I like the meanspo version of recovtwt where it's rlly brutally honest & doesn't fuck around abt recovery. Everytime I'm slacking and wanting to go back to romanticise my own illness for comfort one of the recovery meanspo tweets come up and I'm immediately humbled back to eating
I love ppl who eat a lot, not in a binge eating way but more they eat BIG well meals. Have a healthy relationship with food, aren't embarrassed going for seconds and wordlessly will grab you seconds if they notice u WANT to but feel embarrassed to
can ppl pls message/comment whatever please. I just need to feel like ppl r here, im avoiding my family bc they found my blood rags/blades/alcohol and my friends are angry at me. im on so many meds rn but can't stop shaking
i want more edtwt + shtwt moots !!
I'm squibs, a transman and my acc will always be chill with LGBTQ. We don't fuck wit fatphobes here, nor uncensored sh ,,
I'm pretty active & join gcs often, as well as repost threads 24/7 !!
♡ / ↻ ! 4 moots
I never bought the 'there is no skinny enough' bs. I thought okay but when im literally skinny I'll stop? that easy? 55kg turned to 50, then to 45 and 40. Then finally 35kg. there really isn't any skinny enough when you have an ED. it's lying to you
Help why does eating a normal, average amount of food feel like binging rn.
like fuck, I just had one piece of chocolate and half of an all veggie subway footlong and sitting here wanting to eat the other half. Feeling guilty and about to cry like it would be a Binge??
im actually not mentally ill !! i have been off my antidepressants for a year and i am great 👍
(I have lost 17kg, showers sting again, I now have an ed and avidly use twitter)
live love laugh, healing 💖
@zuzaskcalzz
genuinely how does weight loss not turn into disordered eating for everyone,, what. like counting cals? working out? seeing weight loss? how does that NOT turn disordered for people?
@omadluvr
since being in recovery and my ED now being openly known about by close friends and family– it's 100% treated like a taboo topic, its misunderstood, it makes other people 'uncomfortable' or immediately discredit it as- 'just eat?' 'well you're not THAT skinny' and comparing their
@nocalbbz
my naturally bmi 15 friend eating mcdonalds hot cakes + frappe in the morning while I was 3 days fasting with a black coffee trying not to cry. God it's so emotionally triggering
does anyone else have this constant feeling of eating wrong?
like, I feel as though if I don't eat 'healthy' enough it's wrong but if I don't eat 'junk' it's wrong. I can't eat TOO little or else it's wrong, but I can't eat TOO much or I've done something bad.
while the nurse patched up my forearm, she asked if I'd used steri strips before. I said yes and showed the 4 specific small but puffy ones and she looked at my arm n just "what have you done to yourself?"
I feel sick in the stomach
I need to like, go to an abandoned place or just the local beach/cliff at night and have a cut sesh out there. Im sorry but itd feel so good to cut in the cold air out in the open with no one around 😭
@popkalss
the way I quit smoking was literally from a really bad purge where my throat was so fucked up, took a month to heal and I physically couldn't smoke 😭
ty purging for making me quit cigs incidentally
I want one of those "Who can eat the most amount of [food] in record time" competitions, but its all recovering anorexics in the extreme hunger part of recovery
@tearsduringday
I'm bmi 17, def look higher but it's insane to me how family members will call me too skinny & make me weigh myself while on edtwt I'm mid at best
recoverytwt genuinely makes me feel less insane, like irl if I told people the shit I did when malnourished or initial recovery ppl would judge me so bad. but on here y'all rlly get it
another patient spat out his cereal when he saw the rest of my scarred arm? its bizarre to me bc on shtwt my scars are basically nothing I view them as embarassing.
then the nurse going 'oh what have you done to yourself' I am overwhelmed. idk how bad I look
tw size mentions
why is sizing so dumb, sometimes a size 8 is loose on me and sometimes size 10 is a little snug 😭? I don't know if it's hip ratio being different or what
anyone else in recovery a little embarrassed about how quickly they were weight restored? like I was deadass very underweight back to bmi 21 in like...3-4 months
help why r there so many tiktoks abt ppl finding zombietwt
'worst thing that has ever happened to me-' girl how good is ur life that this is traumatising.
@siyuniee
mcdonalds told me I needed to dye my hair back to a natural colour & take out all my piercings 💀 like cmon... lower your standards mcdonalds please
everytime I see people spreading the "I got weight restored and now I'm worse mentally I shouldn't have recovered!" fear mongering I want to put a bullet in my head.
yes, it sucks to gain weight with an eating disorder. but none of us were BETTER before. at least we aren't-
@plu5hm0ld
this !! I enjoyed looking sick, but even then I cannot even explain how guilty and gut wrenching it feels when you realise you're getting looks of disgust, discomfort and stuff. It was horrible to realise existing in a room was making others uneasy.
old mini comic I drew abt my first day at ED outpatient therapy at CAHMS. it might be triggering since I took my weight gain badly and was spiteful
pt 1
why is purging so hard like dawg I be gagging for 10 minutes and only get 2 chunks of food up n saliva?? mfs out here throw up whole meals in 5 minutes tf I doing wrong edtwt purge tutorial when 😭
the hardest part of weight restoration for me was letting go of the 'androgyny' I felt I had from being skinny to the point of no curves. I feel like trans spaces rlly need to talk about the EDs and stereotypes of skinny people being the only way for androgyny-
@staarru
I'm so freaked out by going deeper than styro, especially since I'd probably have to go for a second cut into the styro to hit beans. cannot physically bring myself to cut the open styros without gagging. I hate double cutting
does anyone do 360°'s ? like 3-4 months ago I was in hospital for a su!cide attempt and bmi 14, now I'm bmi 21 & just watching doctor who.
same with when I was smoking cigs every night at a park suddenly for a month then quit cold Turkey.
