Seun Familusi @Shumamu Twitter profile

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

I went to a Barber shop at LEKKI, very neat, AC dey enter body, state of the art!!! But not a single picture of LUDACRIS! I just went out jejely before somebody ruins my hairline

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

My danfo broke down on the 3rd mainland bridge, this Lagos state Prison something lorry stopped to lift us... Can you believe nobody entered😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

In Naija secondary school "they are calling you in the staff room" is the most dreaded line

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

My Dad owns a world greatest Dad Tshirt that none of us his kids gave him Should I be worried?

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

*my phone rings beside bae* Bae: let me help you get it Me:

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Because I'm tall don't mean I must play basketball, what If I just want to be changing bulb?

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

All these girls traveling to PH for dick appointment Is that the PhD you promised your parents?

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

5 years

Jon: have you ever used it Arya: once or twice Needle: #GoT #GameofThrones

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

I know heartbreaks can hurt, but nothing hurts like when PHCN takes the light when you rush home to plug your phone😭😭😭

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

5 years

If you make him spit blood like this!!! Ahhhhh Hire john wick, the rock and Statham to protect you, he would use bamboo to block their bullet!! Film trick po!!😂😂😂😂

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Charge your phone because thats where most of your friends are!

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Dear Nigerian Barbers, Please, its my hair I want to barb, its not skin grafting or facial surgery, see blood everywhere. why is your clipper this sharp? Whhhyyy? Do you want to cut my relationship with God! Please and please, help us reduce the sharpness... -comcerned Nigerian

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Naija mechanic: *opens bonnet, hits carburettor 3X with a spanner* Oga, the gasket don burn, the shock absorbers need alignment, we fit need new engine sef the way I dey look am so Me:

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

See as Dembele delete Nacho like wrong message #ElClasico

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

When you and your friends are in a race to get a girl But she already sending you nudes

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Things that cause traffic in Lagos: -Rain -Nothing -Too much breeze -Too little breeze -Conductor Coughing -Nothing -One small stone on the road -Policemen -Nothing -Nothing -Girls with big bumbum and brezz -Nothing

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

You upload a pic of your friend, they screenshot it and upload it You'll still screenshot their screenshot of your upload to upload again Are you people maad on this WhatsApp??

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

5 years

God, I see what other barbers are doing with peoples hair, I want the same😥😥😥

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

4 years

@Blackdotmandy So it's that small thing that's vexing you, last week you did worse oo, but I'll not say anything

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

If you don't want to buy from an ibo man, just say it, don't lie, because if you start lying that you dont want iphoneX again that its "iphoneX Z" you want, he has it in his 3rd shop😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Nothing hurts more than seeing your follow count reduce in your face Somebody just unfollowed me now now From 6490 to 6489 Who's that?

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

When you've checked for 2weeks and your roommate hasn't opened his milk and cereals yet! How does he want me to steal it now?

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

I messaged this girl 2months and 4days ago, i was left on read, l was lowkey pained😪 She uploaded her status and said "lost all my chats, if you seeing this message me" I messaged her oo, she still no reply Why are people wicked na😭😭😭

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

The part were u drop spoon and use the bread to clean the beans plate, that part right there is were home training and table manners left you🤣🤣😂😂

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

When my lazy ass sees Engineering mathematics 6th edition by K.A stroud

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

What's the name of the woman that sells beans and bread in your area?😂😂🤣🤣 Mine: iya roquibah

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Good News!!! If you weigh 100kg on earth, do you know that on Mars, you only weigh 37kg So you're not fat, you just on a wrong planet😂🤣🤣🤣

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

I looked at about 30girls ass today on my way to work, but all these boys in a relationship can't do it without feeling guilty

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Remember this one time my mom knocked me on the head in ss3, it was that day I knew I could never make a first class Sense o, wisdom o, knowledge oo Everything left me😭😭😭

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

The amount of boys selling pink lips cream at ikeja underbridge enh can fill Teslim Balogun stadium and I'm not even exaggerating yet🤣😂😂😂

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Rain is falling, some certain people want to come online and upload "Weather for Two" so they'll catch fish to mekwe But, thank God for Glo, network no dey

