Andrea Hubert @ShutUpAndrea Twitter profile

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Andrea Hubert

3 years

The problem with having such supportive friends is that when they come to see you perform, you have to cut out the part of your set where you exclusively bitch about their children for ten full minutes.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

5 years

I'm feeling so grateful right now. Tonight an old man took me aside and gave me a bunch of unsolicited advice about my performance! He could have picked anyone but I got lucky. And not to brag, but he had literally no performance or professional comedy experience!! So blessed.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

6 years

@killer_klaire He doesn't like it when you ASK!!!

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

All I want right now in life is for Kanye to successfully win the presidency and then at his inauguration, for Hillary Clinton to jump on stage and grab the mic and be all "Kanye, Imma let you finish but THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN MINE"

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

I just had my first Botox and I simply cannot express to you how much I love it.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

5 months

@SamanthaBond @TracyAnnO Dear @SamanthaBond , did you tweet your Muslim colleagues on October 7th? Of course not, that would have been disgusting. What an absolutely disgraceful tweet.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

7 years

Look I've always loved cauliflower but it's a slice. You can't call it a fucking steak.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

@RosieisaHolt In fairness, Miss Gammon 2021 is pretty catchy.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

A fellow jew just saw a lady wearing a yellow star of david. In a Waitrose. Buying coconut water. I think he should yell "J*DEN! J*DEN!" in a loud panicky voice, then call the police. Make it authentic - see if she loves it as much as she loves pretending it's the same.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

If we controlled the fucking media, don't you think we'd have better headlines? Like "Man was openly antisemtic" instead of "Man was accused of being antisemtic."

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

6 years

@bhibhas @killer_klaire im sorry the artistic license in this joke doesn't works for you

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

2 years

Today was a HUGE day for me. For the first time in my professional freelance career of many years, I replied with my day rate, and didn't add "Hope that's ok?" or "Open to negotiations!"

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

5 months

@deathtospinach I’ve never been more invested in a relationship than this one.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

OK so you don't like that she's dating a Republican with no morals. FINE. But just so you know, the communal glee, the relish, the fucking angry joy with which you all are cancelling Jodie Comer, is also disgusting to watch.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

2 years

Sure. You can change the text of the books but it doesn’t change who Roald Dahl was as a man. Nor does who he was as a man change how delicious the books are. This is not a new problem. Art and artists are not pure and never have been. And every minority already knows this.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

Why do people keep insisting Madonna should age "gracefully"? She's surely earned the right to age however the fuck she chooses. There's something deeply misogynistic about the rhetoric around her. I don't remember anyone telling Mick Jagger how to dress at the same age.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

5 years

A lady just refused to move her bag off the only empty seat on the bus. Went through the entire gamut of emotional expressions a British person is born with to deal with these situations, which was cripplingly limited, so I went full Jew and just sat on her bag. Long ride home.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

@natluurtsema When I buy cigarettes i pretend they’re for my mother who just can’t quit. I have perfected the facial expression for this interaction.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

5 years

@matthaig1 We should take a leaf out of Liverpool’s book. Boycott the repeat persistent offenders till they go out of business. It doesn’t have to be like this.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

2 years

Last weekend at my gig I saw the leader of a hen party usher her ladies out saying "We're too drunk for this, lets leave now, so we don't embarrass ourselves or ruin the show for everyone else" so what I'm saying is there ARE everyday miracles and I witnessed one.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

It feels bad to lose but you can mitigate it ever so slightly by reporting any racist f*cks you see abusing any of the players on here.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

2 years

I wonder what she means. She certainly can't be spreading mistrust of surnames that sound like this, right? Because I really liked and respected her. So she can't be. Right? Because our favourites never fail us. Right?

M.I.A.Ⓜ️

@MIAuniverse

2 years

“Bankman-Fried” names are powerful .

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

8 months

@JustAPoeticMess This is mad. How much of your time did you dedicate to this? So some authors have sympathy for all involved. Some veer to one side and some to the other. You, however, are veering towards the deranged.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

Trying to be more positive. Just put all my antidepressants into a Pez dispenser.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

Daniel Sloss's show is indeed excellent. Massive thanks to him for shining a much needed light. But it's also important to realise that he isn't saying anything that women across the globe haven't been saying for centuries.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

6 years

@MrNishKumar If I had a pound for every time a non Jew has explained anti Semitism to me in the past month I'd be as rich as that same person thinks all Jews are

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

7 months

@DrAsifOfficial Training going well is it?