I speedrun shit fr
tbh I have no pity really for the recovery counts that actively bodycheck and post their cal counts. Or refuse to accept that recovery IS painful, physically and emotionally like ofc it's gonna feel bad.
if you want to recover, you CAN recover but you have to DO it. This is-
I actually hate edtwt users that purposefully interact with recovery accounts to trigger them. When I was on edtwt I wouldn't have stooped that low even with ana brain fog like what the fuck is wrong with u
one thing I'm rlly proud of myself for is being back in a situation where I'm out of the house from 6am till 5pm with buses and education. Where I could easily relapse into an ED again with lies, ease, loss of appetite from studying as well as handling food in hospitality. but-
*ೃ༄ intro !!
﹌﹌﹌
i am squibs !
> 17y/o
sw was 65kg last year in august
/ 145lbs /
cw is 49-50kg as of January
/ 108-110lbs /
>i like Goth n punk music, fashion, games n comics
﹌﹌﹌
× my acc is sh/ed focused
'*•.¸♡ INT if wanna moot ♡¸.•*'
WHY IS DATING SO CONFUSING?? I'm allowed to go on dates with multiple people? but like how long for? do they all expect/know I'm going on dates with other people?
I am too autistic to understand these rules ppl keep explaining to me
I actually ate something I baked for the first time oh my god I am actually such a good baker those cinnamon scrolls went hard
weirdly healing, got into baking deep into my ED & remember giving it all to other people all the time when I wanted the baked goods so badly I used-
I am trying to view recovery as respecting my body. I do not harm it through starving, purging, cutting or wtv. I am feeding it, hydrating it and so on.
I am 12 days clean from self harm + getting close to 6 months in ED recovery !
meds during ward has been fucked. changing from seroquel bc it's made my eyes like this. hoping it clears up in 24hrs.
I hate meds, I hate being experimented on with them. I just want therapy. please.
@50SCNDS
I used to eat a whole domino's cheese pizza with cheese stuffed crust on my own, in one sitting. then eat two garlic breads from domino's after with a soda then wonder why I was fat
i wanna buy weed, but idk any stoner's, it's illegal and I have the social skills you'd expect from a guy with autism.
tf u mean I gotta have social interaction to find a dealer and BUY weed,,,
@calicocatmeow
ok I gen used to be so confused but literally all u gotta do is prep and take yr time? like, dont start out fingering take like 15 mins getting prepped than another 10 or so when trying to use 1 or 2 fingers 😭. Deadass just read up a bit but fr it's just prep work
@omadluvr
food intake to yours. I don't even know why, but people make someone else's ED about themself. And also only 'fret' when someone's visibly underweight, but even then it's more in a frustrated 'stop doing this' way.
Edtwt is genuinely one of the only places people understand.
oh my god I hate ppl who try n act all 'cool' to cvtters like
said irl to me in the EXACT voice you'd imagine by a cis-man who had a 'femboy' type:
"Cat scratches heh, I've seen my fair share of those 🤓 "
infront of all my friends. when he saw my thighs bcmy dress rode up
I really want to get into fitness but like, not in the ED way this time. More, I'm recovering into a healthier body. But I don't want it to be my old one (eating trash & hating exercise) but instead one that eats healthy (but not restricted) and exercises for enjoyment-
@psychwardkid
no bc when I get weighed at the hospital I'm always stuck between prepping to weigh in heavier by drinking a lot & layers of clothes. versus fasting for the few days before, and light clothes to see my proper weight on an accurate scale 4 validation
btw gaining weight quickly in recovery doesn't mean you aren't sick. I went from bmi 14 back to bmi 20s within like 3 months
I was really insecure abt it, but now going up to 8 months in recovery idc
I kinda wanna post selfies and oufits checks on here in a 'YOO!! RECOVERY ME IS STILL HOT 🔥' way. But I'm also like? OK what if it comes off as body check-y or edtwt puts me on a inspo thread to not recover bc I'm in a healthy bmi n not all bones now 😭
btw recoverytwt weight gain happening fast isn't a bad or abnormal thing. I feel like we always see the 'slow gains' too much. I've gained 20kg in recovery, and that was in under 4 months.
I cannot emphasise this enough but I really recommend making a pinterest board of people with healthy similar bodies to you or a similar shape. I have one of both cis/trans men that aren't scrawny and whenever I'm dysphoric I look through it for comfort with my own body
the ONE time this year I don't dress femininely at college, wearing pants a sweater I get fucking deadnamed & misgendered?
I'm a transman too???
I am registered under my preferred name, have been for 2 yrs. I swear to fucking god atp ppl purposely misgender me when I try 2 pass
*ೃ༄ intro rmk !!
﹌﹌﹌
i am squibs !
17y/o
sw was 23.9 BMI
he/him
aussie
i like Goth music, fashion, games,DC & horror
try to int as much as i can ☆
﹌﹌﹌
× my acc is sh/ed focused (SH is ALWAYS censored)
'*•.¸♡ INT if wanna moot ♡¸.•*'
@brerexia
no same, I think it'd be cool to have a close knit friend group with ed friends where we could ft n send stupid photos of our days like normal but also have our disordered stuff
i give myself second-hand embarassment when im purging bc of how much I drool like HELP?? ITS SO GROSS WTF R U DOINNN...slobbering like a dog nasty ass just puke cutely..
I think I might need for others to give me food again. Is anyone else like that? I can eat food, but when im in a weird mood I can't physically get or prepare it myself. I only feel okay eating when it's given to me
Can I be honest and say skinny ppl trigger tf out of me? it isn't their fault, and I acknowledge that entirely. But I think it's ofc the obvious comparisons I do between us but also bc it makes me remember when I'd be cold all the time. My body aching and everything constantly-