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Drake hide his son Linda is hiding husband Are you pondering what I'm pondering? But ko possible 😂😂🤣🤣🤣

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

5 years

I just went through 1752 comments on a boob thread!! God 😭😭😭😭😭 Your son is lost, I can't even read 2pages of my school book and not sleep

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Someone just said the reason IBO men are not on Top5 richest in Nigeria is because Forbes can't account for blood money

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

When you wake up from a coma of 5years and the first thing you do is visit all your debtors

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Facebook would release your darkest secrets, I just found out that my friend who is still in school with me right now works at SHELL on Facebook All my trust is gone😭😭

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Imagine we were all naked in the world, how are we going to know MAD people in Nigeria?

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Never underestimate anything, not even your jeans, you don't know when you might forget money in the pocket😂🤣🤣🤣

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

I remember when we had to google nudes, now we just go to Instagram

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

When I bring my result home Mom: Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Oko mi, o de jo, don't say it Dad: Your cousin in the US, he's 11, and he just graduated law school, you're here getting 70 in English lang

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

*food falls on the floor* 4yr old me: Don't pick it, the devil has eaten it Devil:

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Some of you would wake up in the morning, come to twitter to lie Tueeeh!!! it cant be me because I'm busy servicing my helicopter now, the battery is weak and fan is doing "craaa craaa" sound Have a nice day y'all, lie lie people

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Lagosians funny o, 1 mad driver would be going o, notices there's no traffic on the road, would then park his car in the middle of the road to ask why traffic no dey, boya lasma dey front!! Car no gree start again Gbaaam, traffic as started already 😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Twitter, when its 11pm, some boys would soon start tweeting Why Are You Awake Why Are You Awake Read the first letters only, you'll know why!! 😂🤣🤣

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

I'm just wondering, do short girls still have to kneel down when giving a blowjob or just stand or maybe jump up?

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

With the way Neymar is playing, he might not even get to mbappe level #LIVPSG

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

If your danfo driver is acting NORMAL, doing as if he has sense, better come down and enter another danfo or just start trekking🤣🤣😂🤣🤣

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

When would mike adenuga start sharing money on the TL All these early morning prayer point is not working ooo

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

If the velocity of a car is uniform when it leaves pointA and changes instantaneously for half a mile to pointB Using the diagram below, derive a DE predicting the cars movement, acceleration pattern and braking intervals for 1month Me;

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

I want to tell you something, promise not to tell anyone, don't DISAPPOINT me Amaka:

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

When you think you're done with your laundry and you see the two heavy jean trousers you dropped on the bed!!!

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Do short people say my night was short or I slept my height?

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Don't lie oo When was the last time you told someone "come and join me" when you eating in their presence?? Me: When home training was still my friend

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Somebody just unfollowed me now!!! Who is that person! I just watched my followers dropped from 1950 to 1949

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

God! Its not my place to question you, but why don't the best girls have breZz and yansh? This is something one more bowl of sand would have fixed!!😭😭

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

2 years

@snowblvck_ Be sucking from the Sun itself. Sensational!!

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Naija girls would use their friends birthday photoshoot to Snap their own birthday picture in advance Legendary I hail una oo

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

For those of us going to heaven!! What's the first thing you'll do when you get to heaven? Me: Know the direction to the kitchen and make friends with some angel chefs

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

I never knew it was possible to copy a persons name and matriculation number, until the invigilator said 5mins more I just dey write anything I see😭😭😭

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Things I learnt when twitter closed my acct °I'm single nd lonely AF °Data can last long if you use only WhatsApp °My neighbors are Loud °its easier to read tweets,but books! NO! °if you step outside in the afternoon, you'll see the sun and this happens everyday °I have no talent

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

If you use MTN, reduce your brightness and volume.. Make your sure to use battery saver too They all begin to use Data with MTN😂🤣🤣 Don't even try to use your Bluetooth!