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

1 year

New guy wants to be called "Daddy" in bed which doesn't do it for me, but trying to be less rigid so agreed to meet him halfway with "Dad" and he immediately vetoed it which was super strict and in character.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

Hey babez, next time you use “To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize" please remember to credit the Nazi pedophile Kevin Alfred Strom who actually said it, because Voltaire is (one presumes) as sick of your dogwhistle shit as Jews are.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

@SamBF0 Ok. Point still stands.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

11 months

@corncommunist So why were there antisemites before Israel then? And how was it the fault of the jews? I'm sure you'll be able to come up with something super original. All the jews are on the edge of their seats.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

2 years

@palirif You're so wise. What else would you recommend Jews do and say? Could you tell us a little more about what antisemitism is? You are clearly a valuable source of information for all of us.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

For International Women's Day, I wish we could #FreeNazanin

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

@StefanLuciw @rachelparris @Baddiel Aren't all titles by their nature designed to get a reaction?

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

7 years

People on Twitter are using the term "shoahed" to describe getting removed from Twitter. Once again, many thanks for making yourselves known. It's so much harder to find the ones who don't feel as comfortable misappropriating the Hebrew word for our genocide as you do.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

I’m only here still because of live comedy. It’s the only thing that brings me unfettered joy. Losing 90% of live comedy clubs is a disaster for me, for my colleagues, for the arts and for humanity #SaveLiveComedy

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

I have been paid.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

5 years

Gertrude Stein Albert Einstein Edith Stein Artie Bernstein Carl Bernstein Lisa Edelstein Nat Finkelstein Adam Goldstein Elliot Gould(stein) Oscar Hammerstein Roy Lichtenstein Shel Silverstein Abby Stein Just a bunch of other excellent Steins you can think about today instead.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

2 years

@MrJonnieB Still not the worst thing he's done.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

@Chukuma_1manup @WileyCEO Really depends what you say next. If it's not some ignorant horrible dangerous and trope that's been banging around since the dawn of time, created to harm us, you're probably fine.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

@RosieisaHolt That would just make me get a double dose. Imagine they're right, and all the vaxxed people end up infertile or dead. So you don't get a vaccine. Everyone you love is gone and the only people you get to raise your baby with are the anti vaxxers.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

8 years

I love the smell of sexism in the morning

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

PLEASE try and enjoy the Friends reunion without commenting obsessively on the women's faces, comparing them to their old faces and then to each other. It's just pure misogyny. Whatever they did is their business, and the reason is probably too much scrutiny of their faces.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

2 years

Survivors are incredible.

Lucia Osborne-Crowley

@LuciaOC_

2 years

16 years ago, I was violently raped in a McDonald’s bathroom by a man who I thought would kill me when it was over. Today I ducked into a McDonald’s bathroom to check my make-up on the way to Buckingham Palace to talk to Camilla about rape reform and ending violence against women

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

Have I been productive today? Well, I've deleted the 10,392 unread emails that accumulated due to depression. Tell me that counts?

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

11 years

Happy International Man Day, guys. Seriously, you've earned it. But why just one day? Why not create a patriarchy lasting thousands of - oh.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

5 years

’m #jewish and I fully support @GnasherJew @LabourAgainstAS @emmacpicken @EuanPhilipps If you support there fight against antisemitism please say so. #LabourAntisemitism

Steve Lewis

@LewisSJ

5 years

I’m #jewish and I fully support @GnasherJew @LabourAgainstAS @emmacpicken @EuanPhilipps If you support there fight against antisemitism please say so. #LabourAntisemitism

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

The murderer of Wilma McCann, Emily Jackson, Irene Richardson, Patricia "Tina" Atkinson, Jayne MacDonald, Jean Jordan, Yvonne Pearson, Helen Rytka, Vera Millward, Josephine Whitaker, Barbara Leach, Marguerite Walls and Jacqueline Hill has died in prison.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

Seeing as citalopram is trending, I wanna say Merry Xmas to Escitalopram, the drug that saved my life. And my family and friends too I guess but let's be honest, mostly the pills. Have a great day, and don't forget there's no shame in taking SSRI's to stay alive - only triumph x

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

@joederosacomedy Why are they actively trying to make us even more sick?

