Craig Birch @TheMrBirch Twitter profile

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

2 years

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

So today I joked with the kids that I was going to read from the dictionary and they cheered so I followed through on it and they just sat and listened to me reading out definitions of words. Kids are weird.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Really worried about my class. Out of the 13 that have school dinners, only 4 of them chose fish finger butties today. Does anyone know of any interventions or have any advice? They can’t grow up continuing to make poor decisions like this.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

@mrlockyer Penny is an expert in social distancing. This is where she sits to watch TV.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

2 years

I go back to work tomorrow after 5 months off sick. Went in to school this afternoon to say hello and find out what I’ll be doing etc. walked in to the hall at lunch time and was greeted with the biggest cheer from the kids - it felt great! Also some of them thought I’d died…

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Imagine my delight when I arrive in school to see that this monstrosity has been fixes to the wall right in the middle of the biggest display board in my classroom...

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

Shout out to the child in my class who turned up to sports day wearing a sombrero to keep the sun off their head.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

2 years

My classroom is pretty much done now and these thin baskets are my purchase of the year. Big enough to fit everything that 2 pupils will need (glue sticks pending) and small enough to not get in the way.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

At what age does one finally learn exactly how much pasta is appropriate for two people?

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

Good evening, from Mr and Mrs Birch

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Is everyone else getting a lot less engagement with the online learning now?

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Having trouble with my new TA, she’s not meeting her pawformance management targets.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

1 year

Guys, as of a short while ago, I am no longer a teacher. It was a tough decision to reach but it was destroying me and I could no longer take the stress. I’ll still be tutoring and doing supply work until I find something more more permanent.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

About a year ago, my girlfriend quit her NHS job after struggling with mental ill health for a long time. She started using art as a form of therapy and today she is hosting an exhibition of her work in our local.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Today a child argued that he didn’t need to punctuate the planning for his writing because he wasn’t planning on punctuating his story: he hates punctuation and wanted to write a story for other people who hate punctuation.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

I have a child with autism in my class who cannot stop himself from telling the class that he can count to 10 in Spanish every time that I say the word ‘ten’ so I might need to ditch teaching place value. Also, he cannot count to 10 in Spanish.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

My wife wrote this and I think it’s good and some people probably need to hear it once in a while.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

I’m a 30 year old man with no kids and my wife is visiting family with her mum for a few days. This is how I’ve chosen to spend my day.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

2 years

Had PPA at home this morning and it was a game changer. Had time to go for a run and pick up a coffee before work. No distractions at home too so got loads done.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

Summer 2 doesn’t get the press it deserves as an absolute killer of a term, does it? There’s so much to do!

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Went out to break duty today and some of the boys were huddled together, down on one knee. They had organised 30 seconds silence for Maradona...

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

We’ve got a new oven and the scale on the temperature nob is infuriating.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

Anyone know of any new year’s eve parties within 1 minute of my house?

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Why do we need to see more male primary teachers? My class have done some writing about their anxieties this morning and one child wrote about how she was nervous about having a male teacher because she’d only ever had female teachers. That’s one reason... @MenTeachPrimary

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

Over the moon that my class and I are now Blue Peter badge holders!

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

I was a bit tired during my PPA this afternoon...

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Hate me if you will, but my plan for tomorrow is to do the register, dish out a couple of tests, read some of our class book and then PPA in the afternoon.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

Recapping yesterday’s lesson, child shouts out, “Oooooh I get it now, I should have listened yesterday!” Yeah, it would have been nice... 🤦

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

This is the paragraph that will cause the most arguments from yesterday’s reading framework

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Me to a child facing the wrong way: Turn around Child at the other side of the room: EVERY NOW AND THEN I GET A LITTLE BIT TERRIFIED AND THEN I SEE THE LOOK IN YOUR EYES

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

2 years

One of the kids wrote a perfect letter h yesterday and the kids were overjoyed for them so today it’s going on display.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

These are my favourite socks. I like to wear them on the wrong feet whenever we have guests to freak them out. It’s been so long since we had someone visit us that my girlfriend forgot about them and was powerless to prevent it from happening.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

Guys, I’ve had the best idea of my life today and I have solved the problem of keeping my hair out of my eyes whilst I wait for the barbers to open. Didn’t want to wear a headband, so now I just look like I’m doing DIY!