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

*tee billz enters restaurant* Attendant: Oga all the soup don finish, na only STEW remain Tee billz:

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

After giving birth to me, my mom made it a life goal to not own a provision store I'm so proud of her, because I wouldn't enjoying eating her out of business 😂😂🤣🤣

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Somedays you enter danfo to work in the morning, start a convo with a random person...you get to twitter and start seeing plenty tweets like "this guy was talking to me in a danfo this morning, smelly armpit, smelly mouth" You just there wondering, what was her name again oo

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

One girls hand mistakenly touched my crouch this morning as I was entering bus I feel so defiled Please, how do I know if I'm still a virgin?

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Nigerians, its not every dog you put a collar and chain on and drag round the street... Please leave your Bingo at home Let's be guided!!

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

There's very little difference between some ladies and mosquitoes They'll be feeding off you but still won't keep quiet about it 🤣😂😂😂

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Doc; I just mailed the results of your Sperm to your Spam Me;

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Some of y'all parents still think you a virgin😂🤣 Sister mary at home but in school...

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Who else wakes by 6:47 and just waits till its 7 before you officially wake up

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Twitter, help me I need Head, where can I get? Who knows who can give?

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

So Salah ate Salah meat too

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

King Solomon: this is my last marriage *Sees a girl with big boobs*

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Mou; Are you ready kids? Fans: Aye-aye captain. Mou: I can't hear you... The real legends would get this!!

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

When you see traffic upfront, so you follow danfo to pass short cut, but still end up in a newly established traffic Lagos traffic:

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

All these boys that own dogs sef, just to show off, they'll start walking from street to street dragging dog upandan, raising shoulder like they have made in life... We that have Lion nko? What should we now do oo?

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

How do you get over a broken heart?

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Twitter boys, not everytime breZz brezz Sometimes praise the Lord

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Some of us are always on twitter because we have promised some girls sub money on WhatsApp, Alert never enter, but she dey wait us online 😭😭😭😭😭

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

5 years

I want to be a bad person on some days, fxck around, drink, smoke, yunno just be bad!! But this home training is just a very big foooool😪😪😪

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Before the society, Politicians and your gf/bf starts lying to you, Firstborns are the first to drill you with the biggest lies ever... Wicked set of people

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Twitter VAR

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

The Nigerians on twitter are different from the ones on Facebook Don't mistaken us for each other

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

I see my mom begging my nephew to eat, he's a year old and has not seen the true colour of Nigeria I can't wait till he's 10 and already an African adult, he'll remember this day

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Just take small sugar ,Naija boys would start saying you'll not last long in bed I drank two Pepsi lastnight, I'm just waking up Not long enough?

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

5 years

@KayTawiah Hello

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

So I started IT at a firm that sells, install and maintains Elevators, but I have to climb 3flight of stairs to get to the office Who is deceiving who here?

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Some of you think it's easy to be ugly!!!

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

After washing dishes, the hardest house chore is keeping your leg suspended in the air so somebody else can sweep the floor!!😂😂😂

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

If you like add a tonne of milk, sugar, milo into your garri, even eat it with pizza sef There's nothing like garri that studied abroad GARRI IS GARRI

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Somedays I want to do cash giveaway oo, but then I remember everybody on my TL is rich already Abi I lie?

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

Guys, i Haven't asked y'all for anything before All I need to land this phone is 500 RTS before 4 PM tomorrow. Kindly donate a RT for your favourite boy 🙂 #InfinixBlackFriday #InfinixBlackFriday

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

My ex calls me spaghetti, its amazing how easily I got Pasta

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

My guy video called me from the abroad.. Video was just skipping... I told him to check his network and call Back, my own glo network is good

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

All these peeps selling clothes and shoes, so because davido or wizkid has worn that particular wear or brand, I should buy it too, just for that reason?? IDG ooo

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

@King_patrick1 @iam_bams That's why you cover ur head with a hoodie

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

NASA- 91gb/s Google- 1gb/s Korea-26mb/s NEW ZEALAND- 14mb/s Glo 4g- downloading mp3 of 8.9mb 25kb/s time remaining: 2min 30s *2min later* 0byte/s time remaining: 2yrs 4months 😭😭😭😭

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

6 years

I'm angry already, just looking for somebody to send me "K" in a chat... You'll see madness today😠😠😠

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Seun Familusi

@Shumamu

5 years

Girl that all the boys in my area are still managing, one mumu boy has impregnated her shaa... Stingy thing😪😪😪

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