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

To anti cancel culture and due process lovers....the reason cancel culture exists is because so-called due process in sexual abuse favours the abuser, forces the victim to provide proof that can't possibly exist and was written by men. So victims have to create their own.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

This person works for the BBC. This person is a journalist. This person thinks Hitler was right.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

I did the shopping for my elderly neighbour and his thank you text had me sniggering for days.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

@RosieisaHolt I also hope you learn from this. Seriously. Enough is enough Rosie.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

5 months

@SamanthaBond @TracyAnnO Being heartbroken made me do an antisemitic thing? WEAK. Why can't you just apologise for what you actually did? Anyone with a conscience is heartbroken about the loss of life. That doesn't make people target Jews or Muslims online - inbuilt bigotry does.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

2 years

@AnneFrankTrust This woman vocally hates Jews. Why would you of all places, give her a platform?

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

1 year

@Halcruttenden Just seems that if you had any secret or worry, big or small, significant or not, you'd probably avoid telling Heather.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

People are always talking about how things may never go back to normal but last night a man in the audience enjoyed my set and wanted to hug me to prove it and when I refused he got insulted and called me a Covid pussy so please, don't panic - everything will always be the same.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

The anti vaxxer in my life keeps saying to me "So you'd just TAKE a new, untested vaccine would you? Just like that?" Listen bitch, I've been taking new, untested, lying-on-the-floor-at-a-festival drugs for YEARS and so did you. I can handle it.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

5 years

Of all the anti-semitism I've witnessed, this has got to be the most wilfully heinous

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

@NBCNews The kindest way to view this is that whoever wrote this headline REALLY needed some negative attention. The word is not obtained. The word is stolen.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

5 years

@AlixEHarrow @bronactitley OMG I do the same. I call it "Floaters" and it's 300 million pages long.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

9 months

@Daniel_Sugarman The "two on the sides" - so dehumanizing.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

If you don't want to wear a mask, fine. But for the love of god, please stop talking to me about why you don't want to wear a mask. I'm depressed enough without being bored to death. Also, I don't think you're really angry about masks. I think you're just deeply sad inside.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

When someone is clearly struggling in life, and makes some poor decisions in public , the option to feel derision privately and not pile on to further humiliate them is ALWAYS AN OPTION. You don't know their mental status. I'm guessing it's not great. What's your excuse?

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

@supergutman Is Simon secretly just mad because a Jewish girl said no to a date once?

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

5 months

@SamanthaBond @leekern13 @TracyAnnO @SamanthaBond is this how you respond, to proudly retweet your own bigotry?

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

Since we're sharing, I got all A's in my exams and it turns out that being good at school can't cure lifelong depression. OH WELL! Glad I know what an oxbow lake is anyway.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

6 years

Dusting is so boring but I spice it up by pretending to be a forensic crime scene investigator uncovering a corpse

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

Just got a rejection that said though they loved the writing, they were worried I'd kept the tone too "present Brand" and not "future Brand". The brief? To recreate the current brand tone. EYE ROLL DEEP SIGH SOLDIER ON

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

Jesus. I almost used my real personality in a meeting. I doubt I'd ever work again.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

7 years

Currently my favourite hypocrites are vegans who snort coke.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

@Dublibtarian @GillianLazarus What Women? Blondes? Whatever do you mean? So cryptic and so confusing.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

A comedian makes a horrible joke about minorities. People who clearly don’t give a fuck about minorities blame Rachel Riley. Who here is surprised? Show of hands?

