exact Quote from my wonderful and eloquent Mum at lunch today: “People get called a celebrity these days if they can shit out of the right hole.” 😍😍😍

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

My mum makes marmalade. She couldn’t get any oranges to make some in lockdown so I sent her some online. I don’t know Kgs but the picture of 8kg had five oranges on it so I bought double. I accidentally ordered her 3 stone of oranges. Here is a third of the marmalade she made...

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

I’m watching you on Twitter and I think you’re a bellend.

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@TheNickHelm

6 years

Sometimes I shave. Sometimes I don’t. In Uncle I had a beard. In Elephant I didn’t. In loaded I had a Moustache. In The Killing Machine and Eat Your Heart Out I had stubble. That’s what’s great about being able to grow facial hair I guess. Live your life. You are not your beard.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Bloody Hell guys. Thanks for being my friend today. I’m not going anywhere, just have had a lovely time chatting to you all.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Thanks Julian. Mental health is sometimes a moment by moment minefield. I’ve been everywhere on the radar from rock bottom to pretty good these last few weeks/months/years. I hope everyone knows it’s OK not to feel great all the time and once again, talking to people does help.

Julian Prime

@Julian_Prime73

4 years

@TheNickHelm thinking about your tweet a few weeks ago. Hope you’re ok man. How you doing? Better to ask than to wait til you know it’s shit. 👍

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@TheNickHelm

5 years

Thanks for this absolutely crushing Tweet.

Sarah O'Neill

@SarahON33

5 years

Nobody would agree to come and see @TheNickHelm in Leeds with me. So I'm going on my own. See you Sunday Nick. X

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@TheNickHelm

5 years

RIP Terry Jones...

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

I don’t know if I can face the woman in the off license again this week.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

There’s a lot going on guys. Just want to take a moment to say how much I fucking love Walkers Cheese and Onion Crisps. Thanks.

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@TheNickHelm

5 years

Doing a Lord of the Rings marathon this weekend. Gonna run 26 miles dressed as Gandalf.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

What you’ve achieved & inspired is incredible. You’ve worked hard & are now in a position to help others. They’ve made horrible fictitious connections to your personal success & what you’re now able to achieve through that. I know it’s hard, but ignore this dogshit. Keep at it.

Marcus Rashford

@MarcusRashford

4 years

Ok, so let’s address this. I’m 23. I came from little. I need to protect not just my future but my family’s too. To do that I made a decision at the beg of 2020 to start investing more in property. Please don’t run stories like this alongside refs to ‘campaigning’.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

So we’re agreed right? Disney started Covid19 to shift units on Disney+?

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@TheNickHelm

6 years

I would like it if at the end of the John Lewis ad it was little Elton John unwrapping his first wig.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

You’re shitting me?! Mine is Don’t Stand So Close To Me by The Police.

Les Dennis

@LesDennis

4 years

Wel. Mine is Yesterday by The Beatles. Says it all.

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@TheNickHelm

9 years

Oh fuck off. http://t.co/72ZjafhAsU

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Trying to work out where I can get rid of all this unwanted household refuse. Tips?

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@TheNickHelm

3 years

Does anyone else remember their school caretaker keeping a bucket of sawdust in his little room just in case a kid was sick? Where did he get all that sawdust? Does this still happen?

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Right. Just like the last two years, here is a list of all the films I watch. Unlike the last two years hopefully I won’t give up halfway through out of a combination of shame and laziness. Thanks to @natmetcalfe for the idea...

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@TheNickHelm

5 years

Now why would you message this to six people you don’t know you fucking pillock? Rom is great in the show and if it’s not for you you can fuck off and watch literally ANYTHING else.

Bryan Buck

@BryanBu75728549

5 years

@NOWTV @idriselba @RomeshRanga @Sianygibby @TheNickHelm @MarekLarwood Just want to know what Romesh has "got " on major TV channels. He's on all of them. Why? He cant act and he certainly isn't funny.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Very tired. Trying to buy a carpet. Tried Carpet Right and they didn’t have what I wanted so typed in Carpet Brothers before I realised that’s the fictional Carpet Shop where my fictional character works in Uncle. Knew it sounded familiar...

Carpet Brothers Jingle

Provided to YouTube by Ditto MusicCarpet Brothers Jingle · Nick HelmUncle: The Songs Deluxe Edition℗ Nick Helm & Andy JonesReleased on: 2017-02-17Auto-genera...

www.youtube.com

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@TheNickHelm

3 years

I’m never leaving my flat again and you can fuck off if you try and make me.

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@TheNickHelm

3 years

Don’t mind me. Just having a cry in the TK Maxx fitting rooms. How’s your Friday?

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

We. Are. Not. Making. Any. More. Uncle. Goodnight!

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Not left the flat in a few days and totally understand now why there was such a rush on toilet paper. Absolutely wanked out.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Been off Twitter for a bit, but just popped back on to Tweet about FanClub. While I'm here I'd like to wish you all a great Friday and hope you're all doing well. I know we're all bored and frustrated, but don't forget to keep looking after each other. Thanks for the support.✌️😎

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Serious question here. How many biscuits is everyone else eating? I’m worried I’m not eating enough.

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@TheNickHelm

6 years

If anyone wants a bit of insight into what it’s like being Nick Fuckin’ Helm, this is the 15th time I’ve left the house and forgotten to buy bin bags.

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@TheNickHelm

3 years

Fuck you and your birthday you stupid cunt. 🎂 🥳 🎉

Adam Burnett

@djadamb

3 years

@TheNickHelm hi nick it's my 30th birthday today any chance I can get an offensive happy bday message. Thanks in advance

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@TheNickHelm

7 years

Ladies & Gents. Tomorrow at 10am, Ep7, the very last #Uncle ever will be released on @BBCiPlayer . I hope you enjoy it & thanks for watching.

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@TheNickHelm

5 years

All done. Thanks Edinburgh!

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

Watching Three Men and a Baby and that scene where they play frisbee in the park and pick up women using the baby as bait has given me an idea. When all of this is over I need to borrow a baby so I can pick up women in the park. I also need to borrow a frisbee. And two Men.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

People think I’m not very political, but my next wank will be for democracy.

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@TheNickHelm

5 years

Nah. Don’t feel good about retweeting that Liz Kershaw tweet so I’ve deleted it. I DO think if you can’t afford tampons though you should maybe be allowed some help? They give out free condoms at the NHS don’t they and nobody HAS to fuck. Well, I do, but that’s besides the point.

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@TheNickHelm

4 years

He’s only fucking been!

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@TheNickHelm