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

Can anyone see this tweet?

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Results of the cheesecake are as follows: I can comfirm that I’ve done a grand job.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

1 year

My Guinness has been served in a chalice glass at Manchester Airport. Please inform the authorities.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Tiny trolley fans, the tiny trolley has reached it’s final destination.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

One of my lockdown 1 buddies got me with a snowball after school today and I don’t know whether I should be plotting my revenge or just concede defeat because he’s only in year 2.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

Jurgen missed a trick not calling his cake ‘Gluten Tag’ #GBBO

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

When your pupil of the weeks is told to stop talking in assembly.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

No email from Becky yet, is she ok? Do we need to report her as missing to the authorities?

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

How do I write ‘stop being a sheep and doing what their mates tell them to do’ as a target in reports?

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

What’s your role in a group photo? Mine is that person who stands at the back and you can only see half their face.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Absolute hysteria today when one of the kids had a grape that looked like a bum.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

I’ve just put the eggs for my sea-monkeys into the water so stay tuned because my life more or less revolves around this from now on.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

10 months

Guys, I found it! The best thing since sliced bread!

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Child A: Mr Birch have you seen Nine on Netflix? I watched half of it last night... Me: So you watched 4.5 then? Child A: .... what? I am wasted talent...

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

My class bubble burst t’other day and we’re back to online lessons til the end of the year. Does anyone have any good end of year virtual games we could play? I’d like to try ending the year with something nice because my last proper lesson was about wet dreams and erections…

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

Child this morning: Mr Birch, I’m so glad you’re back. We had 3 different supply teachers last week and they were all different! Same child this afternoon: I wish the supply teachers were back. There’s just no pleasing some people…

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

That was a horrendous Monday.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

2 years

I used to mock my mum for watching Countryfile but I bloody love it now that I’m older and wiser.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Update on my brand new tiny trolley: I’ve been using it to store eggs for the past two days, it held 4 large eggs but could have probably stretched it to a risky 5. That is use #4

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

If you’re going to be filled with last-day-of-term dread tonight, my top tip for you is to put fresh bedding on this morning so you have a reason to look forward to going to bed.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

I thought that my class were really immature compared to previous classes but today one of them did the loudest fart and not one of them laughed.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Followers, I got engaged last week. Hands down the best thing to come out of it is that we’ve been sent these massive pasties (almost as big as our heads) as an engagement gift from @annspasties

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Use #6 for my brand new tiny trolley is a stand for my phone so that I can see the recipe whilst I’m baking.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

@MrWC_Y4 @MichaelRosenYes I’ve found that there are only two types of video that truly hold a child’s attention: Michael Rosen performing poetry and David Attenborough presenting a nature documentary. I’m yet to meet a child who doesn’t enjoy both of those things.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

There’s a cake shop opened up right across the road from my house. It’s both the best news and the worst news.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

What’s everyone having on their books tomorrow for World Book Day? I’m just a simple sugar and lemon kinda guy...

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

Anyone that says a cheese and tomato pizzas isn’t the best pizza is lying to themselves.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

Made a new friend at school today

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Look after yourself, but don’t do it for the kids.

Look after yourself, but don’t do it for the kids.

“Look after yourself, the children need you to be at you best.” Teaching is a weird profession, you wouldn’t hear that said in many other lines of work, yet I see it thrown around…

mrcbirch.wordpress.com

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

#edutwitter I’m starting a spooky stories unit after half term and spending a lesson investigating the word fear. Any idea what I can put in the final box? I could just get rid of it but can’t help but feel I’m missing an opportunity.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

The issue has been resolved. Thanks @HSE_physics for the inspiration.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

Throwback to this morning when I overheard a child explain the difference between synonyms and cinnamon to another child. FYI his description of cinnamon was “something you put on churros.”