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

@Mark_Cram @diaryofamaddie Its nice to have a clear view of the escape route

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

2 years

My friend just got cancelled on for a date and the excuse was "ancestral pain". I love it. It reminded me of the osteopath who told me my body was haunted. He didn't get a second date. I'm sure he was relieved, what with all the ghosts hanging out of me.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

Just a bit of advice to famous and almost-famous men. The option to NOT rape women is always on the table.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

8 months

Gary Lineker made £1.6million over four years working for Qatar's state broadcaster so yeah, f*ck his opinions on who gets to play football. And f*ck him too.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

2 years

I think we can all agree the real winner was the court sketch artist

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

2 years

@vulgadrawings This is horrendous. Please send Katie my love x

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

If you've ever enjoyed live comedy, you should know that @StandComedyClub are the good guys, their clubs are three of the very best places to perform on the circuit, the UK would be a worse place without them.

Chortle Comedy

@chortle

4 years

The Stand comedy clubs 'on the brink of collapse' | Venues make urgent plea for arts funding

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

It's not christmas till the VLC icon pops its little hat on.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

1 year

Due to a technical error I managed to interact with some people on here who love calling names. I’ve enjoyed cunt, jewpremacist, Karen, bellend and a lovely collection of others but my favourite is, as ever... “So called comedian”. FINALLY!!!

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

5 months

@SamanthaBond @leekern13 @TracyAnnO Apologise and delete. What is the matter with you?

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

8 years

In a meeting: "I mean, we're all young, so we get how digital works, but imagine that you're a 35 year old woman-" Reader, I slapped him.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

For those friends wondering what I'm doing for my bday this weekend, one of my most thoughtful mates has decided to throw me a massive party! She's even given it a name. It's called "Her Wedding". So excited to be the full centre of attention on my special day.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

5 months

@SamanthaBond @TracyAnnO You demanded a Jewish person comment over Israel's actions. Publicly. You have done an antisemitic thing. Stop defending it and who you believe you are. Instead own what you did and say you won't do it again. A child could do better with an apology.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

2 years

@AnneFrankTrust Perhaps if you had a few more Jews on your board?? But then again why would you? You're the Anne Frank trust.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

If you care about people's mental health, it can't just be the people you like and look up to. It also has to be the ones whose bad behaviour repulses you but who is may well be acting that way because of very poor mental health. Being kind doesn't always make you feel good.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

@nightmaresonwax @djgilla You can say anything about Israel, as long as you don't question or refute our right to be there. Money tropes are just one in a long long line of harmful tropes born from the past when we were forbidden to have any jobs but the ones society despised. Do research. Ask Jews.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

2 years

I’m watching a show called “Why Women Kill” on the train. It’s quite surprising they managed to get two seasons out of what is quite clearly a one word answer to the title question.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

2 years

@MonaAbuamara You think a star of david sprayed on a jewish business has nothing to do with jews? Or Judaism? Really?

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

6 years

My mum and I popped into Superdrug. She tried to pay with her Boots card. He said "We aren't Boots" She said, "Well what are you then?" And in the saddest tone imaginable, and no detectable conviction in his voice, he replied "A man. I think"

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

1 year

Wonder when everyone will start blaming Katherine Ryan - oh. They already are. As you were.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

1 year

We never learn do we? Sure, let's all make fun of Brian Harvey. Never mind he's clearly unwell. Let's just do what we do best as a species, yeah? We always do.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

5 years

If you want to know what expression a crushed soul has on the face of your fellow man, tell your fitness instructor that you’re “really not into high fives”. I honestly thought he was going to cry right onto his dumbells.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

@RosieisaHolt Yes. It would have been way more insulting to name you runner up.

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

4 years

People SO mad that they "can't" watch It's A Sin because @TracyAnnO is in it, but refuse to admit it's to do with anything other than "she's a bad actress". Hope she gets cast in everything you ever want to watch, ruining your lockdown viewing with her legendary "bad acting".

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

3 years

Just a reminder than you can support a cause far more authentically if you don’t bring up a fake 2000 year old blood libel designed to get Jews killed.

lee harpin

@lmharpin

3 years

Another ⁦ @PSCupdates ⁩ demo in central London. More extreme antisemitism on display

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Andrea Hubert

@ShutUpAndrea

11 months

Twitter is a cesspit of horror at the moment, actually unbearable for anyone who values human life. But. Today is the 40th birthday of one the bravest and most inspirational human lives I've ever seen. That's worth celebrating for a moment.

Katie Piper OBE

@KatiePiper_

11 months

Age is a gift, not everyone is given. So with that, Happy 40th Birthday to me 🎂

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