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

Happy Father’s Day, fellow cat dads!

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

I’ve see of love for crisp butties over the past few days but there can be no arguments that this is the boss #FishfingerButtiesAreLife

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

I had completely forgotten the chaos of taking a class for their first swimming lesson…

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Anyone else think that sharing 8 apples between 3 bags make this question unnecessarily confusing and misleading?

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

This week’s Friday night beverage is sponsored by my 16 year old self.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

2 years

Met Mary Anning whilst wearing my Mary Anning T-Shirt, like the nerd that I am.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

This is the quilt that I took from the Paralympic village when I was an athletics official in 2012. Pretty sure we weren’t supposed to take them but it’s a cool quilt.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Use #2 for my brand new tiny trolley is a vessel for serving chips in a ‘gourmet’ restaurant.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

Me sneaking off to bed before my wife so I don’t have to turn off the millions of Christmas lights.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

My new favourite teacher joke: Child: Mr Birch, do I have to wash my hands again? I’ve just washed them in the toilet. Me: That’s disgusting, wash them again.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

No turning back now, tomorrow is marathon day.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Can somebody who is down with cool people lingo please explain what this means so I can respond appropriately? I’ve heard a number of possibilities from various sources today.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Why doesn’t Twitter give you an option to correct the typos in your tweets after you’ve tweeted them?

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

This day last year, my friend and I drove all the way down to a small town near London that I’d never heard of, just to have a picnic with @AlexHorne and it was a lovely day. Alex, if you see this can you please confirm if our world record attempt was ratified? #TaskmasterDay

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

2 years

The results of Jurassic Coast treasure hunt

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

What’s the best film about a sports team going from rags to riches after a new coach comes in with inspirational belief and dedication? My vote goes to Coach Carter.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

Me, swanning off for PPA...

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

I enjoy teaching but Sunday evenings are so much nicer when you know you don’t have to work on Monday

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Is there any food as depressing as a courgette?

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

@LTeacher123 I say ‘SWEET CAROLINE’ and then my class wave their fingers in the air and say ‘BA BA BAAAAAM’

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

1 year

Day 2 of not being a teacher: my boss took me out for lunch.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Today’s cheesecake. Topped with fresh berries and an apricot glaze.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

That was one of the worst things I’ve ever seen on TV. There would have been kids watching, his family and friends shouldn’t have had to see that. Poor form from BBC.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Was showing my class around Mexico City on Google Earth today, destroying misconceptions about it being all dessert and sombreros. Dropped in on a built up area, right next to a market stall selling an array of very colourful bras. Absolute chaos.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Remember a few years ago when our biggest problem was The X Factor so we all worked together as a nation to get Rage Against the Machines to Christmas number 1? I miss that.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

Another grammar joke 🤣

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

I wish I could say I was looking forward to this final half term, but that would be a lie. Alas, here we go again.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

In this day and age, it shocks me that there are still people who don’t stay to watch the credits of a Marvel film…

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Why do they make packets of biscuits so that you’re left with no choice but to eat the first 6 of them?

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Found this from March in my classroom. You can’t please ‘em all!

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

@RogersHistory Are you Becky from Twinkl? Because you know exactly what I want on a Sunday morning 😘 #eduvalentineslines

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Most of my time on Twitter is spent typing a response to people and then not tweeting it. Not because it’s unkind but for fear of how people will respond.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

When you were in primary school, what was the best job that was actually the worst job? I had to spend all break time cutting fruit and delivering them to the classes. Thought I was the bees knees to be trusted with such an important job. Now I know it was a waste of breaktime.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

3 years

You’d think I’d committed some sort of heinous crime, based on the reaction of my class. Alas, I did the wrong voice for one of the main characters in our class book.

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

4 years

Me walking into class after lunch: “I’m baaaaaack” Kid: “Oh Jesus” Always nice to meet a fan...

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Craig Birch

@TheMrBirch

1 year

No idea what the future holds but I couldn’t be happier with my decision.

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